


At The Beginning

by justanotherbookworm78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship/Love, Not Canon Compliant, Partners to Lovers, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 138,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27533629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanotherbookworm78/pseuds/justanotherbookworm78
Summary: Sometimes, when it seems everything in your life is coming to an end, you find yourself back at the beginning. (*TW for suicidal thoughts and discussion of them)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work was my fifth story originally published on Fanfiction dot net between 11/9/2019 and 4/3/2020. It was my third original idea not based on an actual episode, and a what if scenario if Elliot had returned in Season 13.

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

_Elliot Stabler was completely stunned. What had been a normal day had suddenly taken a turn. The squad room of the Manhattan SVU was in complete and total chaos. Gunshots echoed around the room. Everywhere he looked people were crying out and calling for help. Somewhere through the melee he heard his partner, Olivia Benson's voice, clear and calm despite the grief and terror he knew lay deep within._

" _Jenna, put down the gun!"_

_He glanced across the room, his eyes locking with hers as the troubled teen continued to fire recklessly. Following the traumas she had endured, the girl was beyond all rational reason and understanding. Elliot crawled forward slowly, drawing his weapon, praying that he wouldn't have to use it. It seemed like hours had passed since Jenna had first opened fire, but in reality it had only been moments. Giving his partner an almost imperceptible nod, they communicated yet again in that unspoken language that they shared. He tried desperately to ignore the blood that was soaking through her fingers as she tried to staunch the flow from the wounded and fallen Sister Peg. Choking back tears, Olivia nodded at him, and tried again._

" _Jenna, Jenna! That's it honey, look at me."_

_The teen blinked once, momentarily drawn from her reverie, and gave her a blank stare._

" _That's it Jenna, put down the gun. I know you're upset, but we can work this out. I know you don't want to hurt anyone else. Just please, put down the gun"._

_Jenna Fox still seemed to ignore her pleas, but she had stopped firing. He lifted his own weapon and took careful aim, being sure that the shot was clear to hit her in the arm that held the gun. He was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but the safety of all, including Jenna, depended on it. Then just as he pulled the trigger, one of the perps in the cage made a scathing remark toward the teen, and she turned at the waist, raising the gun yet again. As a result, the bullet caught her in the side, just under her rib cage and she crumpled to the ground. Scrambling over to her, he pulled her into his arms. With her last few breaths, Jenna Fox offered a dying confession._

" _I bought it off the street, it was so easy..."_

_The words spoken, she went still in his arms, her eyes staring unseeing at the ceiling. Tearing his gaze away, he raised his head up, and met Olivia's face. She seemed so far away, but in reality was only a mere fifteen feet from him. Her face was streaked with tears, her hands and clothes smeared with Sister Peg's blood. The nun was now among the casualties._

_How could it have come to this? He stood up, meeting Olivia in the center of the room, clasping her shoulders with his hands, uncertain which of them he was trying to reassure._

Elliot awoke with a sudden start, his body trembling and drenched in sweat. His heart was racing, and his face was stained with tears. Looking around, he noticed that the time on the clock read just after two in the morning. He had been asleep for barely an hour. Getting out of bed, he grabbed a change of clothes, then headed for the bathroom. He had been sleeping in the guest bedroom for months now, so that his frequent nightmares wouldn't disturb Kathy.

After taking a quick shower, he dressed in sweatpants and a tee shirt. He settled downstairs on the sofa, hoping the change of scenery would keep the nightmares at bay for a little while. It was hard to believe that it had already been six months since the "incident", as his psychiatrist referred to it. He couldn't help but laugh to himself in spite of it all. As though giving it a benign name like that would immediately resolve him of all the guilt and responsibility he still felt weighing down on his shoulders.

In an attempt to still the thoughts racing through his mind, he grabbed the remote and starting flipping through the channels randomly, keeping the television on mute so as not to wake the household. His cell phone sat quietly on the table beside the sofa. He hadn't turned it on in awhile, the battery was probably long since dead. Still, he always carried it with him. He knew without a doubt that both his text in-box and his voice mail would both be full with messages from Olivia. It wasn't fair to her, to keep from contact like this. He knew out of anyone, she would understand. She would welcome him with open arms into her life, her home. She would offer comfort and a listening ear. Words might not even be necessary, just to be in her presence alone would provide him with the solace he was searching for. If only he could convince himself he was worthy of it.

* * *

"Elliot?"

A soft voice called to him from the darkness, drawing him from his thoughts. He turned his head toward the stairwell to find Kathy standing there in her pajamas, her blonde hair slightly disheveled from sleep. She took a hesitant step into the room, as though she was afraid she was intruding where she didn't belong.

"Are you okay?"

Kathy immediately regretted the words, shaking her head as if to erase them. Of course he wasn't. Nothing had been okay for a long while, and though she knew the basic details of what had happened the last day he had been to work, she wasn't sure she really wanted to hear the full story.

"I'm sorry."

She tried again, coming to sit next to him on the sofa, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I know you aren't okay. I guess, what I meant to say is - more nightmares?"

She sensed, rather than saw her husband's nod, and continued.

"Do you think talking about it would help?"

He turned sharply to look at her, but didn't answer. Gathering her courage, she went on.

"I don't mean the counselor, I know that isn't helping. I also don't mean me. Do you think that you need to talk about this with Olivia?"

Olivia. The familiar name fell from his wife's lips, and seemed to echo through the quiet living room, which was brightened only by the soft light from the television set. In the shadows it cast, Kathy looked up and saw the tears that threatened to spill from her husbands icy blue eyes, and her heart ached for him. He was broken, and what hurt the most was knowing that she couldn't be the one to put him back together this time. She reached out, and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close.

"Elliot, I know how badly you are hurting, and maybe this isn't the time to talk about this, but I – _we -_ can't keep ignoring it. You know that you were my first love, you will always have a piece of my heart."

Kathy paused and licked her lips. Taking a deep breath, she continued.

"I know that you still love me. But we can't keep going through the motions. Its not fair to the kids, or to either one of us. We both deserve happiness, and I don't think you are happy being here with me."

Elliot felt the words she spoke wash over him, and caught up in her embrace, he began to sob. It was only the second time he had allowed himself to really cry since the day he had shot Jenna. He never meant to kill the girl, only to stop the senseless spree that she was on. He held his wife close and continued to cry on her shoulder, feeling her own tears seep through the fabric of his T-shirt.

They wept together, and held each other for awhile, before pulling apart. With a shaky smile, Kathy sat back away from him, and wiped her eyes. Then, reaching for the phone at her side, she picked it up, and turned it on.

"It's okay."

She spoke softly, but there was a determination in her voice.

"It's okay if you need her."

Kathy was quiet for a few moments before continuing.

"I don't think I'm what you need right now. You need to talk to someone who understands you. Someone who was there that day, and who probably is going through some of the same horrors that you are right now. Maybe, the two of you can help each other heal."

Standing up, she placed the phone in his hand, and leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"Call her."

She whispered into his ear. Her palm remained on his face for a moment longer, then she stepped away, and went back up the stairs to give him some privacy.

Once she returned to the bedroom, she closed the door behind her, leaned against it, and slid down to the floor, sobbing quietly. How she had hoped Elliot being home more often would be a new beginning for them. Sadly, they were more like strangers now than ever before. Yes, she still loved him, and she knew that he loved her. They would always love each other. Their marriage however, was past the point of no return.

Her heart ached for her children. Granted, Maureen and Kathleen were in college now. The twins were seniors, and truth be told, none of them would be surprised. Eli was the one who would have the hardest time adjusting to not having mommy and daddy living together under the same roof. She knew though, that it would be far easier on him to grow up with two happy parents than with two parents who were staying together just pretending to be. She only hoped she hadn't made an error in breaking the news to him tonight.

Downstairs in the living room, Elliot sat staring at the phone in his hands. Hesitantly, he began to dial the familiar numbers, wondering if Olivia would even answer his call after he had ignored her for the past six months. Holding the phone to his ear, he held his breath, and listened to it ring. Then his heart was in his throat as she answered.

"Benson"

"Hi Liv."

"Elliot?"

* * *

Ultimately, hearing his partner's voice proved to be too much for him to bear. He lost his nerve and hung up moments after she said his name. What on earth was he thinking, calling her so early in the morning? He knew Olivia was still at SVU, she needed whatever sleep she could get. The last thing she needed was to deal with his problems.

Elliot's phone lit up with an incoming call, and he didn't need to look at the display to know who it was. He should have guessed what would happen the instant he hung up. In reaching out and making contact, he had given Olivia hope. She would be even more determined now to talk to him.

Sure enough, as soon as the display went dark, it lit up for a second time. It was probably a good thing he had the volume on mute, or else the sound would be echoing throughout the room. Realizing he owed Olivia better than just ignoring her the way he was doing, Elliot opened up his messages to send a text.

_I thought I was ready, but I'm not. I'm sorry._

This alone was a big step, but he took a deep breath and pressed the 'send' key. Barely five seconds went by when he got a reply.

" _I understand. Whenever you are, you know where I am._ "

His eyes skimmed over the words, wishing her understanding would help take away some of the guilt that consumed him. Twelve years they had been partners. He owed her so much more than a hangup call and a pathetic excuse for a text message. Even the badge and medal he had sent to her at the precinct should have been delivered in person.

Sighing, he stood and made his way back up the stairs to the guest room. The earlier conversation he'd had with Kathy came flooding back. His marriage was over. He couldn't stay here anymore. He headed for the closet, and pulled a duffel bag off the shelf. His wife hadn't told him he needed to leave, but he knew it was inevitable. This wasn't going to be his home anymore. Just one more thing in a long list that he had already lost.

His badge, his partner, his pride. Why not his wife, his family, and his home? It wasn't as if he had any dignity left to spare. The way he saw it, everyone would be better off without him. All he did was make things worse, just by existing.

Elliot packed a few items in the bag that lay on the bed. The last thing he added was something that had been left to him by his father. It had been Joe Stabler's off duty weapon, and it was the very same one that his mother had pointed at him and his father when he had been a child. Why he'd kept the gun for this many years, he didn't know, but having it gave him a strange sense of comfort now.

Taking a pen and paper, he left a note for Kathy. Then, he walked through the upstairs of the house one last time. Maureen and Kathleen were home from college, and he watched them sleeping in their room. Then he went to see the twins. He looked in on Lizzie first, then Dickie. He also had to remind himself that these days, they preferred to be called Elizabeth and Richard. Moving on to the last bedroom, he watched Eli in his bed.

Tears filled his eyes as he looked at his young son. This shocked him, as he didn't think he had any left to cry. Knowing he had to leave before emotion got the better of him, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the forehead of the sleeping child, then hurried out of the room.

Grabbing the bag he had packed, he made his way down the stairs and out the door. Before putting the bag in the car, he removed the gun and tucked it in the waistband of his jeans. Then he slipped on his coat to conceal the weapon.

Seated behind the steering wheel, he was trying to figure out where to go. A part of him wanted to drive to the beach, but he knew deep down there was something he needed to do first. His conscience was nagging at him, and there was a longing deep in his soul. He knew going to the beach would be a one-way trip, one he wouldn't come back from. If he was really going to be making a decision of that magnitude, he wanted to see Olivia one last time.

Elliot started the car, and turned in the direction of Manhattan. He only hoped he could catch her before she went to work. He also hoped that after their earlier interactions, she would welcome him. He simply couldn't bear it if the last conversation with his partner was him hanging up on her.

The car crawled slowly in traffic, and he stared at the clock on the dash in worry. What if he missed her, and Olivia had already left for work by the time he arrived? What would he do? He supposed he could leave her a note, like he'd done with Kathy. But that would make two times that he would have abandoned his partner with nothing more than a few words to address his absence.

If only he'd have brought his cell phone along with him, he could have called Olivia, asked her to wait for his visit. But he'd left the device behind on the dresser in the guest room. He hadn't wanted anyone to be able to reach him. It was too risky, too much of a chance of making him change his mind. What he was going to do was best for everyone, they would all eventually understand that.

How Elliot managed to drive the way his muddled mind was operating, he didn't know. All he did realize was that he was now on the bridge leading into Manhattan. He would soon be at Olivia's apartment. Sure enough, the building came into view. He parked at the curb, and went inside. Despite everything going on, he couldn't help but laugh at the fact that the security door was still broken. She really needed to find a better place to live.

The elevator ride was quick, and within moments he was standing outside her door. So many times over the years, he had stood in front of this very same door. Raising his hand, he knocked and held his breath.

* * *

He didn't have to wait very long. The sound of approaching footsteps could be heard, along with the chain being removed. The door swung open to reveal Olivia, dressed in what looked to be pajamas. Had he woken her up on a day off? Now he felt even more horrible. Elliot knew how rare those could be. He didn't have long to process any more thoughts or emotions, for as soon as Olivia registered who was standing in front of her, she was throwing her arms around his neck with a cry.

"Elliot!"

The moment he felt her embrace, his arms wrapped around her in return. His eyes closed as he relished the feel of holding her. They may have been partners for twelve years, but this was only their third such time engaging in such physical contact. For the life of him, he couldn't remember why he had never hugged her more often.

Olivia released Elliot from the hug only for a moment, her hands falling down to grab hold of his. Pulling him into the apartment, she held on tightly. It was as if she were afraid the man in front of her would disappear if she were to let go. Ever since his phone call earlier this morning, she had been thinking about her former partner non stop. Now he was here. Instinct told her that something was wrong.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. You were obviously asleep. I shouldn't have just shown up like this."

He turned around, and she immediately put her hand on his shoulder to stop him. Now that he was here, in her home, she couldn't let him leave. So many months, she had imagined what she would say if given the chance, and now that moment was finally here. Any anger and hurt she had felt in the past had all flown out the window. Only concern was left in its wake.

"You don't have to apologize, El, just stay. We don't even have to talk."

Her simple understanding nearly broke him, and his resolve wavered. No, he couldn't give in. He _had_ to do this. Stay for a little while, say his goodbyes, then drive to the beach. Once he was gone, everyone would be better off. The pain would all go away. He was so certain that was the right answer, why was he doubting himself now? Why here in Olivia's presence?

Olivia invited him to take off his jacket, but he insisted he wanted to keep it on. It wasn't that her place was cold. The last thing he needed was for her to spy the gun he had hidden. He was surprised she hadn't felt it when she'd hugged him earlier.

That brought him to another thought. Did he want Olivia to stop him? Is that why he actually had come here? So she would discover his plan and put an end to it? Perhaps he hadn't come here to say goodbye after all, but in an attempt to seek help. He had known his partner would save him, just as she always had.

Sitting next to her on the sofa, he took a moment to really study her. It had been months since he'd seen her, but she still looked just as he remembered. His eyes drifted over her features, taking in the fact that her brunette locks were longer than before. Then he saw something that made his breath catch.

She was wearing the medal he'd sent her. It was on a gold chain, nestled at the base of her throat. Side by side with her ever present 'Fearlessness' pendant that she had worn as proudly as her badge. She still carried him with her, every day. Trying to decipher the meaning of that shook him to his very soul. She had held true to his onetime promise of 'partners for life', whereas he was about to rip it to shreds. He didn't deserve her. He had to leave.

Struggling to keep his composure, he stood and tried to make his way to the door. Olivia blocked his path. It would be so easy to get her to move, but he didn't want to hurt her. His eyes raised to meet her face, and he was shocked by the pain he saw reflected in her eyes. It seemed to match what he was feeling in his heart.

He gave in, and let himself be led back to the sofa. Sitting back down again, he struggled to find words. Even if he knew they weren't necessary, he still felt like he should say something.

"Don't you need to be getting to work, Liv? I don't want to keep you."

Her eyes, which had been making contact with him all along, flicked away. There was something she didn't want to tell him. Naturally, he figured she felt uncomfortable talking about work in his presence. He realized he had brought that on himself. Then, just when he thought she wasn't going to, she answered.

"No, El. Cragen is making me take a few days."

So, even in his absence, that hadn't changed. Olivia still had to be forced to take time. Now, he felt like even more of an ass for not only calling her, but showing up on a rare day off, mandatory or otherwise.

He really should find a way to wrap up this conversation. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten how well his partner could read him like a book.

Elliot began making excuses again, saying he was sure she wanted to get more sleep. He stood and tried to leave for the third time since arriving. They were standing in front of the sofa facing one another. This time, it seemed Olivia was going to let him go.

"You know you are welcome here anytime, Elliot. Even if I'm not home, you can come in and wait for me. Just use the key I gave you."

That's right, he'd forgotten about that. She had given him a key so many years ago. He'd have to leave it behind along with another note and hope that Kathy would see that it got back to her. It would look too suspicious if he gave it to her himself now. Instead, all he could manage to do was nod.

Taking a few steps toward the door, he heard her call his name again.

"Elliot?"

He turned, a question written on his face. What could she want this time? Olivia walked toward him with purpose, and took his hands in hers. They didn't do this. They didn't touch this way. What was she doing?

"Do something for me before you leave, would you?"

Even now, he could deny her nothing. Nodding his head a second time, his eyes searched hers. He couldn't help but wonder what she would ask of him. When he heard her request, his heart skipped a beat.

"Give me the gun, Elliot."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

_Taking a few steps toward the door, he heard her call his name again._

" _Elliot?"_

_He turned, a question written on his face. What could she want this time? Olivia walked toward him with purpose, and took his hands in hers. They didn't do this. They didn't touch this way. What was she doing?_

" _Do something for me before you leave, would you?"_

_Even now, he could deny her nothing. Nodding his head a second time, his eyes searched hers. He couldn't help but wonder what she would ask of him. When he heard her request, his heart skipped a beat._

" _Give me the gun, Elliot."_

* * *

She knew. How had she known? Elliot ultimately realized it didn't matter. Feeling a mixture of disappointment and relief at being discovered, he simply stared at her. He wasn't prepared for what she had to say next.

"Maybe I should have phrased that differently. It's not a request, Elliot. I'm not letting you walk out of here."

If he really wanted to leave, he could have. It would have been easy to shove her to the side and force his way out the door. But he didn't want to do that. Instead, he retraced his steps and ended up back at the sofa in the living room. Sinking down into the cushions, he dropped his head into his hands.

Olivia watched him carefully. He still hadn't done as she'd asked, and relinquished the weapon, but he wasn't fighting her, either. In fact, it seemed as though all the fight had left him. Walking over to where he was, she sat down next to him and placed her hand on his arm.

"Elliot, I'm going to take the gun now."

She kept her voice even, and made sure not to make any sudden movements. Ultimately, it would have been better if he would have given it to her himself, but she sensed this was a decision he needed her to make for him.

Reaching toward his waist, Olivia brushed back his jacket until her fingertips curved around the grip of the pistol. Withdrawing it from his jeans, she carefully unloaded the weapon. Holding the bullets in one hand and the gun in the other she moved toward her bedroom. She hated to leave Elliot alone, even for a minute, but she wanted to lock the gun away and out of his sight.

When she returned, he was sitting where she'd left him. His face was still buried in his hands. The only difference now was a slight tremble in his body that hadn't been there before.

Olivia didn't stop to consider her actions. Her friend was hurting, and she was going to do everything in her power to offer him comfort. Whether or not he accepted that would be up to him.

Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she pulled him close to her body so that she supported his weight. Elliot resisted at first, but she felt the moment he gave in and sagged against her. Neither of them spoke, but words weren't necessary. They just sat together in silence.

Elliot felt Olivia's presence surround him. He tried not to think about the fact that they had been more physical with one another in the past thirty minutes than they had been their entire partnership. Why that thought was entering his mind now, he didn't know. What he should be thinking about was the fact that she had taken away the gun.

More muddled thoughts crept into his brain. He'd taken the gun when he left the house because he thought that plan would be what was best for his family. Did he really want to die though? His whole life he'd been taught it was a sin. Now, he wasn't sure what he believed, all he really knew was he wanted the pain to stop.

" _Talk to her._ "

Words from his conversation with Kathy earlier this morning echoed in his mind. He'd tried then, he really did. He'd dialed Olivia's number, in hopes of talking to her after so many months of silence. Now, he was here, in her apartment. His partner had indeed welcomed him into her home. She'd not only hugged him in relief, but she was holding him now.

He tried not to think about the fact that she had just had to remove a gun from his person. Or the fact that she knew why he had it on him to begin with. There had been no judgment in her voice though, only concern. Even now, she wasn't pressuring him to talk. She was waiting until he was ready, and it seemed like she was in it for the long haul – that she'd stay by his side for as long as it took.

Tears came then, all the ones he had been holding back for ages. They hit in a torrent of emotion that shook his entire frame with sobs. All the times in his life he'd bottled things up, or shoved things deep down inside to try and forget about were being released. If it were in the presence of anyone else other than Olivia, he would be filled with even more shame than he already carried. But there was a trust between them that could not be broken, even after he left the way he did. She just intensified her hold.

Elliot wept until he had no more tears left to cry, and then exhaustion began to settle in. Because of the nightmares, it had been months since he'd last gotten a full and restful night of sleep. Now though, he was starting to drift off. Olivia moved her body away from his, and eased him down onto the sofa. Covering him with a blanket, she moved to a nearby chair to keep a watchful eye.

* * *

While Elliot slept, Olivia couldn't help but notice that his expression remained troubled. Her heart ached for him, that even now, he wasn't able to find adequate rest. The entire morning since she had received his phone call had been a whirlwind. The last thing she had been expecting during this forced time off was to reconnect with her former partner. Now, though, she wouldn't change it for the world. What would she have done had he not stopped at her apartment?

Her heart clenched painfully as she thought of the possibility of another phone call she might have gotten. One that told her that Elliot was dead, by his own hand no less. How could she ever have coped with news like that? It had been hard enough to hear that he had put in his papers. Even worse, what would his family have done? Was his anguish so great that he genuinely believed this was the best decision?

If only he had come to her door sooner. She'd have forgotten about her own anger and heartbreak, just as she had this morning. Anything he would have asked for, she would have done. For now, Olivia is just immensely grateful to have Elliot here, in her home, safe and sound. Now to find a plan that will keep him that way.

Knowing him the way she does, she doesn't think he will be amenable to inpatient treatment. Things have changed though, so he could still surprise her. It is something they will have to discuss when he wakes. First things first, though, she is going to try and get him to eat something. Judging by the looks of him, he hasn't been eating well these past months. Instead, it seems he has been spending all his spare time at the gym.

Olivia's eyes wash over Elliot's frame. His face is pale, and there are dark circles under his eyes. That is the only indication that he is unwell. His body is just solid muscle. Though a part of her wants to, she knows she can't blame Kathy. The woman no doubt has tried to get her husband to eat. But Elliot is stubborn to a fault.

Speaking of Kathy, Olivia figures she should call to let her know that Elliot is safe. There was no telling what condition he had been in when he left home, and she didn't want his wife to worry. Before she got the chance, though, her phone rang. Olivia hurried to answer it before it could disturb the sleeping man on her sofa. Elliot stirred, but didn't wake. She answered the call without looking to see who it was.

"Benson."

A panicked voice awaited her on the other end.

"Olivia! It's Kathy Stabler. Have you seen Elliot?"

Before Olivia even had the chance to reply, there was a breathy sob and the woman continued on.

"He must have walked out sometime this morning. He left me a note. It says, it says-"

It became more and more difficult for the other woman to speak as she bordered on hysterics. When she took another pause for air, Olivia grabbed the opportunity to reassure her.

"Kathy, it's all right. Elliot is here at my apartment with me."

Kathy was crying in earnest now, but there were tears of relief mixed in with the earlier ones of panic. She worked harder to control her breathing as she tried to listen to Olivia explain.

"I don't want to frighten you unnecessarily, Kathy, but you were right to be worried."

Olivia left out the detail about the gun, figuring that was up to Elliot to tell his wife. However, she did say that he was visibly upset when he arrived on her doorstep.

"Is he all right? Can I talk to him?"

Kathy's voice was much calmer now, though Olivia could still hear a few residual sniffles over the line. She wanted to grant the woman's request, but she was not about to wake Elliot to do it. Deep down, she knew Kathy would understand.

"He's sleeping right now, Kathy. I don't want to wake him."

"No, Olivia. Don't do that. Just please, tell him I called when he gets up."

Olivia offered to have Elliot make a return call, but Kathy declined. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to her husband, but she knew he was where he needed to be. Deep down, she blamed herself for this break. Thank goodness Elliot had had the sense to go to Olivia first. She fears the conversation from early this morning might have been the final straw in what had broken him. Knowing she can't admit that to the other woman, she simply thanked Olivia for keeping Elliot safe and ended the call.

* * *

Elliot was growing more and more restless. Even though she wished he would sleep longer, as he certainly needed it, Olivia knew he would wake soon. She wandered into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee to brew. It would be too soon to get him to eat, but the most she could hope for was that she could get him to drink something. They needed to talk.

"Jenna, no!"

Elliot shot upright as he screamed out. This wasn't the guest room. He was on a sofa, but he wasn't in his home. Looking to his side, he saw Olivia sitting in a chair watching him carefully. Memories came flooding back. He had left home this morning, intending for it to be the final time. His plan had been to drive to the beach and use his father's gun to end his life.

Instead, he had ended up here, on Olivia's doorstep. He simply had had to see her one last time. Now, she had taken the gun from him and held him while he sobbed like a child. While he expected to feel a great sense of shame, he didn't. The emptiness that had consumed him for months was still there, but something was fighting to break through. Somewhere deep in his mind, he recognized it as hope.

Rather than press him to talk right away, Olivia sensed that he still needed a moment. She made no mention of the nightmare that had woken him. In truth, she'd had her own fair share of terrible dreams about that very day. Good shoot or not, it was easy to understand why it still haunted Elliot.

Olivia headed into the kitchen to pour them each some coffee. She didn't need to ask him how he drank his, that was something she'd learned over the years. Bringing in two cups, she handed one to him and sat back down across from him.

"Thanks, Liv."

She nodded, not having expected him to be the one to break the silence. Granted, it had just been two simple words, but it was good to hear his voice. Despite everything he must be warring with internally, his gratitude was sincere. He took a few careful sips of the hot liquid, then set the cup down on the coffee table in front of him. Bracing his elbows on his knees, he finally made eye contact.

"How long was I asleep?"

"About an hour, maybe a little longer."

Elliot nodded as he absorbed the information. He recalled bits and pieces, but he wasn't sure what was real and what had been part of his dream.

"Did the phone ring, or did I dream that?"

Something flickered over Olivia's face that he couldn't quite decipher. All those years being able to read her expressions in the blink of an eye, and this one time he really needed to, he couldn't understand her.

"It did."

Her voice was quiet, but there was something unspoken behind it. Realization began to set in, and he didn't have to ask any other questions to know who the caller had been.

"It was Kathy, wasn't it."

Olivia's continued silence served as her confirmation. Shame from his earlier actions started to well within him, and he felt an overwhelming need to apologize.

"Olivia, look, I'm sorry -"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence. Olivia's eyes flashed and he knew she was about to rail at him. Even though he didn't want to be on the receiving end of a lecture, Elliot was immensely grateful that she wasn't treating him with kid gloves. She was being supportive yes, but she wasn't treating him like he was fragile or broken – even if he was.

"No, Elliot. Your wife was hysterical. I'd ask what you left behind in that note, but my imagination has already filled in the blanks."

Elliot absorbed her words, making no attempt to argue further. She was right. In hindsight, he could see how his attempt to explain his abrupt departure might have looked. He hadn't even left anything behind for his children. The last thing he wanted was his family blaming themselves. When he'd left this morning, his intention had been to set them free.

"I've hurt so many people, Liv. I was just looking for a way to make it all stop. I wasn't thinking."

Any anger that Olivia had felt for his actions toward his wife and family instantly evaporated with that admission. She reminded herself that Elliot was hurting, more than he ever had. He needed her help right now. Kathy's phone call had just made her understand how serious the situation really was. Up until now, everything had felt so surreal. This was reality, though. Elliot had left his home this morning with the intention of ending his life. For whatever reason, he had come to her. She had to stay strong to get him through this, let him know that he wasn't alone.

"I'm sorry I yelled, Elliot. I'm just worried about you. I want to help."

He'd heard those words before. From his priest, his psychiatrist, even Kathy. No one could help. They didn't understand what he was going through. Everyone had attempted to help, and he was grateful that Olivia was willing to try, but she'd eventually give up on him, too. That's what his mind kept telling him. It was also why he was completely thrown for a loop with what she revealed next.

"I want you to know, Elliot, that I know what you're going through."

* * *

Elliot wanted to scoff at her words, but he couldn't. He'd certainly heard them repeated often enough, most often from his psychiatrist trying to relate. With Olivia, it was different. When she spoke them, there was a look in her eye that told him she was telling the truth. A haunted look that matched the feeling he carried deep down in his soul.

It made his heart ache to know that his partner had felt the exact same things he was going through – for several reasons. One - the sheer fact that she had had to deal with emotions like this in any capacity, and two – that he had been so blind as to have missed it. Knowing she wasn't seeking an apology from him, he kept his mouth shut, and waited for her to continue.

"It happened a couple years ago now. Do you remember when I went undercover at Sealview?"

Sealview. He'd never wanted her to go there, but she had been determined to seek justice for Ashley Tyler. The teen had been raped, as had her mother, Risa. They'd narrowed down the main suspect to one of the corrections guards at the prison where Risa was being held. Olivia had convinced Cragen to send her in undercover as an inmate to gain more information.

Olivia was sent to Sealview as Katrina Lewis, with Fin by her side posing as a corrections guard. Almost immediately, she had attracted the attention of guard Matthew Parker. The man had tried to take liberties during her initial search. He had also made a point to seek her out in the prison yard, humiliating her publicly in front of the other inmates.

Then there was Lowell Harris. He had been the guard who was ultimately guilty of the rapes. All Elliot knew was that he had isolated Olivia in the basement and physically assaulted her. Fin had found them, but Olivia had never gone into details about what had really happened. Any time Elliot would question her, she always said she was 'fine'.

"I had so much trouble after that case, El. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. The rare occasions I would fall asleep, I would have the most terrible nightmares."

That sounded familiar. Elliot had certainly had his fair share of that over the past months. He felt bad that she had gone through that, but it still didn't compare to what he was dealing with right now. It didn't make the situations the same. But Olivia wasn't done yet.

"I know you were probably angry with me then for keeping things from you, but I couldn't tell you the truth. I couldn't have you thinking less of me."

Elliot tried to interrupt her then, to deny her words. He'd never once thought less of her. He never could. She was always an equal in his eyes. But Olivia wasn't letting him speak.

"The truth was, I thought less of myself. I was doubting myself as a woman, doubting my abilities as a cop."

Olivia went on to explain how she had continued to spiral downward, despite continuing to work. The case with Gwen Sibert that ultimately solved Caitlyn Ryan's rape as well as others was particularly difficult. It had prompted her to seek counseling.

Group counseling was difficult, because she had been unable to separate herself as a victim from a cop. During one session, she had discovered one of the other women was carrying an unlicensed weapon. The group leader had given her a warning that she wouldn't be welcome if she couldn't leave her badge at the door.

Her PTSD continued to get the better of her, and once on a case, she had pulled her own weapon on an innocent man, holding it to the back of his head. Luckily for her, the marine, Dominic Pruitt, had recognized the signs and told her to seek help.

During all this time, Elliot had been clueless to the struggles Olivia had been going through. He had been so focused on Eli, who had just been born months earlier. If only he had known the pain she had been going through, he would have tried to help. The least he could have done was checked in with her more often. He couldn't focus on that for long, though, because Olivia had reached a crucial part in her tale.

"It was the same night after I'd pulled the gun on that man. Cragen had sent me home early. I sat here on the sofa in the dark for hours with a bottle of liquor and my gun."

Elliot's breath was stolen from him. She did know what he was going through. Even in his moments of deep despair for himself, his heart ached that Olivia had ever felt that way. Why hadn't he known? All he could do now was thank his lucky stars that she was still with him. Despite not wanting to further remind her of a dark time, he had to know something.

"What stopped you, Liv?"

"You did."

She went on to explain that when she'd reached for the gun, he had called her. It wasn't work related, he had wanted to tell her about Eli's latest development. She had been reminded of the day she had helped bring the boy into the world, and the moment her partner had hugged her. Olivia said she had decided then that life was worth living, and she could fight through it.

"Whether you realized it or not, Elliot, you were there for me then. Let me be here for you now."

Elliot let her words wash over him. She was telling him that he'd been the one to save her years ago. What Olivia didn't realize was she had already saved him a dozen times over. Her request wasn't as complicated as it seemed. Kathy had been right this morning. Olivia was exactly who he needed. Nodding his head in acceptance, he reached out his hands.

"Help me Olivia, please. I don't want to die."

Instead of taking his hands in hers, she enveloped him in another embrace. He was seeking physical contact, and she was going to provide it.

"I know you El. I know you won't want to go to an inpatient setting."

Any tension Elliot was feeling began to evaporate. Her simple understanding was so comforting. He knew she wasn't going to make any promises, but it felt so right to put his trust in Olivia again. Not once in twelve years had she ever failed him, she wouldn't start now.

"Why don't we call your psychiatrist, see if you can get in this morning or afternoon? Maybe there is a program you will be able to go to."

He turned toward her then, trying to understand what she was trying to say.

"Something that will provide daily support, but without being in the hospital."

Now he got it. She was referring to partial hospitalization, where he would be in programs and groups all day, but not at night. He'd be able to come and go as he liked, and sleep in his own bed.

Where would his bed be though? Kathy had told him just this morning that she knew his heart wasn't in the marriage any more. While he knew she wouldn't just kick him out, perhaps that wasn't the best place for him to begin his recovery.

First things first, though, he had to call for an appointment. He remembered then that he'd left his cell phone behind. What was he going to do now? Yes, Olivia would let him borrow hers, but he didn't know the number by heart. Would she believe him, or would she think he was stalling?

"Liv, I don't have my cell phone. I left it back at the house."

Olivia heard the anxiety in his voice. This wasn't a problem. They could always use the internet to look up the office phone number. Something could be figured out. Just when she was about to offer a possible solution, there was a knock at her door. Elliot reluctantly withdrew from her embrace to let her move.

Olivia padded toward her door, and pulled it open. She wasn't expecting anyone, so her goal was to get rid of the visitor as quickly as possible. Elliot was her main priority right now, and that was all that mattered. Her jaw dropped in shock when she saw who was standing on the other side.

"Kathy?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

_Olivia padded toward her door, and pulled it open. She wasn't expecting anyone, so her goal was to get rid of the visitor as quickly as possible. Elliot was her main priority right now, and that was all that mattered. Her jaw dropped in shock when she saw who was standing on the other side._

" _Kathy?"_

* * *

The blonde on her doorstep gave her an apologetic smile. It was then Olivia realized that she wasn't empty handed. Kathy was carrying a duffel bag over her shoulder, and it looked to be pretty full.

"I'm sorry to just show up like this, Olivia. I don't mean to intrude. But I thought Elliot might be needing a few things, so I brought them over."

As an afterthought, she added something else.

"I also brought him his cell phone and charger."

Olivia truly didn't know what to do. She didn't want to be rude, and refuse the woman entry, but the last thing she wanted was to upset Elliot again. He'd only started to calm down, and had just agreed to seek help. Before she could make a decision, it was Elliot who made the choice for her.

"Let her in, Liv."

So he had figured out his wife was here, after all. She should have known. Elliot may be troubled right now, but he wasn't stupid. Plus she hadn't exactly been quiet when she'd discovered the other woman at her door.

Now that she had Elliot's permission, Olivia stepped to the side so Kathy could enter the apartment. The woman tentatively entered the room, unsure of what she was walking into. Kathy reminded herself that Elliot needed her support right now above all else. It was imperative that she keep her emotions to herself. Most importantly, she could not make him feel guilty for his earlier actions this morning, no matter how much he had frightened her. What mattered now was that he was safe.

Elliot wanted to stand to greet his wife, but found that he couldn't. He wasn't angry with her, he just was too ashamed. Plus, she had brought some of his things, did that mean she didn't want him in the house anymore?

Olivia was feeling out of place, and sensing that the two needed to talk. But she wasn't about to leave Elliot alone if he was going to be uncomfortable with Kathy. A quick look in his eyes told her all she needed to know. The situation was awkward, but he wasn't going anywhere. He had asked her for help, and he had every intention of letting her give it. That solidified her decision.

"El, if you and Kathy will be all right for a few minutes, I'm going to run down to the corner bagel shop and grab us something. You should eat."

Elliot opened his mouth, about to argue the idea of food, but thought better of it. There was no telling what decisions he'd have to make today, best to save his energy for that. No sense fighting over something as trivial as a bagel.

Olivia went into her bedroom and returned minutes later, now dressed to leave the apartment. She politely asked Kathy if she wanted anything, but the woman declined. Olivia nodded, and invited Kathy to help herself to a cup of coffee if she liked. Then she left the apartment, intending to make the trip as quick as possible. Elliot was now left alone with his wife.

* * *

For the first few minutes, silence reigned in Olivia's absence. Then Kathy stepped closer to where Elliot was on the sofa, and hesitantly sat on the other end. She placed the bag between them.

"I don't know if you heard me tell Olivia, but I brought you some of your things. I wasn't sure what all you had packed."

"Thank you, Kathy."

He tried not to think about what that meant. Questions were swirling in his mind. Before he had the chance to ask any, Kathy had a few questions of her own.

"I was so relieved when Olivia told me you were here, Elliot. You scared me. Are you going to go to the hospital?"

Elliot initially bristled at her question, then had to remind himself that there was no judgment behind it. Kathy was genuinely concerned. After his behavior this morning, she had a right to be.

"I don't know, Kath. I honestly don't think I could handle being on a locked ward. I think that would be worse for me than how I am feeling right now."

Elliot took a deep breath, knowing he had to be truthful. After all their years of marriage, Kathy deserved that much.

"Olivia wants me to call my psychiatrist, discuss my options. She thinks maybe there is something they can find for me on an outpatient basis."

"Are you going to call?"

It seemed Kathy was holding her breath after asking that question. Elliot found himself battling some internal conflict, some of the more intense feelings from that morning starting to resurface. The thoughts that his family would be better off without him among them. Not that he was uncomfortable in his wife's presence, but he fervently hoped Olivia would return soon.

"I want to."

Kathy nodded her acceptance. Sensing they were running out of time, there was something else she needed to say while they were still alone.

"Elliot, I'm sorry if what I said to you this morning made you feel in any way that you had to do this. I thought I was setting you free from your unhappiness."

Hearing her voice crack, he reached out for his wife. Even in his own emotional state, he couldn't let her blame herself. That was the last thing he wanted.

"It's not your fault, Kathy. I was pretty far gone before then, I just couldn't admit it. Truth was, what you said this morning saved me."

"How's that?"

He squeezed her hands. This wouldn't be easy to admit, and he hoped it wouldn't hurt her further, but it needed said.

"You gave me permission to reach out to Olivia. I tried to call her, but couldn't go through with it. Then after I wrote you that note and left the house, I stopped here to tell her goodbye."

A choked sob left Kathy's lips as she heard her husband speak those words. It had been hard enough reading that note this morning, to hear it was even worse. She really had been so close to losing him for good. Though she had already realized it once earlier today, it was even more clear now. She couldn't be what he needed right now. He was exactly where he needed to be - with Olivia.

"No matter the reason, Elliot, I have no words to describe how glad I am you are still here. I need you – our children need you. But right now, you need to take care of yourself."

Kathy reached out and lay her hand on Elliot's shoulder, squeezing it. Never in a million years did she ever think she would be having this conversation with her husband, but what mattered now was what was best for him.

"You need to do what is best for you now, and I think that means staying here."

He opened his mouth to say something, but Kathy held up her hand.

"You came here for a reason, Elliot. I don't think it was just to say goodbye. I think you came here looking for help. Let her help you."

Elliot could only nod. Their conversation was brought to a halt by the sound of keys in the door. Olivia was back.

* * *

Olivia walked into her apartment, noticing that whatever conversation had been going on between Elliot and Kathy, it was over now. As she moved into the kitchen with the bags, the two exchanged a few more quiet words. Then Kathy stood to leave. Elliot walked with her to the door.

"Remember what I said, Elliot, and please, keep in touch. Take care of yourself."

From where she stood in the kitchen, Olivia couldn't help but overhear. _Keep in touch_? Wouldn't Elliot be staying with his family while he recovered? Maybe he had decided to check into an inpatient facility after all. Regardless of what he had chosen, she would support him. All that mattered was that he was safe.

"I will, Kathy. I'm sorry about this morning."

Kathy's face betrayed the emotions she was trying to keep hidden. Instead of saying anything, she wrapped her arms around Elliot and held him close. Whispering something that was meant for his ears only, she released him from the embrace and turned to the door. Elliot stood watching as it closed behind her. He didn't even notice when Olivia came up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"El?"

As she said his name, there was an open ended question in her voice. She was asking if he was okay without using the words, because they both understood that he was anything but okay right now. What she was really doing was checking in with him to see how he was doing in regards to his wife's visit. Despite everything swirling inside him, Elliot was relieved to discover that the unspoken communication between himself and Olivia was still as strong as ever.

"I know you probably have questions, Liv, like why she told me to keep in touch, but I just can't talk about it right now."

Olivia didn't so much as flinch. To her, Elliot admitting he couldn't talk about something was just as good as him talking about it. There were more important matters at hand right now anyway. That was getting him involved in some sort of treatment. First things first, though, she wanted him to eat.

"Don't worry about it Elliot. Why don't you come into the kitchen, and I'll make you something to eat? Or, would you be more comfortable sitting in the living room?"

"I'll join you in the kitchen."

Elliot picked up their empty cups from the coffee table, and carried them into the kitchen. Once there, he made himself at home as he always did. His mind was still going in a thousand directions at once, but one thing he did know was that he was in a place he felt comfortable. Pouring fresh cups of coffee for himself and Olivia, he added milk and sugar to both, then took them over to the table and sat down.

Olivia placed a toasted bagel in front of him, and he was grateful for the simple meal. He didn't think he could handle eating anything too heavy right now. This alone might be difficult to manage, but he was willing to try. As though she read his mind, she offered a few simple words of encouragement.

"Just eat what you can, El."

She walked away again, but only for a moment. When she returned, it was with some food for herself as well. Sitting next to him, they ate in silence. Elliot knew that they needed to talk, but he was relieved she wasn't pushing the issue. The prospect of the decisions he would have to make today were overwhelming. At the back of his mind were still the lingering thoughts that everyone would be better off without him.

After he had eaten about half of his bagel, he pushed the plate away. The thoughts were closing in now, fast. It was getting harder to breathe. He closed his eyes and tried to bring his hands up to cover his face. Instead, he felt Olivia's fingers close around his.

"Hold on to me, Elliot. I can't promise I can make those thoughts go away, but I can promise you won't be alone with them."

Her words reached him through the haze in his mind. Elliot tried to remind himself that Olivia had been through this, she knew what she was talking about. If he listened to her, she could help.

"Are you ready to call your doctor, El?"

Olivia's voice was gentle as she asked the question. She would do anything in her power to help him, but ultimately, the decision to reach out was his. He had to want to get better.

Elliot nodded in confirmation. If he were being honest, a part of him was terrified that the doctor would commit him involuntarily to the hospital. He didn't want to be an inpatient. While he didn't fault the program for those who needed it, in his mind, he felt it would only make him worse, not better. As though she sensed his anxiety, Olivia spoke.

"I'm not going to have you committed Elliot. If I'd wanted to do that, I would have done that when you first arrived. I certainly was aware of your intentions."

She squeezed his hand again, and waited until he was looking at her. It was important that he understand she was on his side. She wasn't dealing with the cocky, confident Elliot she'd always known in the past. She only hoped he would still be as accepting of the help he had asked for earlier.

"I know what going in the hospital would do to you. If I truly thought you needed it, I would suggest it, but I think you can get by just staying with someone you trust. First, we have to call your doctor and let them know what is going on."

Elliot nodded in agreement. When she'd said that he needed to be with someone he trusted, he hoped she meant what he thought she did by it. That she was going to offer him a place to stay. What he needed most in the world right now was his best friend.

* * *

Elliot made the phone call to his doctor, stating it was an emergency. They were able to get him an appointment for that afternoon at two in the Manhattan office - that was the best they could do. The other option they gave was for him to go to the emergency room and have himself admitted. Elliot accepted the two o'clock appointment, and hung up the call.

"What am I supposed to do for the next four hours, Olivia?"

The question was punctuated by a lengthy yawn. The morning had been intensely emotional, and the brief one hour nap he'd taken earlier hadn't done much to keep him refreshed. But could he really sleep? Even more, he didn't feel right invading Olivia's space by stretching out on her sofa while she no doubt had things to do.

"El, you're obviously still exhausted. Why don't you lie down for awhile? Even if you don't necessarily sleep, your body could use the rest."

Elliot opened his mouth to argue, but Olivia wasn't about to hear it.

"You can use my room. Go on, make yourself comfortable."

Knowing he didn't stand a chance fighting against her, Elliot conceded that she was right. He toed off his shoes, leaving them by the door. On the off chance that he did fall asleep, he asked that Olivia wake him at twelve thirty, so he would have enough time to get ready leave for his appointment. She not only said she would do so, but reminded him that she would be the one driving him. He didn't take it as a sign of distrust, but a show of support. She really was on his side through this.

Elliot stepped into Olivia's bedroom, a place in her apartment he had only been a handful of times, and closed the door. Not wanting to intrude too much on her personal space, he pulled the comforter up on the bed to lie on top. Finding a spare blanket draped over a chair, he grabbed that to cover himself with.

Looking around the room, he couldn't help but wonder where in here she had put his gun. It wasn't that he wanted to go looking for it, it was more a fear of accidentally stumbling across it. For the time being, his mind had quieted down some, and he wanted it to stay that way.

With a sigh, Elliot sank deeper into the pillows. It didn't escape his knowledge that he could smell Olivia's scent on them. It was a comforting smell, one that reminded him of the many years of having her by his side. Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply. Before he even realized what he was doing, he had wrapped both of his arms around the pillow and drifted off to sleep.

Sadly, the dreams would not offer him even a moment of solace. Elliot had been sleeping for about an hour when he was sucked back into more twisted memories from that fateful day. This time, it was the one fear that had always been at the forefront of his mind when Jenna had been firing – Olivia being one of the casualties. Behind closed lids, he watched as a bullet struck his partner in the chest, killing her instantly. When he cried out in his sleep, it was Olivia's name - not Jenna's - on his lips.

"Elliot! Elliot, it's all right. I'm here, I'm here."

He heard her voice calling to him, breaking through the haze. Then her hands were on his shoulder and bicep. Opening his eyes, he found Olivia standing in front of him, alive and whole. It had only been a dream. In his relief, he grabbed her and hugged her tightly. He hadn't realized how restrictive his hold was until he heard her struggling to breathe. Releasing her immediately, he apologized.

"I'm sorry, Olivia."

He expected she would leave then, letting him be alone. Instead, what she did surprised him. Olivia sat down on the edge of the bed by his hip, never once breaking contact.

"Don't worry about it, El. How can I help you?"

There was no judgment in her voice, only compassion. She wasn't asking him about the nightmares, wasn't demanding an explanation. There was just gentle understanding and support. He let go of what pride remained and let himself ask her for something.

"Can I have some water, please?"

"Of course."

Olivia got up and retreated to the kitchen, where she got a bottle from the fridge. She suspected there was a two fold purpose in Elliot's request. Besides being thirsty, he likely wanted a few moments to himself, so she took her time. As an afterthought, she stopped in the bathroom as well. Grabbing a washcloth from the linen closet, she wet it under the sink and carried it back to the bedroom with her.

"Here you go, El."

He had already sat up, and was leaning against the headboard when she returned. She passed him the water, and watched as he uncapped it and took a lengthy drink. His eyes fell on the washcloth in her hands and he looked at her curiously. She opted to answer the question in his eyes before he could ask it.

"I thought you might want to wipe your face."

He reached his hand toward her, accepting the cloth. He pressed it over his eyes for a moment, then swiped it over the rest of his face. When he was done, he folded it up and placed it back in her waiting palm.

"Thanks, Liv."

He pushed the blanket off of him, and that was when Olivia realized that Elliot was still fully dressed. In addition, he was lying on top of her covers. She had incorrectly assumed he was cold and grabbed the extra blanket to keep warm.

"El, why didn't you get under the covers?"

"I didn't want to invade your privacy, Liv."

She gave him a look that very plainly said there was no way he could ever do such a thing.

"I meant what I said. Make yourself comfortable – whatever it takes."

"But I usually sleep in my boxers, Liv."

She gave him a knowing smirk then, and despite everything he was feeling, her smile was contagious. He knew then what she was about to say before she said it. It didn't stop her, though.

"Wouldn't be the first time I've been around you in your underwear. You've never been shy before."

She had a point. He would frequently change clothes in the cribs at work, not caring who was around. Then there was the time during the Bushido case. Not only had he been in just a pair of boxer briefs, but Olivia had stripped down to her bra in an attempt to convince the criminal that she was a prostitute. It had all been a way to help him keep his cover.

Elliot found himself feeling grateful yet again that Olivia wasn't treating him any differently because of his emotional state. She was concerned, sure, but she still treated him like her partner. Even if he technically wasn't anymore. He was reminded yet again just how much he'd missed that, and how wrong he had been to deny himself his best friend.

"Point taken, Olivia. You win."

Elliot stood up and pulled down the covers to properly slide between the sheets. Olivia turned to leave, affording him some privacy. At the door, she paused to ask him a question.

"Did you still want up at the same time?"

"Yes please, Liv. If you don't mind, would it be all right if I used your shower before we left?"

It was true he'd taken a shower earlier this morning, but he still wanted to feel clean after all the dreams he'd had. She answered almost immediately.

"Of course El. Now try and get some more rest. I'll be here if you need anything."

With those parting words, she closed the door behind her. Elliot took her words to heart, then pulled his shirt over his head. He then stripped out of his jeans and socks. Laying his clothes over the chair in the room, he made his way back to the bed. Resting his head back against the pillow, he tried to focus on how comfortable the mattress felt under his body. Only another hour to go before he could leave for his appointment. He could do this.

* * *

Olivia stopped what she was doing. She had been busy for the last hour, since Elliot first went into her room, actually. The only time she had taken a break was when he had called out in his sleep. Now it was nearing the time when they would need to leave to meet his doctor. Though she was loathe to do it, she had to wake him.

Entering her room quietly, she approached the bed. Elliot lay sleeping on his side. Like when he had slept on her sofa earlier that morning, his face still looked troubled. She knew it would take time, but she longed for a day when he could sleep peacefully again. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she called to him softly.

"Elliot."

At the sound of her voice, his eyes opened. If he was startled to be waking up in a room that was not his own, it didn't show. Sitting up, he wiped his palms across his face.

"Thanks, Liv. I think I managed to actually get some sleep this time."

"Good."

She asked then if he wanted her to bring in his bag, so he could shower and get ready. Realizing he was still in his boxers underneath the covers, Elliot accepted her offer. Olivia disappeared, returning a moment later. She set the duffel at the foot of the bed, then left again.

Olivia was in the living room when she heard the shower start up. She debated making more coffee, but decided that caffeine was the last thing he needed right now. More likely than not, Elliot was already anxious enough about seeing the doctor.

It was fifteen minutes later that her bedroom door opened, and Elliot emerged, dressed and ready to go. A quick glance at the clock told her if they left now, they would get to his appointment with plenty of time to spare.

"Liv, you don't have to come with me."

Even though he said the words, he didn't mean them. Elliot knew, that left to his own devices, he wouldn't make it to the doctor on his own. Most likely, the thoughts would take over again, and he would want to carry out his original plan. He hated to admit it to himself, but he really was that fragile.

"I'm not letting you do this alone, Elliot."

Olivia's voice was adamant, and he knew she meant what she said. At one time, he would have been annoyed and maybe even angered by that. Today, he just felt a sense of relief. She was the one person he knew he could trust, and she wouldn't fail him.

"Are you ready, El?"

That was a loaded question if there ever was one. Would he ever be ready for something like this? Twenty plus years on the force, he never thought he'd find himself in this position.

"As ready as I'm going to be, Liv."

Laying a hand on his shoulder, she gave a reassuring squeeze. Then she picked up her keys and led him out the door. Now that he'd come to her for help, she was going to do whatever it took to stay by his side.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

" _Are you ready, El?"_

_That was a loaded question if there ever was one. Would he ever be ready for something like this? Twenty plus years on the force, he never thought he'd find himself in this position._

" _As ready as I'm going to be, Liv."_

_Laying a hand on his shoulder, she gave a reassuring squeeze. Then she picked up her keys and led him out the door. Now that he'd come to her for help, she was going to do whatever it took to stay by his side._

* * *

They sat side by side in the crowded waiting room. Elliot was fidgeting in his chair, his leg bouncing up and down. As she looked around, Olivia noticed he wasn't the only one who was anxious. There were a lot of people tapping their feet, wringing their hands, or who just seemed generally uncomfortable.

While she was sympathetic toward them, they weren't her concern. Her main worry was Elliot, and keeping him calm. The last thing she wanted was for him to change his mind at the last minute and decide against seeing the doctor. Her thoughts drifted back to that morning, when he had shown up on her doorstep looking so distraught. She had been truly terrified that she was going to lose him.

Reaching out a hand, she placed it gently on his knee. Elliot halted in bouncing his leg and he turned to meet her gaze. Though an apology was forming on his lips, he didn't speak it. One look at her face and he knew it wasn't necessary.

"Elliot?"

He stood when he heard his name called, but made no move to follow his psychiatrist. Instead, he turned to face Olivia.

"Will you come with me Liv?"

He didn't know why he was holding his breath. One look at her face, and he already knew what her answer would be before she said it aloud. Olivia would never fail him.

"Of course Elliot. Whatever makes you comfortable."

They walked to where his therapist was waiting. If the woman was surprised that her patient was bringing someone else into the session with him, she didn't let on. Instead she simply led the pair back to her office.

Elliot made the introductions, referring to Olivia as his partner. Dr. Leslie Simpson immediately made the connection. The name Olivia Benson had come up frequently during their sessions. For her to be here today during an emergency appointment, something serious indeed must be going on.

"It's nice to meet you, Detective Benson. Elliot has always spoken fondly of you."

Olivia accepted the woman's outstretched hand with a smile. She really had no patience for pleasantries, but it wasn't going to stop her from being polite.

"Thank you, and please, call me Olivia."

Dr. Simpson gestured to the chairs, indicating that they should be seated. She chose to take a seat across from them, making a small circle. She was always of the belief that facing a patient from across a desk could be seen as intimidating and less personable.

"So, tell me Elliot, what brings you in here today?"

Elliot sighed. It was truth time. He wasn't sure he could do this. What would he do if she didn't respect his wishes and committed him for inpatient treatment? He couldn't bear the thought of that. His breathing began to quicken.

The next thing he felt was Olivia rest her palm on his knee, just as she had in the waiting room. The gesture was just as calming now as it had been then. He still didn't know at what point they had become so comfortable being physical with one another. It had all evolved so quickly since he'd shown up at her door this morning.

"Elliot?"

The doctor questioned a second time, her voice gently prompting him.

Instinctively knowing she wouldn't mind, he reached for Olivia's hand, taking it in his own. Then, he faced his psychiatrist and began to speak.

"Last night was particularly bad, doc. Some of the worst nightmares I've ever had. Then while I was still shaken up, my wife suggested that we get a divorce."

It felt liberating to get some of that weight off his chest, but he was still quick to come to Kathy's defense.

"It's not her fault, though. She feels that I am unhappy in the marriage, and wanted to set me free."

He felt Olivia squeeze his hand in sympathy. He squeezed back, thanking her for her support.

"How did her suggestion make you feel, Elliot? Did you feel set free?"

"No. I felt like she was giving up on me. I felt like I had finally lost everything."

The doctor was about to say something else, ask another question, when Elliot interrupted. It was important that he include what else Kathy told him to do. He explained that his wife told him to call Olivia. That he had dialed her number for the first time in six months, only to hang up when he heard her voice. He described how he had sent a text and prepared to leave his family home, leaving a note behind for Kathy.

"What was in the note you left your wife?"

Now Elliot was filled with shame, but he understood that his treatment relied a great deal on his honesty.

"An apology for not having been a better husband. Also, information where she could find my life insurance policy."

Olivia had to hide her gasp, even though she had already known for herself just how suicidal Elliot was when he arrived at her door. Still it was hard to hear out loud.

Elliot continued to describe his morning, detailing how he had taken his father's gun among the other items he had packed for himself. When he got to the part of his story involving his trip to Olivia's apartment, the doctor stopped him.

"Why did you have to go and see your partner in person, Elliot? Why not just write her a note, like you did your wife?"

Elliot considered her question carefully. The most obvious answer was the one that was readily available.

"Because I wanted to say goodbye."

As he listened to his words, though, the truth came to him. He realized the truth had been there all along. His mind had tried to tell him earlier, but he hadn't wanted to listen. Now though, he gave voice to it.

"And because I knew she would stop me."

* * *

At hearing Elliot's admission, Olivia was overwhelmed by emotion. Even though they had spent six months apart, and there were times she believed he had cut her off from his life, Elliot's trust in her was as strong as ever. He had come to her this morning because he wanted her to save him. She just hoped he would let her keep doing it. Even though he was safe now, it didn't mean all those thoughts would suddenly evaporate. It would be a long road. If he would let her, she would be with him for every step.

"Are you still having suicidal thoughts, Elliot?"

Dr. Simpson broke the silence, asking a very important question. She would delve more into the details of what her patient had revealed soon. First things first, she had to address his safety. Elliot didn't flinch at the question, as it wasn't unexpected. Instead, he gave quite the detailed answer.

"That's hard to say doc. My mind is still trying to convince me that my family and friends would be better off if I was dead. But if you want to know if I'm actively suicidal – if I have a current plan to hurt myself – then the answer is no."

The doctor nodded in understanding and tried to formulate a plan in her mind. It was obvious Elliot needed treatment immediately. No matter what he had admitted to, he was still considered high risk. His safety was of the utmost priority.

"I think we need to discuss admitting you to our inpatient ward for a few days."

Before Dr. Simpson could continue any further, Elliot was already speaking up against her suggestion.

"No, Doctor. If at all possible, I want to stay out of the hospital. I think that would only make things worse."

"Can you tell me why that is, Elliot?"

Elliot was immediately relieved. His opinion was being listened to, and not dismissed. There was still a chance he wouldn't be admitted against his will.

"I just feel that being on a locked ward would only increase my anxiety, and make me feel worse instead of better. I'm not opposed to treatment, I just don't want to be admitted."

The doctor nodded her understanding. As long as they could implement a safety plan, she would be comfortable respecting his wishes. Still, he would need to get involved with an outpatient program. Also, she wanted to start him on medication.

She explained her terms to staying out of the hospital, and Elliot agreed. He tensed up when she mentioned an anti-depressant, but yet again, he was soothed by a simple touch from Olivia. It reminded him that he couldn't do everything on his own, and there was no shame in asking for help.

"I'm going to write you two prescriptions, Elliot. One is for the depression, a low dose to start. We can always increase it if necessary."

Elliot nodded his agreement as he listened. In the corner of his mind, there was a nagging sensation of guilt. Maybe, if he had been more open to medication sooner, he wouldn't be in this position now. He had always just been so adamant about getting through everything on his own. He shook his head, trying to focus on Dr. Simpson, who was still explaining things.

"The other medication will be to treat your anxiety. It will also help you sleep."

She left the circle of chairs for a moment to go to her computer, and printed off the prescriptions. She passed the papers to Elliot, who handed them to Olivia for safekeeping. Then Dr. Simpson addressed the next issue.

"Now, since you don't want to be admitted, we should discuss how we will continue your treatment. You obviously need more intensive therapy than what I can provide here in the office. I recommend you join our Partial program."

She went on to explain the program in detail, saying that it lasted for a period of twelve weeks. During that time, he would attend sessions five days a week for several hours a day. In addition to providing group therapy, there would be skills classes to help him cope with the issues he was dealing with. There were even specific classes for PTSD.

Elliot listened to everything the doctor said, and exchanged a glance with Olivia. It was almost as if he were looking for approval or permission. She gave him a nod, and another squeeze of his hand, which she had yet to let go of. Looking back at the doctor, he nodded his head in agreement.

"I want to get better, doc. I'll do it. Sign me up."

Dr. Simpson turned back to her computer and began typing again. By a stroke of luck, there was a new program beginning that Monday. Today was Wednesday. That meant he just had to get through a few days, plus the weekend. After answering a few questions, Elliot was enrolled in the program, getting the last available spot.

"Will you be all right commuting from Queens to Manhattan for this program, Elliot? I'm sorry, that is something I should have asked sooner."

Elliot paused, not sure of what to say. Where would he be staying? That was something he and Kathy hadn't discussed this morning.

"I don't know yet where I'm going to be living yet, Doc."

"We need to find you someplace where you feel safe, Elliot. I'm not comfortable with you living on your own right now."

Olivia who had been quiet for virtually the entire appointment, chose this moment to speak up.

"He can stay with me. I'm on leave from work until next week, so he won't be alone. If necessary, I can take more time."

Elliot turned his head sharply to look at Olivia. Had she just said what he thought she did? As far as he knew, she only had the one bedroom. There was no way he could impose on her like that. Still, he couldn't explain the strange pull he'd felt in his heart when she'd said he could stay.

"Elliot? How do you feel about that? Do you feel comfortable with Olivia? More importantly, do you feel safe?"

Dr. Simpson posed the question, genuinely concerned. He didn't even have to stop to consider his answer.

"I worked with this woman by my side for twelve years. There were times that she saved not only me, but my family as well. It is because of her that I'm sitting in this office right now. Yes, I feel safe with her."

With Elliot having a place to stay, Dr. Simpson brought the appointment to a close. She reminded him that if he was having suicidal thoughts again, he should go to the emergency room. While she understood his reluctance to be admitted, his safety was what mattered most. He nodded his agreement, as did Olivia.

Elliot stopped at the reception desk and made an appointment for the following week. Then he left the office and joined Olivia in the hallway. He couldn't wait to leave. While he wasn't sure how the sleeping arrangements would work, he hoped she wouldn't mind if he borrowed her bed again when they got back to her place. He was exhausted.

* * *

Elliot and Olivia made a brief stop at the pharmacy on their way back, so they could get his prescriptions filled. Luckily for them, the wait time wasn't excessive. Olivia made the offer to buy Elliot dinner, but he declined. He just wasn't feeling up to being out in public. As a compromise, he suggested that they order something in.

Back at her apartment, Olivia made a phone call for delivery. Elliot was about to take a seat on the sofa when she stopped him. She wanted to show him something. Following her down the hall, she led him to a closed door next to her bathroom. He'd always assumed it to be an extra closet. What he saw when he walked inside shocked him completely.

It was another bedroom. There were some boxes scattered about the room, but it wasn't messy. The space held a bed, nightstand, and small dresser. Elliot turned to look at Olivia, full of questions. When he saw the look on her face, they all evaporated.

"I hope you'll be comfortable here, El. I tried to clean it up as best I could. We can move some of the boxes to my storage unit in the basement tomorrow."

He immediately tried to reassure her that wasn't a problem. He could easily work around the boxes. But instinctively, he knew that wasn't what was bothering her. He wasn't so far gone that he couldn't see when someone else was struggling.

"What is it, Liv?"

Her expression grew wistful, and Elliot placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I haven't opened this door in months. This was the room Calvin used when he..."

Olivia's voice trailed off as she choked up. It was obvious the boy still had an effect on her. Elliot remembered when she was fostering Calvin Arliss, how happy it had made her. If anyone was cut out to be a mother, it was Olivia. He really should have been more supportive of her then, and not just when the boy had been taken away.

"If it's a problem with me staying here, Olivia, I can sleep on the sofa. I don't want to make things difficult for you."

"No, Elliot. I want you to stay here. I just think of him sometimes, you know?"

Her sad expression transformed into a smile as she shared the news that Calvin's grandparents had allowed her to visit with him recently. It had been at Halloween, and it was so nice to see him again. Sadly, the visit had been cut short because she was called into work, but they were making arrangements to get together again soon.

"Your time with him may have been short, Liv, but you changed that boy's life for the better."

"Thank you for saying that, El. It means a lot."

Elliot went to the living room to grab his bags, and carried them into the room that Olivia had just so generously given him. He would unpack later, but for the time being, he just set his things on the bed. Before he could do anything else, a knock at the door signaled their food had arrived.

Meeting Olivia in the kitchen, he found her getting a couple of plates down from the cupboard. She passed one to him, and began setting the cartons of Chinese food on the counter. Elliot was grateful that Olivia was allowing him to dole out his own portions. His appetite still wasn't the greatest, but he was surprised to find that he was a little bit hungry. The food smelled delicious. He helped himself to a small amount of each, then grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

Joining Olivia in the living room, he took a seat beside her on the sofa. His gratitude increased even more when she didn't question him at all about his thoughts regarding the appointment that day, or the upcoming program that began on Monday. Instead, she just sat with him in silence as they ate.

When they had finished eating, Elliot attempted to make himself useful by clearing the dishes and carrying them out to the sink. While he was in the kitchen, he closed up the leftovers and stored them in the refrigerator. Thoughts were running through his head at the pace of about a mile a minute, and he wasn't sure how to process them all. He decided that a conversation with Olivia was in order. Back in the living room, he took his seat back on the sofa, and turned to face her.

"Liv? Can I talk to you? There is something I need to ask you."

"Of course El. You can talk to me about anything, anytime. I hope you know that."

Her reassurance helped to put some of his anxiety to rest. Still, it was a pretty big favor he planned to ask her, with a lot of responsibility involved.

"I wanted to ask for your help – even more than what you're already doing – and I'm afraid I'm overstepping. I don't know what else to do, because I don't trust myself right now, and..."

Olivia reached out, resting her hand on his forearm. The gentle touch pulled him back to the present, and he stopped what he was saying to look at her.

"Elliot. Whatever it is, just ask me."

"Will you keep my medication in your room, and give it to me when I need it? I don't trust myself with it right now."

Olivia's brow furrowed in concern. His fears were valid. She was worried about his safety here in the apartment, and that was something they would have to discuss. For now though, her only concern was keeping him calm. He had sounded so anxious when he asked her that question, as though she would refuse.

"Elliot, of course I will. Whatever makes you comfortable."

She then used that opportunity to delve into further conversation about that subject. For example, was there anything else he needed her to remove from the apartment? They went over the possible dangers – such as alcohol, knives in the kitchen, razors in the bathroom, and over the counter medicine.

Elliot was impressed that Olivia was being so thorough. There were things she was bringing up that had never even occurred to him. Part of that caused concern in the back of his mind, and he wondered if it was just worry on her part, or it was something she had considered during her own dark times.

"I meant what I said earlier when I told the doctor I feel safe here, Liv. If there is anything that makes me feel uncomfortable for any reason, I promise I will tell you."

He took a deep breath, then exhaled on a shaky sigh. Rubbing his palms over his face, he gathered the courage for what he was trying to say next.

"What I can't promise you is that the thoughts won't return. To be honest, I'm still struggling even now. But I trust you, and I will come to you if it gets to be too much."

"That's all I ask, El."

Elliot felt some relief at the way the conversation had gone. One down, one to go. Thanking Olivia again for all her help, he excused himself for a moment to go to what had only today become his room. Pulling out his phone, he dialed a familiar set of numbers. It was time to explain to Kathy what was going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read so far. I wanted to take a brief moment to add some comments. While this is a work of fiction, some of the emotions and feelings in this story is based around my own personal experiences. I have battled chronic major depression and anxiety since 1998. There have been some very dark times for me, and I am not ashamed to say that I have had several voluntary inpatient hospital stays between 1998 - 2003. I was also a patient at a partial program like the one I am having Elliot attend. If you need help, there is no shame in asking for it. No one can handle everything alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

_Elliot felt some relief at the way the conversation had gone. One down, one to go. Thanking Olivia again for all her help, he excused himself for a moment to go to what had only today become his room. Pulling out his phone, he dialed a familiar set of numbers. It was time to explain to Kathy what was going on._

* * *

"Elliot? How are you?"

Kathy's questions came at him almost instantly, before he even had a chance to say 'hello'. It was then that he remembered when she was at Olivia's apartment earlier that morning, he had told her he would be seeing the doctor today. She was just concerned.

"Hi, Kathy. I had my appointment this afternoon."

He went on to explain that his psychiatrist initially recommended that he be admitted, but was willing to work with him on an outpatient basis. Then, he told his wife about the partial program that began on Monday. She was surprised that it lasted for twelve weeks, but understood it was necessary. Kathy also gave her complete support when she learned that Elliot would be starting medication.

"That's good, Elliot. I hope it helps you."

Elliot was about to broach the subject of him staying with Olivia, but Kathy beat him to it. However, her way of doing it had him completely at ease. Gone was all the sadness and tension from before. Their conversation from early this morning seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Elliot, I've been thinking. I know I already apologized, but I want you to know how sorry I am for how I handled things this morning."

Before he could say anything, even to reassure her, she was continuing on.

"It was wrong of me, and I shouldn't have dumped that on you like that. If its all right with you, I think we should wait before making any life altering decisions right now."

Finally, he was given the opportunity to speak.

"That's exactly what I was going to say, Kathy. I've got so much going on inside my head right now, I can't deal with anything else."

"Will you be coming home? I never meant for you to leave."

This was the difficult part now. He would have to tell his wife that he would be staying with Olivia. Essentially, he would be telling Kathy that he didn't feel safe in his own home, with her. How would she take it? How would the kids feel? Taking a deep breath, he broke the news.

Silence echoed over the line for so long, that Elliot feared his wife had hung up. It was only the sound of her breathing that convinced him she was still there. Finally, she spoke again.

"Your doctor encouraged you to find a place you felt safe, correct?"

He answered in the affirmative, but he was hesitant. He didn't know where she was going with this.

"You obviously are in the right place then, Elliot. You knew that when you went there this morning. Olivia is a safe place for you. She always has been."

There was no anger or animosity in her words, but he could hear the tears behind her voice. Even as upset and mixed up as his thoughts were right now, he could only imagine what this must be doing to Kathy. His guilt increased tenfold. It was why he was extremely glad to have Olivia on his side, to keep his mind from running away with him.

Kathy's next step was to reassure him she would handle everything, and bring Eli to see him regularly. Elliot let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Only hours had passed since he'd last seen his children, and he already missed them immensely. There was no way he could go the entire twelve weeks without seeing them. He thanked his wife, and even though it wasn't necessary, apologized again for everything.

Kathy accepted his apology, but told him what mattered most was that he get better. It was something he had to do for himself, and no one else. She also promised him if he needed anything, she would be there. He thanked her again, then they ended the call.

Emotionally exhausted after that conversation, Elliot moved the bags on the bed to the floor and lay back against the mattress. He would need to ask Olivia for some sheets for later before he went to sleep. At some point, he would also need to unpack. His eyes wandered around the room, and the depths of Olivia's generosity began to fully sink in. For the next three months, this was going to be his home.

He lay on the bed for about another ten minutes or so, then forced himself to get up. Deciding to save the majority of unpacking for tomorrow, he dug through the one duffel until he found a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt. Elliot changed his clothes, then went back out to the living room to join Olivia again.

He found her sitting on the sofa, almost exactly where he'd left her. The only difference was she had her laptop open and perched on her legs, which were propped up on the coffee table. Coming closer, he saw she was on a website for a local store, placing an order for some groceries. Seeing him approach out of the corner of her eye, she offered an explanation.

"Hey El. You know me well enough to know my fridge is always bare. I just thought I'd order us a few things so we don't starve."

Her casual approach to the situation put him even more at ease. Yet again, she wasn't questioning him, even though he knew she had to be equal parts concerned and curious. It brought up memories of their partnership. There were so many times over the years when they would push each others buttons, but they had always been there for each other. It was what had made them so compatible.

The order complete, Olivia closed her computer and set it to the side. Watching her carefully, Elliot took his place beside her on the sofa once more. Though he couldn't do it entirely, he wanted to temporarily forget about everything that happened to him today. He needed to get out of his own head for a bit. The best way he could think of to do that was to focus on Olivia.

A thought occurred to him then – it was what she had mentioned earlier. Olivia was on mandatory leave. Cragen wouldn't issue that lightly. That meant that something must have happened, likely in the field. For the first time ever that day, he really studied her face. She looked tired, beyond what would have been caused by his arrival early this morning. There were dark circles under her eyes, as though she hadn't been sleeping. He was concerned for her, and wanted to know more.

"Olivia? Why did Cragen put you on leave?"

* * *

Of all the things he could have asked her, that wasn't the question Olivia had been expecting. In fact, it was the one she was dreading the most. While her mandatory leave certainly wasn't a secret among the squad, she wasn't sure she could tell Elliot the details. It wasn't that it was privileged information, she was more worried about how he would take it.

The truth of the matter was, just a few days ago, she was involved in a hostage situation. Ultimately, she decided that Elliot deserved to know the truth. Still, she would have to be cautious in telling her tale so he wouldn't blame himself. He wasn't her partner at work any longer, so the chances were high that he would blame himself. That was the last thing he needed right now. But if she were to try and brush it under the rug and say it was nothing, he would know she was lying.

"I'll tell you Elliot, but you have to promise me you'll let me know if it gets to be too much for you."

That stipulation alone was enough to make his heart skip a beat. Now he was certain that Olivia had been involved in a dangerous situation. He wasn't naïve enough to believe she would stop putting herself at risk just because he was no longer her partner, but it made him feel strange to know that those situations were still happening without him. For so many years, they had faced danger together.

"I promise, Liv. Just tell me, because now I'm really worried."

Olivia took a deep breath then, and outlined the case for Elliot. She told him all about what had happened. It had all started when Fred Sandow was accused of sexually assaulting a woman who had auditioned for his reality show. His son Eddie, had believed he was innocent, and in an attempt to protect his father had taken a woman and her daughter hostage to get him released.

For whatever reason, despite his anger with her for having arrested his father, Eddie had developed a trust in Olivia. After the hostage situation unfolded, he slipped a piece of paper with her name on it under the door, and the negotiation team called her in for help.

The teen's initial demands were to have his father released from prison and the charges dropped. There was no way the DA or anyone would agree to those terms. Olivia ended up butting heads with the negotiators when they wanted her to lie about why his father couldn't come. They wanted her to stall, she wanted to tell the truth. In reality, Fred Sandow had refused to help his son unless he benefited from it somehow.

"That's terrible, Olivia. But I still don't understand how that would involve you needing time off from work."

Olivia held up her palm, trying to stop him. She appreciated his sympathy and understanding, but she wasn't finished yet.

"There's more, Elliot."

He grew quiet again, allowing her to continue. His anxiety was high again, but he tried to keep himself calm. Obviously, everything turned out all right, because Olivia was right in front of him. She was unhurt, and she was able to tell the story. Still he felt a need for some sort of connection, in addition to offering support. Reaching out to her, he took her hand and held it lightly in his own.

"I'm listening."

Olivia dove back into the tale, now at the point where the hostage situation had escalated. The young girl who Eddie was holding had needed to go to the bathroom, and when her mother tried to take her, he had gotten upset. A scuffle ensued, and as a result, Jess had been shot in the leg.

Though it was a serious setback to the situation, it had enabled Olivia to gain entry to the apartment. Eddie had agreed to allow her to come in and check on Jess. She had purposely disarmed herself, then went in, keeping her vest on.

Hearing this news, Elliot's heart began to race even faster. Now he was beginning to understand the reason for the mandatory leave. Not only had Olivia been present at an active hostage situation, she had been personally involved in the center of it. She had inserted herself into a dangerous and volatile situation.

"How did you convince Eddie to let Jess go?"

"I told him to turn the gun on me."

For several seconds, Elliot forgot to breathe. All he could envision was Olivia being hit by a bullet if something should have gone horribly wrong. Still, he was equally moved by her compassion. There was something about Eddie that he had yet to learn that she must have seen in him for her to go to such lengths to protect him.

Olivia continued to relate the story. Some time after Nick had gotten Jess out of the apartment, she was able to convince Eddie to let Lily go as well. This time, the price had been having herself used as a shield with a gun to her head.

Ultimately, Elliot learned the heart of it all. Eddie's mother had left with his sister when he was only ten years old, in order to save her from abuse. She hadn't been able to protect both of her children. When Olivia had told Eddie his sister's secret, it had broken him. He couldn't believe that his father was that sick of a man. To him, it meant that he must be sick, too.

It was at this point that Olivia began to tear up. She had been so strong throughout telling Elliot everything else. He quickly put two and two together and figured out what had happened.

"You told him about your own father, didn't you."

Olivia's nod was all he needed to confirm his theory had been correct. With a shaky voice, she told Elliot the final moments of the standoff. How Eddie had held the gun to his own head, then decided he'd rather be taken out by the snipers. That she had stood in front of him at the window, protecting him from fire with her own body. Ultimately, he had surrendered the gun to her, and she had led him out of the apartment, shielding him yet again. He was taken into custody without incident.

Elliot didn't stop to think about what his next move would be. He wrapped his arms around Olivia and hugged her. Now he understood why she was on leave. A situation like that not only took an emotional toll, but stayed with you for a few days. Time was needed to recover. He probably hadn't helped her any by showing up like he had this morning, but surprisingly, he wasn't feeling guilt. Instead, he was feeling grateful that the cards had played out the way they had.

It seemed someone was looking out for them, and had arranged it so they could be there for each other. Olivia was on leave, and he had purposely sought her out. That meant she was free to help him when he needed her most. He thought he didn't believe in such things anymore, but maybe he could be proven wrong. Whatever it was, something or someone was definitely was on his side.

* * *

Elliot shot up to a sitting position in his bed, awoken by yet another nightmare. He wasn't even sure how many nights in a row this made now. Reaching over to his nightstand, he took a drink from the water bottle that rested there before replacing it.

This nightmare had been different from all the others. It wasn't about his last day at work. However, it did feature Olivia. He had been dreaming about the hostage situation she had told him about tonight. Instead of a peaceful outcome, though, in his dream she had been shot. The snipers hadn't halted quickly enough when she'd blocked the shot, and the bullet had pierced her vest.

Why was it so many of his recent dreams involved Olivia getting killed? He always either relived Jenna's death, or envisioned his partners. Never his own. Maybe it was because he wanted it too much.

After Olivia had finished telling him about what had happened, he'd been speechless for a few moments. Then, anger had set in. Without meaning to, he had yelled at her.

He hadn't meant to get upset with Olivia. Logically, he knew she was only doing her job. Truth be told, he'd been involved in a few hostage situations where he had put himself at risk, too. All in the name of getting everyone out safely. Soon after he'd exploded, he was apologizing.

Olivia hadn't taken offense. In truth, she seemed almost relieved by his reaction. His anger was something she recognized, something she knew how to deal with. Heaven knows she had seen enough of it throughout the years.

Elliot scrubbed his palms over his face. His mind was racing right now, so there was no point in even trying to go back to sleep. But he couldn't stay in this room, either. Before she'd said good night, Olivia had reminded him to make himself at home here. Surely, she wouldn't mind if he got up and went into the living room for awhile. Like he did at home, he'd make sure to keep the volume off if he turned on the television.

He settled on the sofa, noticing there was a pillow lying at the end and an extra blanket thrown over the back. It was as though Olivia had been anticipating he would have a need for the items. He wanted to thank her, but her bedroom door was closed, and the last thing he wanted to do was wake her.

Suddenly, the sound of a door opening startled him, and he turned toward the noise. Olivia was stepping out of her room, heading for the bathroom. She saw Elliot sitting there, and immediately changed direction. She came directly to him and sat on the coffee table in front of him.

"Elliot? How can I help?"

Never before would Elliot allow himself to ask for anything when he was feeling at his lowest points. He'd never go to Kathy, never wanted her to know. Only this morning, that had changed. He had come here, to Olivia's apartment. So much had changed today. Now, here she was sitting in front of him, offering her help once more. All he had to do was let himself accept it. Before he could, it was the guilt that got the better of him.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. I didn't mean to wake you. You should go back to bed."

Olivia shook her head, dismissing his concerns. She reached out for his hands and squeezed them gently, trying to coax him to look her in the eye.

"You didn't wake me, El. I was only up because I had to use the bathroom. But, if I had known you were awake, I would have been up sooner."

"I've only been out here for about twenty minutes or so, Liv. But if you really want to know, the nightmare woke me around three."

Olivia absorbed the information, and decided to offer her support. She would completely understand if he told her 'no'.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not."

Judging by his voice, she could tell he was afraid he had insulted her. That couldn't be further from the truth.

"That's fine, El. How about I just sit with you for awhile instead?"

Elliot nodded his head in agreement. He also accepted Olivia's offer to make them both a cup of hot tea. She went into the kitchen and put the kettle on to boil, then used the bathroom as she had first intended. Then, she disappeared back into her bedroom for only a moment. When she came back out, she was carrying a pillow in one hand and a blanket in the other. Placing the items on the loveseat, she went back to get their tea.

"Why don't you find us something to watch, El? Unless of course, you'd prefer quiet?"

He surprised himself when he was able to admit that silence was the last thing he wanted. Turning on the television, he tuned it to the most mindless thing he could find. It was the shopping channel, and at this hour it was full of products no one could ever possibly need. Olivia came back into the room, passing him a mug of tea with a smile.

"Good choice, El. I always love seeing what kinds of things I'm missing out on."

She then settled herself on the loveseat, lifting her feet and wrapping the blanket around her. The pillow was tucked behind her back. Elliot copied her movements and got into a similar position on the sofa. He was relieved that she hadn't pushed him to talk, but also so glad that she hadn't left him. It felt so good not to be alone. She was making it quite clear she wasn't going anywhere for the rest of the night.

* * *

Several hours later, Elliot awoke for a second time. This time, daylight was streaming in through Olivia's living room windows. The television was still on, the shopping channel trying to sell him something else. He wasn't certain at what point he had finally fallen back to sleep, but it was now eight in the morning.

Pulling himself into a seated position, he looked to his left. There, curled up asleep on the loveseat, was Olivia. She really had stayed with him. He couldn't even begin to describe how that made him feel.

Elliot knew his partner wasn't one who tended to sleep in very late. Even though his mind was still all over the place, he wanted to do something for her this morning. She had already done so much for him. He'd never be able to repay her, and he knew she wasn't expecting it, but still, he wanted to find a way to show his thanks. He decided the least he could do was make the coffee.

It didn't take him too long in her kitchen to find where everything was. Within minutes, a pot was brewing, filling the apartment with its welcoming aroma. Opting to go a step further, he found the bag of bagels from yesterdays breakfast on the counter. Slicing two of them in half, he popped them in the toaster. Hearing footsteps behind him, he turned to face Olivia.

"Morning."

"Good morning, Elliot. It's nice to see you have an appetite."

He considered her comment. Was he hungry? He wasn't sure if he actually was, or if he was just making something to eat because that's what he thought he was supposed to do. Either way, it was a necessity, because his medication had to be taken with food. He was also immensely grateful that Olivia made no comment on the fact that he had had to use a sharp knife to cut the bagels. After their discussion the day before, she really was trusting him in regards to what he felt safe with. She wasn't going to be policing his every move. He wasn't sure the same could be said for anyone else.

Olivia disappeared from the kitchen again, and by the time she returned, he was bringing two plates to the table. On his second trip, he brought over their coffee. He took a seat next to her, and noticed she was holding her hand out in his direction. Holding his palm up, he accepted the pill she was giving him. This would be his first dose of the anti-depressant. The difficult part was that it would be at least two weeks before he could tell if he was receiving any benefit from it or not. Why must these medications be so frustrating?

Trying to put those thoughts out of his head for now, he picked up his bagel and took a bite. Washing it down with some coffee, he turned his attention to Olivia. He wondered if she had anything planned for the day. Conversely, he hoped that she wouldn't be changing her plans on his account.

"Did you have anything in mind for today, Liv? I don't want to hold you back if you had plans."

"Elliot, please try and stop worrying that you are disrupting my life. I _want_ you to stay here. As for plans, the only thing I'm expecting today is that grocery delivery from last night."

He nodded, trying to accept what she was telling him. It wouldn't be easy to turn his guilt off. Lately, it seemed like that was an ever present emotion. He always felt like he was responsible for making everyone around him miserable. It wasn't an emotion he was accustomed to dealing with. Throughout much of his career, he had been assertive and take charge. Some would even have called him cocky. He supposed that was true. He was counting on some of that confidence right now.

"Olivia, I wanted to talk to you about that. I've been thinking, and while I'm staying here, I want to pay for my share of things. That includes half the rent, and chipping in for groceries."

Olivia set down her coffee mug, and placed her palm on top of Elliot's hand. She was touched that he had offered, but she couldn't accept his money. How, though, could she phrase it without upsetting him further? Maybe they could come to a compromise.

"El, please don't take this the wrong way. I didn't invite you to stay here in order to make you pay rent. I have that covered. But, if you want to pitch in and help with food costs, or buy me dinner every now and then, I'd be willing to accept it."

Her gentle refusal of his offer hadn't bruised his pride any. In fact, the more he thought about it, another idea came to him. He should send some of the extra money to Kathy. Even though they'd agreed not to talk about it until after the twelve weeks were up, if they did ultimately decide to divorce, he would have to start paying child support. The least he could do is give her some extra money now to help out. Turning his palm up so he was now holding hands with Olivia, he squeezed gently.

"Okay, Liv, but remember, I'm going to hold you to that. You have to let me help out around here sometimes, too."

"Agreed."

They squeezed hands again before releasing one another, then finished the remainder of their breakfast in silence. In many ways, the meal was a milestone marker of sorts. Elliot had made it through his first night away from home. Granted, it was not without a few bumps, but he had made it. By taking it one day at a time, together they would get him through to Monday.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

_They squeezed hands again before releasing one another, then finished the remainder of their breakfast in silence. In many ways, the meal was a milestone marker of sorts. Elliot had made it through his first night away from home. Granted, it was not without a few bumps, but he had made it. By taking it one day at a time, together they would get him through to Monday._

* * *

To Elliot's surprise, Thursday was passing relatively quickly. It was already late afternoon. Not long after they had finished breakfast, the grocery order had been delivered. He had been shocked by just how much she had bought. Then he remembered telling her the day before that he didn't feel comfortable being out in public right now. Obviously, Olivia had remembered this, and planned accordingly.

She also had checked in with him, making sure he wouldn't mind an additional delivery that day. Apparently her living room furniture was customizable, and could be added on to. Olivia had ordered a new center section for the love seat, which would make it the same size as the sofa.

When Elliot realized why she had done that, he was instantly humbled. Olivia knew that he was struggling with terrible nightmares right now. The only thing that had seemed to keep them at bay was falling asleep on the sofa, listening to the television. Not only was she encouraging him to do that, she was planning on sleeping right alongside him. Just as she had the night before.

Only an hour ago, the piece had arrived. The delivery men had worked quickly, and taken apart then reassembled the love seat – now a second sofa – then left. Now he and Olivia were stretched out in their respective spots. Like earlier, they were just sitting in silence. He liked the fact that she wasn't pressuring him to talk. He had a feeling that come Monday, he would be doing more talking than he was comfortable with.

Olivia was just about to ask Elliot what he wanted for dinner when his phone rang. He didn't have to look at the display to know who the caller was, only one person would try and contact him right now. Wondering what Kathy could possibly want, he answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Elliot. How are you feeling today?"

It was obvious that her concern was genuine, and she wasn't just asking for the sake of asking. He took a few minutes to explain that he began taking the medications last night and this morning. Also, despite the fact he ended up sleeping on the sofa, he managed to get a few decent hours. He just left out the part about Olivia sleeping in the same room with him. He didn't feel ashamed or guilty, it was just that Kathy had offered so many times to stay up with him when he'd had trouble, and he had always refused her. He didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"I talked to the kids today, explained everything to them. They all want to see you, Elliot."

He knew she would have been more detailed talking to the older children. Maureen, Kathleen, and the twins all knew something had happened at work that prompted his retirement. They also were aware that he hadn't been himself lately. It was Eli who was less likely to understand. The boy was barely three years old, all that mattered to him was whether or not Daddy was there.

"I'd love to see them, too, Kathy. But do you really think its a good idea?"

"You're their father, and they love you."

Elliot was filled with a mix of emotions. Once again, shame seemed to be the most prevalent. He couldn't deal with the fact that his children, of all people, knew what he was going through. He was supposed to protect them. Kathy's voice pulled him from his spiraling thoughts.

"If you're worried that I told them what caused you to go to Olivia in the first place, I didn't. I just explained you needed to be living in Manhattan to attend the program, and she offered you somewhere to stay."

He relaxed then. His kids didn't know that he'd been suicidal. The reason Kathy had given them was partially the truth, so she hadn't lied.

"We thought we'd come over on Saturday, if you didn't have anything planned? We could all go out for dinner or something."

Elliot hesitated. He wanted to see his family, but the thought of going out gave him pause. Plus, he had Olivia to consider. How would she feel about the entire Stabler clan invading her home? He asked Kathy to wait a minute, then put his palm over the speaker.

"Liv, is it all right if Kathy brings the kids over on Saturday?"

"El, it's more than all right. You don't need to ask my permission to see your family."

Knowing it was something he would have to discuss with her further, he simply thanked her for the time being, and returned to his phone conversation. He told Kathy that Saturday would be fine. However, he admitted to his wife that he was uncomfortable with the idea of going out. Without missing a beat, she said that was fine, and that she would think of something.

"I should be going Elliot, I'll call again tomorrow to check on you, and to finalize things for the weekend. Don't worry about anything other than yourself."

"Thanks, Kathy. Take care."

They ended the call, and it was only after hanging up that Elliot realized neither of them had said 'I love you'. He couldn't dwell on what that could mean. Like Kathy said, he needed to worry about himself right now.

* * *

Much later that night, Olivia excused herself to take a shower. While she was gone, her phone chimed with an incoming text message. Not thinking anything of it, Elliot glanced at the display. The sender was a Nick Amaro. Within seconds, her phone lit up a second time. This time it was a text from a David Hayden.

When Olivia emerged from the bathroom several minutes later, he was quick to inform her of the messages. She went to her phone, scanning them. She quickly typed a reply to the first. But, if he wasn't mistaken, a flush in her cheeks appeared as she read the second.

Deciding to err on the side of caution, he addressed the safer of the two options. It was a question he already knew the answer to.

"Who is Nick Amaro?"

Olivia sank down into the sofa cushions next to Elliot. She was trying to think of anything she could that would soften the blow. It felt so strange referring to anyone else as her partner, especially to him. For so many years, _he_ had been her partner. In many ways, it still felt like he was. Before she could answer, Elliot's voice reached her ears.

"He's your partner, isn't he?"

"Yes."

They sat together quietly. It wasn't the first time one of them had been forced to work with someone else. When she had taken the undercover case in Oregon, Dani Beck had been brought in as her replacement. Elliot would understand what it was like. The only difference was, Olivia had come back. Elliot wasn't going to. This change was permanent.

"How do the two of you get along?"

"It took awhile, especially because I wasn't ready to let you go. I have to admit I was unfair to him for the longest time."

Elliot appreciated Olivia's honesty. Again, she wasn't treating him like he was fragile. She was sensitive to his feelings, yes, but she wasn't walking on eggshells. So many people tended to walk on eggshells around him, even before his most recent break.

"Nick was just checking in. He'd heard from Cragen today that I was going to be taking some more time off."

"I'm glad you have someone looking out for you."

He waited a few beats, then asked the second question on his mind.

"Now, who is David Haden?"

This time, there was no mistaking it. A definite flush appeared on Olivia's cheeks. Plus, as soon as he mentioned the name, she bit her lower lip.

"He's no one."

He may be going through a lot right now, but Elliot knew his perception of the situation was right on the money.

"Are you attracted to him, Liv? If so, why haven't you gone out with him yet? He's _obviously_ interested if he's sending you messages at this hour."

Olivia let out a sigh, then looked him in the eye. This was Elliot after all, and while she wasn't in the habit of telling him about her love life, she simply had to tell someone. The attraction brewing between her and David had been on her mind for weeks. Especially since the Sandow case.

"Yes, El, I'm attracted to him. If you must know, the feeling is mutual. The reason we haven't gone out yet is because we can't. He's a DA."

Elliot understood immediately. Wrapping an arm around Olivia's shoulder, he offered her what support he could. She finally finds someone who she's interested in, someone who could make her happy, and she can't even try and pursue it, because it would be a conflict of interest. It was so unfair. If anyone in this world deserved to find happiness, it was Olivia.

"I'm sorry, Liv. Maybe there is a way you could work around it?"

Despite everything, Olivia breathed a laugh. Now he was starting to sound like David. Every time she saw the man, he was always trying to ask her out. She explained this to Elliot, then immediately wished she hadn't.

"You should accept next time. It's only dinner, Olivia. It's not a crime. Plus it's not against protocol if you were to disclose. He just wouldn't be able to try SVU cases."

Olivia held up her hands in surrender, calling a halt to the conversation. Even through her protests, she was laughing. Elliot did have a point, though, and it was something she would have to consider. For now, she was more worried about him.

She went in to retrieve his bedtime medication while he got to work setting up both of the sofas with pillows and blankets. When she returned, he told her it wasn't necessary for her to stay out in the living room with him, but Olivia simply shook her head. She was convinced it wouldn't be a permanent situation, just something to help him transition to staying at her place. In no time at all, he'd feel comfortable sleeping in the bed in his room. If he wanted, they could even get him a television set for in there, so he could have the background noise he needed at night. Elliot said he'd consider it, but secretly didn't want Olivia to go to any added expense on his behalf.

While Elliot was searching through the channels for something to watch, Olivia turned out the lights and made sure the apartment was locked up for the night. Then she returned to the living room, and settled down on what had only the night before been a simple loveseat. Now, it was a full size sofa, and Elliot still felt his breath catch as he remembered the reasons behind it.

"How do you feel about the classic cartoon channel tonight, Liv?"

"Sounds good, El. I haven't watched cartoons in forever."

Currently on was a two hour block of Scooby-Doo, followed by Looney Tunes. Much later, if they were still awake, there would be some Tom and Jerry to watch. Elliot set the remote on the coffee table within easy reach and got comfortable on his own sofa.

During a commercial break, his voice called out into the dark. He could tell by Olivia's breathing that she was still awake.

"Liv?"

"Yeah, El?"

Save for the drone of the television, silence filled the room as he gathered the courage for what he was going to say.

"Thanks for staying with me again tonight. I don't know that I'd have been able to ask."

"You can ask for anything, El. I just want to keep you safe."

A few more minutes passed, then he called to her again. This time, he could tell she was starting to drift off. His own eyelids were getting heavy, too, but he wanted to say his piece.

"Hey, Liv?"

"Mmm?"

Even though she couldn't see it, a grin was forming on his face in the dark.

"You _are_ going to call David Haden tomorrow, right?"

"Good night, Elliot."

* * *

Friday had been a tough day for Elliot, he wasn't sure why, but he had been feeling more depressed than usual. He ended up spending most of the day in his room, sleeping. No matter how much she coaxed, Olivia was barely able to get him to eat anything, either. Even when he wasn't sleeping, all he did was lie there and stare at the ceiling.

The only time Olivia heard Elliot speak aside from 'yes' or 'no' answers was when Kathy called that evening. She was going over the plans for the following day. His family would be arriving around noon, and Kathy would be bringing some food with her to prepare a meal. She had spoken to Olivia and gotten her permission to use the kitchen. His family was also going to bring along a movie they could all watch together after they ate.

When she'd finally been able to talk to Elliot before they went to bed, Olivia confided in him that she had indeed called David Haden. Making certain Elliot was comfortable being in her apartment alone with his family, she had tentative plans to go out with the other man on Saturday. It was nothing special, just a matinee at the theater followed by an early dinner. That was the first smile she'd seen on Elliot's face all day, when she'd told him that news. He'd encouraged her to go out on her date.

Now it was Saturday morning, and they were facing one another across the table, finishing their coffee. To Elliot, it seemed like so much time had passed since he arrived on Olivia's doorstep early Wednesday. Still, it felt like he had ages to wait until Monday when he would begin his program. He spent most of his time looking at the situation with a mixture of anticipation and dread. Right now, he was determined to focus all of his energy on Olivia.

"I'll clean up the kitchen, Liv. I want you to focus your time on getting ready for your date."

Olivia drained the last of the coffee from her mug, giving him an amused look.

"It's just a little after eight, El. I'm not meeting David until twelve-thirty. Exactly how long do you think it will take me to get ready?"

Elliot fumbled with his words for a moment, until he realized that she was teasing him. For a second, he had worried that he had talked himself into a corner, and offended her somehow. He should have known better. He felt himself smile at her gentle teasing, and swallowed the apology that was forming on his lips.

They spent their morning watching television together, and around eleven thirty, Olivia excused herself to go get ready. She was still in the bedroom getting dressed awhile later when Elliot heard a knock on the door. He got up to greet his family.

No sooner had he opened the door, he was surrounded on all sides by his children. He hadn't even been able to get out a word of greeting. Elliot was surprised his kids were even able to hug him, considering they were all carrying something. It looked as though Kathy had brought along half the house with her.

"What is all this?"

Elliot asked the question, gesturing to everything they were carrying. If he wasn't mistaken, that was a television in Richard's arms. Elizabeth had a suitcase, and Maureen and Kathleen were each holding a box. In the end, it was Kathy who explained.

"We brought you some more things from home, things I thought you would need. In addition to clothes, there are a few personal items."

She told her older daughters to put the boxes in the kitchen, then continued speaking to her husband. As she spoke, she passed him Eli, who had been reaching for his father ever since they stepped through the door.

"You mentioned on the phone that you fall asleep better when you are listening to the television, and Maureen just got a new one for her dorm. We brought the old one for you to use in your bedroom here."

Elliot was beyond touched by the gesture. Now he wouldn't have to keep Olivia up all night, sleeping on a sofa. He could actually try and sleep in his own room. Gesturing toward the room he was only just getting comfortable calling his own, he showed Richard where to put the television. With his oldest son's help, it was quickly set up on his dresser, plugged in, and ready to use.

Elliot and his sons had just joined the rest of his family in the living room when Olivia emerged from her bedroom. He couldn't help but do a double take at her appearance. She looked beautiful. Even when they were partners, he'd always known she was an attractive woman, and there were quite a few occasions where he'd seen her dressed for dates at the station. Still, he was quick to pay her a compliment.

"You look beautiful, Liv."

More positive comments followed from his daughters, and even Kathy remarked on her dress. Richard had yet to pick his jaw up off the floor. He was still staring. Nudging his son with his elbow, Elliot gave him a sharp look. He hoped he would get the message. Thankfully, he did.

Olivia smiled warmly at all the compliments she was receiving, glad that her clothing choice was appreciated so far. Now she only hoped that David would like it.

"El, could I ask you for a favor?"

"Of course, Liv. Anything."

She was still standing by her bedroom door, and he wondered why she hadn't come into the living room further yet. It also struck him odd that she was so formally dressed for what was supposed to be a simple date at the movies, then dinner, but who was he to judge?

"Can you zip me up?"

Elliot passed Eli off to his brother, then crossed the room to where she stood. Acting as though this were something she asked of him all the time, he stepped behind her, and his fingertips gripped the zipper at the center of back. Gently pulling it up to where the fabric came together at the base of her neck, he lowered his hands and stepped away. She pivoted on her heel to face him.

"Are you sure you're going to be all right if I go out, El? I can always cancel."

Again, he was moved by the lengths she was willing to go to for him. Even if it meant sacrificing her own chance at happiness. How could he have been such a fool to shut her out for so long? Thank goodness she didn't hold it against him.

"I'll be fine, Liv. My family is here, and I promise I'm not going to do anything."

She reached out and squeezed his hand. That simple gesture meant so much. It signified her belief in his words. She trusted him. Turning to Kathy and the girls in the kitchen, she instructed them to make themselves at home in her absence. Whatever they needed, they were to feel free to help themselves to. Kathy thanked her, letting her know she was more than welcome to stay. It was obvious the woman felt like she was kicking Olivia out of her own home.

"I appreciate that Kathy, maybe on your next visit."

Olivia went to the closet, with Elliot following close behind. He helped her slip on her coat, holding her hair for her so it wouldn't get caught. Then he passed her the bag she had set down on the table by the door, and told her to have a good time. With a smile, she nodded, then slipped out the door.

* * *

It didn't take Kathy long to prepare the meal for the oven. Cooking it would be another story, but no one was in any hurry. She had brought along all the necessary ingredients to make Elliot's favorite dinner – lasagne. Maureen and Kathleen helped her in the kitchen, making a salad and slicing bread to go along with it.

While Kathy and his oldest daughters were busy, Elliot was in the living room, surrounded by the twins. Eli sat on his lap. Aside from the time when he had passed him off to his older brother so he could help Olivia, the boy hadn't let go of his father.

Emotions were hitting Elliot fast and hard, and it was a struggle to keep them all at bay. If he had followed through with his plan the other day, he would have missed so many moments exactly like this one. Yes, his mind was still cluttered and muddled with so many conflicting thoughts, but one thing was clear – he loved his family more than anything.

Blinking rapidly to force back the tears pricking at his eyes, Elliot realized Kathy was calling to him from the other room. He apologized for not having heard her right away, and asked her to repeat the question.

"I asked what you would like to drink with dinner."

"Just water will be fine, thanks."

The doctor hadn't said anything to him specifically yet, but Olivia had spoken to him again about her own experiences. She had confided that cutting back on caffeine had helped significantly. Aside from the one cup of coffee he allowed himself in the morning with breakfast, he stuck with water most of the day. He missed drinking iced tea, but Olivia had promised to put decaffeinated tea bags on the next grocery order, so they could brew their own. It had only been two days so far, and the only difference he had noticed was an increase in headaches. Olivia apologized for that part, and had sworn things would get better.

With another thirty minutes still to go on the oven timer, Kathy and the older girls joined the rest of the family in the living room. Again, Elliot was seeing the benefit of Olivia's most recent purchase. By having two full size sofas, there was plenty of room for his family to sit. He wondered briefly if that had been on her mind in addition to the other reason.

Eli was getting restless on his lap, so Elliot settled him on the floor. Kathy reached into the bag she had brought for her youngest son, and set him up with some blocks to play with. The toddler would build a tower, knock it down, then start all over again. Each time he knocked a tower over, he would erupt in a fit of giggles.

Soon, the timer on the oven was going off, signaling that it was time to eat. Maureen and Elizabeth headed to the kitchen with Kathy to help her get everything set up. Richard took Eli to the bathroom so the boy could wash his hands, leaving Kathleen alone with her father.

Elliot could tell just by looking at his daughter that she had something to say. Kathleen had always been one to speak her mind. Ever since her bipolar illness became manageable, she was even more outspoken. Getting that part of her life under control had helped to free her in so many other ways.

"I'm sorry for what you're going through, Dad. But you're in the right place."

He looked at her, puzzled. Just how much did she know about what was going on? Kathy had said she hadn't told them too many details, but it seemed Kathleen's perception was right on target.

"You're not the only lucky one dad – we're all lucky to have Olivia in our lives."

Thinking that she was referring to the time his partner had saved Kathy and Eli in the car crash, Elliot just nodded his head. But that wasn't what Kathleen was talking about. What she revealed next rocked him to the core.

"I know we promised never to say anything, but I don't think Grandma will mind. Not now. You know Olivia brought her to see me when I was in jail, right? She's the reason I decided to seek treatment."

Elliot could have sworn his heart stopped for a few beats. Then, a flash of memory came back to him. He was standing in the courtroom during his daughter's hearing, and everything had suddenly gone the way he had hoped it would. When he had questioned Olivia as to what had just happened, all she had said was, _"Maybe God remembered how cute you were as a carrot."_ No matter how hard he had wracked his brain, he couldn't figure out what she had meant. Olivia had done what he could not. She saved his daughter then, and she was saving him now. No matter what he did, she just kept saving him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Lunch with his family had been wonderful. Though Elliot had spent a good deal of time still reeling from Kathleen's confession, he put in a great amount of effort to not let it show. If anything, he was grateful that she had told him the truth. The knowledge that even then, Olivia would have done anything for him or his family filled him with a warmth he could not describe. Yes, there was a lingering feeling of guilt, but that mainly had to do with the fact that he had shut her out for so long. But he reminded himself that she wasn't holding that against him, so he shouldn't, either.

After they had eaten, the Stabler family cleaned Olivia's kitchen, then settled in her living room. True to their promise, they had brought some movies to watch together. Halfway through the first, Eli fell asleep. Considering it was time for his usual afternoon nap anyway, it wasn't a concern. Elliot carried his son into the bedroom Olivia had given him to use, and lay him on his bed. Surrounding the boy with extra pillows so he wouldn't roll out, he stood there for a few moments just watching him sleep.

Hearing footsteps behind him, he turned to look over his shoulder. Kathy was coming into the room. She stopped when she was only a few feet away, and there was concern in her features as her eyes swept over him.

"How are you doing, Elliot? Is it too much for you, having all of us here?"

He heard the worry in her voice, and was quick to reassure her. The last thing he wanted was for her to think she was causing him stress.

"No, Kathy. It's been so good to see you – all of you. It's just strange, that's all."

Thankfully, she understood what he was trying to say, and didn't ask for clarification. Instead, she slipped her hand into his, and they just stood quietly side by side. Elliot hated to break the silence, but felt the need to say something.

"Kath, I want to tell you how sorry I am."

She put her free hand up to his lips, halting his words.

"No, Elliot. I'm the one who's sorry. I saw what was happening, but I was in denial. I should have done more to help you."

He felt himself getting emotional, and for the first time since earlier that day, he found himself wishing Olivia was there. It didn't seem fair. This was his wife, he should feel comfortable showing how he felt. Instead, he felt open and exposed – a feeling that was equal parts frightening and overwhelming. Sensing that the conversation was becoming too much, Kathy quickly changed direction.

"That doesn't matter now. What matters is that you are still here, and you are being taken care of. The rest we can sort out later."

Elliot nodded his agreement, swallowing down the lump that was in his throat. He was grateful to her for taking command of the conversation, something he hadn't been able to do. Together, they walked back out to join the other kids in the living room to finish the movie.

After the movie had ended, Kathy decided it was time to leave. She could tell Elliot was getting tired, and didn't want to overwhelm him too much today. With the help of her children, they gathered up what she had brought over so she could carry it down to the car. Eli was still asleep, and as he'd only been napping for an hour, chances were he'd sleep the whole ride home.

Maureen and Kathleen had each driven separately. Maureen was leaving to head back to school, as she had to prep for an exam on Monday. Kathleen on the other hand, had decided to stay with her father a little longer, at least until Olivia got back.

Everyone walked down as a group to help Kathy to the car. Elliot carried Eli, while the twins helped their mother with the boxes she had brought earlier. Hugging his children close, he told them goodbye, and that he would see them soon. Maureen was the first to leave. He spent a few extra minutes on the sidewalk with Kathy, and his wife promised to continue to call daily to check in. She also assured him that she would arrange another visit with the children again soon. The two embraced, and Elliot gave his wife a kiss on the cheek.

After everyone had left, Kathleen joined her father back in Olivia's apartment. Heading first to the kitchen, she grabbed two bottles of water, then met him in the living room. Sitting on one sofa, she left him use of the other. Elliot was no fool though. No matter how casual she tried to act, he knew his daughter was afraid to leave him alone. Opting to keep quiet about the subject, he instead asked her about school. Letting her talk about her classes would be a good way to keep the conversation going.

About an hour later, while Elliot and Kathleen were watching something random on television, the sound of keys in the door could be heard. Together, they turned to see Olivia walk in. The woman greeted both of them with a smile.

"Hi Elliot, Kathleen."

Both father and daughter stood to welcome Olivia back. Kathleen was eager to hear how the date had gone, even though she knew Olivia wouldn't be too forthcoming with details. Instead, she found another way to help.

"Olivia, would you like me to put on some water for tea? I should be going soon, but I'd be happy to help before I go."

"That would be wonderful, honey, thank you. If you'll both excuse me, I'm going to go and get changed."

Olivia started to walk toward her bedroom, then stopped for a moment. She hated to ask Elliot for another favor, especially in the presence of his children again, but like before, it really wasn't anything inappropriate.

"El, would you mind helping me again? Do you think you could unzip me?"

"Of course, Liv."

He did as she asked, then watched her retreat into her bedroom. Several minutes later, Olivia returned, now wearing a pair of knit drawstring pants and an oversized tee shirt. Her face had been washed clean of the makeup she had been wearing, but her hair still held the curl from before. She padded across the room barefoot.

Kathleen carried two cups of tea into the living room, setting both on the coffee table. One was for her father, the other for Olivia. Now that she knew her father wouldn't be alone, she felt it was safe for her to leave.

"I think I'm going to head out, Dad. I'll call you soon to check on you."

Kathleen hugged Olivia first, thanking her for everything. Then she hugged her father. Elliot walked his daughter to the door, then said his goodbyes. He asked her to text or call when she arrived back at school safely so he wouldn't worry. She agreed, then left the apartment. Elliot and Olivia were now left alone again.

* * *

As they drank their tea, Olivia asked Elliot how his visit with his family had gone. For the first time in days, she heard him talk animatedly about something. For as long as she'd known him, there had always been a certain quality in his voice whenever he spoke about his kids, and even now, it was still there. It reinforced her belief that the love for his family would be a huge support to help get him through the anxiety and depression he was dealing with.

After a time, Elliot turned to her, a curious expression on his face. She wondered what he could possibly be thinking, but he didn't make her wait for long.

"What about you, Liv? How was your afternoon with David?"

Olivia felt a flush rising in her cheeks, and knew there was no point making an attempt to hide it. Rather, she found herself wanting to confide in Elliot about how her afternoon had gone. There was no one else she could talk to about David, because the fact they had gone on a date had to be a secret.

"Well, the matinee ended up being a bust. The show was sold out."

Elliot put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. He knew Olivia loved the theater, and because of the nature of the job, rarely got to go. Today was something she was really looking forward to.

"I'm sorry, Liv. What were the backup plans?"

Olivia took a deep breath. This was the part she was hesitant to reveal. It wasn't something she was accustomed to doing on a first date, and to be honest, she was worried what Elliot would think of her.

"David invited me to his apartment. He said we could order in."

She felt his eyes on her, and hurried to explain.

"Please don't think this is something I normally do, Elliot. It's just that we were both worried about being seen together, and -"

Again, Elliot offered his support. Instead of just squeezing her shoulder, he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her against him.

"Liv, stop. You know I would never judge you. There is nothing you have to explain or justify to me. Now, go on. You said you went to his apartment to order in?"

Relaxing now, Olivia continued relating the story of her date. Once they had arrived back at his apartment, David had been a perfect gentleman. They had ordered in from an Italian restaurant nearby, and he had opened a bottle of wine to accompany their meal. To make up for not being able to go the theater, he had found a musical airing on one of the premium television channels. They sat on his sofa and watched it together.

When it had been time for her to leave, David had offered to drive her home, but Olivia declined. Even though she had been to his apartment, she still didn't want him knowing where she lived.

Elliot listened to everything he had been told, but still had a few questions. Most were trivial, about whether or not the food was good, and if she had liked the wine. But then a look of mischief crossed his face as another thought came to him. He wasn't sure if it was something he really wanted to know, or if it was because he was just so tired of being lost inside his own head, but he asked a question that he normally would not have.

"You left out something important, Liv. Is he a good kisser?"

Olivia had been taking a sip of her tea when he'd asked the question, and he felt bad about his timing. She sputtered for a moment as she choked on the liquid. It wasn't that she was offended, she didn't think it was possible for Elliot to ever offend her. She trusted the man implicitly, and he could always ask her anything. Surprised is more like it.

"Elliot!"

She said his name sharply, as though she were upset, but the tone of her voice gave her away. It was obvious she was trying not to laugh.

"I saw how you looked when you left earlier, Liv. If that man spent the better part of the day with you on a date, and _didn't_ try to kiss you, then there must be something seriously wrong with him."

Again, Olivia felt a flush reach her cheeks. This time, it was Elliot's compliment making her blush. Her voice was quiet as she admitted that yes, David had kissed her. In fact, they had shared quite a few kisses, but she wasn't about to reveal all of that.

As it always did, Elliot's anxiety intensified as the night wore on and it grew closer to bedtime. His relaxed ease from the day spent with his family slipped away. Olivia could tell that he was no longer in the mood for teasing. On his mind now was Monday, and what awaited him.

Even though his family had brought over a television for him to keep in his bedroom, she knew the last thing he wanted was to sleep in there alone tonight. However, she also knew that he wouldn't ask her to stay with him in the living room. No matter how many times she assured him, he didn't want to bother her. So, she came up with a solution.

"Hey, El?"

He didn't respond, but his eyes flicked over in her direction, so she knew he was listening.

"Why don't we sleep out here in the living room again for a couple of nights? Then, I can call the cable company on Monday, and get you set up for service in the bedroom."

A look that could only be described as relief washed over Elliot's features. Once again, she had read his mind, and figured out what he was wanting the most.

"I'm sorry Liv, I felt so positive when my family was here. Then, when I was teasing you earlier, I almost felt normal. Now, its like everything is crashing around me again."

Olivia sat down on the sofa next to him, and wrapped her arms around him.

"Elliot, its okay. We both knew this wasn't going to go away overnight. But battling depression doesn't mean you aren't allowed moments of happiness."

Still holding him close, she continued on with her explanation.

"It's not a crime to smile, to laugh even. Right now, all of your feelings are going to seem more intense."

He hugged her in return, grateful for both her words, and the contact. Allowing himself to seek comfort in his partner's embrace, he tried to let go of the guilt he was feeling for not being able to control his emotions. He remembered Kathleen's words from earlier that day, and knew he needed to talk to Olivia about it, but that would have to wait until tomorrow. Right now, he was too exhausted for anything else. He just hoped the nightmares would let him get some sleep tonight.

* * *

It was now Sunday night, and Elliot still hadn't spoken to Olivia about what Kathleen had revealed. Earlier today, they had taken some time and carried down the boxes that were in his bedroom down to the storage unit. He had tried to assure her they wouldn't be a problem, but Olivia had insisted.

Another portion of the day Elliot had spent fixing up his room some more. Among the things his family had brought the day before included some family photos. He borrowed some materials from Olivia so he could hang them up on his walls.

By now, all of his clothes were put away, the suitcase and duffel bags stored in the closet. He had pictures on the wall, and a television on the dresser. Olivia had cleaned off a section of the counter in the bathroom where he could store his toiletries. It seemed like he had officially moved in, albeit temporarily.

A knock on his door pulled his attention back to the present, and he turned to see Olivia standing in the hallway.

"Sorry to disturb you El. I was just wondering if you wanted any tea before bed."

"No, thank you, Liv."

Nodding, she went to the kitchen to prepare a cup for herself. Elliot closed the bedroom door to get changed for sleep. He wasn't sure if he was ready for the program he would begin tomorrow. Kathy had already called him tonight to wish him good luck, as had Kathleen. It meant a lot to have their support.

He knew he had Olivia's support, too. Tomorrow was originally supposed to be her first day back at work. Instead, she was taking an additional two weeks off – for him. And that was just for now. She would be driving him to Partial in the morning, and picking him up when it ended. Only when he was fully adjusted and comfortable had she said she would return to the job.

Elliot padded out to the living room, seeing that Olivia had the twin sofas ready for sleeping. Pillows and blankets were arranged on both, and the remote was ready for him to choose something to watch. His pill was sitting on the coffee table beside a bottle of water.

To his relief, the nightmares were few and far between that night. He awoke to the smell of coffee the next morning, with the television still droning. After his shower and getting dressed, he joined Olivia in the kitchen. She had a cup of coffee waiting for him, along with half a bagel.

"Thanks, Liv."

He was grateful she still wasn't pressuring him to eat. His appetite was gradually returning, but the way his nerves were this morning, there was no way he could manage much.

After breakfast, they were on their way. The Partial program was in a small six story office building near the hospital. When they arrived, Olivia parked the car and walked in with him. On the second floor there was a spacious room. There were several sofas, and even a television. Along one wall were some tables with chairs. In a small alcove in the corner were some vending machines, and a small kitchenette with a refrigerator, microwave, and even a sink. It seemed to serve as a common room for all the attendees of the program. They could spend their lunch break there, or have somewhere to wait if they arrived early.

"Elliot Stabler?"

A voice from behind them called his name, and he turned. There was a woman standing there, and she looked familiar, but he couldn't place her. Finally, it dawned on him. He had seen her in passing in Dr. Simpson's office.

Reaching out her hand, the woman introduced herself as Nicole Thomas. She was the director of the program. Elliot shook the offered hand, then introduced her to Olivia. Nicole then gave a brief outline of the rules.

"Family and friends are welcome in the common room, but not in any of the treatment areas – unless it is a family session."

Olivia didn't so much as flinch. She wasn't offended by the rules in the slightest. She was, however, relieved that she would be allowed in the common room. That gave her an idea for later today.

After going over a few more basic things, Nicole said it was time to get Elliot signed in and ready for his first group. Olivia smiled at him reassuringly. She was surprised when he hugged her then, but returned the embrace, giving him the support he was seeking. Then she stood watching as he was led away. Only then did she leave the building and return to her car.

* * *

Elliot had tried his best during the morning programs, but he still couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. For the most part, he had remained quiet, sitting back and listening while others talked. It was a humbling experience, and nothing like he was expecting. There were people here from all walks of life, yet in many ways they were just like him. Someone in need of help.

The day was divided into sessions, each lasting roughly an hour or so. There were three in the morning, a lunch break, then two more in the afternoon. His first session this morning was a group therapy, where everyone was given the opportunity to speak freely. It was meant to provide a support system, as sharing experiences could enable the patients to help one another.

The second session of the day was a skills class, where coping mechanisms were taught to deal with stressful situations. It was also a way to learn how to evaluate one's thinking and process thoughts more clearly.

His third session of the day was the one he was equally looking forward to and dreading. It was designed specifically for those dealing with PTSD. Everyone in that group was recovering from a trauma of some sort. Group members included survivors of abuse, fire fighters, fellow police officers, and veterans. This was the one group that Dr. Simpson expected him to get the most from.

Before he was even aware of it, it was noon. That meant it was lunchtime. What was he going to do? A couple of people from his PTSD group were kind enough to invite him to join them at a nearby restaurant, but he politely declined. Instead, he planned to head downstairs to the common room. Maybe he could get something from the vending machine to snack on. Tomorrow, he would bring a lunch with him. The mere thought of heading out on the city streets during the noon rush was just too much to think about.

The elevator doors chimed, and he stepped out. As Elliot set foot into the common room, what he saw completely took him by surprise. After a few seconds to recover, he realized he should have been expecting it.

Sitting at one of the tables along the far wall waiting for him was Olivia. In front of her was a takeout bag that looked to be from his favorite deli. She had not only come back to surprise him mid-day, but she had brought him lunch. He hurried to cross the room to her.

"Liv, thank you."

His words were simple. There was no point in saying to her that she hadn't needed to come, or that what she had done wasn't necessary. Especially when it meant the world to him. Granted, a simple 'thank-you' was nowhere near enough to convey the gratitude he felt, but it was a start.

Elliot took his seat across from Olivia at the small table, and offered her a smile. The weight of the morning evaporated, and he suddenly didn't want to run anymore. He was ready to refuel, then take on the afternoon.

Olivia returned his smile, then opened the bag. She laid out two sandwiches, along with two pickle spears. To go with it, there was a bag of chips for them to share.

"What kind of sandwiches did you get, Liv?"

For the first time in a long while, Elliot was actually taking an active interest in food. Sitting across from Olivia like this, seeing her remove their meal, it took him back to so many memories. So many years together, so many lunches they shared from across their desks. He wondered if their old tradition of splitting everything would still hold true.

"Turkey and Cheddar for me, Roast beef and Swiss for you. Unless of course you wanted to go fifty-fifty and split them?"

Elliot's smile was the only answer she needed. Swapping halves of the sandwiches from their wrappers, she set the food in front of him. With everything settled, they began to eat.

"How has your morning gone so far, El? Or did you not want to talk about it?"

Elliot chewed thoughtfully for a moment before swallowing. He was so touched that she had asked, even though he had been expecting her to. In truth, he had always been planning on telling her about the day.

"It was a bit overwhelming, but also eye-opening. For the first time, I'm realizing I'm not alone."

He realized his words as soon as they were spoken, and instantly felt like he had put his foot in his mouth.

"Liv, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

Her hand was on his immediately, squeezing reassuringly. There was no anger present on her face.

"El, its okay. I know what you meant."

He relaxed again, and continued relating his morning programs. Then he began explaining what awaited him after lunch. Apparently, one of the sessions was a woodworking course. It had been either that or art therapy, and that wasn't really his style. Perhaps beating something up with a hammer would be a good way to channel his anger and aggression.

By now, it was almost time for Elliot to return upstairs. He had surprised himself by eating both halves of the sandwiches Olivia had put in front of him. He helped her gather their trash and throw it away.

"Liv, will you let me buy you dinner tonight?"

"Thanks, El. I'd like that."

There were no discussions about the fact that it would likely be takeout or delivery, or arguments that it wasn't necessary. She just quietly accepted his offer. It was a start, a small way for him to show his appreciation.

Olivia stood to leave, and Elliot hugged her impulsively. Her surprise arrival for lunch today had been exactly what he'd needed to get through the rest of the day.

"I'll be here at three to pick you up, El."

"Okay, Liv. Thanks for everything."

Elliot watched her go, then took the elevator back upstairs. Only two more sessions and he'd have made it through his first day. He began to count down the minutes until he'd be back in the comfort of his temporary home with his best friend.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

True to her word, Olivia had been there at three to pick him up. The car ride back to her apartment was silent, as he felt the need to decompress after his day. Everything was catching up to him, and he was feeling a bit overwhelmed. When they arrived back home, Elliot excused himself, saying he was going to lie down for awhile. He didn't know if he'd actually fall asleep and nap, but he needed some time to himself.

Olivia took no offense to his request, and told him to take as long as he needed. She did, however, give him a mysterious smile and told him that there was a surprise waiting for him in his room. Curious, Elliot walked into his bedroom to see what she was talking about.

Sitting on the dresser just below the television was a cable box. That meant she had not only called the cable company, but likely had gone to pick up the equipment in person. Instinctively, Elliot knew it didn't mean she had grown tired of sleeping in the living room, and keeping him company. All she wanted was to give him whatever he needed to be comfortable.

Shedding the jeans and polo shirt he had worn today, Elliot swapped them out for some sweat pants and a tee shirt. Then, he crawled between the covers and let his head fall back against the pillow. Setting the alarm on his phone to go off in ninety minutes, he closed his eyes and tried to escape the thoughts that were still racing through his brain.

While Elliot was resting, Olivia also made herself comfortable. She couldn't tell him, but she had barely been home all day. Not that she minded in the least. Everything on her list today had been trying to make things better for Elliot.

After dropping him off this morning, her first stop had been with the cable company. Luckily, it hadn't taken long to add a third box to her bill, and secure the necessary equipment. Now her apartment would have three televisions – the living room, her bedroom, and the guest room.

Next on her list of errands was to stop off at the precinct. Even though she had already asked Captain Cragen for the extra time off, she wanted to check in personally. Olivia wanted her friends and coworkers to see for themselves that she was in fact okay, just that she needed some personal time. She never once mentioned that she had been in contact with Elliot, or that the man was staying at her apartment. The way she saw it, that was his story to tell.

By the time she had left the station, it was getting close to lunch. Her earlier inspiration from that morning had come back, and that was when she had the idea to surprise Elliot. She'd had this intuition that he would need some support to help him get through the rest of the day.

Elliot had indeed been surprised to see her. In turn, he had surprised her as well. It was the healthiest she had seen his appetite since he had come back into her life. Olivia knew from her own experiences that it didn't mean things had changed permanently. Likely his appetite would change as much as his mood would in the coming weeks. Nothing would keep her away from his side, though.

Olivia lay back on the sofa, the day catching up with her as well. With Elliot resting, she didn't see why it would hurt if she took a brief nap, too. She only hoped he would wake her if he needed her. Turning on her side, she curled up, and rested her head on her arm. Within minutes, she was out like a light.

Back in the bedroom, Elliot was sleeping fitfully. The mattress was comfortable, his thoughts were just getting the better of him. When he woke for the third time in twenty minutes, he was almost ready to give up. If only his mind and body weren't so completely exhausted.

Throwing back the covers, he got out of bed and picked up his phone. Walking into the living room, he was ready to ask Olivia if she would mind if he rested there instead. What he saw took him completely by surprise. Olivia was sound asleep on the sofa that had become 'hers'.

Elliot temporarily forgot about his own need for sleep. Grabbing one of the blankets, he draped it over her sleeping form. She stirred slightly, but didn't wake. Then, he took the second blanket and lay on the other sofa. Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to focus on Olivia's breathing. The sound gradually lulled him to sleep.

* * *

Elliot's cell phone alarm woke him up about an hour later. Upon opening his eyes, he saw that Olivia was awake as well. He was about to apologize for the noise when she smiled at him. That smile put his anxieties about having woken her at ease.

"Did you have a nice rest?"

Olivia asked the question, her eyes full of concern. By now, she had pulled herself up to a sitting position, shedding the blanket. Struggling with his emotions, Elliot decided to answer her honestly.

"I did, once I settled out here. I couldn't get my brain to shut up lying in the bedroom."

"I'm sorry, El. Racing thoughts are the worst. Believe me when I say they do get better. It just takes time."

Elliot nodded his acceptance. He trusted Olivia, and knew she would never lie to him. If she said it would get better in time, then it would. He just had to hope that he had the strength to get through it. For now though, he would do as was advised in group this morning. When he first heard it, it seemed cliché, but now it was starting to make sense. The adage was often used for Alcoholics Anonymous, but he supposed it applied to people in his situation, too - just take things one day at a time.

For now, he was going to focus on getting through the evening. That meant eating dinner. If memory served him correctly, he had asked Olivia if he could treat her tonight. While a part of him would like nothing more than to take her out to a nice restaurant somewhere, he knew he wasn't ready for that yet. So, delivery would have to do.

"What would you like for dinner, Liv? Don't forget, its my treat tonight. We can order whatever you want."

Olivia was having a hard time making up her mind. She wasn't really in the mood for pizza or Chinese, and both she and Elliot had had Italian just the other day. Last night, to keep things from getting stale, she had made breakfast for dinner.

"Your opinion counts too, Elliot. I don't want to make any decisions for both of us."

After a brief discussion, both of them came to the conclusion that neither wanted anything elaborate tonight. They decided to keep things simple, and went with a local place that offered both individual and family style meals. Olivia ordered them a whole rotisserie chicken and two large sides to share. The meal would also come with bread. Any leftovers could be used for lunch the following day.

Once the order was placed, it didn't take long for their dinner to arrive. Elliot paid the delivery man, and brought the food in to the table. When he got to the kitchen, he found Olivia setting the table. She was also pouring two glasses of iced tea. Catching the surprised look on his face, she hurried to explain.

"I stopped at a bodega while I was out today, El. This tea is decaf, don't worry. You can drink as much of it as you'd like."

He joined her at the table then, taking a seat across from her. As they ate, he found himself sharing more details of his day. It surprised him how good it felt to talk about it. Still, there was something that Olivia was picking up on that she sensed was bothering him.

"El, what is it? What's wrong?"

Elliot was quiet for a moment as he considered her question. He knew Olivia would take no offense if he opted to remain silent on the matter, but he found that he really wanted to confide in her. For the first time, he wanted to tell her what was bothering him, and not just keep it locked inside.

"It's nothing, really. I was just hoping to have heard from Kathy or the kids today. No one has called to see how I'm doing."

Olivia placed her hand on his, squeezing it. The action prompted him to look her directly in the eye.

"That's not nothing, Elliot. You have every right to be upset by that. It's still early yet, though. I'm sure someone will call."

She was validating his feelings, and her reassurance didn't feel like lip service. He believed her. She had a point, too. It was still early, just barely seven o'clock. As he helped her clean up from their meal, he tried to remind himself that Olivia was likely right.

Sure enough, no sooner had they finished cleaning the kitchen and made their way back to the living room together, his phone was ringing. One glance at the display told him it was Kathy. A shared look with Olivia, and she was walking toward her bedroom, giving him some privacy. It always amazed him how well they could communicate without words.

"Hello, Kathy."

"Elliot. How are you? I wanted to call and see how your first day went."

Kathy listened as Elliot related his day, starting at the very beginning. By now, it was the second time he'd described what the programs he was involved in were like, so it was much easier to talk about. For reasons he couldn't explain, he left out the part about Olivia surprising him for lunch. It wasn't that anything inappropriate had happened. Maybe it was because he thought his wife would feel bad. If they were on better terms, that was something she would do for him. Right now, even though they were civil with one another, their future remained uncertain.

After he had filled her in on what the next three months would be like, it was his turn to listen. Kathy told him some stories about Eli, and he loved hearing anything that had to do with his children. Even though the weekend was several days away, Kathy mentioned bringing the boy for another visit. The older girls would be busy, but Eli and the twins would be free. Elliot found himself already looking forward to Saturday.

Shortly after, he and Kathy hung up. She promised she would call again the next day, and every day, to check on him. No sooner had he set his phone down, than an incoming text message lit up the screen. This time, it was Kathleen. He exchanged a few brief messages with his daughter before she had to get back to studying. His spirits temporarily lifted, Elliot crossed the room to knock on Olivia's door.

"Liv? You can come out now. I never meant to chase you away."

The bedroom door opened, and Olivia emerged. She was holding a book in her hands, making it clear that she had spent her time reading, and that he hadn't bothered her at all. In the future though, he decided there was no need to ask her to leave. He trusted Olivia implicitly, and if she were to overhear a phone conversation or two, it wouldn't be the biggest thing in the world.

* * *

The days of the week passed by as Elliot quickly developed a routine. They would wake in the morning, have breakfast together, then Olivia would drive him to his program. Every day at noon, she would meet him in the common room for lunch. It wasn't something that could continue on forever, but while she was off work, it was something she was committed to doing.

Today was Friday, and tomorrow, Kathy would be bringing his children to visit. The plan was much the same as last weekend, with the exception that Kathy wouldn't be cooking. Instead, they would be ordering in. Elliot hoped than in another week or two, he would feel comfortable going out somewhere with his family. For now though, he felt safest staying in.

For the time being, he and Olivia were still sleeping in the living room at night, but he vowed to try and change that on Sunday. Though she repeatedly said she didn't mind, he couldn't expect her to carry on sleeping on a sofa much longer. It was time for him to man up, and stay in his own room. He could always return to the sofa on his own if, for whatever reason, he couldn't sleep. He planned to tell her tonight.

After his program sessions today, he had an appointment with Dr. Simpson. Olivia would be meeting him at her office. Currently he was in his last group of the day, watching the clock anxiously. He could barely concentrate on his task at hand. He was supposed to be gluing together the parts of the wood kit he was working on, so it could dry by the end of the hour.

This woodworking course he had signed up for wasn't quite what he had thought it would be. All the projects came in kits, and they were all very simple. He had imagined they would be more detailed, but he supposed they couldn't very well give them access to power tools here. Currently he was in the process of making a tissue box cover. They'd been working on it gradually throughout the week.

First, they'd had to sand the pieces, then stain them. On day two, they were able to apply decorative rub-on transfers. For reasons he couldn't quite explain, Elliot had chosen designs that he thought Olivia would like. He'd already decided in his mind that he would give the completed project to her as a gift. He knew what he owed her was far greater than this, but it was a small way of expressing his gratitude.

Today, they were assembling all the pieces. Instead of using nails or other type of fasteners, they had been given a really strong glue. It dried quickly, and was guaranteed to last. The therapist who was instructing the course also passed out bags so they could carry their completed project home.

When the clock struck three, Elliot gathered the finished tissue box cover, along with his jacket. He said goodbye to some of the faces that were quickly becoming familiar, and made his way out of the building. It was a short walk next door to the hospital, where Dr. Simpson's office was.

Dr. Simpson called him back almost as soon as he'd arrived. She knew he would be a few minutes late to his appointment, as he was coming after Partial that day. He followed her back to her office, and took a seat.

"Good afternoon, Elliot. How have you been doing since we last talked?"

Elliot shrugged his shoulders, as he really didn't know how to answer the question. In many ways, he felt pretty much the same. In others, so many things had changed in such a short period of time. Following his cues, the psychiatrist tried another tactic.

"What do you think of the Partial program so far, then? How has your first week there been?"

That, at least, was a question he would be able to answer.

"It wasn't what I was expecting, Doc. I always thought I was alone in what I was feeling. Turns out, there are a lot of people out there going through the same things as me."

Dr. Simpson nodded, more to herself than anything. This was exactly what she had been hoping for. In addition to learning coping skills, she had wanted her patient to learn he wasn't alone. But he still had a long road ahead of him. She was at least relieved that he seemed to be taking a more active role in his treatment.

They spent the next several minutes discussing the programs he had chosen, and Elliot admitted he found the routine of the day quite intense at first. Now, he seemed to be adapting to it, but it was still tiring.

"You started taking the medications I prescribed at our last session, correct?"

Elliot paused before answering. He wasn't sure what to say. Should he just answer in the affirmative, and say 'yes'? Or, should he be completely honest and tell his doctor that Olivia was the one administering the medication to him? Ultimately realizing it might be important to his treatment, he decided to go with honesty.

"I did start taking the medicine last week, Doc. But, there is something you should know. I asked Olivia to keep it away from me, and pass it out to me."

The expression on the psychiatrist's face remained impassive.

"That was a very responsible decision Elliot. While you may think it makes you weak, it is quite the opposite. It is when we recognize we need additional help that makes us strong."

She paused for a moment, then continued.

"I don't think Olivia will have to keep hold of your medication forever. One day, you will feel comfortable enough to take it on your own."

As the session neared its end, the topic of conversation shifted to how things were going with his wife, and how his family was dealing with the fact he was living at Olivia's. Elliot explained their visit the previous weekend, and the upcoming visit tomorrow.

Lastly, Dr. Simpson inquired about the object in the bag Elliot had brought into therapy with him. With the briefest of smiles, he told her it was his first completed project from his woodworking therapy group. Pulling it out of the bag, he showed her the finished product.

"What will you do with it?"

"I plan on giving it to Olivia. It doesn't even make a dent in what I owe her, but it's a way I can say 'thank you'."

Again, silence fell over the room as the doctor considered his words. Then, she asked what would be the final question.

"Tell me something, Elliot. Why do you feel that you owe Olivia anything? You are friends, are you not?"

"We were partners for twelve years. In many ways, that makes us closer than friends. We're like family."

Dr. Simpson studied him carefully, then replied.

"Do you think she is doing any of this because she expects your thanks? What if your situations were reversed? Would you not do the same for her?"

Realization dawned on Elliot then, if only for the briefest of moments. He couldn't say that his feelings of owing Olivia a debt of gratitude and more wouldn't return, but he understood what the doctor was trying to tell him. She was right, if their situations were reversed, he would do the same for Olivia in a heartbeat.

A memory came to him then, of the time she had returned after her undercover stint in Oregon. They had just closed the books on the Danielle Masoner case, and successfully arranged for Glenn Cheales to donate a portion of his liver to his wife Naomi - even though the man had been guilty. He and Olivia had been at odds for most of the case, but finally agreed on one thing. Standing side by side with her in the hospital elevator, he had declared " _I'd give you a kidney_ ". Not missing a beat, Olivia had countered with " _Not if I gave you mine first._ " So much had been spoken between them with those simple words.

Upon seeing the hint of a smile on her patients face, Dr. Simpson inquired what was on his mind. Elliot related the story to her, making her smile as well. Even during her brief encounter watching the two together the previous week, she had no doubt in her mind that they'd meant what they said back then.

Dr. Simpson closed the session, and asked Elliot to come back the following week. She also made mention of a family session in the future, once he was more comfortable with the Partial program. Elliot hesitated at that, not sure what to think.

"It doesn't have to be a direct family member, Elliot. If you'd rather just bring Olivia back into one of our sessions, that would be fine. Whatever makes you comfortable."

He nodded his acceptance then, and said he would think about it. Then he left the office. It didn't surprise him in the least to see Olivia in the waiting room. After making his appointment for the following week, they left together.

* * *

Olivia knew the day had been an overwhelming one for Elliot. So much so, that she didn't even bother asking him about it. She kept quiet on the drive back home, with only the car radio playing quietly for company.

Back at the apartment, Elliot nervously presented her with the tissue box cover he had made. When Olivia hugged him, he knew he had made the right choice in giving it to her. Normally something so simple would make him feel stupid, but after everything he'd been through, it was a major accomplishment. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been focused enough to complete a project of any sort.

That night, during dinner, Olivia noticed that Elliot was still very distracted. He barely ate any of the pasta she had made. She wasn't insulted, but she was worried. Though she knew he wouldn't get better overnight, it seemed he was actually taking steps backward in the span of a few short hours. Still, she didn't want to say anything. Instead, she opted to keep a close eye on him. If there was something he wanted her to know, he would tell her.

Elliot remained quiet up until bedtime, and broke the silence then only to ask her what she wanted on the television while they slept. Trying to find something that would put him at ease, she suggested the cartoon channel again. He tuned into the station, then set the remote down, crawling under the blanket on his sofa.

She had been lying there for about an hour when she heard it. Elliot must have assumed she was asleep, because he was being quiet. He shed the blanket and got up from the spot on his sofa, and tiptoed toward the door. Without stopping for his jacket or keys, he slipped out of the apartment.

Olivia didn't waste a moment. She didn't even bother stopping to put on shoes, instead settling for just the slippers that covered her feet. All she grabbed as she headed out the door was her jacket and Elliot's, and the keys. Then, she went down the hall to where she knew he had headed – the stairway that would lead to the roof.

Taking the stairs two at a time, she reached the top in record time. Pushing the door to the roof open quietly, that's where she found him. He was standing there in the cold, just looking up at the sky.

"I know you're there, Liv."

Olivia didn't even flinch as his voice reached her. She had already intuited that he would figure her out. They knew each other so well.

"Did you think I came up here to jump?"

There was no mistaking the hurt and doubt in his voice. She wouldn't let that go unanswered.

"No, Elliot. You just left without your coat. I didn't know how long you'd be away, and I didn't want you to get cold."

He still hadn't turned to face her. But there were questions on his mind that needed answering. Anyone else finding someone in his condition on the roof would obviously think the worst. Why hadn't she?

"Why didn't you assume the worst, Liv?"

"Because my best friend promised me he would tell me if he ever felt that way again, and I believe him."

All the emotions that had been building all day long finally came to a head. A choked sob that he couldn't hold back escaped from Elliot's lips. She believed him. Here he was, a man who had recently shown up on her doorstep with a gun and intent to commit suicide, standing on a roof, and she believed him. All because he had given her his word. His word still meant something to her.

"May I come to you and give you your jacket, El? Or would you rather be alone?"

Yet again, she was leaving the choice up to him. There was no judgment in her voice, no condemnation. If there was any quality to it at all, he heard concern. He began to feel some guilt for leaving the apartment the way he had. Olivia would have understood. All he'd have needed to say was that he wanted some air. There had been no need to sneak away like this.

"You can come closer, Liv."

Olivia stepped over to where he stood, and held up his jacket. Accepting her offer, he slid his arms inside the sleeves as she slipped it up onto his shoulders. Despite his initial wish of wanting to be alone, he was grateful for her presence. Taking a deep breath, he let loose with the topic that was bothering him the most.

"Dr. Simpson wants to have a few family sessions. She said its part of the Partial program."

Olivia didn't understand at first. As far as she knew, Kathy wouldn't have a problem participating in Elliot's treatment. His wife had been supportive this far. She stood by quietly, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I was upset by that, not because I don't think my family would go, but because I'm not sure I want to ask them."

Now it was starting to make sense. Judging by the look he was giving her, she had an inkling now of what it was he wanted. Laying her hand on his arm, she questioned him gently.

"Who _do_ you want to ask, Elliot?"

"You."

As though he had to elaborate, Elliot launched into a detailed explanation. He spoke of how she was the one who was with him day in and day out while he was going through the program. That without her help, he wouldn't have even enrolled in the program to begin with.

"Elliot, stop. You don't have to explain. Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there."

A look of pure relief crossed Elliot's face. But Olivia wasn't finished. She had another idea.

"That doesn't mean you can't involve your family, too, El. I'm sure Dr. Simpson would be happy to have more than one session with you. You don't have to choose."

Nodding his understanding, Elliot relaxed. That had been his worst fear. That he would be made to choose between his family, whom he loved more than anything, and Olivia, who had become a rock for him throughout this.

"Let's go inside, Liv. It's cold out."

"Are you sure you don't need more time? I don't mind."

His answer was to wrap an arm around her shoulders and lead her to the door. When they got back to the apartment, it was Elliot who made them some tea. Just because he was ready to come back inside didn't mean he wasn't still too keyed up to sleep. His thoughts drifted to the next day, and the impending visit from his family.

"Liv, do you have another date with David tomorrow?"

"No, El. But I can find somewhere to go while you are spending time with your family."

He shook his head then, trying to get his point across. Taking her hands in his, his eyes searched her face.

"I want you to stay."

"But El -"

Shaking his head again for emphasis, he refused to let her finish her sentence.

"No buts. You're my family too, Liv. You have been for as long as I can remember. I _want_ you to stay."

Only mere seconds passed, but they felt like minutes as Elliot awaited her answer. Finally, a smile crossed her face as she nodded.

"Okay, Elliot. You win. I'll stay."

As Elliot turned back to the kitchen to collect their tea, a new-found warmth filled him. It wasn't even tomorrow yet, but already the visit felt complete. Maureen and Kathleen might not be able to come this time, but he would have Kathy, the twins, and Eli. Plus Olivia. He'd have nearly his whole family together.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Elliot and Olivia were currently in the living room, awaiting the arrival of Kathy and his kids. Last night, just before they'd gone back to bed, he had told her of his plans. Tonight would be their final night staying out in the living room together. Tomorrow, he planned to try and sleep in the bedroom he had been given. If he had any difficulty sleeping, he would return to the sofa on his own.

Olivia had absorbed the information quietly. It was clear to Elliot that she wanted to say that staying with him wasn't a problem, but ultimately kept quiet. She was respectful of his decision. However, she did tell him that she would be leaving her bedroom door partially open. If he should need her for any reason at any time, all he would need to do is knock.

Just as Elliot was about to say something, two things happened simultaneously – Olivia's phone rang, and there was a knock at the door. When she saw who the caller was, Olivia stepped into her bedroom to answer it privately, while Elliot moved to let his family into the apartment.

"Daddy!"

The cry of his youngest son brought a rush of emotion to the forefront. Scooping the boy up in his arms, Elliot held him close. Unlike what he'd been dealing with, these feelings were all positive. His children always did bring out the best in him. As Eli put his hands on his cheeks and moved his own face close to his, Elliot felt a wave of guilt take over. He had been so close to throwing it all away.

Shaking his head in an attempt to will away the errant thoughts, he turned his attention toward the twins. After embracing each of them in turn, he hugged Kathy. Even though the questions she asked him next were innocent enough, he still felt overwhelmed by them.

"Hello, Elliot. How are you feeling today? Where's Olivia?"

Remembering one of the techniques he had learned in his skills class just this past week, he took a few deep breaths. Centering himself, he tried to focus on just one thing at a time. He reminded himself that he was surrounded by people whom he loved and trusted. A few moments later, he opened his eyes again. Offering his wife an attempt at a smile, he answered her as best he could.

"I'm hanging in there, Kathy. Olivia is just in the other room. She had to take a phone call."

Kathy nodded. Before she could respond, Olivia emerged from her room, greeting the Stabler family. Even though this was only the second weekend they had visited Elliot there, she still welcomed them warmly, inviting them to take off their coats and make themselves at home.

Elliot carried Eli into the living room, and with Elizabeth's help, got him settled on a blanket on the floor. Within minutes, the toddler was surrounded by some of the toys they had brought along for him. The television was tuned to one of his favorite programs, and the boy was captivated.

Richard, still feeling somewhat awkward and not sure how to act around his father, tried to initiate conversation. He was soon kicking himself for sounding greedy after the fact though.

"So, what are we going to do about food today?"

His mother was the first to admonish him, but his father quickly came to his defense. He didn't mind in the least. He may be going through a lot, but he did understand that some people might feel uncomfortable around him. Hell, sometimes he felt uncomfortable with himself.

"It's all right, Kathy. He's just admitting to being hungry. You did come here for lunch, after all."

Olivia intervened then, bringing over her vast collection of take out menus. There were a lot of options to choose from. After some debate, a decision was made. The order was called in, and scheduled to be delivered.

A short time later, the twins were in the living room with their younger brother and father. Kathy was in the kitchen, unable to deal with the emotions coursing through her at the moment. Olivia, trying to help, approached her.

"Kathy? Are you all right?"

Instead of calming the the other woman, her presence only infuriated her more. Who did she think she was? Kathy realized her feelings were unjustified, but they couldn't be helped. All of the emotion of the past few weeks – the past few months even – was building.

"Why do you care? You've gotten what you wanted, haven't you?"

Confused, Olivia pressed on. She had no clue what Kathy was talking about. This wasn't what she wanted at all. Elliot belonged at home with his family, healthy and whole. As much as it had hurt to have him absent in her life, she'd rather that have happened and know he was happy than to have him show up at her door the way he had.

"Kathy, I don't know what you mean. I didn't want this. I know this is hard on all of you -"

"No, Olivia, you _don't_ know. You can't possibly know what this is like."

Kathy wasn't aware that her raised voice was carrying to the other room. Elliot could hear every word that was being said. He started to make his way to the kitchen, but before he could, his wife went in for the kill. She lashed out with the most hurtful thing she could possibly say.

"He's not your husband!"

Olivia flinched as though she had been slapped. She certainly had never meant to overstep. All this time, she had believed Kathy was supportive of Elliot staying with her. It didn't mean she would ask him to leave though. He was capable of making his own decisions, and she knew he wanted her in his corner.

Still, that didn't mean she didn't feel for the woman standing in front of her. She could only imagine how it must be to have your spouse relying on someone else. Her relationship with Elliot had always been a point of contention with Kathy over the years. Not that anything inappropriate had ever happened, but their connection was difficult for others to understand.

"Mom, if you could stop yelling at Olivia for a minute, you'll want to know that Dad just left."

Elizabeth's worried voice cut into the tense moment, and everything else was forgotten. Kathy's eye's shone with panic, and she sought out Olivia, expecting to see a mirrored expression in her face. When she saw resignation and calm, she didn't know what to expect.

"It's all right, Kathy, I know where he went. Give me a few minutes, and I'll have him back. Then you and I can go somewhere else to talk."

Calmer now, and embarrassed for the way she had spoken, Kathy nodded. Still, there was something she needed to know. Calling after Olivia as the woman grabbed not just one, but two jackets from the hall closet, she waited for an answer.

"Olivia? Where did he go?"

"The roof."

* * *

Just as she'd expected, Olivia found Elliot on the roof of her building, staring up at the sky. His hands were in his pockets, and it seemed as though he was anticipating her arrival. No sooner had she set foot outside the door, he greeted her.

"I knew you'd come after me."

Before she could answer, though. He had more to say.

"Still want to tell me that this isn't all my fault? That I'm not destroying my family?"

Olivia heard the bitterness in his voice, and stepped closer. She wasn't about to let him berate himself for this. What had happened downstairs was no ones fault. Reaching out her hand to rest it on his shoulder, she squeezed gently. For the first time since he'd come to stay with her, he tensed under her touch.

"It's not true El. You aren't hurting them."

He shook his head in disagreement of her words.

"I'm hurting Kathy. Her yelling at you proves that."

Olivia moved forward again, trying to place herself within Elliot's line of vision. Right now, he was refusing to look at her. Finally, she coaxed him to meet her gaze.

"If anything, Kathy is hurting _for_ you. She wants to help you, but doesn't know how."

Absorbing her words, Elliot looked back and forth between her eyes. How could Olivia defend Kathy right now, especially after the way she had just been spoken to? Why wasn't she more upset? For that matter, why wasn't Olivia mad at him, too? In his mind, he deserved her anger. All he could read in her expression was the same compassion and concern that had been there since he'd first arrived on her doorstep.

"What do I do about Kathy, Liv?"

Olivia was quiet for a few minutes as she considered his words. She had an idea of what needed to be done, she just didn't know how it would be accepted. Cautiously, she decided to broach the subject.

"El, you and Kathy need to talk. Maybe you should ask her to your family session with Dr. Simpson."

Elliot shook his head. It wasn't that he wanted to exclude Kathy from his treatment, he just wasn't sure he was ready to involve her so deeply yet - to have her know just how bad things really had gotten. Then again, how much worse could it get? He'd already left behind a suicide note, and was currently living away from home so he could attend intense therapy treatment. And, even though they'd agreed to put all decisions on hold for the time being, she'd already suggested divorce.

"Logically, I know you're right Liv. I'm just having trouble convincing myself its a good idea."

Olivia took a deep breath as another thought came to her. It was a risk, but she would do anything for Elliot. Plus, it certainly wouldn't be the first time she was in the middle when it came to the Stabler's marriage. There had been the time Kathy had come to her to convince Elliot to sign divorce papers, and when she had gone to the woman to ask her not to leave when he'd been undercover during the Bushido case. She had even ran interference right before she'd gone to talk to Elliot's mother. That was just a handful of times. She could do it again now.

"What if I were to go with you, El? You've already asked me to join in on a session. I wouldn't have to stay the entire time, just until you felt comfortable talking with Kathy alone."

A multitude of expressions washed over Elliot's face as he processed her offer. What started as disbelief morphed into gratitude. Yet again, she had read his mind and intuited what he hadn't been able to ask her. Though his pride was encouraging him to deny her offer, he ultimately found himself accepting.

"Thanks, Liv."

They stood there for a few minutes more as Elliot processed his thoughts. So much had changed for him recently. Never before had he been a cooperative person when it came to talking about his feelings. Now, it was imperative to his recovery that he do so. Out of everyone in his group therapy, he struggled the most to participate. At least with Olivia, he felt comfortable.

It wasn't that he didn't trust Kathy. But over the past few months, he'd grown so accustomed to shutting her out in an attempt to protect her, he didn't know how to let her in. He realized he'd made an error in walking out the way he had a short while ago, and hoped he hadn't frightened Kathy or the kids.

"I'm sorry, Liv."

Olivia shook her head, indicating that apologies weren't necessary. Instead she offered up a suggestion.

"You don't meet with Dr. Simpson until Wednesday, right?"

At Elliot's nod, she continued. She'd had an idea, and she wanted to run it by him.

"Why don't we send the kids to your room for a little bit after lunch to watch a movie? That will give you a little time alone with Kathy to talk to her about your session."

Elliot nodded a second time. Not only did he like the idea, but he appreciated Olivia's understanding that he would not want to discuss anything in front of his kids. Feeling much calmer than when he'd initially come up to the rooftop, he wanted to get back to his family. He owed them an apology, too.

"Let's go back downstairs."

He rested his hand at the small of Olivia's back as he walked with her to the door, guiding her gently in front of him. Holding the door open so she could enter the building first, he followed her inside. They walked down the stairs back to the apartment. In the hallway, the pair met the deliveryman who was bringing their lunch. After Elliot paid for the meal, he and Olivia divided the bags between them. Then they headed inside to where Kathy and the kids were waiting.

* * *

Kathy was sitting in Olivia's living room with the twins. She had spent the last half hour trying to keep them, and herself, calm. The only one who wasn't worried was Eli, who was still absorbed with his toys and the television screen. What had helped Kathy was the fact that when Olivia left, she wasn't showing any outward signs of panic. Still, it concerned her that her husband apparently spent a good deal of time on the roof. How could that possibly be safe, given his frame of mind?

In addition to her worry, Kathy was also embarrassed for the way she had lashed out at Olivia. The woman was doing everything in her power to help Elliot, she didn't deserve her anger.

The sound of voices outside the apartment door pulled Kathy from her thoughts. Moments later, the door opened. In walked Elliot and Olivia, both bearing bags. Without being told, Richard and Elizabeth got up from their spots on the sofa to help. They carried the bags to the dining table and began setting up the meal. The teens had an ulterior motive other than just wanting to offer assistance – they wanted to give the adults a chance to talk.

"I'm sorry"

"I'm sorry"

Elliot and Kathy both apologized simultaneously, followed by nervous laughter. With a wave of his hand, Elliot indicated to his wife that she should speak first. Olivia tried to excuse herself from the conversation, but both of them prevented her from leaving. Elliot gripped her elbow gently, and Kathy held up her hand to halt her movements.

"No, Olivia, stay. I owe you an apology, too."

Kathy cleared her throat, then looked at both of the people standing across from her. When she spoke again, her voice was sincere.

"I never meant to upset you, Elliot. And you, Olivia, you didn't deserve my anger. If anything, I owe you my gratitude."

She shook her head briefly, remembering the harsh way she had spoken in the kitchen not long ago. If not for Olivia, there was a very real possibility that Elliot might not even be here. Knowing she couldn't say that out loud with her children within earshot, she instead opted to keep her words simple.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did. I know you are doing everything possible to help Elliot – to help our entire family. I thank you."

Olivia didn't want apologies or thank-yous. That wasn't why she was helping Elliot. However, she wasn't going to say anything about it. Instead, she just tried to reassure Kathy that no harm had been done.

Then, sharing a glance with Elliot, she encouraged him to ask what he needed to.

"Kathy, I have an appointment with my doctor this Wednesday. They want to do a family session. Will you come?"

"Of course Elliot."

Elliot cleared his throat then. He wasn't so sure she would be so agreeable when she learned what he was about to say next.

"Just so you know, Olivia will be there for some of the appointment, too. I've asked her to come. She's a big part of my recovery, and I think its important that she be there."

It was clear from the expression on Kathy's face that she was less than pleased with this arrangement. However, she agreed to what Elliot said without argument. Maybe it was because she was afraid of what reactions it would cause, or maybe she was saving it to discuss in the appointment. Whatever the reason, the situation was handled smoothly.

"Whatever makes you comfortable Elliot. Now, we should eat our lunch before it gets cold."

At her suggestion, she picked up Eli from his spot on the floor. Then the three of them walked into the other room to join the twins. They had the meal completely set up and ready, so everyone found their chairs. Before they could get started, it was Elizabeth who nervously questioned her father.

"Dad, is everything okay?"

Again, Elliot felt the waves of guilt consume him. He hadn't meant to upset his children by leaving. Before the emotions could get too overwhelming, he felt a gentle hand rest on his arm. Calming almost instantly from Olivia's touch, he was able to answer his daughter.

"Everything is fine, sweetheart. I'm sorry if I upset you earlier. I just needed to take a moment to myself to think."

It was clear the teen wanted to question him further, but opted not to. Instead, she turned her attention to the plate in front of her and began to eat. With Olivia's help, conversation was soon flowing again, and the twins were both talking about school and their personal lives. By the time everyone was done eating, Elliot was well caught up on the high school gossip.

Once the trash from their meal was cleaned up, everyone gathered in the living room. Olivia was about to excuse herself, to give the family some time together, but one look at Elliot, and she knew he wanted her to stay. Kathy took Eli into Elliot's room so the toddler could take a nap, then rejoined the group. By now, the twins had found a movie for everyone to watch.

Instead of being focused on the television, Elliot spent some time looking around the room. Though his older children were not present, he was surrounded by everyone he loved. He was so glad he had convinced Olivia to stay. Without her help, he'd have never asked Kathy to come to his appointment this week. He didn't expect everything to be solved on Wednesday, but maybe for the first time in ages, they'd actually be able to talk.

* * *

Sunday night was approaching fast, and Elliot was nervous about it. Still, he was determined to hold true to his word. He'd spoken to Olivia the other day about what he'd wanted. Though he was grateful for her offer, he simply couldn't let her keep sleeping in the living room on his behalf. He'd been in the partial program for a week now, it was time he started sleeping in the room she'd given him.

The other thing he wanted to do was start helping out more around the apartment. Olivia may have refused his offer to pay half the rent, but she had been willing to accept his help. Since she would be going back to work after this week, he thought the least he could do was start by making dinner for them sometimes.

To his relief, it hadn't taken much convincing to get Olivia to allow him to prepare the evening meal tonight. When he was living at home, Kathy always did the majority of the cooking, but he did know his way around the kitchen.

Tonight, he decided to keep things simple. It was a recipe he'd seen on a cooking show that Maureen had been watching once years ago. He poured chicken broth into a pot and brought it to a boil. Once it was bubbling, he added a package of frozen cheese tortellini. Stirring occasionally, he waited until the pasta began to float. Then he ladled it into bowls and topped it with fresh grated Parmesan cheese.

"This looks great, El"

Olivia smiled at him appreciatively as he set the bowl down in front of her at the table. He'd already brought over two glasses of iced tea and some frozen garlic bread that he'd warmed in the oven. Though she'd offered, he hadn't let her help with anything.

"Thanks, Liv. I'm sorry I'm not a better cook."

"Nonsense, Elliot. I'd have never thought of preparing tortellini this way. It's a very creative simple soup."

He finally let himself smile at the compliment, taking his own seat beside her. Conversation was light as they ate, but as always, he felt completely comfortable. When they were done eating, it was Olivia who insisted on cleaning up. Her reasoning was that it was only fair, since Elliot had done the cooking. Elliot couldn't argue with that.

After dinner, they settled in the living room together to watch something. One movie turned into two, and before Elliot was completely ready, it was ten at night. That was the time they typically went to bed. Olivia must have sensed his anxiety.

"We can stay out here again tonight, Elliot. You know I don't mind."

Elliot appreciated her offer, but shook his head. He was adamant about being on his own tonight.

"Thanks, but I need to do this. I can't keep sleeping in your living room, Olivia. You were generous enough to give me that room, it's time I use it."

Olivia nodded in agreement then. She saw no need to remind him a second time that she would be there for him if he needed her, he knew that already. Instead, she disappeared into her bedroom to retrieve his medication. After placing it in his upturned palm, she turned to head into her room to sleep since the first night he had arrived.

"Goodnight, El. I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight Liv."

Elliot watched as she pushed the door only partially closed behind her, remembering her promise to him. If he needed her for any reason, all he would need to do is knock. He was determined not to do that, though. Heading into his own room, he grabbed the remote off the dresser and settled under the covers. Taking care to keep the volume of the television on low, he lay back against the pillow and tried to sleep.

Elliot was awakened the next morning by the sound of knocking. Opening his eyes expecting to see Olivia's living room, he was surprised to find himself in the guest room. Then, he remembered that he'd come in here to sleep the night before. Picking his phone up off the nightstand, he saw that it was almost eight. He'd have to hurry if he wanted to make it to Partial on time.

"I'm sorry I overslept, Liv. Just give me a few minutes and I'll be ready."

He called out, knowing Olivia was on the other side of his door. He heard her reply, then walk away. True to his word, he was ready within a short amount of time. Meeting her in the kitchen, Elliot found a cup of coffee waiting for him. Checking his watch, he realized he had a few minutes to spare.

"Liv, I wanted to talk to you about something."

Olivia gave him her full attention, listening intently. She had a guess as to what he was going to say, and had mixed feelings about it.

"I want to start driving myself to Partial. You've done so much for me, I can't keep imposing."

It was just as she'd figured. Now, how to phrase it so she wouldn't insult him?

"El, I don't think that is a good idea."

She spoke as gently as she could, then hurried to explain before he could get upset.

"You should hold off on driving, at least until we talk to Dr. Simpson at your next appointment. I don't know if it will be a problem with the medication she has you on."

Elliot, who had started to feel anger rise in him at Olivia's initial dismissal of his idea, began to relax. Her reasoning made sense. She wasn't trying to dissuade him because she didn't trust him, it was only out of concern. He should have known better.

"You're right, Liv. I'll ask her on Wednesday. But if she says its okay for me to drive, I want to start going on my own. I'll have to anyway once you start back to work."

"I know, El. That sounds like a good plan."

That decision made, Elliot grabbed his workbook and they headed out the door. The drive was short today, and as Elliot was getting out of the car, Olivia reminded him that she would see him at lunch. He gave her a smile then headed into the building. He'd made it through the first week of his program, now it was time for week two to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note - I wanted to say that the recipe that Elliot prepares in this chapter is real. I saw it myself on an episode of Everyday Italian with Giada de Laurentiis on the Food Network years ago. Instead of fresh grated Parmesan, the tortellini in broth was topped with Parmesan crisps. I myself used to make it often before I had to go gluten free for health reasons. Now its hard to find a good GF tortellini. I just wanted to give proper credit for the recipe. :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

It was Wednesday morning, and Elliot was sitting in his group therapy session. The current topic of discussion was support systems and people who you could trust. So far, everyone had shared something personal but him. The counselor who led the group, accustomed to him not willing to talk, was ready to move on. Nervously, he cleared his throat.

"I'd like to add something."

A few eyes turned to him, but most kept their gazes averted out of respect. It didn't mean they weren't interested in what he had to say, they were just trying to keep him comfortable.

"As most of you know, I was a detective with the NYPD. What you don't know is that I worked in the Special Victims Unit."

He spoke a bit longer, detailing some more about his career and what it entailed.

"I had a partner at SVU for twelve years. She's the one I went to when I was planning to end my life."

Elliot licked his lips then, and rubbed his palms along his thighs. Now that he'd started opening up, he couldn't seem to stop talking.

"She's the one I trust the most, and I feel like absolute shit for saying that. Nothing against Olivia, because I wouldn't be here right now if not for her."

Exhaling on a sigh, he let loose what was first and foremost on his mind. The same thing that was likely to be a topic at his doctor's appointment later today.

"I should be saying that my wife is the person I trust the most. What kind of man does that make me, that I can't say that?"

He brought his hands up now to cover his face briefly, then lowered them. Facing the small group that surrounded him, he finished the thoughts on his mind.

"I feel like I've betrayed both of them because I can't be who they want me to be."

Silence followed for a few moments after Elliot had spoken. Then, the counselor spoke. She offered a few words of advice, reminding him that neither his wife nor Olivia expected anything from him. Rather, it was his own expectations that he was judging himself on.

Then, a few of the other members of the group began offering some advice based on their own experiences. It was the way the group worked. Finally, after listening to some comparative situations from others, the counselor spoke up.

"You must remember, Elliot, that you have to put yourself first in all this. It's good that you are concerned about your wife and your partner, but they will understand."

Elliot nodded then. Ultimately, he knew she was right. He'd just spent so much of his life taking care of others, it was hard to focus solely on his own needs. He already knew he had Olivia's support, and despite how she may have acted recently, he knew he had Kathy's as well.

When he met Olivia in the common room for lunch at noon, what had happened in group was still weighing heavily on Elliot's mind. Likewise, he was thinking about later today, and the session with Dr. Simpson where both Kathy and Olivia would be present.

As they ate, Elliot was uncharacteristically quiet. It had become habit for him to tell Olivia about his morning, or the two would make plans for the upcoming evening. Olivia took no offense, and didn't ask any questions. She knew what was likely troubling him. The appointment this afternoon was something she had thought a lot about, too. She hoped that her presence wouldn't put Kathy on the defensive. What mattered was that they all come together to help Elliot.

Olivia didn't hold anything against the woman regarding her outburst this past weekend. Though the words had initially stung, she knew that Kathy was just worried about her husband. No matter what the state of their marriage might be, Kathy and Elliot would always care about one another.

The food disappeared, and before either realized it, it was time for Elliot to get back to his afternoon sessions. He was about to apologize to Olivia for having not spoken much, but one look at her face, and he knew it wasn't necessary. Instead, he simply nodded when she said she would meet him at the doctor's office.

* * *

When Elliot arrived at Dr. Simpson's office shortly after three, both Kathy and Olivia were already waiting for him. He took a few minutes to embrace his wife, then went to check in. Going back to where they were, he took a seat between the two women. Turning to Kathy, he asked the question that was foremost on his mind.

"Where's Eli? Did you have trouble finding someone to watch him?"

Kathy gave him a reassuring smile. She knows he would have loved another chance to see their youngest, but it just wasn't practical to bring the toddler along today.

"It was no trouble, Elliot. Eli is at home, and Elizabeth is staying with him."

Elliot shoulders slumped with relief. A part of him was worried she'd have asked her mother, and he didn't know how she'd explain the reason for it. It wasn't that he was necessarily ashamed for what he was going through, but until he and Kathy had a chance to really discuss it, he wanted to limit the people who knew.

He was pulled from his thoughts then, when Dr. Simpson stepped into the waiting room to call his name. Glancing first to his left at his wife, then to his right at Olivia, Elliot stood. He'd spoken to the doctor earlier this week on the phone, letting her know who he was bringing to this appointment, so there was no surprise that he wasn't alone.

They settled in her office, where the chairs were already arranged in a small circle. This way, everyone could face one another without seeming as though they were facing off. After welcoming Kathy and Olivia, the doctor introduced a ground rule for the appointment.

"I want you all to try and refrain from accusations, even when not meaning to. Instead, use 'I' statements, and talk openly about your feelings."

She paused for a moment to let everyone present absorb her words, then continued.

"I know that we won't cover everything you need to talk about today, Elliot, but we can at least go over what is bothering you the most."

Facing the trio of people sitting in the circle, none of whom seemed willing to make eye contact, she posed a question.

"Who would like to begin?"

"I will."

All eyes turned in surprise to Kathy, who had spoken up softly. Olivia had been expecting Elliot to speak first. Still, she would listen to what the other woman had to say.

"I want to start by saying that I'm so proud of you Elliot, for getting help. I know that couldn't have been easy."

Kathy rubbed her palms along her thighs, as though they were sweaty. There were other outward signs of her anxiety as well, like the way she licked her lips nervously before continuing.

"What I have to say is going to make me sound selfish, and I'm trying to find a way to phrase it so it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings."

She looked into Elliot's eyes then, before she couldn't take it anymore and had to tear her gaze away.

"I feel hurt, Elliot. I know that I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I feel hurt, and I feel jealous."

The words came pouring out then, years of resentment toward Olivia that she had held in. How it always seemed so unfair that her husband could go to another woman instead of talking to his own wife.

Olivia wanted to speak then, to come to Elliot's defense. If only Kathy knew the truth. The man hardly ever confided in her – he kept everything inside. She tried to draw him out sometimes, but most often, she would just sit with him in silence. It was only since he'd shown up on her doorstep just recently that he'd truly started to open up to her.

Before she had the chance, though, Elliot was speaking up for himself. There was no anger in his voice, only the ever present exhaustion that she'd come to recognize. It still seemed as though he'd lost all the fight he'd ever possessed. She knew he still had a long road to go, but it pained her to see him this way. She hoped Kathy would see the change as well.

"Kathy, I know you imagine that I shut you out, and ran to Olivia for everything, but that simply isn't the truth. I shut her out, too. Believe me, there were plenty of times in the past that she tried to get me to talk."

Kathy's brow furrowed in concern. If he hadn't been talking to her, and he hadn't been talking to Olivia, just how many years had things been building up and festering inside? She almost wishes now that he _had_ been talking to the other woman. At least then, she'd have known he had an outlet.

"I don't understand, Elliot. If you weren't there to confide in her, why were you at Olivia's that morning?"

Elliot swallowed nervously. He cast a glance first at Olivia, then at Dr. Simpson. Both nodded encouragingly. Reaching forward, he took Kathy's hand in his own.

"I was there to see her one last time, to tell her goodbye. Olivia discovered what I was up to, and stopped me. She convinced me to seek help."

Tears formed in Kathy's eyes and spilled over down her cheeks. She had a flash of memory from that morning, to her phone call with Olivia. What was it she had said? That she had been right to be worried? That meant she really had come close to losing Elliot for good that day.

At this moment, Dr. Simpson took the opportunity to break in to their exchange. She could tell when things were becoming too emotional, and she didn't want Elliot to get overwhelmed.

"Why don't we take a brief break here. If anyone needs to step out for a minute to collect themselves or grab a drink, they can."

Elliot shook his head, but cast a glance at Olivia. Reading his wordless expression, she stood. She knew that he didn't need her any longer, and wanted to spend the rest of the session talking with his wife privately. She stepped out of the office to give them their space.

* * *

Several minutes later, Elliot and Kathy settled back in Dr. Simpson's office minus Olivia. Kathy was still reeling from what she had discovered prior to their break, and struggling to come to terms with it. How could she have been so blind to have missed all the signs? All she had seen was Elliot pulling away from their marriage. In reality, he had been pulling away from everything. Yet again, she found herself immensely grateful he had gone to Olivia that fateful morning just a few short weeks ago.

"I see that Olivia is no longer with us. Elliot, are you still comfortable to continue?"

Dr. Simpson posed the question aloud, even though she had noticed the interaction between the two moments earlier. Still, it was her duty to check in with her patient.

"Yes. I was the one who asked her here, more for support than anything. She didn't have anything to add."

The conversation continued then, and the topic of discussion moved from Elliot's current course of treatment to the state of their marriage. He hated to sound accusatory, but there was something on his mind that he simply had to voice.

"Why is it Kathy, that when things are difficult for us, your first option is to suggest a divorce?"

He went on to say how she first did it years ago, when they had hit a rough patch. To be fair, he did admit his fault in the matter, acknowledging that he hadn't been communicating openly. At the time, they had separated for a period of nearly two years, reconciling after a night together had resulted in Kathy getting pregnant with Eli.

Then there was the time he had been away undercover during the Bushido case. When he did finally return home, Kathy had yelled at him about how Olivia had convinced her to stay. Because he hadn't been in touch, she had been preparing to take the children and leave.

Now, just recently, she had suggested divorce again. Granted, there had been no bitterness or animosity in Kathy's actions, she just wanted to make Elliot happy. Still, he perceived it as her wanting to run at the first sign of trouble. Emotional now, Elliot struggled to speak. The time he'd spent in therapy all these months had given him the skills to better communicate.

"We took vows, Kathy. In sickness and in health, for better or for worse. It just feels to me that instead of seeing each other through those times, you want to run."

He shook his head then, almost in disbelief of his own words. Scraping his palms over his face, he tried not to think about the time he had used similar words with Olivia. " _I'm your partner, for better or for worse."_ It could be said he'd abandoned her just like he believed Kathy abandoned him. He couldn't think about that right now.

"I know I haven't always been the easiest person to live with, but was I really that bad? What did I do to make you always want to run away from me?"

Kathy sat in stunned silence. This was perhaps the most Elliot had ever opened up to her in all their years of marriage. She'd never realized her actions had impacted him so much. Yes, there were times while they had been separated that he had asked to come home, but she always thought that was because he had missed what was familiar.

Had she really used divorce or running away as an escape tactic that often? If she had, that made her as guilty as she perceived him to be for shutting her out. Kathy felt her face flush in shame as she recalled that morning not that long ago when she had, in fact, suggested ending the marriage. All because she thought Elliot wasn't happy with her. In reality, he had been battling a depression so severe he couldn't even cope with it.

"I'm sorry, Elliot. I never realized what I was doing."

Her apology was genuine, and Elliot leaned over to embrace her. Still, there was something missing from their relationship that they hadn't had in years. He loved Kathy, and he always would. Something that the counselor said in this morning's session came to mind. He had to put himself first.

"I think you were right with what you said when I first got to Olivia's, Kathy. We shouldn't make any decisions right now. I need to focus on myself, and I'm only just realizing how true that is."

Dr. Simpson broke into the conversation then, before things could get too emotional or out of hand.

"I think on that note, we should end things here. We've covered a lot of ground today. I also think you've both made a wise choice in not making any decisions regarding the state of your marriage right now."

She was silent for a moment, then continued.

"Elliot, you are right. You need to focus first and foremost on your treatment. I know that means you are staying with Olivia. Mrs. Stabler, how do you feel regarding that arrangement?"

Kathy cast a glance first at Elliot, then at the doctor. When she spoke, her voice was sincere.

"I meant what I said when I told Elliot he's where he needs to be. Olivia has always been there for him – she's always been there for our whole family."

There was a pause, then she continued.

"Is there a part of me that feels jealous? Yes, I wasn't lying when I admitted to that earlier. But all that matters to me is keeping Elliot safe and comfortable."

Nodding, Dr. Simpson moved on to the final topic. She asked Elliot whether or not he wanted to have more family sessions – or if he would prefer to continue with individual therapy. Before he could answer, Kathy took the opportunity to speak up.

"Elliot, forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, but I think it would be best for you if I _don't_ come again. Obviously, I will if you need me to, but I want you to be comfortable to talk freely. I don't think you can do that with me here."

The relief Elliot felt at Kathy's response was evident in his body language. He had been worried to speak his opinion out loud, for fear of hurting her feelings. Instead, she had understood perfectly.

Just as he was about to leave the office, Elliot stopped at the door and turned around. He had one final question for the doctor.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Simpson, I almost forgot. Would there be any interactions with my medications if I wanted to start driving again?"

Dr. Simpson smiled to herself, pleased that he had asked. A lot of patients wouldn't. She quickly reviewed his chart, studying the medicines and dosages he was taking.

"I don't see a problem, Elliot. You know your body best. Just watch out for excessive drowsiness from the nighttime anxiety med."

He nodded his agreement, then followed Kathy back out to the waiting room where Olivia sat reading a magazine. Elliot scheduled his next appointment, then walked over to where the two women stood. Kathy put her hands on his arms, stopping just short of embracing him fully.

"I should get going, Elliot. I'll call you in a day or two, make plans to bring the kids to see you on Saturday."

"I'll be looking forward to it."

Elliot watched as she walked out of the office, and turned to Olivia. He was immensely grateful when she led him out of the building to her car without words. The drive home was silent, but not uncomfortable. He just needed time to process everything that had happened.

* * *

Elliot lay in his bedroom, staring at the ceiling. He kept replaying the conversation with Kathy earlier today in his mind. In a way, it had felt liberating to let go of what he had told her. At the same time, he feared it would cause her to step back, and that he would lose her support. In a way, she had already done that – she had said she believed her participation in future appointments would be detrimental to his treatment.

So many other thoughts were coursing through his brain. First and foremost, he was thinking about his gun. Where exactly had Olivia put it? He longed to feel the weight of it in his palm. Not that he was necessarily thinking of using it, just craving the familiarity it would provide.

Getting out of bed, he left his room and padded softly toward Olivia's. Her door was still partially open, the way she'd been keeping it for his benefit. Though he cursed himself for overstepping boundaries, all he could think about was holding his father's gun.

The streetlights filtering into the room were sufficient enough that he had no trouble seeing. He didn't even so much as glance toward the bed where Olivia lay sleeping, his focus intent on the open closet. There, on the top shelf, was the lock box where Olivia stored her service weapon. Chances were high she had stored his gun there along with it.

It was with relief that Elliot noticed the keypad and digital display on the front. That meant that the box opened with a combination, and not a key. He figured he knew Olivia well enough that he'd be able to figure out the four digit code she had selected.

The first thing that came to mind to try was her badge number. When that failed, he entered his. Maybe that was arrogant on his part, but they weren't close partners for twelve years for nothing. Ultimately, that failed, too. He was about to attempt a third time when a soft voice stopped him.

"You can try all night, Elliot. You'll never figure it out."

Though he was expecting to be met with anger, or perhaps even indignation, her voice was gentle. His shoulders sagged as he turned around to face her. Olivia had pushed herself into a sitting position against the headboard, the covers pooling around her waist.

Mumbling an apology, he started for the door, ready to go back to staring at the ceiling in his own room. He'd only taken one step when her voice stopped him a second time.

"El, wait. Don't go."

Elliot watched as Olivia slid her body over to the opposite side of the bed. She patted the now empty space of the mattress beside her, and beckoned to him.

"Come and sit with me."

Before he even realized it, he found himself obeying her directive. He crossed the room and sat down, swinging his legs up. Resting his back against the headboard, he copied her position. When Olivia rearranged the blankets so they now covered them both, he didn't fight her.

Olivia purposely kept the lights off, figuring the dark would make Elliot more at ease. She didn't want to press him to talk, but it was important that she find out exactly why he had been searching for the gun. She needed to know if she should take him to the emergency room or not.

"Elliot, you have to know that I'm not mad at you for coming into my room the way you did. All I'm worried about right now is your safety."

She tentatively reached out her hand, laying it on top of his. When he didn't flinch at the contact, she pressed on.

"You have to know by now that I would never judge you for anything that you tell me. I just need to know – why were you going looking for that gun tonight?"

* * *

Elliot heard Olivia's question, and focused on her gentle touch. He could tell she meant what she said. She wasn't angry with him, just worried. Taking a deep breath, he decided to truly open up and be honest – just as he had with Kathy earlier today.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, Olivia. I wasn't planning anything, I promise. I just wanted to hold it."

Olivia read between the lines, then. She was figuring out that Elliot had a personal connection to the weapon that was safely secured in her lock box. Not once had she ever intended to keep it from him forever, only until he was no longer a danger to himself. He definitely wasn't at that space yet where she could return it.

"Whose gun is it, Elliot? Why is it so important to you?"

She posed the question, unsure of whether or not she would get a response. To her surprise, one came almost immediately. It told her so much with just a few simple words.

"It belonged to my father."

During their years together, Elliot very rarely spoke about his parents. All Olivia had known was that his relationship with his father was tenuous at best. It wasn't until their tenth year as partners that she had even discovered his mother was still alive. For all she had revealed about her own personal life, her partner played it so close to the vest.

"I guess when I hold it, I'm reminded of the fact that my father was right all along. I'm the failure that he always said I was."

Olivia's heart ached at that admission. She knew from personal experience that it didn't result from one isolated incident. It likely stemmed from years of emotional – and possibly physical – abuse. She was about to try and offer words of comfort when Elliot spoke up again. It seemed that the floodgates had opened, and all he wanted to do was talk.

"Do you remember the case we had with Luke Breslin? His father Pete was an old partner of mine?"

"I do. That was a tough one for you."

Elliot nodded, more to himself than to acknowledge Olivia's statement. He wasn't even sure if she could see him with the lights still off anyway.

"After the fight with Pete in the courthouse bathroom, I just had to get away. I couldn't face myself. I ended up going to see Rebecca Hendrix."

Though she was shocked that Elliot had willingly chosen to seek out Dr. Hendrix, Olivia was relieved he hadn't been alone back then. She'd tried to offer support, but he had pushed her away.

Elliot went on to tell Olivia about his appointment, relating the same tale he had told Rebecca about the diorama he had built as a child. The way his father had dictated every aspect of it, then destroyed it upon learning his son had moved one of the trees. That he had gotten an "F" on the project for not handing anything in, and received a beating from his father because 'pansies don't cry'.

Olivia moved her hand from where it rested on his to wrap it around his shoulders. This was quite possibly the most Elliot had ever told her about himself, and it was heart breaking.

"I'm sorry that you had to deal with that Elliot."

"She asked me how often I'd thought about eating my gun."

For a few heart stopping moments, Olivia forgot to breathe. Was it really possible that Elliot had been battling these feelings for a lot longer than anyone could have ever imagined?

"All I could tell her was 'suicide was a sin". Even though I honestly hadn't had any thoughts like that before. Not like now."

Relief coursed through Olivia's veins at hearing Elliot tell her that he hadn't been suicidal back then. She didn't know if she could have forgiven herself for missing the signs. Then again, Elliot hadn't known when she had been feeling that way, either. She supposed she couldn't fault herself, especially if she didn't blame him.

"I'm sorry, Liv. There is so much more I need to tell you, but I'm so exhausted."

Glancing at the clock on her nightstand, Olivia saw how late it really was. Elliot would need his sleep to make it through tomorrow. They could always talk more when he got back home.

"Sleep, El."

He moved then, as if to get up, but found Olivia pressing on his shoulders.

"Stay. You're half asleep as it is. If you get up and move to the other room, you're just going to wake yourself up again."

His last conscious thought was to concede that she was right, and he was too tired to argue. Sliding down in the bed until his head met the pillow, Elliot stopped fighting sleep. He wasn't even aware when Olivia pulled the covers up tighter around him and slipped from the bed.

Olivia grabbed a spare blanket and wrapped it around herself. Moving to the oversized chair she kept in her room, she sank down in it and made herself comfortable. Casting her gaze toward the bed, she was determined to watch Elliot for the rest of the night. Sleep could wait.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

When Elliot awoke the next morning, he was surprised that his alarm hadn't sounded. Then, he realized that he wasn't in his bedroom, but Olivia's. On top of that, he was in her bed. Memories of the night before came flooding back, and he remembered what had transpired that had led him to spending the night in her room. Turning his head to the side, he was shocked to find Olivia dozing lightly in the chair instead of sleeping in the bed next to him. That was when guilt began to set in. He'd never meant to kick her out of her own bed.

Pushing the covers away, he stood up and quietly left. He didn't have the heart to wake her, not when he knew she had likely spent the majority of the night watching over him. Instead, Elliot headed for the kitchen to start a pot of coffee brewing.

He had just finished getting dressed after his shower and was on his way back to the kitchen when Olivia was emerging from her room. Anticipating an awkward greeting, he was relieved when she made no mention of the prior night's sleeping arrangements.

"Good morning, El. Is that coffee I smell?"

"It is. Should be ready by now, too."

They reached the kitchen together, and he poured her a cup before helping himself to one. Judging from the time on the clock, there was still plenty of time before he would need to leave. Elliot was glad for that, because he wanted to talk to Olivia about something.

"Liv, I don't want you to take this the wrong way. It's not that I don't appreciate everything you've been doing for me -"

Olivia held up her hand, cutting him off mid sentence.

"Elliot, stop. Just say what you need to. No judgment, remember?"

He had brief flash to the night before, when she'd spoken those same words. Then he remembered she'd said them quite possibly dozens of times since he'd arrived on her doorstep. Taking a deep breath, he spoke up.

"I want to drive myself this morning."

Olivia opened her mouth, and he suspected it was to argue with him. This time, it was his turn to hold up his hand to stop her.

"I know what you're going to say, Liv. I spoke to Dr. Simpson yesterday about it. She said it was fine if I started driving again, as long as I had no excessive drowsiness from the medication."

Olivia believed what he was telling her, and could tell just by looking at him that he was alert and coherent enough to operate a vehicle. Her feeling weren't hurt in the slightest, though if she had to admit it, she was going to miss the extra time with him in the car. It had brought back so many memories of their years together as partners. Then, before she was ready for it, Elliot hit her with another bombshell.

"I also want to try having lunch on my own today."

This was even more of a surprise than him telling her he wanted to drive himself. After last night, she'd been preparing to ask him if he'd needed her to take additional time off work. This morning, he seemed so determined to tackle everything on his own. Opting to hold her questions to herself for now, Olivia nodded her agreement to his wishes.

"That is fine, Elliot. If you don't want to go out for lunch, there are ingredients in the fridge for you to pack one for yourself."

"You read my mind, Liv."

She watched then as he did just that, using the supplies he found to make a sandwich. He also selected an apple to take with him. In her own mind, she tried to figure out just what she would do with herself now that she wasn't meeting Elliot for lunch today. It wasn't that she would be bored, she had just gotten used to the habit. She was pulled from her thoughts when she realized Elliot was speaking to her.

"Now, you can do something for me, Liv."

He needed her to do something? Doesn't he know by now she would do anything for him? Looking at him intently, she nodded. His request, however, took her by surprise.

"Call David. See if you can have lunch with him."

Olivia sat there for a moment, stunned. It was true she hadn't seen David since their date a little over a week ago, but they had been exchanging calls and texts. He'd asked her out again, but it had been on a weeknight, and she hadn't wanted to leave Elliot in the apartment alone.

"I know you've wanted to see him again, and I know you've missed out on it because of me. Try and see him today."

He saw that she was listening, then drove home his point.

"If not today, Liv, then make plans for this weekend. Kathy will be bringing the kids here, so I won't be alone."

Even though there really wasn't anything funny about what he had said, Olivia found herself laughing. He was really trying so hard to make a good case. She couldn't argue against that.

"Okay, Elliot. You win. I'll call David."

Satisfied with her answer, Elliot gathered up the lunch he had packed. It was almost time to go. Stopping at the hall closet to put on his jacket, he noticed that Olivia had followed him. It gave him the courage to say to her what he'd wanted to say all morning. It was the first time either one of them had alluded to their conversation the night before.

"When I get home later, Liv, is it all right if we sit and talk for awhile? There is more I want to tell you. I'm sorry I couldn't say it all last night."

Reaching for his hand, Olivia grasped it in her own. Squeezing gently, she reassured him.

"Don't worry about it, Elliot. You go at your own pace and talk about what you can when you are able."

She searched his eyes with hers, then continued.

"And yes, El, we can talk later. We can talk about anything you want."

Out of impulse, Elliot hugged her in that moment. The embrace was brief, but still emotional. Once they released one another, he said goodbye, then picked up his lunch a second time and headed out the door.

* * *

Though he could have opened up about what happened the night before in one of his sessions – either the morning group therapy or his PTSD group – Elliot opted to remain silent on the matter. He wasn't trying to hide anything on purpose, it was just that he wanted to talk everything through with Olivia first. Last night was the first time he'd truly opened up to her since he'd shown up at her door, it seemed only fair that he finish what he started. Then, he could address it with his peers.

The morning sessions passed, and before Elliot knew it, it was noon. One of the members of his last group noticed him heading for the fridge in the common room, and asked a question out of curiosity.

"Your wife isn't meeting you for lunch today?"

Elliot turned to face the man, recognizing him immediately. He knew him only by his first name – Nathan. Like himself, he was a member of the NYPD. Nathan had been a patrol officer called in on a drug bust at a house with a suspected meth lab. Narcotics hadn't gotten there in time to secure the scene, and he and his partner suspected there were endangered children inside. When they'd entered the residence, they were fired at. As a result of the gunfire, an explosion was triggered.

Nathan, who had been standing by a window, was blown outside the house, and suffered a series of injuries. His partner however, along with everyone else, had been killed in the blast. The man had been unable to return to active duty, still struggling with survivor's guilt. He blamed himself for not having done more to save his partner and the others.

Returning to the present, Elliot tried to remember the question he had been asked. Nathan had wanted to know if Olivia was coming today or not. Then he realized that he had referred to her as his wife. He was met with an internal struggle over whether or not to correct him. Ultimately, he decided he should.

"Olivia? She's just a good friend. And no, she's not coming today."

Nathan opened his mouth, and Elliot already figured he was about to apologize for his assumption. Shaking his head, he continued.

"I told her to stay home. She's due back at work on Monday, so I have to get used to having lunch on my own anyway."

The other man nodded his understanding, relieved that he hadn't insulted Elliot. Still, he felt the need to offer an olive branch of sorts.

"If you want to be alone, I'll totally understand – just say so. But if you don't mind, I could sit with you?"

Elliot nodded a second time, and gestured toward the tables at the far end of the room. Nathan grabbed his own bag from the fridge, and they sat down together. They were about to eat when they both realized neither had thought to pack a drink. Laughing over their error, Nathan stood to head to the vending machines. He soon returned with two bottles of water. When he saw Elliot reaching for his wallet, he stopped him.

"This is on me. You can treat when we make the same mistake tomorrow."

Elliot nodded, signifying both his thanks and his agreement. As they ate, they talked. He was surprised how good it felt to talk to another member of NYPD. Granted, their duties had been vastly different, but when it came down to it, they were still brothers in blue.

What was so freeing about their conversation was they didn't discuss any of the things they talked about in group. They'd both definitely had enough of that for the time being, and would be getting another dose come the afternoon session.

Instead, they found themselves talking about a topic that is common for men to discuss when they are together – sports. It's a much safer subject that politics or religion, and far less taboo. Unless of course you are supporting rival teams, but fortunately for Elliot and Nathan, that wasn't the case at all. Hockey season was well underway, and watching the games happened to be an outlet and escape for each of them. Even at times when concentration seemed to be at a minimum, it was something they could focus on.

Soon, it was time to return for the afternoon sessions. Elliot realized that he'd forgotten to text Olivia to let her know how he was doing. Then he remembered she had promised him she would make plans to meet up with David today, so he was relieved that he hadn't bothered her. She had already given up so much of her personal life on his behalf, he wasn't about to take up any more of it.

Elliot headed to his afternoon sessions, which were different than Nathan's. In his woodworking class – which he had come to understand was just art therapy in disguise – he was busy working on a jewelry box. This he planned to give to Kathleen. Kathy didn't wear a lot of jewelry, and as far as he knew, Olivia didn't need one. Plus, his middle daughter seemed to have an insight into what he was going through. He hoped she would appreciate the gift.

As the day was coming to an end, Elliot checked his cell phone before going to his locker. There was one message from Olivia. She had, in fact, met up with David today. In spite of everything weighing on his mind that he had to talk to her about tonight, a smile played across Elliot's face. Olivia deserved to be happy.

Putting the phone away in his pocket, he gathered his keys and his jacket. One more day left in this week, and he'd get to see his family again. Kathy should be calling tonight to confirm the details. He hopes that she will keep her promise. That despite everything they talked about in his session yesterday, she will still support him and bring the kids to see him.

Elliot shook his head. He knew he had to push those thoughts away for the time being. It would do no good to be distracted right now. He'd only just convinced Olivia this morning that he was capable of driving himself to and from his sessions. Starting the car, he turned in the direction of Olivia's apartment, hoping she would be there waiting for him.

* * *

Olivia unlocked her door and dropped the keys on the small table as she entered. Shedding her jacket, she placed it in the closet. She was relieved to have made it home before Elliot got back. The last thing she had wanted to do was leave David, but the man had understood. All she'd explained was that she had a friend staying with her, and she needed to be there for them.

As far as her day had gone, she and David had had lunch together – eventually. When she'd called him this morning, it turned out that he'd had the day off. He invited her over to his apartment again, and she'd accepted. She certainly wasn't expecting things to take the turn that they had. One kiss had led to another, then another, and before either of them knew it, they were in his bedroom. Once the afterglow had worn off, they'd ordered in some lunch, sharing it cuddled together on his sofa.

The memories of her day still fresh in her mind, Olivia glanced at the clock. There was still plenty of time before Elliot got back. She would be able to take a shower and change. It wasn't that she was ashamed of what she had done, but she still had enough respect for Elliot not to flaunt it. They were currently roommates, after all.

Olivia had just finished changing in her room after her shower when she heard the sound of keys in the door. She'd almost forgotten this morning that Elliot still had his own set to her apartment until he had reminded her. She watched from the hallway as he set down his workbook and keys, then took off his jacket. Meeting her gaze from across the room, he gave her a smile.

"Hello, Liv. As you can see, I handled driving just fine."

Realizing that he was making an attempt at joking with her, Olivia gave him a smile of her own. She was aware that he knew she had no doubts in his abilities whatsoever.

Rather than comment on his statement, she instead asked how his day had gone. It was the first time since he'd begun the program when they hadn't had the opportunity to catch up mid day.

Elliot briefly related how the day had gone, including telling Olivia about how he didn't have lunch alone after all. She was glad to hear that, and hoped this would open the door to him finding other support systems. The others attending the programs would know just what he was going through.

It was still relatively early, not even four in the afternoon yet. Olivia knew Elliot sometimes tended to nap when he got back. He wasn't always tired, but it was a way to decompress after his day. To her surprise, he gave no indication that was his plan today.

"Do you think we can talk now, Liv, or did you have plans?"

"We can talk anytime you want, Elliot."

They settled in the living room, on the same sofa. Facing one another, Elliot tried to figure out what it was he wanted to say. He'd already apologized for last night, and knew further explanations weren't necessary. Still, he wanted Olivia to understand what had driven him to set foot in her room in the first place.

"I'm going to ask you for something Liv. I need for you to just let me talk – no interruptions. I don't know if I'll be able to get it all out otherwise."

Olivia nodded her understanding, her eyes never once leaving his face. She realized how hard this was on him, to talk like this, even just to her.

"I want to apologize to you again for my actions last night. I know I probably scared you, and you didn't deserve that."

Reaching for her hand, he took it in his and squeezed gently. He needed for her to know that he was sincere.

"I made a promise to you when I first got here that I would come to you if I was ever feeling suicidal again, and I meant it. I had no intentions of hurting myself last night."

Even though she had promised to let Elliot do all the talking, Olivia felt the need to say something.

"I know, Elliot, and I believe you. Go on."

Relieved that she hadn't misinterpreted last night's actions as a suicide attempt, he tried to figure out what to say next. Part of it felt wrong talking about what he and Kathy had discussed the day before, but Olivia was very nearly present for the conversation.

Exhaling a deep breath, he told Olivia everything. How he and Kathy had finally admitted to what was really bothering them. That he felt his wife seemed to suggest divorce at the first sign of trouble. In turn, she felt that he'd be better able to continue his treatment if she weren't involved.

It was only after unloading everything on his mind that Elliot realized he had yet to let go of Olivia's hand. She wasn't pulling away though. If anything, she was holding on to him in an attempt to provide as much support as she could. Finally, seeing that he was finished, she spoke.

"I'm sorry, Elliot. That was a lot for you to process. No wonder you were feeling so overwhelmed last night."

Yet again, Elliot marveled at how there was no judgment from his former partner. Just simple understanding and concern. In fact, when she processed that Kathy wasn't going to participate in any more sessions, she offered to go with him instead.

Feeling a large weight lift off his shoulders now that he'd confided in Olivia, Elliot was able to relax. He also realized that they'd been talking for over two hours. It was past six now, and they needed to figure out what to do about dinner.

"Liv, instead of cooking tonight, will you let me buy you dinner? I was thinking Chinese, unless you'd prefer something else?"

She rewarded him with a smile, then replied.

"Chinese sounds great El. David and I had Thai for lunch."

After making the phone call to place the order for their food, Elliot gave Olivia a knowing look.

"You'll have to tell me about your day while we Liv, I'd love to hear about it."

After she nodded her consent, Elliot disappeared into his room to get changed into comfortable clothes. He was looking forward to spending the rest of the night relaxing.

* * *

Friday morning Elliot arrived at his program a little early. He put his lunch away in the fridge and took a seat on the sofa. The morning news was on the television, and he watched with limited interest. He was still thinking about the night before.

While he and Olivia had eaten their dinner, she had told him a few details of her lunch with David. She also revealed that she had plans with him again this coming weekend, and he was genuinely happy for her. His marriage with Kathy may still be on the rocks, and its future uncertain, but maybe Olivia could finally find someone in this David she'd been seeing.

Elliot was pulled from his thoughts when he realized it was almost time to head upstairs. Just as he reached the elevator, Nathan appeared behind him. He'd thought perhaps the man was going to be absent today.

Today during the morning group, when it was his turn to share, Elliot opened up. He spoke of what happened two nights ago. Everyone was quick to offer their support and advice, as well as say how glad they were that Olivia was there for him.

When lunch rolled around, he sat with Nathan again. True to his promise from the day before, Elliot bought their water from the vending machine. Once they were settled, the other man asked him a question.

"I hope you don't think I'm being too forward, Elliot. You can refuse to answer if you want. How long have you and Olivia known each other?"

Realizing that he'd rarely mentioned his partner by name during the group sessions, Elliot understood his confusion. He didn't mind in the least explaining their connection.

"You've heard me mention during group that I went to my partner for help when I was at my worst. Yesterday I told you Olivia was a good friend. They are one and the same."

Nathan absorbed the information, feeling a pang of the ever present guilt. He thought back to his own partner who had been killed in the line of duty, and whether or not they would have ever gotten to the point of being that close with one another. Clearing his throat, he asked another question.

"How long were you partners?"

"Twelve years."

Nathan was impressed at the number. That was a long time to work with one single person. No wonder Elliot had trusted her so implicitly. Plus, he remembered that they had been in Special Victims, which only intensified their bond.

Like they had the day before, the two men soon pushed the serious discussion aside for lighter topics. There was a hockey game on television tonight, and they both planned to watch it. In fact, Nathan suggested they meet up at a local bar and watch the game together.

Elliot had to pass, as he had already promised Olivia he would watch the game with her. Plus, given his mental health and the medications he was on, he wasn't drinking right now. A bar was the last place he needed to be.

Nathan understood, and merely suggested they get together for the next game, and Elliot said it sounded like a good idea. By that time, lunch was over and they had to head upstairs for the afternoon. Elliot said goodbye to the man who was quickly becoming a friend, and said he would see him on Monday.

In his woodworking course, Elliot was putting the finishing touches on the jewelry box he'd made for Kathleen. She would be coming tomorrow. As far as he knew, it would just be her, Kathy, and Eli. Maureen had to work, and the twins were busy with an event for their school.

Those thoughts also reminded him that he had yet to talk with Olivia about what she had done for Kathleen a few years ago. Just when the timing would seem right, he'd have a setback, and need to talk about other things. Then again, maybe it was better if he never spoke to her about it. After all, from what Kathleen had said, his mother had never wanted him to know. Olivia was only keeping her secret. Perhaps he'd have to think about it more after all.

The hour came to a close, and Elliot gathered the finished project to take with him. Stopping downstairs at his locker for his coat and keys, he headed out to the car. He wanted to get back to Olivia's in time to start on dinner. Yes, the Chinese last night had been his treat, but he wanted to cook tonight. His conversation with Nathan at lunch today reminded him just how grateful he was to Olivia for all she had been doing.

He promised himself that once he was a little more stable, he would take her out for dinner somewhere. She deserved so much more than his just treating her to take out.

His last thought before he got in the car was one of fleeting guilt. He felt bad that he'd had to turn down Nathan for the hockey game tonight, and hoped that his new friend would have a good weekend. Personally, he already knew his weekend would be a good one, because he would get to see his family.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Elliot got back to Olivia's and let himself in. It was Friday again, which meant she had been back to work for two full weeks now. That meant he had been living here for a full month. Though he still struggled at times, he was aware of how far he had come.

Opting to relax in the living room today instead of resting in his room, he stretched out on the sofa that he'd come to think of as 'his', and turned on the television. Instead of focusing on what was on the screen, however, his mind wandered to what would happen tomorrow.

Last weekend, it had been Kathleen who had brought Eli to visit. That made quite a few times in a row now. The first time she had arrived with the toddler, she had said that Kathy wasn't feeling well. Elliot had been suspicious, as he'd spoken to his wife the night before and she'd not mentioned feeling ill. He'd suspected she was avoiding him after everything that had happened during the session with Dr. Simpson.

Nevertheless, he'd been having a wonderful time with his daughter and his youngest son. Kathleen had absolutely loved the jewelry box he'd given her, and promised to put it to use as soon as she got back to school. Eli was always happy to spend time with his daddy. Elliot hoped now that he was feeling more stable, he would soon be able to take the boy out places. Perhaps to the zoo or even the children's museum.

What upset Elliot, besides Kathy keeping her distance, was the fact that he hadn't seen the twins in a couple of weeks. There always seemed to be something going on that kept them from visiting on Saturdays. He understood why Maureen hadn't been to see him, she was working on a major project for school. It required practically all her time and energy. Still, she made time to call him at least every other day to check in.

What Elliot wanted most was to have another therapy session with Kathy present. He wasn't sure how he could make that happen, though, because she seemed to have removed herself from the equation. Logically, he knew it was because she believed she was helping him, but it still hurt. Yes, there were plenty of times earlier in their marriage that he had been the one to avoid counseling together. He supposed he knew now how she had felt.

He realized it was getting close to the time that Olivia would be leaving the precinct to come home. Normally, he'd start preparing dinner so it would be ready when she got in, but it had become habit for them to order in on Friday nights.

He'd been worried about her, especially since she'd had a tough case recently. One that had put her life in danger yet again. The squad had been investigating the abduction of underage escorts, and discovered a man playing a twisted game of cat and mouse with them. When they'd found him, Olivia had yet again been at the wrong end of a gun. If not for Amaro having been in the right place at the right time, she could have been killed.

This time, though, Olivia refused to take time off, insisting that she was fine, and that she wanted to work. Elliot could tell that she was still shaken, though. However, other than giving him the most basic details, he couldn't get her to confide in him. He supposed it was because she was trying to protect him. If only he could get her to see he was stronger than he had been, and could be there to support her, too.

Elliot began to think that maybe it was time to have another joint session with Dr. Simpson. This time, he would ask Olivia to join in instead of Kathy. He had to find a way to reassure her that he wasn't as fragile as he was when he first arrived. Given the fact that it hadn't been that long ago he'd been sneaking in her room at night looking for a gun, he wasn't sure how convincing he could be. Maybe when he told her he felt ready to manage his medication on his own, she would believe him.

The sound of keys in the door pulled him from his thoughts, and he turned toward the entrance of the apartment. When Olivia walked in, it looked as though she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. Without saying a word, she headed straight for the kitchen and took a glass from the cupboard. Opening a bottle of wine, she poured a small amount in the glass and drank it down so fast he wasn't even sure she could taste it.

Approaching her cautiously, not wanting to intrude, he questioned her softly.

"Bad day?"

Olivia scoffed, pouring more wine in the glass and repeating the process.

"You could say that."

Reaching out and stopping her from pouring a third time, Elliot gently removed the bottle and glass from her hands and set them down on the counter. Holding her hands in his, he squeezed them.

"What happened, Liv? Tell me."

Exhaling a frustrated sigh, Olivia looked up at him. If anyone would understand the conflicting emotions she was feeling right now, it would be Elliot. Taking another deep breath, she revealed what was troubling her.

"Simon's back."

* * *

Elliot absorbed the information as though it were a blow to the gut. Simon. Olivia's half brother who always seemed to leave trouble behind in his wake. What could he possibly want this time? Moreover, what ramifications would it have for Olivia?

Knowing instinctively she wouldn't want to talk about it right away, Elliot decided to give his friend what she needed most – time. Moving his hands up to rest on her shoulders, he tried his best to offer support.

"I know you're feeling overwhelmed right now, Liv. Why don't you get comfortable, and I'll take care of dinner?"

She looked up at him, as though she were trying to determine if he was being serious. When she realized he was, there was no desire to fight. Nodding her consent, she gave in.

When he realized she wasn't going to argue, Elliot sighed in relief. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to her forehead tenderly. Pulling back, he searched her eyes.

"How does Italian sound tonight? I'll order in your favorite pasta, and it should be here when you get out of your bath. Then you can have some more wine while you eat."

Olivia was about to protest. She hadn't said anything about taking a bath. However, his suggestion did sound good. While she may not have the luxury of turning her cell phone off and shutting out the world completely, she could at least lock herself in the bathroom for forty five minutes or so.

"Italian sounds great, El, thank you. I'll try not to take too long."

"Nonsense. Take as long as you need. Now go."

As he spoke the words, he nudged her along gently with a gentle shove at the small of her back. As Olivia moved to her bedroom, she heard Elliot on the phone, placing their order. She removed her badge and gun, locking them away. Then she stripped out of her clothes and slipped on her robe. Padding to the bathroom, she closed the door behind her. Minutes later, she was sinking into a tub of hot water filled with luxurious bubbles. This was exactly what she needed.

Out in the other room, Elliot was cleaning up a bit, getting ready for dinner to arrive. Instead of the dining table, he set a place for them in the living room, where they would be more comfortable. At Olivia's place, he set a glass of wine. He wasn't worried about her drinking, knowing that while she had some before, they weren't full glasses.

A knock at the door called his attention, and he answered it before whoever it was could knock again. The last thing he wanted was for Olivia to be disturbed. Thankfully, it was just their dinner being delivered sooner than he had anticipated. Paying for the meal, he brought it into the kitchen to set it up.

He'd ordered two different types of pasta, a salad, and some garlic bread sticks. Plating the meals so they wouldn't have to eat out of take out containers, Elliot was just carrying their dishes into the living room when Olivia emerged, looking refreshed. She was wearing leggings and an NYPD issue tee shirt that he recognized as his own. Hiding his smile, he simply served the dinner.

"Feel better?"

"Much. Thank you."

They ate in companionable silence, with the television on in the background. Neither was paying attention, however. When they were finished, Elliot cleared their empty plates and carried them into the kitchen. Before he sat down again, he checked in with Olivia.

"More wine?"

Shaking her head to indicate the negative, she passed him her empty glass.

"No, thank you. I've had enough to drink for tonight."

Nodding his head, Elliot placed it in the sink with the other dishes. Without being asked, he brought her a bottle of water. Olivia smiled her appreciation. Taking a chance, he sat down next to her. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he squeezed softly.

"Liv, do you need to talk?"

To his surprise, Olivia nodded. She let loose then, and told him everything. Why Simon was back, and what he wanted from her.

Apparently he was in trouble – again – and was in danger of losing his kids. In addition to having a stepson, he also had a daughter, whom he had named after his sister.

Elliot's heart ached for Olivia. He knew how badly she wanted a family, what it had meant to her when she had learned she had a brother. Then, it seemed the man only brought trouble into her life, only came to her when he needed something. What Olivia didn't understand was she already had a family – him. All their years together, he would have done anything for her, he still would. This past month, she had proven her loyalty to him as well. They were more than friends – more than partners. They always had been.

* * *

Elliot awoke suddenly to the harsh ringing of a cell phone. That hadn't happened to him for months. He realized he was still in the living room with Olivia, and she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. This made several nights in a row now. Ever since she'd found out Simon was back, insomnia had been plaguing her. Despite her protests, he would sit up with her at night, keeping her company. He felt it was the least he could do.

The phone went quiet, then began ringing again. Shaking the shoulder of the sleeping woman next to him, he began to call to her.

"Liv. Olivia."

Olivia stirred slightly, then moaned softly. Her hand went up to massage the back of her neck. Judging from the position she had been in, she no doubt had quite the ache there.

"What is it, El?"

"Your phone."

That prompted her to snap into action. Snatching up the device from the side table, she instantly became all business. Answering the call professionally, Olivia was up and moving toward her bedroom before she even finished speaking her first sentence. Less than five minutes later, she was headed toward the door. Her badge and gun were seated on her hip, and she was wearing a look that said she was extremely pissed off. Cautiously, Elliot questioned her.

"What happened, Liv? Is it a case?"

She shook her head vehemently, and when she turned to face him he saw the anger flashing in her eyes. It was then that he knew who was involved before she said her next words. Inwardly, he cringed.

"It's Simon. Things weren't happening fast enough to suit him, so he and Tracy had the brilliant idea to kidnap their own kids from social services."

Before he could say anything in reply, or offer any words of support, Olivia stormed out the door, slamming it behind her. He didn't take it personally, because he knew he wasn't the one she was mad at. Still, his heart ached for her. Olivia didn't deserve any of this. She was a good cop – one of the best partners he'd ever had – and every time Simon came into her life, somehow her badge ended up on the line. To make matters worse, it seemed that the man never appreciated any of it.

Though he'd gotten out of the habit during the months he'd been so depressed, Elliot said a quick prayer. He hoped that whatever trouble Simon had managed to get himself into this time, he wouldn't drag Olivia down with him.

Knowing instinctively that Olivia would not be back before he left for his program in the morning, Elliot headed to his bedroom to try and get a few more hours of sleep. As he was drifting off, he wondered when he would even see his friend next.

The morning sessions passed quickly, and before Elliot even realized it, it was time for lunch. That was when he remembered he'd forgotten to pack himself anything for today. Nathan joined him in the elevator, and they struck up a conversation.

"So, I know you don't like leaving the building for lunch, but I forgot to bring one today. I really don't feel like trying my luck with the vending machines."

Elliot tried not to laugh that Nathan was in the same predicament he was in. What were the odds that they'd both forget to bring something? Before he could say anything, the other man continued.

"If you want, I can run out and grab us something."

Though he was still wary, Elliot realized that he couldn't hide forever. It wasn't going to be anything big, just lunch. He could handle that. Worst case scenario, if the place they went to was too crowded, they could just get their food to go.

"Actually, I think I'll come with you."

Nathan suggested burgers, and Elliot agreed that sounded like a good idea. They had an hour break for lunch, so they headed down the block to a diner that most of the others from their group tended to frequent.

The business in the place was steady, but not overwhelming, and Elliot knew right away he'd be comfortable there. They placed their orders and sat back to wait. Their drinks came to the table first. As Elliot was adding sugar to his iced tea, he caught Nathan's chuckle.

Raising an eyebrow at the man, he asked what was on his mind.

"Nothing. Just find it amusing that in another lifetime we would have been meeting over beers in a cop bar somewhere. Instead we're sharing sodas and iced tea while we get our heads shrunk."

Elliot nodded. He couldn't help but agree. It was funny how life worked out. There were still days he had trouble wrapping his head around the fact that this is where he was now.

By the time their meals had arrived, they were talking about hockey again. There was another game tonight, and again, Nathan was asking if Elliot was interested in meeting up somewhere to watch it. Instead of a traditional bar, this time he suggested a sports themed restaurant. While the place served alcohol, it also catered to families, and would be less likely to be as rowdy.

For the first time in ages, Elliot was actually interested in the idea of participating in a social activity. He didn't really count this lunch, as it was more a necessity. If he could make it though something like tonight, he could easily manage to take Eli to the zoo. But what if Olivia needed him? Pulling out his phone, he sent a quick text. He didn't know how fast she would respond, but he wanted to get her thoughts. Nathan saw this and immediately began to tease him.

"Have to get permission from home?"

"Not at all. My friend got called in on a case early this morning, and I didn't want her to worry."

Nathan understood immediately. Before he could say anything else, Elliot's phone chimed with an incoming text. Nathan excused himself from the table for a moment to afford the other man a moment of privacy. Looking at the screen, Elliot was surprised by what he read.

_Locked up in the crib for a few minutes. Can you call?_

Wasting no time, he used his speed dial to call Olivia right away. She answered on the first ring. Her voice sounded defeated. Concerned, he immediately asked what was wrong.

"Simon's likely going to jail. Even if he doesn't, part of his plea bargain means that he won't get to see his kids."

"Oh, Liv. I'm sorry."

There was a soft sniffle over the phone, and Elliot gave her a minute. He didn't want to call attention to how upset she was. Olivia hated to lose control. He knew she just needed a moment to collect herself, so he just stayed quiet, offering silent support. Sure enough, with her next question, she had changed the subject.

"It sure is noisy in the common room today. Are there a lot of people eating in?"

"Actually, I went out for lunch with Nathan. We're at that diner just down the block from the hospital."

The transformation in Olivia's voice was obvious. Now he could practically hear her smile.

"A diner? Elliot, that's great! Plus, I see from your text you want to go out tonight?"

He nodded, then realized she couldn't see him.

"Yes. It's the second or third time now Nathan has asked me to meet up with him for a game. I can't keep blowing him off."

"I think you should go."

Elliot hesitated. How could he phrase this without sounding like he was hovering? Nathan approached the table, and without words asked if he needed more time. Shaking his head, Elliot told him it was okay to sit down. Then, he had another idea. Cupping his palm over the mouthpiece, he asked his friend a question.

"Do you mind if I invite Liv along with us tonight? She's had a really shitty day, and I think she could use a night out."

"Not at all. You didn't even have to ask."

Going back to his conversation, Elliot posed the question to Olivia. She hesitated at first, not wanting to intrude. When he insisted that she wouldn't be, she agreed to join in. Then, she had to get back to work, but promised Elliot she would see him at home later before they went out to the bar. Since she had gotten called in so early this morning, she was going to try and clock out around four today.

* * *

Elliot was at Olivia's when she arrived home at four thirty. He immediately questioned her as to whether or not she was sure she wanted to go out that night. Her exhaustion was evident.

"Nonsense, El. A night out is exactly what I need. But, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to take a quick nap before we leave."

"I don't mind at all."

To prove his point, he nudged her toward her bedroom. The scene was reminiscent of a few days before, when Simon had first come back into her life. Only this time, Olivia hadn't gone straight for the wine bottle.

Ten minutes later, Elliot was headed to his room for something when Olivia's open door caught his eye. He hated to intrude, but wanted to check on her. Entering her bedroom quietly, he shook his head at what he found.

Olivia lay sprawled out on the bed, still fully dressed – including her shoes. Apparently, the farthest she'd gotten in settling in was locking away her badge and gun. Once again, he was having second thoughts about her going out with him tonight, but knew better than to question her resolve. If Olivia said she wanted to go out, she would go out. Instead, he focused on getting her comfortable.

Reaching for her foot, he grasped her ankle in one hand. Sliding off her boot, he set it on the floor next to the bed quietly. Then, he repeated the process with the other foot. When that was done, he grabbed a blanket off the chair, and draped it over her sleeping form. Olivia stirred slightly, and turned on her side. Snuggling further under the blanket she mumbled something unintelligible and went back to sleep.

Checking the time on his watch, Elliot knew he could let Olivia sleep for at least two hours. She deserved so much more. He hoped she has a day off coming up soon, one where she can devote an entire day to herself.

The thought came to him then, as he was sinking down into the sofa cushions. He finally had a way he could thank Olivia – a way to repay her for everything she's done for him – a spa day. Granted, it wouldn't be able to be a complete surprise, as he'd have to work somewhat with her schedule, but he could at least treat her to a day of pampering. He promised himself to look into the details as soon as possible.

Setting the alarm on his cell phone, Elliot decided to catch a brief nap for himself, too. Things were getting better, but the long days of groups still sometimes took a toll on him. Resting his head on one of the throw pillows, he swung his legs up and let his body relax.

Before he realized it, the alarm was going off. He hadn't expected to fall asleep so quickly or so deeply. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he sat up and stretched. There was a message on his phone that had been sent within the last ten minutes from Nathan, asking if they were still on for tonight. He quickly sent back a reply, confirming that he and Olivia would be meeting him.

Heading back to Olivia's room, he decided against just calling to her. Stepping close to the bed, he placed his hand on her shoulder and shook her gently.

"Liv."

Years of brief naps up in the cribs had her responding almost immediately to her name being called. She was groggy, but still alert.

"Yeah, El?"

"If you still want to go out for the game tonight, we need to get ready to leave soon. I let you sleep as long as I could."

She sat up then, her actions resembling what his had been mere moments before. She rubbed her eyes, then swung her legs around so they hung off the side of the bed.

"Of course I still want to go out, El. If you still want me to go with you, that is."

"I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want you go to, Liv. I'll give you some privacy to get ready."

Bending low to press a kiss on the crown of her head, he left her alone. She sounded much better after her nap, as though the rest had done her some good. Maybe a night out was what she needed after all, something to get her mind off of everything that had happened with her brother.

Fifteen minutes they were ready to go. Elliot was wearing a jersey with the hockey team logo on the front, and Olivia had on a fitted tee shirt with the same logo. The place they were headed was close to her apartment, but still too far to walk, so they had decided to share a cab. Neither felt like driving tonight.

When they arrived, they found Nathan had already been waiting for them about five minutes. Since it was starting to get a little crowded, he'd taken the initiative and gotten them a table. To Elliot's relief, it was a semi-circular booth toward the back. They had a prime viewing spot of a television right nearby, but the majority of the crowd was seated away from them.

The server was kind, and when she learned they were there to watch the entirety of the hockey game, immediately told them of the daily specials. Apparently, for one price, you could get an unlimited appetizer of your choice. Elliot and Olivia exchanged a glance and a smile. They knew immediately this is what they would get. Scanning the many choices, they were about to select what they would most like. In the end, Nathan ended up going with appetizers for his dinner too.

The place was so crowded that their server had decided to bring a pitcher of iced tea to their table. Everyone was drinking the same thing, and it was easier to keep a pitcher refilled than to keep track of three glasses simultaneously. She also brought over a small bowl of lemon wedges and extra sugar packets.

The home team scored, and the entire restaurant erupted in a loud roar. Elliot startled next to her, and Olivia used the opportunity to check in with him. Placing a hand on his forearm, she leaned in close to speak into his ear.

"You okay, El?"

"Yeah, just pissed that I didn't see that goal. I was too busy adding sugar to my tea, and I missed it."

As he spoke, his eyes were glued to the screen above their heads, so he could concentrate on the replay. He didn't want to miss it a second time. He was so engrossed in the television, he _did_ miss that their food was brought to the table.

Passing him a plate, Olivia nudged him gently with her elbow. He looked over at her, and realized what had happened. Even though he'd eaten heartily at lunch, he was starving now. Now that his medication was finally kicking in, his appetite was back in full force.

Ultimately, the home team brought home a win in a shutout victory over their opponent. It was on a high note that Olivia, Elliot, and Nathan left the restaurant after paying their bills.

"See you tomorrow, Elliot. It was nice to meet you, Olivia."

Elliot shook the other man's hand, agreeing he would see him the next day. Then it was Olivia's turn, and she said it had been a pleasure to meet him as well.

The cab ride back to Olivia's apartment wasn't as bad as either of them had expected. Elliot let them inside, then turned to Olivia with a smile.

"Thanks for coming out with us tonight, Liv."

"Thanks for inviting me. I'm glad you had a good time, Elliot. I know it hasn't been easy for you to get out lately."

He agreed with her. Then said that since the past few outings had gone so well, he was considering going out with his family this upcoming weekend. All he had to do was make it through group tomorrow and his appointment with Dr. Simpson. That brought him to his next question – would Olivia go with him?

"Of course, El. I'll just tell Cragen I need to leave early."

Elliot took a deep breath, and released it. This was the next big step he was going to take – letting more people in on what he'd been going through.

"Liv, if Cap asks why you need to leave early, you can tell him. You have my permission."

"Are you sure, Elliot?"

"Yes. I'm not ashamed anymore. It's time people know the truth."

Olivia hugged him then, whispering fiercely in his ear just how proud she was of how far he'd come. Then, she said she would tell Cragen the truth- but only if he asked. Instead, she would invite members of the squad to the apartment next week for dinner so Elliot could see them in person.

"I'd like that Liv."

A few seconds later, they separated from their embrace, and went into their bedrooms for the night. The game had gone later than either had planned, and both had to get up early tomorrow.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Olivia was at her desk, waiting for the Captain to arrive. She needed to ask his permission to leave work early today. Even though Elliot had given his consent to reveal the reason why, she was still felt like she was betraying a confidence. She hoped Cragen wouldn't ask too many questions.

Fin must have sensed something was up, because he had been giving her odd looks all morning. He hadn't questioned her, though. It made sense. Aside from Munch, he knew her the longest, and would know if she was acting out of the ordinary. She made a mental note to talk to both men as soon as she spoke to the Captain. Elliot had seemed like he was looking forward to reconnecting with both of them.

She wasn't purposely trying to exclude Nick and Amanda, but it wouldn't be fair to Elliot to ambush him with meeting new people right away. Especially on his first real encounter with friends since his breakdown. Yes, he'd done remarkably well last night while they were out, but that was with complete strangers. It might be different reuniting with old coworkers.

Captain Cragen walked into the squad room then, drawing Olivia from her thoughts. As the man passed by her desk, she called to him.

"Captain? If you have a few minutes, may I speak with you? It's important."

"Of course. Come with me into my office, we can speak there."

When they reached Cragen's office, he closed the door behind them, and offered her a seat. Taking his own chair behind his desk, he studied her intently. When he spoke, his voice was gentle.

"What is it, Olivia?"

"I know I've been asking for a lot from you recently, but I need another favor. If I could leave early today, I'd really appreciate it."

Concern was evident on the Captain's face as he furrowed his brows. He knew his detective had been through a lot lately. It was a high pressure job to begin with, and she'd had two close calls in a short span of time. On top of that, the recent reappearance of her brother hadn't been easy for her. Though he tried not to let it show, Olivia had always been a favorite, and he was worried. The walls fell down as he dropped the position of superior officer, and instead spoke to her as a friend.

"Olivia, if you need to take some time off, no one here will question it. Also, no one will think less of you if you need to talk to someone. I can recommend -"

Olivia held up her palms, stopping him mid-sentence. She didn't want him getting the wrong impression. Now, more than ever, she would seek help if she needed it. Yes, it was true in the past she'd always been resistant. But after seeing what Elliot had been dealing with, she couldn't very well recommend help for him and deny it for herself. She also realized it was time to let the Captain know the truth.

"It's not me, Cap. I promise you, I'm handling everything that's happened recently without any problems."

Licking her lips, she rubbed her palms along her thighs for a moment. She reminded herself for what must have been the millionth time that Elliot had given his permission for this.

"It's Elliot. He's been staying with me for the last month, and I've been helping him."

When she realized that Cragen wasn't going to interrupt her story, she detailed what had initially brought Elliot to her door. While she kept the information brief, Olivia did make the Captain aware that he was in a therapy program.

"He has an appointment this afternoon, and he's asked me to be present for it. I told him I would do whatever I could to be there."

Nodding firmly, Cragen made sure to show his support. He'd had no idea his former detective had been in such a bad way. If he had known, he would have done whatever he could to help.

"You will be. Take off as early as you need, Liv. I'll cover for you myself, if necessary."

"Thank you, Captain."

* * *

Traffic was heavy, but Olivia met Elliot just in time for his appointment with Dr. Simpson. No sooner had they been seated in the waiting room, than she was calling them back to her office.

"Welcome back, Elliot. Olivia, nice to see you again."

She greeted the two as they both found their seats and made themselves comfortable. It was evident from Elliot's body language that he was nervous. Mentally, he was thinking about the last family session he'd had – with Kathy. Today, he planned to discuss with Olivia about the fact that she'd been protecting him too much. He was a little worried about how that would go.

"Who wants to start today?"

"I will."

It was Elliot who spoke up first, and though he was hesitant, he reminded himself that this was Olivia. His partner of twelve years, his best friend. He could talk to her about anything. So he did.

Practically forgetting that the doctor was in the room with them, he faced Olivia head on and told her everything. That he felt she was holding back on him with what was bothering her in an attempt to protect him. While he appreciated it, he didn't need her to treat him with kid gloves anymore.

"Your life has been in danger, Liv. Twice now in a span of not more than a month's time. I know from my own time on the job that it's not always that easy to just shrug off."

Reaching for her hand now, he took it in both of his.

"The most you opened up to me was when Simon came back. Part of me thinks the only reason you did that is because I know your history with him."

Squeezing her hand now, he encouraged her to look at him.

"I'm getting stronger, Liv. You can lean on me, too. I promise you I will tell you if it ever gets to be more than I can handle. Let me be there for you – like I used to be."

Olivia sat there, having absorbed everything he was trying to tell her. She felt a wave of guilt as she realized he was right. She _had_ been trying to protect him. Not once had it ever come from lack of trust, but she had worried that piling her problems on top of his own would have been too much.

"You're right, Elliot."

Her soft spoken reply filled the room in the wake of Elliot's statements. Dr. Simpson said nothing, just sat quietly by ready to mediate if necessary. For now, she was willing to let the two talk it out on their own. Their communication skills seemed strong for the time being though, so she was not about to intervene.

"I have been trying to protect you. It wasn't until you told me just now that I realized how much."

She shifted in her chair then, turning so she faced him more fully. Reaching her other hand out to him, he took it without question. They were now sitting so close their knees were almost touching, and they were holding tightly to each others hands.

"Please understand, it never once had to do with me not trusting you. I wanted to tell you in the worst way. But if it would have impacted you negatively, or caused you to have a setback, I'd have never forgiven myself."

Seeing the flash of recognition on Elliot's face, she continued.

"You've come so far in the past few weeks, Elliot. You're driving yourself to group now – you had your first outing in public just last night."

The frustration Elliot had felt over Olivia trying to protect him began to fade. He understood now where she was going with this. Sure enough, her next words proved him correct.

"You've said it yourself, El. You have to focus on yourself right now. I can't have you worrying about me, too."

Now it was his turn to break in. There was no hint of anger in his voice as he gently admonished her.

"Don't you know that I will always worry about you, Liv?"

"I'll always worry about you, too."

The sound of a clearing throat caught the attention of both of them, and they turned to face the doctor. She was watching them with a kind smile on her face.

"I think I understand what is going on here, and you've both done a fine job of discussing things. Maybe we can move forward and come up with a plan to avoid future misunderstandings?"

Elliot and Olivia both nodded. Then, the doctor spoke again.

"Elliot, what are some things Olivia can do to help you?"

"I know from my own experience that she can't always talk about the cases. I don't expect her to. But, if something about a case impacts her – either positively or negatively – I want her to know she can come to me."

He was quiet for a moment, then added something else.

"Also, if she's at risk, I want her to tell me. I can't say I won't worry, but I will understand. I worked by her side for all those years, I know the nature of the job."

Dr. Simpson turned to Olivia then, who had taken in everything Elliot had to say. When she questioned the other woman, her voice was firm, but gentle.

"Olivia, do you think you can do that?"

"Yes. At least, I will try."

"That's all I ask, Liv."

Elliot piped up a final response from his seat, squeezing her hand, which he still had yet to let go of.

The topic of conversation moved on then, as Elliot wanted to discuss being in charge of his own medication. Dr. Simpson was pleased he felt ready to take on such a responsibility, but didn't want him to overwhelm himself by taking on too much all at once. Her suggestion was that he get a pill case from the pharmacy that would hold a week's supply at a time. If he could successfully manage that for the next month, then he could move on to having the medications in his room at all times.

Finally, they talked about something positive. Elliot told the doctor how he was able to go out not just once the day before, but twice. First for lunch with his friend from group, and again to watch the hockey game. His plans were to go out with his family this weekend, and to continue to go out for lunch daily. If all went well, he wanted to take his youngest son to the zoo.

"That is wonderful, Elliot. You are making great progress. I can remember when I first started seeing you, you didn't want to go out at all."

On that note, the session was coming to a close, as they were running out of time. One final question Dr. Simpson asked Elliot was how things were going with his wife.

"I think she's avoiding me, doc. She hasn't brought my son to visit for a couple of weekends now – it's one of my older daughters who brings him."

He took a breath, then continued.

"I've tried calling her, but I don't get a response. We haven't had a real conversation since we were here in your office."

Dr. Simpson considered that for a moment, then answered.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Elliot. If you can get her to talk to you, try. You've learned how much it helps to communicate openly. Also, if you think it would help to have a mediator, I'd be willing to work with both of you again."

"Thank you."

At that, both Elliot and Olivia stood. They shook hands with the doctor, and made their way back to the waiting room. Once there, Elliot scheduled an appointment for the following week. Then he and Olivia headed out. Since they had driven separately, he couldn't do as he'd like, and offer to take her dinner on the way home. He planned to take her out sometime soon, though. Plus, he still had to get the ball rolling on his plan of treating her to a spa day. Maybe after this weekend was over, he'd look into that some more.

* * *

The weekend passed quickly, but Elliot had had a wonderful time. Yet again, he'd not heard from Kathy, but he'd had all of his children come to visit. Maureen had completed her school project, so she and Kathleen had brought Eli and the twins to Olivia's apartment. It turned out the twins had started new jobs recently, and this was the first time they had been able to have a weekend off.

He had invited Olivia to join them, but she was spending the day with David. So, it had just been him and his kids as they ventured out into Manhattan. First, they went to lunch at a local restaurant, then they took in a movie. While the restaurant and the theater were on the crowded side, Elliot handled both just fine. He was touched at the way his older children kept checking in with him, but in reality, it felt good to be out with his family again.

By the time Olivia had returned later that evening, the kids had already been gone for a couple of hours. He had been passing the time lounging on the sofa watching television. Something crossed his mind, but it took him until now, Sunday night, to get the courage to discuss it with her.

"Liv?"

"Yeah, El?"

He cleared his throat, and tried not to feel so awkward. They were both adults, after all. Plus, it went back to their conversation in Dr. Simpson's office on Friday. He had to know Liv trusted him again.

"Can I talk to you about something?"

She immediately set down the book she had been reading, and gave him her undivided attention.

"Please don't take this the wrong way. I wanted you to know that if you ever wanted to spend the night at David's place, or have him stay here, I would be okay with it."

A look he couldn't quite read passed across Olivia's face for only a fraction of a second before disappearing again.

"El, I appreciate that, but it's not necessary. I want you to understand that it has nothing whatsoever to do with me not trusting you here on your own."

"David and I are still seeing one another in secret. We haven't disclosed yet. I don't know if we're going to. We're trying to figure out where we're headed with one another."

Elliot knew she was speaking the truth. He appreciated her honesty, and also knew that he was the only one who knew about David. He'd never break her trust. Plus, he knew that she trusted him being there on his own. There had been plenty of late night cases and early morning calls since she had gone back to work.

"Okay, Liv. I just wanted you to know."

"Thanks, El."

She disappeared into the bedroom then, and returned about five minutes later, giving him a pill case with two sides. One was for morning, the other for evening. It was filled for the upcoming week.

He stood then, and hugged her goodnight. In the past few weeks, it had become common practice for them to do so. They hugged often, now, actually. At night before going to bed, and in the morning before they left for the day. Sometimes they even hugged one another when Olivia got home from work. It was funny, all those years they had spent keeping one another at arms length, and they were so close now.

Elliot wasn't far behind Olivia in going to his own room. His sleep patterns were pretty decent now. It was true, he still needed the television on for background noise, but he hadn't needed to come out to the living room for a long while now. Not since before the night he'd ended up in Olivia's room looking for the gun.

Monday's programs at group went quickly. As he had been doing, he went out to lunch with Nathan. His friend seemed different today, though. Something was wrong, and he hoped it was nothing more than just a bad day.

Monday night, Olivia was due home. Elliot was in the kitchen, and dinner was almost ready. He heard the sound of keys in the lock, and watched as she came in the door. One look at her face told him dinner would have to wait. He turned the oven to the lowest setting to keep their food warm and hurried over to her.

"Liv, what is it?"

It seemed Olivia had taken their conversation with Dr. Simpson the week before to heart. Wrapping her arms around him, she rested her head against his chest. Even more concerned now, he held on to her tightly. Questioning her a second time, he asked what was bothering her.

"I may be the reason an innocent man is in jail."

For several agonizing moments, Elliot didn't know what to say. Then he remembered his own situation with Victor Tate. If, for whatever reason, some mistake had caused Olivia to put an innocent man behind bars, it was not her fault. He also knew she would do everything in her power to make it right.

He tried to coax her into eating, saying she could tell him all about it over dinner. Olivia wouldn't budge. Over her apologies, she insisted she wasn't hungry. Knowing better than to fight her on this issue, Elliot offered to make her a cup of tea instead. To his relief, she accepted that much. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he nudged her toward her bedroom so she could get changed.

As he waited for her to return, he decided he wouldn't pressure her to talk tonight. He knew from his own experiences that after hearing news like that, you just needed time to process it. He would, however, sit by her side and show support. If she chose to talk, he would listen.

In the end, she hadn't wanted to talk. She had accepted physical comfort from him though. He'd sat by her side and wrapped an arm around her, and she'd leaned against his shoulder. They'd sat quietly together while she sipped her tea. Afterward, she excused herself to go into bed. He knew instinctively she wasn't going to sleep, but also knew she needed some time to herself.

As the week went on, Elliot went to his program daily. At night, he'd come home and offer Olivia his support. As the details continued to unravel, she'd learned the truth – a critical piece of evidence had been logged in by a uniformed officer. During one of the interrogations, she'd questioned the suspect about that evidence, and when they had admitted to owning it, it was taken as an admission of guilt.

However, it was since discovered that the officer in question was red-green colorblind, and had logged the item incorrectly. Olivia had never seen it personally, only gone off the evidence voucher. Because of this, a man had spent years in prison. She'd been able to get him released, but still carried the guilt within. She was doubting herself – doubting her abilities as a cop.

To make matters worse, the case had opened up a can of worms for SVU as a whole. The Integrity Unit would be looking into all of their cases now. David Hayden had been asked to head up the unit. Since he and Olivia had never disclosed, their relationship couldn't be made public now. Ultimately, he had chosen to take the job.

Olivia came home from what was supposed to be a night out with David, one of their first in public. They were sharing a drink together in a local bar. By the end of it, they'd agreed not to see one another any more. As she'd said, they'd never disclosed, so the relationship had never really happened.

Elliot had been sitting on the sofa when he heard the door open. Surprised to see her back so early, especially when things were starting to look up for her again, he met her at the door. She'd hugged him then, and confessed that she and David were done.

"He chose the job over me."

That was all Olivia could say. Even though she knew she had encouraged David that he couldn't throw away this opportunity, she had hoped she had finally found someone who would put her first. Now, the time they had together was reduced to nothing. They could never mention it to anyone.

From the moment he heard the news, all Elliot was concerned about was helping Olivia. Keeping an arm wrapped around her shoulders, he led her to the sofa. There, he held her close. He wouldn't make the same mistake as he had when she had broken up with Kurt Moss. He wasn't going to just share a beer with her then leave her on her own, claiming he needed to get back to his family. He still kicked himself for having been such an ass back then. She'd gone so far as to ask him to be there for her, and he'd shrugged it off. All because he'd believed her when she said she was 'fine'.

Since when did 'fine' mean anything but, especially coming from Olivia Benson? It was a diversion, a stall tactic. He out of anybody should know better. He wouldn't make that mistake again.

* * *

Olivia and Elliot sat side by side on the sofa. His arm was still wrapped around her. They hadn't moved from their position since she had arrived home more than an hour ago. He felt her shift against him, and pulled away from her only slightly so he could look into her eyes.

She hadn't been crying, but they were red and puffy all the same. Elliot knew better than to believe it was the breakup itself that was impacting her. It was likely everything that had gone on all week long with the case. David's betrayal was just the icing on the cake.

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to her forehead. A shaky exhale escaped Olivia's lips. It wasn't quite a sob, but it did seem like she was trying to keep her emotions under control. That was when Elliot knew what he could do for her.

"Why don't you take some time to yourself Liv? A hot shower, or a bath even? I'll make dinner while you do."

She opened her mouth, likely to protest the idea of food. He pressed his forefinger gently to her lips, silencing her.

"Don't try and tell me you're not hungry. I've heard your stomach rumbling while we've been sitting here. I don't expect you to eat a lot, but I want you to eat something."

Her lips pursed under his fingertip, and it was then that he realized not only did she want to say something, but he was still touching her mouth. Letting his hand fall away, he indicated that she should speak.

"I wasn't going to argue, El. I was only going to ask if you could make the tortellini in broth like you made once before. I'm not in the mood for anything heavy, and that sounds perfect."

Pressing another gentle kiss to her forehead, he nodded.

"If that's what you want, Liv, then that's what we'll have."

They stood together then, but instead of allowing Olivia to walk away, Elliot kept both hands resting lightly on her shoulders. She looked up at him, her face full of questions.

"I know you don't like it when I fuss, Liv, and I know you don't want me to make a big deal of things. But, I simply have to say something."

Pulling her lower lip between her teeth, Olivia nodded her consent.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm sorry you and David never disclosed. Even if that makes things easier for you in the long run now."

Raising an eyebrow, she looked at him curiously and waited for him to continue. Where could he possibly be going with this? She didn't have to wait long to hear the rest.

"It means, since your relationship wasn't public knowledge, that I can't kick his ass without good reason. At least not without getting myself arrested."

As soon as he had spoken, Elliot's face broke out into a grin, but Olivia wasn't fooled. She knew he was also being serious. If given the opportunity, he _would_ go to any length to defend her. Maybe not to the extent of inflicting bodily harm in this instance, but it would not be a pleasant scene if David Hayden and Elliot Stabler were to meet anytime soon.

Nudging her toward her bedroom now, Elliot instructed her to take as long as she needed for herself. Olivia took him for his word, and announced she was going to take a bath. It was only when he saw her headed for the bathroom in her robe that he believed her. Just before she closed the door behind her, he called to her.

"I'm going to run out for a few minutes and get the dinner ingredients Liv. Is there anything else you want? Some wine perhaps?"

"I have enough wine here, El. Thank you, though."

An hour later, Elliot was ladling their dinner into bowls as Olivia was just emerging from the bathroom. Opting for a more casual and comfortable setting, he brought the food into the living room, and set it on the coffee table.

They ate in companionable silence, and when they were finished, Elliot cleared the empty bowls away. He returned to sit beside Olivia, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as he had before. That was the moment that she spoke up, and as was typical for her, she was trying to divert the attention away from herself.

"El? Have you tried to talk to Kathy today? You should -"

"Liv, stop. Just for tonight, I want you to forget all about my problems. Let me take care of you for a change."

He had prepared himself for a protest, or even an argument, but to his surprise, there was nothing. Instead, she lifted her legs up to the side, and allowed her weight to lean more into him.

With Olivia's permission, he turned the television on then, and found something mindless to watch. He wasn't sure if she was even paying attention, but was determined to hold her for as long as she'd let him.

It was hours later, that he realized she had fallen asleep. Standing up slowly so as not to disturb her, her lay her down gently on the sofa. Now, Elliot was torn. He felt it would be too inappropriate to carry her in to her bed, but he wanted to make her comfortable. That was when he had an idea.

Going into his bedroom, he took his nightly medication. Then he grabbed both pillows off his bed, along with a couple of blankets. Carrying them out to the living room, he set some of the items on the unused sofa. Easing Olivia up ever so gently, he placed a pillow under her head, and draped a blanket over her sleeping form. Bending over to press a kiss to her forehead, he spoke to her softly.

"Good night, Liv. I'm here if you need me."

That said, he tiptoed over to the other sofa. Laying down, he covered himself with the other blanket. His last coherent thought before drifting off to sleep was that it seemed he and Olivia had come full circle. When he first began staying here, she slept out in the living room with him to make him feel safe. Now, it was his turn to stay with her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Olivia awoke the next morning, and realized that she was in the living room. Immediately, she was embarrassed, because that meant she had likely fallen asleep on Elliot's shoulder. It was then that she felt the blanket that covered her and the pillow beneath her head. Knowing where they had come from, she raised herself to a sitting position.

It was no real surprise then to see Elliot's sleeping form on the other sofa. Still, a sense of warmth filled her and touched her heart. Just as she had spent so many nights sleeping out in the living room with him, he had done the same for her. He hadn't pressured her to talk last night, either - just sat by quietly offering silent support, but always willing to listen.

Though the last thing she had wanted to to was disturb him, Elliot stirred when she pushed the covers back and stood up. His eyes opened and immediately sought her out. Instead of asking her how she was, which was what she'd been dreading, he simply treated it as if it were a normal morning between them.

"Morning, Liv. Did you sleep okay?"

"I did. I was just about to put on some coffee, would you like some?"

He graced her with a smile then, and she knew he was about to say something smart.

"Is it still a day of the week that ends in 'y'?"

Trying to hide her grin, she answered him.

"Yes."

"Good, I was worried. Of course I'll have some. You should know better than to ask."

Shaking her head, Olivia padded toward the kitchen to start a pot of coffee brewing. Then she disappeared into her bedroom. They met in the kitchen not long after, both of them dressed for the day. Since it was Saturday, it surprised Elliot to see Olivia dressed for work. Her badge and gun were seated on her hip, so there was no mistaking her intentions. He had planned on asking her to join him and the kids today. Trying to find a diplomatic way of asking her about it, he finally came up with one.

"Did you get called in this morning, Liv? Is that why you're going in today? I thought you had this weekend off."

Olivia paused in drinking her coffee, shaking her head slightly.

"No, El. I wasn't called in. This week was just so crazy, I need to get caught up with some paperwork. I'll be home all day tomorrow."

Her answer flooded Elliot with relief. He had been worried she was pushing herself too hard in light of everything that had happened - that she was taking on extra shifts in order to make up for the case that had recently resurfaced, in an attempt to do penance. Not that he'd blame her, it's the same thing he would have done if he were still on the job. Realizing he was getting lost in his thoughts, he tried to stay grounded in the present.

"I'll miss you today, Liv. I was going to ask if you wanted to join me and the kids. Maybe next weekend?"

To his surprise, Olivia didn't refuse. Instead, she simply said she'd have to see whether or not she would be on call. Elliot was impressed. He still wanted to check in with her in the worst way, but it would have to wait until later. She had her 'game face' on now, and the only answer she would likely give him is that she was 'fine'. Instead, he offered to make her breakfast before she left.

"No, thanks El."

He followed her to the door then, and held her leather jacket for her as she slipped it on. Then they embraced, and made plans to have dinner together later that night. Olivia slipped out the door, closing it softly behind her.

Grabbing his phone, Elliot sent a text to Kathleen. He wanted her to know it wasn't necessary for her to bring Eli to Olivia's apartment today. He was going to go and get the boy himself. Enough time had passed. If Kathy wasn't going to talk to him, he would go and talk to her. He may not be back to his old self completely yet, but he felt strong enough to handle it. Anything would be better than not knowing.

* * *

Elliot made the drive to Queens, fighting back the emotions that were trying to resurface. They all were connected to the last time he'd left the house, and the way he'd felt that day. Doubt began to fill him. Maybe it _was_ too soon. The last thing he wanted was to go backward.

As quickly as they'd come, the memories were gone. They were replaced with others. Memories of his children as they had grown. Their first steps, their first words. Holidays and birthdays, all spent together as a family. When he pulled into the driveway, Elliot was feeling grounded again.

He was standing on the walkway trying to figure out what he should do next. Should he use his key? Knock on the door to his own house? A voice from behind him interrupted his thoughts.

"Dad!"

Elliot turned to see Kathleen come jogging up the driveway. It was clear from her attire that she'd been out on a brief run. Not caring in the slightest, he enveloped his daughter in a hug.

"Hey, sweetie."

"What are you doing just standing out here? Come on into the house."

Pulling him along behind her, she led the way around and through the back door into the kitchen. Helping herself to a bottle of water from the fridge, she uncapped it and took a long drink. Then she called out at the top of her lungs.

"Dad's here!"

Chaos ensued as thundering footsteps were heard on the stairs. The twins soon appeared in the kitchen, and headed straight for their father. Maureen was right behind them.

They had just separated from their group hug when Kathy stood in the entrance to the kitchen, holding Eli.

"Elliot? What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

Her voice was laced with a mixture of confusion and concern. Before she could get an answer to her questions, though, the toddler in her arms was eager to see his father. Stepping closer so Elliot could hold his youngest, she passed the boy over to him. After several minutes, Elliot handed Eli over to Maureen.

"We'll take him upstairs, Dad, and get him ready. Just send me a text when you're ready to leave."

Elliot agreed, grateful that his children realized he wanted some time alone with their mother.

"Can you sit and talk with me for a few minutes Kathy? Please?"

As he spoke, Elliot gestured to the kitchen table, as though silently pleading with her in another way to sit down. Though the look on her face was hesitant, she ultimately nodded and acquiesced to his wishes. Still, he noticed that instead of sitting right next to him as he'd hoped, she took a seat on the opposite end of the table.

Drawing on the communication skills he'd learned over his time in therapy with Dr. Simpson, as well as the weeks he'd spent in the Partial program, he tried to talk to his wife without casting blame. Even if there was a part of him that was angry with her.

"I've been hoping you would talk to me. We haven't spoken since our joint day in therapy. I feel like you're avoiding me, Kath."

His statements were so clear and concise, so devoid of anger and accusation. It made Kathy feel even more guilty than she already did. She _had_ been avoiding him. She'd been trying to run from what he'd said to her that day. Not because she was angry – but because he'd spoken the truth. She did have a history of running when times got difficult. She supposed she had just been doing it again.

"I'm sorry Elliot. You were right that day. I've only been proving just how right you were, but I couldn't bring myself to face you."

He reached his hand toward her then, seeking contact. A feeling that could only be described as relief surged through him when she took it. He still didn't know what their future would be, but the last thing he wanted was for them to develop an acrimonious relationship. They had a long history together. Moreover, she was the mother of his children.

"I'd really like it if you would come back with me for another therapy session, Kathy. I promise it would just be you and me this time."

Kathy took a moment too long in answering, and he sensed her hesitation. His hopes began to sink.

"I don't know Elliot. The last thing I want is to interfere with your treatment. I can see how far you've come."

"But, Kathy -"

She held up her hand to stop him.

"But nothing. You haven't been able to set foot in this house in weeks. The kids tell me you're starting to take them out places now. It's not me who's helping you do that, Elliot."

She swiped at her eyes, brushing away tears that were brimming and threatening to fall. Then she took his hand in hers once more.

"You're doing it on your own, Elliot. You are why you're getting better. I know Olivia is a big part of it, too."

Again, Elliot tried to interrupt, only to be dissuaded by Kathy.

"Don't deny it. I'm not angry, I'm more grateful to her than I can possibly say. I know that if not for her, there is a very real possibility that you might not be here."

He squeezed her hand again, acknowledging without words that she was right.

"You still don't want to make any decisions right now, right?"

As strong as he'd managed to stay throughout their entire conversation, the fear and anxiety was now evident in his voice. The last thing he wanted today was to deal with a discussion about an impending separation or divorce, even if they were technically already separated.

"No, Elliot. No decisions just yet."

He stood then, and gestured in the general vicinity of the upstairs.

"If it's all right with you, I'm going to get some more of my things to keep with me at Olivia's. I'm tired of wearing the same things over and over."

"You don't need to ask my permission, Elliot. This is still your home."

He walked over to her then, and Kathy stood. They embraced then, for the first time since before their joint appointment all those weeks ago. They held tightly to one another, as if both were afraid of letting go. When they finally did let go, they shared a look filled with complete understanding. Whatever was changing between them right now, didn't change the mutual love and respect they had for one another.

* * *

Olivia was at the sixteenth precinct, trying and failing to concentrate on the pile of paperwork that sat on her desk. Maybe she should have listened to Cragen's advice and taken today off after all. She had just been trying to prove to herself and everyone else that she could still do her job. That she was a capable and skilled detective, worthy of the titles and accolades that had been bestowed on her over the years.

Fin, who had been ever perceptive of Olivia over the past months since Elliot's departure from the unit, had been watching her closely. He knew that the past few weeks – the past month – had been hell for her. Two close calls on the job, her brother coming back, now this case from her past resurfacing. Those were just the things in her life that he knew about. There was something else going on behind the scenes that she was dealing with too. He made up his mind to try again to get her to talk to him.

"Liv."

Olivia lifted her head and turned it in Fin's direction. She didn't speak, but raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

"It's quiet today. I know Cap won't care if we duck out for an hour or so to grab some lunch. What do you say? My treat."

Before Olivia had a chance to answer, another voice chimed in. It was Munch, who had walked in on their conversation, and didn't want to be excluded.

"Thanks a lot, partner. What am I, chopped liver?"

Frustrated, but not completely deterred, Fin pressed on.

"I wasn't asking you, Old Man, but if you want, I'll treat you, too. One condition – Olivia has to come."

Now, it seemed that Munch had finally caught on. He, too, tried to encourage Olivia to join them.

"Please, Olivia, join us. Don't be the reason I have to go hungry."

Shaking her head and expelling a laugh on an exhale of breath, Olivia finally agreed. It also reminded her that she had yet to talk with the two men about Elliot, and invite them over one night. Perhaps today would be a good day for that.

Ten minutes later, the three of them were seated at a diner not far from the station. Cragen had given them permission to leave under two conditions – they keep their phones on, and they bring him back something to eat. Now, their orders had been placed, and Fin took the opportunity to check in with the woman who he cared for and admired greatly.

"So, talk to me Liv, and I don't want to hear some bullshit about how you're 'fine'. How are you doing, really?"

Olivia took a sip of her iced tea, contemplating her answer. She wouldn't lie, not to Fin. These men were like family to her. She knew she could trust them with anything.

"Things haven't been easy, Fin, but I'm managing."

Before he could argue, she hurried on to continue.

"There has been more going on than either of you know about, though. I wasn't able to say anything until recently, though. Please don't think I was hiding it from you intentionally."

Both men exchanged a look, then directed their attention back to her. Nodding, they indicated she should continue.

"A little over a month ago, Elliot showed up on my doorstep."

That was all Fin needed to hear. Concern took over before Olivia could continue her explanation.

"He didn't upset you did he? I know you tried for the longest time to reach him. I didn't think he'd been in touch."

"He hasn't been. That was the first I'd seen or heard from him since that day at the precinct."

There was no need to clarify what day she was talking about, it was indelibly imprinted in each of their minds. Olivia continued to relate what it was that brought Elliot to her door, and his state of mind that early morning more than a month ago.

The looks of worry on her coworkers faces morphed into relief as she explained that Elliot had been in treatment since that time, and was improving daily. That he had given permission for her to tell them about him, and he even wanted to see them – if they wanted to see him, that is. Again, it was Fin who spoke up.

"Of course we want to see him, Liv. Just say when and where. If he's still not comfortable going out, we'll come over to your place."

Munch readily agreed. Olivia realized that the situation likely brought back memories of what had happened when he had lost his father. Still she knew he would do everything to support Elliot.

"Let me talk with Elliot tonight when I get home, and we'll make plans. I know the Captain wants to see him, too."

Olivia felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and likewise, Munch and Fin felt relief in knowing that she was mostly all right. She hadn't been struggling for herself, but because she had been protecting her partner. Picking up the Captain's take out order, they paid their bills and headed back to the station.

* * *

Elliot was driving back to Manhattan after dropping his children off at the house in Queens. Like the previous weekend, they'd spent their time together by going out to eat and seeing a movie. The rainy weather had made any outdoor activities near impossible. The following weekend though, Elliot was going to take Eli to the zoo. All of his other children had plans, so it would just be him and his youngest. Olivia too, if she decided to join them. He fervently hoped that she would.

When he got back to Olivia's, he grabbed the bag he had packed for himself at the house and carried it upstairs. As he was letting himself into the apartment, his cell phone rang. Not bothering to check the display first, he simply answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey El. It's me."

He felt the smile forming the instant he heard Olivia's voice. Figuring she was calling to let him know something had come up at work, he began to envision their dinner plans fading away. A night alone in the apartment was likely what awaited him. To his surprise, it was anything but that.

"So, I talked with Fin and John today at lunch. I told them everything. They both want to see you – so does Cragen. If it's all right with you, I was going to invite everyone over tonight."

It took Elliot a moment to absorb what she was saying. He wasn't upset by it in any way, he just couldn't believe that he'd be reunited with all his former friends and coworkers again.

"That's fine, Liv. More than fine. Did you want me to make something for dinner?"

"No need, El. We can just order something in. But, if you wouldn't mind running out and grabbing some sodas? I don't think we have enough to drink."

He started to nod, then realized she couldn't see him.

"I can do that Liv. Do you think you'll be home at around the usual time?"

"If we're lucky. It's been pretty quiet here so far today, so we stand a chance. I'll text you when we leave."

They said their goodbyes then, and Elliot hung up. Pushing his bag to the side, he was relieved he hadn't yet taken off his coat or his shoes. Picking his keys up again, he headed back out the door. Olivia may have only asked him to get some sodas, but he was going to get a six pack of beer, too. Just because he wasn't drinking didn't mean that Fin or John might not like one.

A couple of hours later, he was dozing lightly on the sofa when the chiming of his phone woke him up. It was Olivia again, letting him know that she and the guys were on their way. Since he had yet to clean up from this morning, he quickly took the pillows and blankets that were still in the living room back into his bedroom. Exhaling a breath, he silently instructed himself to calm down.

When he heard the sound of keys in the lock, he stood and headed over by the door. Naturally, Olivia entered first. They embraced one another as had become their new habit to do so. Fin was the next one to step through. He and Elliot eyed one another, then the other man extended his hand. Elliot took it gratefully. The handshake lasted for only a few moments before morphing into a one armed hug and pat on the back from both men.

Fin stepped aside so John could enter, and the same ritual ensued. When Cragen came into the apartment though, there was no half hug. He embraced Elliot fully, as a father would his son.

The reunion was intense, and emotions were running high among everyone. It was Olivia who finally cleared the air.

"Please, come in and make yourselves comfortable. Elliot, if you will get the take-out menus, we can decide what we want to eat."

She excused herself for a moment, then stepped into her bedroom to lock away her gun and badge. In her absence, Elliot not only retrieved the menus, but got drinks for everyone. Just as he'd predicted, Fin accepted a beer, as did John. Cragen asked for a soda, and he poured iced tea for himself and Olivia.

"We had beer?"

Olivia's tone as she returns to the room is full of surprise, and she looks to Elliot, her eyes full of questions.

"I picked up a six pack earlier when I was out getting the sodas. I figured they would come in handy."

"Thanks, El. I can't believe I didn't even think of that."

Before he had the chance, it was John who spoke up to calm her nerves.

"Relax, Liv. Even if you hadn't had anything here, we still would have come. We're here for you and Elliot, not to raid your fridge."

Cragen cleared his throat then, and suggested that they order. It wasn't that he didn't want to know more about what was going on with Elliot, but he wanted to make sure everyone was comfortable first. The small group studied the menus, and ultimately decided on pizza. With surprisingly few arguments, they came to an agreement on toppings. Olivia called and placed the order.

With that settled, conversation came to a bit of a standstill. Elliot sought Olivia's gaze from across the room and found his resolve in her brown eyes. Nodding once, he let her know he was ready. Then he began to speak.

"I want to apologize to all of you for leaving the way I did. We've all worked together for a long time, and you all deserved better."

He licked his lips then, and continued.

"I know you must have a ton of questions, and I'm not going to hide from them. If you want to ask me something, please, ask me."

* * *

Silence fell over the room after Elliot's statement. In the end, it was Cragen who broke it.

"I appreciate the apology, son, but you don't owe us anything. You did nothing wrong."

He lifted his hand, then put it down again. It was as if he wasn't sure what to do.

" _I'm_ the one who is sorry. If I would have had any idea how dark a place you were in, I would have tried to intervene. I'm just so incredibly grateful that you came to Olivia when you did. We wouldn't have wanted to lose you."

Elliot thanked him, swallowing down a lump in his throat. Though he'd anticipated questions, he hadn't expected things to get quite so emotional so soon. He felt saved instantly when Olivia's buzzer went off, signaling that their food had arrived.

Though Elliot and Olivia were quite prepared to pay for dinner, since they were hosting, Cragen announced it was his treat. He headed to the door to pay the delivery man. Carrying the boxes inside, he set them on the coffee table. Olivia recovered enough to go and get the paper plates and napkins, while Elliot replenished everyone's drinks.

As they ate, the topic of conversation drifted away from Elliot and his recovery. Soon, they were talking about work and life at the 1-6. Laughs and memories were shared among the group as they recalled some of the more outrageous and memorable cases.

Around a mouthful of pizza, Fin asked Munch if he remembered the guy with all the Q-tips. Olivia laughed then, because she knew where this was headed. Elliot however, was confused.

"Where was I during all this?"

"At home recuperating because you'd been thrown through a glass window by a guy high on PCP"

Realization dawned on him then as he remembered. He'd gotten a bad cut on his arm then, that had come close to severing a few nerves as well. Olivia had gone with him to the emergency room, stayed with him while he'd gotten stitches. He shivered then, remembering the near tragedy that had followed.

"That was when you were poisoned, Olivia. Even though they said you were going to be fine, it was so scary to see you in the hospital like that. Your oxygen levels took several hours to stabilize."

Olivia dropped the slice she was holding down to her plate. Of course she remembered that. She'd been overtaken by noxious fumes when questioning Diego and his mother Jennifer about a possible child pornography issue. After getting the two of them out of the apartment, and telling everyone else to evacuate the building, she'd collapsed. But how could Elliot have known such intricate details of her hospital stay? He was supposed to have been at home resting from his own injuries.

"How did you know all that, El?"

"My partner was in the hospital, Liv. I couldn't stay away. You didn't know I was there, but I was there. I stayed by your side most of the night and watched you sleep."

He took her hand then, not caring that they were being watched.

"You and so many others could have been killed had you not acted so quickly. So many of those children still have lasting consequences because of that company's involvement. You never once thought about getting justice for yourself."

She squeezed his hand then, thanking him silently. She couldn't argue with his reasoning. She knew, had their positions been reversed, she would have done the same thing. Even if it had meant she would have had to battle Kathy to be by his side. She recalled the time Elliot had been temporarily blinded by Saul Picard. Then, she and Kathy _had_ actually worked together, and sat on opposite sides of Elliot's bed, keeping vigil.

Sensing the mood was getting too heavy, John switched the discussion to a lighter topic. They spent the next hour talking about happier things.

Soon, the pizza had all but disappeared, and everyone's drinks were drained dry. Though Olivia offered, the men refused to have any more. They all insisted it was time for them to leave. However, they did say that they should all get together again soon. Elliot was the first to agree that he liked that idea.

Cragen, Fin, and Munch all offered to help clean up the mess, but Elliot and Olivia insisted they could handle it. The men stood to go, and said their goodbyes. When it was just the two of them again, Elliot wrapped his arms around Olivia, pulling her into an embrace. He turned his head to the side, brushing his lips against her temple.

"Thanks, Liv."

There was more he wanted to talk with her about, like the conversation he'd had with Kathy today. That could wait until tomorrow. For tonight, he just wanted to relax and enjoy the company of his best friend.

Quietly, they cleaned up the empty boxes, plates, and cups and threw everything away. Elliot took out the garbage, then returned to the apartment.

Much later, before they were getting ready to go to bed, Elliot turned to Olivia. He'd picked up the gift card for her today, but wanted to wait until tomorrow to give it to her. He wanted to make it special.

"Olivia? I know you probably wanted to sleep in and rest tomorrow, but I'd like to take you out for breakfast."

"That sounds great, El. You know me well enough that I don't sleep that late, even on my day off. Why don't we leave here at nine?"

He agreed on the time, and told her good night, but not without giving her a hug. Thanking her again for bringing his friends back into his life, he pressed his lips to her forehead once more. It wasn't lost on him that she was likely still battling with her own struggles, but she was taking care of him. Tomorrow he'd make sure she would do something to take care of herself.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

The following morning, Elliot and Olivia were seated at a table at a restaurant in Manhattan for breakfast. It was a much nicer setting than she was expecting, as when he'd mentioned taking her out the night before, she had assumed he was referring to a diner or something similar.

Olivia had been so surprised with Elliot's choice, that she hadn't known what to order when the server came to their table asking what they wanted to drink. She hadn't even begun studying the vast menu. He had taken the initiative, ordering coffee and orange juice for both of them.

Finally, Olivia was able to come to her senses. She was about to protest that she didn't need both, but one look at Elliot's face stopped her. He clearly wanted to treat her this morning, so she wouldn't argue. When their drinks were delivered to the table, she placed her order without feeling guilty for taking advantage of his generosity.

When they were alone again, Elliot waited until Olivia had fixed her coffee. He was originally going to wait until after they'd eaten, but his excitement was getting the better of him. He wanted to give her the gift card now. He only hoped she would like it. Reaching into his coat where it lay on the chair beside him, he withdrew an envelope. Then he extended it across the table toward her. Olivia's eyes widened in surprise.

"El? What are you doing? It's not my birthday."

Despite her questions, she still accepted the envelope. Turning it over in her hands, she looked up at him.

"I know it's not, Liv. Just open it."

She slipped her fingernail under the flap, obeying his directive. Seconds later, she was holding a gift card in her palm. The accompanying card detailed what it valued. It was for a complete day's activities at a local spa, including a massage, manicure, and pedicure. Additional funds were available for a facial if she chose to use them.

Olivia replaced the items back in the envelope with a slight shake of her head, then looked up at him in disbelief. Reaching across the table, she tried to give it back to him. It was exactly how he'd anticipated she would react.

"El, I appreciate this more than I can ever say, but I can't accept this."

He placed his hand over hers, halting her movements. Though they had been getting more physical with one another ever since he had begun staying with her, it felt like the most intimate connection they had ever shared. He felt the touch of her skin all the way down to his toes.

"You can, Liv. You can and you will. I know it's nowhere near what you deserve, but I want to do this for you."

He squeezed her hand again, coaxing her to look up and meet his gaze. When she complied, he tried again to convince her.

"This isn't just me trying to say 'thank-you'. No amount of words or actions could ever possibly be enough for that. This is me trying to give you back something after everything _you've_ been through."

He could tell she wanted to argue again, but the protests died on her lips. So he drove home his point.

"You've been through hell recently, Liv. What's the harm in pampering yourself a little? Let me give you that."

The look in his blue eyes was so sincere, Olivia was helpless to fight it. Heaven knows she never had a problem fighting with Elliot Stabler when it counted. Instead, she gave in. Plus the spa package did sound heavenly. When she spoke again, her voice was soft.

"All right, Elliot - you win. Thank you."

He squeezed her hand again, trying once more to reassure her.

"Don't thank me with words, Liv. The best way you can thank me is to make that appointment and take a day just for yourself."

Olivia nodded then, signaling her acceptance. Their food arrived then, breaking up the quiet of the moment. Elliot had to let go of her hand so he could sit back, giving the server room to put down their plates. She tried not to think about the fact that she immediately missed the warmth of his grasp. She mentally berated herself instantly. What was she thinking? Elliot was still a married man, not to mention her best friend. Shaking her head to dispel the thoughts, she focused on her attention on her breakfast.

* * *

Olivia had held true to her word, and actually called the spa when they had gotten back to her apartment. She scheduled an appointment for the following Sunday.

They were trying to figure out how to spend the rest of their day when Elliot's phone rang. It was a number that looked vaguely familiar, but not one he recognized fully. Still, he answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Elliot? It's Nathan."

Surprised that his friend was calling, but pleased to hear from him, Elliot was about to ask him how he was doing. He figured the man wanted to make plans to watch the game later. However, the call quickly took a turn.

"I was going to write you a note, but then I realized I didn't even know your last name."

Alarm bells started going off in Elliot's head immediately. It brought back memories of that night at home not that long ago, but he shoved those thoughts down deep inside. Now wasn't the time to go there. If he was correct in his theory, his friend needed his help – fast.

"Nathan...talk to me, man. What's going on?"

As he spoke, Elliot snapped his fingers to get Olivia's attention. He would need her help with this, as he didn't think he could do it alone. But he didn't want to ambush his friend if at all possible. He'd do whatever it took to save his life, but he wanted to try and get him to cooperate first.

"It's all too much. I can't handle the pain – any of it."

It was then that Elliot detected the slur in the other man's voice. He was drunk – or under the influence of something else – and he was only going to get worse.

"Why don't you text me your address, and I'll come over. We can talk about it."

Elliot tried to reason with him, taking care not to sound too desperate. He didn't want to set off any warning bells that might cause the other man to do anything rash.

"I don't know..."

Elliot didn't waste a moment in jumping on the other man's hesitation. It didn't matter if Nathan figured out his true intentions or not, all that mattered is that he agreed to let him come over and talk. They could decide the next step from there.

"Please, man. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone."

A resigned sigh came over the receiver, and Elliot found himself letting loose of the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He knew Nathan was going to give in. Still, he wasn't entirely prepared for the conditions the other man was going to negotiate upon.

"No cops."

So, he was coherent enough to realize what was going on, and what his likely motives might be. Not that Elliot had planned on going over there with an army of individuals, but he did plan on trying to talk the other man down. Still, it wouldn't hurt to try something else.

"What if I just bring Olivia with me? Is that okay? You've met her. She's no threat to you."

There was silence for nearly a full minute, and for a moment Elliot was worried that Nathan had ended the call. Then his voice came over the line yet again.

"Yeah, okay. Olivia can come. But no one else."

"Do you need me to stay on the phone with you until we get there?"

Another lengthy pause followed, and Elliot was on pins and needles waiting for an answer. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins now.

"No. I'll text you the address."

The line went dead, and sure enough, a text message followed. Elliot called out to Olivia, who appeared almost instantly. As if picking up on his distress, she already had keys in hand, and was ready to go wherever he needed. Her only concern was whether or not he would be strong enough to handle it. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she questioned him softly.

"Are you sure you're ready for this El?"

"I don't know if I am or not. All I know is I'll blame myself more if something does happen and I did nothing."

Nodding her head in understanding, they headed out the door together. Olivia insisted she was driving, instinctively knowing Elliot was too keyed up to handle the task. Luckily for them, Nathan lived only a short drive away. They could be there soon. They just both hoped they would be in time.

* * *

Traffic had been in their favor, and Elliot and Olivia had arrived at Nathan's apartment building within ten minutes. Instead of pressing the buzzer for the security door, Elliot opted to send a text to the man letting him know they had arrived. The last thing he wanted was to startle him. To their mutual relief, the buzzer sounded almost immediately, allowing their entry into the building.

They found his apartment easily, and Elliot knocked on the door. The man who answered bore no resemblance to the one he'd come to know over his time at Partial. From his outward appearance, it was clear he hadn't shaved or showered in a few days. His face was pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes, which were red and puffy.

Whether that was from the influence of alcohol or from crying, they did not know.

Stepping back, Nathan allowed them entry into the room. He made no attempt to apologize for his own state, or the condition of his living quarters. Right now, he wasn't even sure why he had said it was okay for them to come over. All he knew was he couldn't deal with things any more.

While Elliot focused on his friend, Olivia scanned the room quickly, taking inventory. She was searching for a weapon or anything that could pose a threat – not only to Nathan, but to her or Elliot as well. The only thing she found was a bottle of alcohol and some pills on the coffee table in the living room.

Sharing a glance with Elliot, she swiftly moved into the other room. The alcohol was the least of her concerns, even if they didn't want Nathan drinking right now. She wanted to check the status of the pill bottle. Relief flooded through her when she saw that it was full. She had just slid it into her pocket as the two men came into the room.

"You two don't need to stay. I'll be fine."

Nathan tried to insist, but neither Elliot nor Olivia were buying it. That became more evident when the man noticed his bottle of medication was missing. He advanced on Olivia, towering over her as he stood toe to toe with her.

"You had no right to take those! They were mine! Give them back!"

She wasn't threatened in the least by his anger, which quickly dissolved into something else. The man's shoulders sagged and Elliot caught him under the arms as he began to crumple. Helping him over to the sofa, he sat next to him. Olivia came to join them, sitting a slight distance away.

"We are just here to help, Nathan. Talk to us."

Elliot tried to coax his friend to talk, not expecting anything to happen right away. To his surprise, the other man did begin to open up. Maybe it was because he knew that Elliot had been NYPD – and Olivia still was - he felt that he could speak freely.

"I can't get those images from that day out of my head. I was supposed to have my partner's back, and I failed him."

Nathan choked back a sob, then continued.

"I wasn't even able to go to his funeral – I was still in the hospital myself. But as bad as the physical pain from my injuries still is, I can't forget the things I saw that day."

He looked up at both of them then, an incredulous expression on his face.

"How the fuck did you do it for twelve years? Olivia, how do you still do it? How do you deal with the worst society has to offer committing crimes against the most vulnerable?"

They knew then he was asking about their time in Special Victims. It wasn't a unit of the NYPD that everyone could handle. It was why the most common tour of duty lasted only two years. Their squad had defied the odds on that particular number, all staying well beyond that. It wasn't that the job never got to them on a personal level, but they pushed themselves to do it for the victims – for the survivors.

Elliot and Olivia exchanged a glance, unsure of how to answer. For the first time in many months, they felt like they were working together as a cohesive unit again. They were truly Benson and Stabler once more. Only this time, the person most in need of their help was a fellow officer whose life was in danger from his own hand. In the end, Elliot decided to answer honestly.

"It wasn't easy. There were plenty of times when it felt like the job was getting to be too much."

He paused then, swallowing down the lump in his throat.

"It's because of something on the job that put me where I am now. But looking back, I can honestly say I wouldn't trade those twelve years for anything. For all the bad, there was a lot of good, too."

Silence fell over the room then, and they all sat quietly. After a few moments, Elliot decided to try again to reach Nathan.

"You need help, man. There is no shame in asking for it. Let us help you get it."

Another choked sob came from the man sitting next to him, followed by a confession.

"I know. I just didn't want to have to go back there. I was inpatient once already. I thought I had beaten those feelings. But I can't deal with it on my own any more."

Wiping his eyes, Nathan used his cell phone to place an emergency call to his therapist. He explained that he was going to be admitting himself for inpatient treatment, and would be heading to the hospital soon. Once they assured he was not in any immediate danger to himself or others, and that he had a ride to the hospital, the call was over.

Elliot went with Nathan to his room to help him pack a bag. While the two men were gone, Olivia took advantage of the opportunity to clean up the living room a little. She removed the alcohol, and got a garbage bag to throw away the trash that was littered about. By the time Elliot and Nathan had returned, she had finished with her task.

"Olivia, you didn't need to do this. I could have done it."

It seemed Nathan was a little more coherent now that the decision to seek inpatient treatment had been made. He was apologetic, and even seemed ashamed for his behavior.

"It's no trouble. Just look at it as one less thing to worry about now."

He nodded his acceptance then. There was one final thing he had to do, and that was gather his medications. He placed them all a plastic storage bag and was just about to seal it when Olivia removed the one from her pocket to add to the bunch.

That done, Nathan shouldered his bag and gave a nod indicating that he was ready. Olivia and Elliot headed out the door as he followed behind, locking up. The ride to the hospital was mostly silent, but when they arrived it was broken.

"Thank you – both of you. I don't know what I would have done if you wouldn't have practically insisted on coming over today."

Elliot shook the other man's hand, pulling him in close and clapping him on the back.

"Don't thank me, man. Just get yourself well."

Then Elliot walked with him to the door, and watched as his friend made his way beyond the security entrance into the section of the emergency room designed for mental health patients. Satisfied that Nathan was now in safe hands, he went back to Olivia. She was standing outside the car waiting for him. He didn't even hesitate, but walked right into her embrace.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I'm only just now realizing what I put my family – what I put you – through."

Olivia cupped her hand over the back of Elliot's head, soothing her fingers through his hair.

"It's all right Elliot. What matters is that you came to me, and you are still here. You're getting help. You didn't do it on purpose."

He let her comfort him, trying to calm himself down. She was right. He was still here. He was getting better. Maybe today had been too much, too soon for him to take on, but he was glad he'd done it.

When Olivia suggested they go home, he didn't fight her on it. The adrenaline was wearing off, and he was quickly becoming weary. He needed to rest and decompress. Nathan was safe now, it was time to take care of himself again.

* * *

Back at Olivia's, Elliot slipped his shoes off and headed straight for his room. No explanations were necessary, Olivia understood he needed time to himself right now. It didn't stop her from worrying about him, though, and she would check in with him later. For now, she knew he needed his space.

The afternoon had been an emotional one for all involved, but all that mattered now was that Nathan was getting the help he needed. That and that it wouldn't have any negative effects on Elliot. She had a feeling he would want to check in with his family later, and made a promise to herself to offer to drive him to Queens if it would give him peace of mind. At least tomorrow, he would have the support of his group to talk to.

She had been sitting alone for a little over an hour when Elliot returned to the living room to sit beside her. To her surprise, he sought out even more physical comfort than he had earlier when he'd hugged her. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her close to his side, and dropped his cheek down to rest on top of her head. Olivia didn't protest the closeness, and leaned into his touch.

"Did you need to talk, El? Or would you rather just sit like this for awhile?"

Her gentle understanding touched his heart. She had to have known that there was so much on his mind at that moment, but she was still leaving it up to him as to when to open up. Even more so, she was content to sit and have him practically hold her.

"Can we just sit like this for a few minutes?"

"Of course."

They did just that, sitting in the silence together. It was so still and peaceful, Elliot was able to concentrate not only on the sound of his own breathing, but Olivia's as well. That gave him the ability to center himself and draw his focus away from his racing thoughts, which were trying to remind him of the day's earlier events. So many things could have gone wrong while at Nathan's apartment – there were so many variables that could have resulted in a different outcome. With that first and foremost on his mind, he ultimately spoke.

"Olivia, I'm sorry I dragged you into that today. I don't know what I would have done if something had gone wrong and you'd have been hurt."

Olivia turned herself slightly so that she was facing him. She hated to break their connection, but she wanted to look him in the eye. She needed to know that he saw and understood her.

"Elliot, you don't owe me any apology. Heaven knows we've faced much tougher odds in the field. I followed you then just like I follow you now. With complete trust."

He was humbled by her words, but still not convinced.

"But if he'd have had a weapon -"

She placed her fingertips on his lips, silencing him.

"Then we would have dealt with it. We're both trained to deal with those kinds of situations. Plus, you knew going in the only person he was a threat to was himself."

He nodded then, confirming that she was right. Still it didn't abate the residual fears running through his mind. He recalled the moment when Nathan had advanced on her in anger for removing the medication. If the man had been in a more volatile state of mind, who knows how the situation could have gone. Again, as though she were reading his thoughts, Olivia tried to calm him.

"It's over, El. Nathan is somewhere safe, and being taken care of. Now, let me take care of you."

As she spoke, she wrapped her arm around his shoulders, switching their positions. Now, she was the one who was holding him. It reminded him of the morning he had first shown up on her door. The way he had openly wept and she had pulled him against her body to cradle him close. Though he currently had no tears to cry, he welcomed her embrace.

"I'm going to ask you something, El, and trust me when I say there is no right or wrong answer. Just tell me what is right for you in this moment."

He nodded against her shoulder, confirming that he understood what she meant.

"Do you need to see your family tonight? I can drive you out to Queens right now if you do."

Just when he thought she couldn't possibly do more for him, she proves him wrong. Not only had she intuited just what was on his mind, she offers to do the one thing that would make it possible. There was no way he could consider himself stable enough to drive right now.

"You read my mind, Liv. Let me call Kathy and see if it's okay if we come over."

Now, Olivia was ready to protest. It was one thing when they were visiting in her home, but she didn't want to intrude on Elliot's time with his family in his. She had just planned on dropping him off, then going to pick him up later. As though anticipating her reaction, he pulled away from her. Reaching out a hand and laying it on the side of her face, he plead with her softly.

"Liv, I'm asking you to come with me. It's not that I don't feel comfortable with my family, but I need you there, too."

She could never deny him. Nodding her acceptance, Olivia agreed to go along. She even came up with another solution.

"When you call, see if there is anything they want for dinner. We can pick it up along the way."

Elliot smiled then, his first genuine one since before they'd gone to Nathan's earlier that day. Then he went to his bedroom to call home.

* * *

Ninety minutes later, Olivia was pulling into the driveway of the Stabler home. Elliot had been mostly quiet during the drive, but she had taken no offense. She knew his mind was still all over the place. She hoped after spending some time with his family, it would put him more at ease.

Grabbing the food they had brought with them out of the backseat, Olivia followed Elliot to the door. Kathleen was holding it open, waiting for her father.

"Dad! It's so good to see you two days in a row!"

Elliot embraced his daughter, holding her close.

"It's good to see you, too, sweetie."

As the young woman stepped back to allow them entry into the house, she explained what was going on.

"Maureen said to say she's sorry she missed you today, but she had to get back to school. The twins are here, though, and of course so are Mom and Eli."

Kathleen stopped to take a breath, then remembered her manners.

"Olivia, thank you so much for bringing dad out. What do we owe you for dinner?"

The older woman shook her head, indicating that it wasn't necessary.

"There is nothing to thank me for, Kathleen. And I don't want you worrying about dinner, it's my treat."

Kathy had approached behind them, catching the tail end of their conversation.

"Thank you, Olivia. Please come in and make yourself at home."

The family gathered around to eat, opting to sit at the kitchen table instead of the more formal dining room. Despite his still muddled thoughts, it didn't escape Elliot's notice that he found himself seated between Olivia and Kathy. Eli was in his high chair on Kathy's other side, and the kids were on the opposite side of the table.

To his relief, there were no questions during the meal about how he was feeling. He knew they must all have their questions considering he had been to visit two days in a row. He also knew that his outward appearance read anything but calm and collected.

That was why he was immensely grateful for Kathleen's dominance of the conversation. She spent a lot of time talking about an internship she had applied for this summer. She'd already made it through the first round of interviews, now the next step was to write an essay.

Soon, the food had all but disappeared. Though she wanted to stay longer, Kathleen needed to get back to campus. She had an early class the next day, and needed to do some reading to prepare for it. After saying goodbye to her siblings, she hugged her mother. Then, she turned to Olivia. Giving the older woman a hug as well, she whispered in her ear.

"I know you brought Dad here to see us tonight, Liv. But don't forget that he needs you, too."

Not sure what to say to that, Olivia could only nod. Yet again, she was amazed by the young woman's perception. Perhaps it was because of her own battles with bipolar disorder that made her more cognizant of what her father was going through.

After Kathleen had left, the twins asked Elliot to stay a little longer and watch something together as a family. Now that he seemed much more calm, Olivia was thinking about excusing herself. She could always leave Elliot her car, and take a cab home. The twins had already left the kitchen, with Kathy and Eli following close behind. At that moment, Elliot turned to Olivia, as though he had anticipated what she was going to say.

"Liv please, stay."

To drive home his plea, he reached out and put both hands on her shoulders. His eyes flicked back and forth between hers. He was searching for answers he'd hope to find.

"I know you, Liv. You're not leaving because you're uncomfortable here, you're leaving because its what you think you should do. Believe me when I tell you that I want you here – that I need you here."

He was quiet for a few moments, then tried again to convince her.

"You're not interfering."

As if to prove his point, the voices of the twins called out in unison from the living room.

"Dad, Olivia are you coming in? We found a movie to watch!"

Not taking his eyes off Olivia, Elliot called out to his kids.

"We'll be right there!"

Then he reached up with one hand and brushed her hair back.

"You were the one who knew how much I needed my family today, Liv. Don't think for a minute that means I don't still need you, too."

Reaching up with one hand to cover his where it still rested against her cheek, she squeezed gently.

"I won't. Now let's go watch a movie with your family."


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

After the movie was over, it was time for Eli to go to bed. Since he hadn't been able to for awhile, Kathy turned over the routine to Elliot. He took his son upstairs to give him a bath, read him a story, and tuck him in. The twins had also headed upstairs, leaving Kathy and Olivia alone together in the living room. There was an awkward silence for a few moments, that was ultimately broken by Elliot's wife.

"I want you to know that I would never ask you to betray Elliot's confidence, Olivia."

Olivia nodded her understanding, but still regarded the other woman warily, wondering what questions could possibly follow.

"I won't ask you for details, but I will ask you this – something happened today, didn't it?"

Even though it wasn't any of her business to tell, Olivia knew she had to at least confirm to Kathy that her instinct had been correct.

"Yes."

"Is it something I should be worried about?"

The concern was evident on Kathy's face, and Olivia reached out, putting a hand on the woman's shoulder. She squeezed gently, doing her best to offer reassurance.

"No, Kathy. I can't tell you much, but I can tell you that Elliot isn't in any danger."

An audible sigh of relief filled the room then.

"Thank you, Olivia. I was so worried when he called earlier. He'd been sounding so much better lately, and today – it was like he was right back to where he'd started."

After that, another silence followed. It wasn't as awkward as the first, as both women seemed lost in their own thoughts. Before long, it was Kathy who spoke again.

"I told you once before Olivia, that you knew things about Elliot that I will never understand. That you give him stability. That is even more true now."

Kathy raised her hand, brushing it through her hair. Her eyes were red as she fought off tears that threatened to fall.

"I won't lie and say it didn't hurt when he went to you that night, but in all honesty, I was relieved. Not just because I knew he was safe, but because I knew you would keep him that way."

A lone tear spilled over, and tracked its way down her cheek. She didn't bother wiping it away. The floodgates were opened, and suddenly Kathy couldn't seem to stop talking.

"I know you and I have never been what you would call friends, but I want you to know that I'm beyond grateful to you. Not just for what you did for me and Eli – but you've helped Kathleen, and you helped Richard."

The tears wouldn't stop falling now as she continued.

"That doesn't count all the times you saved Elliot while you worked together, let alone what you are doing for him now. I know it probably makes me seem like a real bitch for not taking a more active role in his treatment, but I've said it before – I'm not who he needs right now."

Kathy looked Olivia dead in the eye then, and spoke sincerely.

"I still love Elliot with all my heart - I always will. But I meant what I said the first day he came to you – he's where he needs to be."

Olivia wasn't sure she had the right words to respond to all of that, but she did know one thing for certain, and that was that Kathy still cared for Elliot deeply. She was about to reassure her of how much she knew that when they were interrupted by a soft voice from behind them.

"I don't think you are a bitch, Kathy. I never could."

Kathy froze as Elliot's voice filled the room. Though the words were quietly spoken, they were no less sincere. As he made his way over to the sofa where the two women were sitting, Olivia stood.

"I'm just going to give you some privacy."

Elliot nodded in her direction, grateful this time that she was leaving them alone. Not wanting her to feel completely uncomfortable, he gave her an option to feel useful.

"Eli is still awake, Liv. I'm sure if you go upstairs to his room, he'd love another story."

Olivia nodded, then headed to the stairs. That left Kathy and Elliot by themselves. The blonde turned toward him, and questioned him softly.

"How much of that did you hear?"

Sitting next to her, he took one of her hands in his. With the other, he reached up and brushed some of her tears away with his thumb.

"Enough."

Kathy absorbed his admission, letting the reality wash over her that he had heard everything she had said to Olivia. Too overcome with emotion to say anything else right away, she leaned forward. Elliot enveloped her into an embrace. They sat there holding one another, both realizing that a serious conversation neither was quite ready for was about to take place.

* * *

After sitting together quietly for an undetermined amount of time, Kathy reluctantly pulled herself free from Elliot's hold. She was trying to figure out how to approach things when he ended up being the one to speak first.

"I'm sorry you felt you had to go to Olivia to get details about what is going on with me, Kath. I wasn't trying to keep things from you intentionally."

He expelled a sigh on a shaky breath, and tried to continue.

"Something did happen today, but I can't really discuss it. Not without breaking a confidence. All I can say is that I had to help a new friend, and it was more emotional of a situation than I was prepared for."

After an explanation like that, Kathy had several more questions. But, she respected Elliot's choice to keep his friend's situation private. She realized that the only reason Olivia was aware of what had happened was because she had been involved, too. It didn't stop her concern, but she was relieved that Elliot wasn't in any immediate danger. Elliot began to speak again, and she focused her attention on him once more.

"I meant what I said, though, Kath. I could never think that you are a bitch. I won't lie and say I haven't been hurt by your recent pulling away, but I could never think badly of you."

There was no mistaking the sincerity in his voice. Kathy was grateful, but it still didn't excuse her behavior. She owed him an apology, and that was putting it mildly. Again, though, before she could speak, Elliot took the initiative. This time, there was a different sort of sadness in his eyes.

"I know I've asked you repeatedly, and you've assured me each and every time, but waiting until I'm done with the program isn't going to make a difference, is it?"

The tears that had stilled earlier when she was talking to Olivia began to well up anew in Kathy's eyes. It was the question she had been both dreading and anticipating all at the same time. Maybe it was different this time because she wasn't the one who had broached the subject. She felt the sting of pain clearly in her heart. Searching Elliot's face, she knew that his feelings matched hers in that moment.

"Elliot -"

"I'm sorry, Kathy. I didn't intend on discussing this with you tonight. I just heard you blaming yourself, and I couldn't help it."

He reached for her again then, wrapping both arms around her. In turn, she held tightly to him as well. They clung to one another even as the world as they knew it was slowly falling apart.

"I know we said we weren't going to make any decisions until I was done with the program, but the truth of the matter is we've been separated for nearly two months now."

He wanted to say more, but Kathy stopped him. She could hear the way his own voice was changing and didn't want him blaming himself any more than he wanted her to blame herself.

"Elliot, stop. It was wrong of me to just suggest the idea of divorce to you that night so seemingly out of the blue. It doesn't matter if it's how I was feeling or not, it is nothing that couldn't have waited."

His next words were quiet, but she had no trouble hearing him.

"Don't worry about hurting me, Kath, I want you to tell me the truth. Do you really think our marriage has reached the end of the line?"

He hadn't let go of her. If anything, he was clinging to her just a little bit tighter. Without realizing it, he was holding his breath as he awaited her response.

"Yes."

Her words were barely a whisper, and he felt her tears as they fell against his neck. Before he could say anything else, she was following up with more.

"That doesn't mean that I don't still love you, Elliot."

He turned his face toward her then, his lips brushing along her forehead tenderly. It broke his heart that she thought he would ever believe she could stop loving him. They had spent over twenty years with each other, and had five children together. That forged a lifelong bond that could never be broken. Their marriage might be coming to an end, but there would be no bitterness because of it.

"It's all right Kathy. I know what you mean. I will always love you, too."

They sat in silence for several minutes, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock on the mantle. Finally, Elliot broke into the quiet with a question.

"How are we going to tell the kids?"

Kathy pulled back a little, reluctantly breaking free from his embrace. She wiped away a few remaining tears, then addressed the question.

"I honestly don't think the older ones will be all that surprised. They are more perceptive than we give them credit for. It will be hardest for Eli to understand."

"I'll see him as much as possible. The other kids, too."

Kathy touched her hand to his cheek.

"I know you will. You're a wonderful father, Elliot. This isn't going to change that at all."

She drew in a shaky breath, similar to the one Elliot had not long before, and exhaled.

"I don't want you to worry about anything. I'll call our lawyer, tell him we want to refile the papers we stopped three years ago."

Reality hit Elliot then, and he choked back a sob. Soon the two were crying together, mourning over what had been lost. Despite the sadness, there was something underneath – a sense of peace. The awkward tension that had been between them for months - years even - was finally at ease.

* * *

Some time later, Elliot and Olivia were on their way back to her apartment. When it was time to leave, and she still hadn't come back from upstairs, he had sent her a text. It turned out that after Eli had fallen asleep, she had gone into Elizabeth's room and spent some time talking with the teen.

As he sat in the passenger seat during the drive, Elliot knew he needed to talk with Olivia, but still wanted time on his own to process everything that had happened. The time spent with his family had brought him some of the comfort he was seeking after the emotional afternoon he'd had. Still, the conversation with Kathy had been unexpected. Despite it all, he found himself at peace with their mutual decision.

Before he'd left the house, Kathy had agreed to join him for another session with Dr. Simpson. It had taken some persuading, as she still believed her presence might be detrimental to his treatment. Once he assured her that couldn't ever be possible, and insisted that he really wanted her there, she had said she would be there for the next appointment.

Olivia pulled into her designated parking spot in the garage of her apartment building, not the least bit concerned that Elliot hadn't spoken the entire way back. Her intuition was strong concerning what he and Kathy must have talked about, she was just waiting for him to open up to her. She could tell that whatever has happened, he seemed to be processing the outcome without too much emotional distress. However, she is no fool. She knew that could easily change, likely around the time he tries to fall asleep tonight.

"I'm sorry, Liv."

Elliot finally spoke just as they entered the apartment, for the first time acknowledging his lengthy silence. It is as though he has just realized how long he has been lost inside his own head. He is so grateful for what Olivia has done for him tonight, and he's been shutting her out ever since they left his home.

"El, stop. You have nothing to apologize for."

Her eyes searched his as she rested her palms on his shoulders. When she was certain that he was fully present in the moment and hearing what she says, she continued.

"I know you've got a lot on your mind right now. I won't push you to talk, but I do want you to know I'm here if you need to, okay?"

Elliot felt himself nodding in response, still caught up in the emotional conversation that he and Kathy had shared earlier. He couldn't believe that his marriage was going to be over. If this had happened even as little as a month ago, he wouldn't have been able to handle it. Now, though, he was stronger. It didn't mean he wasn't still grieving what had been lost, but there was hope for the future. This was the healthiest choice to make for everyone involved.

No matter how strong he was feeling in regards to the outcome of what had happened tonight, the day had been a lot for him emotionally. Even though it was still early, he knew he didn't want to be alone when he slept tonight. However, his pride was getting the better of him, and he couldn't bring himself to ask Olivia if she'd stay out in the living room with him tonight.

Instead, he headed to his bedroom to change and get comfortable, noting that Olivia was headed to her room to do the same. When he returned to the living room, he saw Olivia lounging on one of the sofas, a pillow behind her back, and a blanket draped over her legs. The television was tuned in to the classic movie channel. When she spotted him, Olivia turned to him with a smile.

"Hey, El. I just remembered there is a movie marathon on tonight we'd both be interested in. I thought we could watch some of it, then just crash out here, since we both have to be up in the morning."

Though they'd hugged often since he'd come to stay with her, Elliot had never wanted to wrap his arms around her more than he did in that moment. Olivia had not only known what had been on his mind, she had taken the initiative to give him what he couldn't ask for. Instead of going to her, though, he retreated back to his room to grab his own pillow and blanket.

Two hours later, they were laying in the dark together, the credits from the first movie rolling across the screen. Elliot finally found the courage to break the silence. He swung his legs off the side of the sofa, and moved to a sitting position. He braced his arms on his knees and dropped his head into his hands.

"Thanks, Liv. Not just for tonight – for everything today."

There was a soft rustling noise as he heard her moving about. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her stand and move closer. She sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Her other hand covered his where they rested on his face.

"El, you don't have to thank me for anything. Just let it out."

He knew then, that he could keep his thoughts and emotions bottled up no longer. He'd probably kept them in too long as it was.

"Kathy and I decided to get a divorce."

"I'm sorry, Elliot."

The sincerity in her simple apology is what ultimately broke him. The reality of the situation came crashing down, and with it came more tears. He thought he had cried them all when he'd been with Kathy earlier, but more spilled from his eyes unchecked. Just as freely as the tears fell, so did the words that he spoke.

"I don't know why I'm this upset. It was a mutual decision this time."

Again, Olivia's voice soothed him. He felt as her palm ran over the back of his head, coming to rest on his shoulders.

"It doesn't matter if it was mutual or not, Elliot. You are still allowed to hurt."

Her validation of his feelings had been exactly what Elliot needed to hear. It didn't matter that he had already known that is how she would react. Maybe it was because he couldn't justify his own feelings to himself.

He sagged against her then, feeling when she wrapped both arms around him. The memories of the day came rushing back. Their shared breakfast this morning when he had surprised her with the gift card seemed like a lifetime ago. He'd intended for the day to be about him taking care of her for a change, only to end it dependent on her yet again. Still, he was grateful for the comfort she was offering. His body relaxed against hers as exhaustion got the better of him and he gave in to sleep.

Olivia felt the moment that Elliot had fallen asleep, and gradually slipped herself away from him. In a scene reminiscent of the first morning he and shown up on her doorstep, she eased him down on the sofa. After covering him with the blanket, she headed back to her own sofa and lay back down. Lying on her side, she kept a careful eye on him for as long as she could until sleep claimed her as well.

* * *

The next morning when Elliot awoke, everything that had happened the day before swept over him anew. The last thing he wanted was to go to his Partial program today, even if he logically knew it was where he needed to be. Given the choice, he wanted to do nothing but sleep.

What he didn't know was that Olivia was already awake and observing him quietly. She'd already intuited just how much he was struggling. Knowing he'd never directly ask her to take time off work, it was a decision she had to make on her own. If she were to suggest it to him, he'd likely insist he was fine.

She sat up, and stretched, casually tossing the blanket to the side. When Elliot glanced in her direction, she gave him a smile and greeted him. The last thing she wanted him knowing was that she had been keeping a close eye on him for the last several minutes.

"Morning, El. How are you feeling?"

Elliot didn't speak, but shrugged his shoulders as he brought himself into a seated position. There was nothing he could say that could adequately describe everything that he was feeling. After several moments of silence, he spoke, opting for the truth.

"In all honesty, Liv? Every part of me wants to say I'm 'fine', and leave it at that. But I know you'd be the first to call me out on my bullshit."

Still not making eye contact, he scrubbed his palms over his face. Every muscle in his body was aching, likely a residual effect of having slept on the sofa instead of the more comfortable mattress he had grown more accustomed to.

"The truth is, I feel like shit. I don't want to go today, even though I logically know I have no good reason to miss."

Olivia absorbed his admission, knowing this was not the time to encourage him that he must attend every day. That wasn't what he was looking for. Instead, she thought of ways she could give him something to help him get through the day as a whole. Something to look forward to.

"You could use a break, El. I know it's only Monday, and it seems a long way off, but why don't we make plans for this coming weekend?"

That seemed to have gotten his attention. His hands fell away from his face, and his head turned in her direction.

"What kind of plans do you mean, Liv? Like a road trip or something?"

A smile brightened her face. She hadn't quite thought that far ahead, but now that he had mentioned it, it sounded perfect. They wouldn't have to go a great distance away, just get out of the city.

"Exactly like a road trip, El. What do you say? We can leave Friday after your group, and come back Sunday night. I'm not on call this weekend."

For the first time that morning, a genuine smile began to form on Elliot's face. Olivia didn't know this, but he had been dreading the upcoming weekend because he wouldn't be able to see Eli. Kathy was scheduled to take the kids to her mother's for a visit. A change of scenery would be the perfect solution to take his mind off of things.

Then he remembered something else, and had to remind Olivia.

"But Liv, your spa day is scheduled for Sunday."

She shook her head firmly, indicating that it wasn't important. Worried that she was making herself secondary to his issues yet again, Elliot opened his mouth to protest. Before he had the chance to get in a word, Olivia spoke up.

"I still have every intention of using the gift that you gave me, El. I'll just call and reschedule."

A pensive look crossed over her face, then she suggested something.

"Why don't I take a personal day on Friday, and see if they can fit me in then? That way, I'll be super relaxed for the weekend!"

Satisfied then that she had every intention to still make time for herself, Elliot agreed that the weekend trip seemed like a good idea. Suddenly, the prospect of facing the day ahead didn't seem so bad. With a renewed energy, he headed to go and get ready.

Later on, as they were getting ready to leave for the day, Olivia had another question for Elliot. She was a bit hesitant to ask, as she didn't want to remind him of a potentially sensitive subject, but she needed to check in with him.

"What would you think if I met you for lunch today, El? I don't see Cragen having a problem with it, so long as I don't catch a case or anything."

Elliot was at a loss for words, and could only nod his acceptance of her offer. However, the gratitude written on his face spoke volumes. Olivia had known he might have had difficulty facing lunch alone today in Nathan's absence - that it would bring up memories of the day before when his friend had called in distress. Even as far as he'd come in his treatment, there were still moments when he struggled.

To make matters even better, Olivia suggested they meet at a different place than he and Nathan frequented for lunch. Instead, it was a deli that he was more familiar with for different reasons. The place he would be having lunch at today had been a favorite of his and Olivia's when they worked together.

When they said their goodbyes at the door that morning, it seemed to Olivia that Elliot hugged her a little tighter than usual. That didn't matter. What was important was that she had gotten to see a smile on his face before he left. She made a mental note to start doing some research on weekend getaway ideas as soon as possible. At this point, she wasn't sure which of them was looking forward to the trip more.

* * *

It felt strange to Elliot not to see Nathan in the morning groups. A few people commented about his absence, but he kept quiet. Instead, he shocked himself by opening up personally. When it was his turn to speak, he told the group about his and Kathy's mutual decision to divorce. Everyone who listened was empathetic, and there were a few who had dealt with similar situations who offered advice. In the end, Elliot was glad that he hadn't kept it inside.

Before long, the lunch hour arrived. As soon as the break was announced, the first thing he did was check his cell phone anxiously. He was hoping that nothing had happened to prevent Olivia from meeting him today. Not that he wouldn't have understood her absence, he only just realized how much he was looking forward to her company.

The only thing he found on his phone was a text from Olivia confirming she would meet him at the deli at noon. He was already out the door to the medical office building and on the way to the restaurant when he read it. With luck, she would already be there waiting when he arrived.

Sure enough, he spotted her sitting in a booth by the window as he walked toward the entrance. She gave him a smile and waved as soon as she saw him, and he walked just a little bit faster. Soon he was inside and joining her at the table.

"Hey, El. I hope you don't mind, but I went ahead and ordered for us already."

It was then that Elliot noticed the long line of people waiting to place their orders at the counter. The place was extremely busy today, and he was immensely grateful that Olivia had taken the initiative.

"Not at all. You know I'm just going to swap out for half of your food anyway."

They shared a laugh then, even though Elliot was speaking the truth. He took a sip of his drink, then focused his attention on her.

"How was your morning?"

"Good. Cragen not only gave me Friday off, but Monday as well. I was also able to successfully move my spa appointment to Friday morning."

A smile broke out across Elliot's face. Despite her promises, he'd been worried she would back out when it came to rescheduling her spa day. He was so glad she was still going to make time for herself. Then he remembered that there were no group sessions on Monday, either. When he shared the news with Olivia, she too began to smile.

"Does that mean we actually have a three day weekend?"

Her voice was a mix of curiosity and excitement.

"We do."

"I say we start planning tonight."

Elliot agreed, and was about to reach for her hand when their orders were brought to the table. Though he was grateful for the food, he cursed the interruption. Now it would have to wait until later.

Splitting up the food between them, they both dug in and ate heartily. After the emotional conversation they'd had that morning, neither had had time for breakfast.

By the time they were done eating, a steady rain was falling outside. Having walked the few blocks to the deli, Elliot wasn't looking forward to heading out in the weather. However, he was more worried about Olivia. Before he could ask her if she would be okay, however, she had a question for him.

"Did you need a ride back to Partial, Elliot? Or are you not comfortable riding in the sedan?"

As always her compassion and understanding of his situation touched his heart. While he was still sensitive toward certain issues when it came to the job, and doubted he could ever set foot in the precinct for a long while, a car was just a car. He told her as much.

"I'd love a ride back, Liv. Though to be honest, I was more worried about you getting back to the station."

She gave him a knowing smirk then, one corner of her mouth quirking up in response.

"How else do you think I'd have gotten here? Moreover, what was I supposed to have done if I'd have received a call? Hailed a cab?"

He laughed then, but still wasn't about to let her win so easily.

"Fair enough, Benson. But don't think you can get away with picking on me. Just remember – I'm the one who is cooking dinner tonight."

Her eyes narrowed slightly in response to the challenge, but he wasn't intimidated. If anything, he was loving this little game they were playing. It felt so good to be able to engage in some light hearted banter after everything he had been through.

"You don't scare me, Stabler. After all, I've been eating your cooking for awhile now."

By this point, they were standing, and making their way toward the door. Once outside, Elliot picked out the sedan easily. He was impressed with himself that his eye was still trained to recognize a police issue vehicle, even if it was unmarked. Settling into the passenger seat, he let Olivia drive him back to his program. Before getting out of the car, he reached for her hand. Squeezing it now as he wasn't able to earlier, he spoke to her sincerely.

"Thanks for meeting me today, Liv. It was great having lunch with you. I'll see you later tonight. Be careful."

With a final squeeze, he exited the vehicle, leaving a slightly stunned Olivia behind. It wasn't that he'd said anything surprising or unusual, but there was a new-found depth of intimacy in his words – in his touch. She knew, instinctively, that now more than ever, he needed her to be careful. If anything happened to her, she wasn't sure how he would handle it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

The week passed quickly, and before Elliot or Olivia knew it, it was Thursday night. They would be leaving on their trip the following afternoon. After some careful research, and discussing what they were looking for, they had opted to go to the Poconos. They had originally wanted somewhere a little less of a tourist trap than that, but all the places they were interested in were already booked. However, by doing their homework, they found a place off the beaten path.

Some compromises had been made, though. After checking in with Olivia repeatedly that he wasn't overstepping any boundaries, Elliot suggested that they share a room so they could get something more extravagant. Olivia commented that since they had been roommates for two months now, sharing a hotel room for a weekend wouldn't be an issue at all.

Currently, they were working out their schedule for tomorrow. The plans were for Olivia to drop Elliot off at his program before going to her spa appointment, then meet him for lunch when she was done. After, she would come back to the apartment and finalize her packing. When his last group ended, she would pick him up, and they would leave from there. Their destination was about a two hour drive away, but would be longer given weekend traffic.

"Liv?"

Olivia was pulled from her thoughts, her mind already focused on the following day, and turned her head in the direction of Elliot's voice. Though she didn't speak, she raised her eyebrows to indicate he should continue with his question.

"Are you sure you're okay with the sleeping arrangements this weekend? I can easily take the sofa there, it won't be a prob-"

"El, stop."

Olivia interrupted him before he could complete his sentence. She was trying desperately to keep the exasperation out of her voice, knowing Elliot's intentions were genuine. Still, it wasn't the first time he'd asked her if she was certain since they'd decided to share a room. They'd seen a picture of what the layout would look like on her computer, and the space was more than adequate for two people to share.

This particular hotel suite was divided into two rooms. The first room featured a sofa, television, and small table with four chairs. A small fridge and microwave were also there. One of the main features, though, was on what would have been the balcony.

Instead of having a traditional balcony that you could sit out on, there was instead an alcove in its place. Positioned there was a hot tub with a clear view out the window of the mountains. Both Elliot and Olivia were relieved that it was just a 'normal' hot tub, and not one of the more cliché heart-shaped ones that tended to be featured in rooms at Pocono resorts. Though neither had discussed it, both were looking forward to that amenity.

The second room was like a traditional hotel room. It featured two queen sized beds, along with a second television. That relieved Olivia, because she knew Elliot still needed the background noise to help him sleep at night.

"Liv?"

Realizing that she had been lost in a daydream, Olivia felt a blush stain her cheeks. Her mind was already on the weekend, and not on the present.

"I'm sorry El, I was distracted. What did you say?"

Elliot took no offense to Olivia's wandering thoughts. Truth be told, he was having trouble focusing tonight, too. For the first time in a long while, it was for a positive reason. His mind wasn't swarmed with runaway thoughts and anxiety over things he couldn't control. Instead, it was filled with thoughts that he was pushing Olivia into something she didn't want to do – even though the trip had been her idea in the first place. That and the lone nagging thought that at this time tomorrow night, he'd know what she looked like in a swimsuit. Shaking his head, he tried to push that one out of his mind as quickly as it entered. Just what was his brain trying to do to him?

"I just wanted to know what time you needed to leave in the morning, Liv. I don't want to make you late for your appointment, so you can drop me off early if you need to."

"My appointment is at eight, El. I know that's about an hour earlier than what you start. If you'd rather take two cars tomorrow -"

"No, Liv. That would be silly. I don't mind waiting."

The decision made, they both ultimately realized they should go to bed, as morning would come sooner rather than later. Elliot hugged Olivia goodnight as he always did, again trying to push errant thoughts out of his mind. He reminded himself that this weekend wouldn't be the first time he'd ever slept with her in the same room. They'd done it plenty of times on the job in the cribs, and again since he'd come to stay in her apartment. Plus, she'd repeatedly told him she wasn't uncomfortable with it, so he needed to stop asking her.

"Goodnight, Liv."

"Goodnight, El."

* * *

At Elliot's request the next morning, Olivia dropped him off about a block away from the building where his program was. He was going to stop and have some breakfast before going in. She suspected he also wanted to stop and buy a newspaper on his way, too. His last words to her before getting out of the car were to forget about everything else and spend the morning enjoying herself.

Knowing Elliot was taking care of himself, Olivia turned the car in the direction of the spa. The building where it was housed was in an upscale section of town, and she was more intrigued than ever when she walked through the doors.

Heading up to the reception desk, she gave her name. The host confirmed her appointment then disappeared into a back room. When she returned, she passed Olivia two sealed packages. One was a plush robe, and the other was a pair of slippers. Olivia now understood why they had asked for her size preferences when she had made the appointment.

The last thing she was given was a key to a room with a number on it. Olivia realized that instead of having to go from place to place in the spa herself, she would remain in one central area while all the services would come to her. She began to wonder just how much Elliot had shelled out for this purchase, but quickly pushed the thought out of her mind. She'd promised him she would enjoy her morning, and she had every intention of doing so.

She found her appointed room on the second level. It was more spacious than she expected it to be. There was a comfortable recliner in one corner next to a small side table. Along the one wall there was another chair, with an attached foot bath designed for her pedicure.

Rather than spend time investigating all there was to see, Olivia stepped into the adjacent changing area and shed her clothes. There was a note present that stated for patrons to do whatever they felt comfortable doing. If they chose to remove all of their clothing their massage, the massage therapist would drape a sheet over them respectfully to ensure their privacy would be respected. If they preferred to remain clothed, that was fine too.

Olivia was comfortable with her body, and had no real preference. In the end, she opted to shed all of her clothing, save for the black boy shorts she was wearing. Wrapping herself in the robe, she remembered the instructions from earlier, and flipped a switch by the door. That activated a light outside the room to let them know she had changed and was ready. Then she sat in the recliner and elevated her feet.

A knock came at the door then, and Olivia called out her permission to enter. The door opened, and in walked in a young woman with her hair pulled back in an elegant french braid. She carried a clipboard, and quickly introduced herself.

"Good morning, and welcome. My name is Hannah, and I'll be your assistant today. I just have a few questions to ask you before we get started, if that is all right?"

Olivia nodded her consent, unsure what could be so detailed that it would require so much information.

"First off, what would you like to have done first? Most of our guests prefer to have their manicures and pedicures done first, so they can fully relax and enjoy the massage experience."

Since she was new at this, Olivia couldn't help but go along with the majority in this case.

"That sounds fine."

The next questions were all rather basic, but no less important. Hannah asked Olivia her preferences on lighting, ambient noise, and whether or not she wanted to include aromatherapy in her session. The next series of questions involved her choice of massage therapist. Did she prefer a man or a woman? Were there any health conditions that they needed to be made aware of? Lastly, Hannah offered Olivia a choice of something to drink while she was getting her pedicure.

Several minutes later, Hannah was bringing in a bottle of water for Olivia. She was followed by one of the spa's nail artists, named Ilsa. Olivia was moved to the other chair in the room, and the foot bath was turned on. This was something she was no stranger to. Though a manicure and pedicure were rare indulgences for her, she did treat herself on occasion.

While her feet were soaking, Ilsa inquired as to her preferred color choice. Knowing she couldn't opt for anything too flashy because of work, and not being a big fan of it anyway, Olivia chose the more natural look of a french tip style for both her hands and her feet. She did however select a sheer tint instead of just the basic clear polish.

As though intuiting that Olivia was completely in relaxation mode, and not in the mood to talk much, Ilsa kept mostly quiet as she worked. Per Olivia's request, music played softly in the background. The soft scent of lavender wafted on the air, providing another layer of calm without being too overpowering.

Before Olivia quite realized it, a gentle hand touched her shoulder. She couldn't believe that she had dozed off during her manicure and pedicure. Her nails were now set and dry, and it was just about time for her massage. After a brief break, Lauren, the massage therapist stepped into the room and introduced herself.

Olivia sat on the massage table, and slipped her arms from the robe. However, it was only after she was lying flat on her stomach and covered with a sheet that Lauren removed the robe completely. As the massage began, Olivia became aware of all the tension in her body that she never realized she carried with her. Gradually, she felt it all evaporate away as Lauren worked her way through the various muscle groups.

Forty-five minutes later, Olivia was feeling more relaxed than she ever had in her entire life. When she had finished dressing, she flipped the light a second time. Hannah reappeared in her room, bearing another bottle of water. Olivia was instructed to drink it all, as a means to replenish her body and help her recover.

Upon checkout, Olivia headed for her car with a smile on her face. There was just enough time left for her to pick up some takeout for lunch and meet Elliot. Sending a text to let him know to wait for her in the common room, she pulled out into the street and was on her way.

* * *

By two thirty that afternoon, Olivia was zipping up her weekend bag and slipping the strap over her shoulder. She was getting a later start than she planned. Without meaning to, she'd fallen asleep after getting home earlier. She supposed it had been because she was still so relaxed from her morning at the spa.

On her way to the door, she grabbed Elliot's bag that he had packed the night before and took that with her as well. She was glad that Elliot had offered to drive them to their destination this evening. She didn't want the stress of dealing with rush hour traffic to ruin how relaxed she still felt. To make up for it, she promised herself she would drive them home on Monday.

Thirty minutes later, they were on their way. A good station was playing on the radio, and they each had a bottle of water in the car's cup holders. Miraculously, rush hour traffic hadn't fully set in yet, so they made their way through the city in a decent amount of time. As they were taking the exit for the interstate, Elliot looked over at Olivia with a grin.

"Are you ready for this, partner?"

The simple phrase brought back so many memories for them both. The events of recent weeks, especially working in tandem to help Nathan the past weekend, truly had them feeling like partners once more. Now though, there was a new and deeper layer to their connection. Neither knew what awaited them this coming weekend, only that they would face it together. Olivia's smile matched his as she looked back at him.

"You bet, El."

The two and a half hour trip went by smoothly. They passed the time pointing out the scenery to one another, or commenting what their favorite songs on the radio were. Years of spending endless hours together in a car for stakeouts had them familiar with each others personal tastes.

Soon, they were pulling into the long driveway of the resort hotel that they had chosen. The mountains provided a beautiful backdrop to the panoramic view.

Elliot parked the car, and though Olivia tried to get her own bag out of the trunk, he insisted on carrying both. Within minutes, they found themselves at the reception desk inside the lobby. Though the décor was elaborate, it wasn't excessive.

While they waited for the check in process to complete and to receive their room keys, they took in their surroundings. On the far wall, there was a huge fireplace, and the lounge area held several small sofas and plush chairs. In the opposite corner there was what looked to be a small cafe with tables and chairs set up, and the receptionist explained that a breakfast buffet was served every morning.

They also learned that a formal restaurant was housed in an adjacent building. In addition to that, room service was available twenty four hours a day. After ensuring that neither Elliot nor Olivia had any questions, the receptionist passed them their room keys and gave them the necessary directions.

When they set foot into their room moments later, it was everything the description had said it would be. Holding his breath and hoping the good fortune would continue, Elliot hurried into the bedroom area of the suite. It had been an irrational fear of his all week long that they would be given only one bed.

To his relief, the room – just like the rest of the suite – was just as described. Two queen beds sat side by side, with a bathroom entrance located on the far wall. Before he could ask Olivia the question on his mind, it seemed she'd anticipated it.

"Elliot, I swear – if you ask me one more time if I'm comfortable sharing a room with you, I'm going to hit you with a pillow."

He took her threat seriously, even if it was accented by a smile. He knew she would have no problem carrying it out. Instead of following through with his initial question, he asked something else.

"Do you have a preference as to which bed?"

"No, El. But, why don't you take the one on the left? You'll be closer to the television that way."

Again, her gentle understanding filled him with warmth. He set the bags down, taking the bed she had suggested for himself. Then another question came to mind.

"What did you want to do for dinner tonight, Liv? I'll take you to the restaurant, if you want."

Olivia's smile brightened her whole face. She didn't want to turn him down, but the thought of going out tonight just didn't appeal to her. Instead, she offered a compromise.

"Why don't we get room service, and go out to the restaurant tomorrow? That way, we can relax tonight and be comfortable."

"Sounds good. I'll call and make us a reservation, just in case. We don't know how busy they will get. How does seven sound?"

Another smile was the only answer he needed. Without thinking about his actions, Elliot placed his hands on Olivia's shoulders. He leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead, then walked out of the room, giving her privacy to change.

* * *

Later that evening, after enjoying a delicious dinner, Elliot and Olivia were seated comfortably on the sofa. The television was on, but neither were really paying attention. In fact, it seemed to Olivia that something was bothering him. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what. Wanting to get the elephant in the room out of the way so they could enjoy the rest of the evening, she decided to broach the subject herself. Otherwise, Elliot would sit there and obsess over it all night long.

"I know what you're thinking about El, and I want you to stop."

His head turned sharply in her direction, a look of surprise written on his face. Still, he said nothing.

"You were quiet all through dinner, and I know you've been worrying about what happened in the bedroom earlier. You didn't overstep any boundaries."

Finally, that seemed to get his attention, and he spoke.

"But, Liv. I kissed you - without your consent."

She placed her palm on his shoulder, squeezing it softly. The gentleness of the action brought his eyes up to meet hers.

"El, you brushed your lips against my head. It was a gesture of affection. It's not the first time you've ever kissed my forehead, either."

"Yes, but -"

She raised her fingers to his lips, silencing him.

"But nothing. You know me well enough by now that if I'm uncomfortable with something, I'm certainly going to say so."

Despite his every effort to fight against it, she felt his smile underneath her fingertips. He had to concede that she was right, and had she really had a problem with it, she would have spoken to him about it. Looking at their earlier interaction with new eyes, he remembered. She had been relaxed, content even. When he'd pulled back to study her face, her eyes had been closed. She'd been comfortable with his kiss on her forehead.

"Feel better, El?"

Her voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and he nodded his agreement. Then she asked him another question.

"What do you say we throw on our swimsuits and make use of the hot tub? After all, it is why we shelled out the extra money for this fancy room."

"That sounds like a great idea, Liv. Did you want to change first?"

Olivia shook her head, indicating that he should go ahead. When Elliot was done, he returned to the main room, wearing a pair of dark blue swim trunks. He headed toward the far end of the room to get the hot tub set up and ready while Olivia took her turn.

Elliot adjusted the temperature to what he felt was a comfortable setting without being too hot, and turned on the jets. He noticed that the tub was spacious enough that they could easily share without touching inappropriately. It had been another irrational worry of his that he would crowd her. The sound of the door opening behind him caught his attention and he turned toward the noise.

Olivia stepped out into the main room in a black one piece swimsuit that flattered her figure and walked over to where Elliot stood. She accepted his outstretched hand and allowed him to help her step into the tub. Then she sat down, stretching her long legs out in front of her. Elliot quickly joined her, copying her movements.

They sat side by side facing the window, the water covering them up to their shoulders. When Elliot turned his head to look at Olivia, he saw she was looking at him too. He noticed then that she had pulled her hair up in a high ponytail, to keep it from getting wet. Placing his hand on the back of her neck, he squeezed softly.

"Thanks for suggesting we do this this weekend, Liv. Some time away is exactly what I needed."

A pause went by before he spoke again, and this time, there was a hesitant quality to his voice.

"Can I ask you something? If you don't want to say, it's perfectly all right."

"You can always ask me anything, Elliot."

Another pause, and it seemed as though he were trying to gather up his nerve. Even though she had been witness to this side of him for a couple of months now, it was still unusual for her to see this less bold side of Elliot Stabler.

"Did you have the facial done today? I'm not trying to be nosy, it's just that your cheeks are really rosy and I thought that -"

His hand fell away from her neck then and he let it sink down into the water between their bodies. Olivia immediately took it in her own and squeezed.

"El, that question isn't too personal at all. No, I didn't get the facial. If my cheeks are flushed, that's likely because of the heat from the water."

As though reading his thoughts, and thinking he was going to admonish her for not pampering herself enough, she informed him that the reason she didn't get the facial was because she utilized the extra funds to add an extra amenity to her massage – hot stone therapy.

He smiled at her then, glad that she had fully taken advantage of her entire gift card. He'd noticed at lunch how relaxed she looked, but it was only now that he was really aware of just how much the morning's events had had their effect on her. Then he fell silent, content to sit quietly and enjoy Olivia's company.

The stillness of the moment was eventually interrupted when the jets stopped working, indicating that the timer had reached its end. Elliot stood and exited the tub first, briskly drying himself with a towel, then wrapping it around his waist. He then extended his hand to Olivia, helping her. When she was back on solid ground, he grabbed another towel and wrapped it around her shoulders. Rubbing her arms briskly, he tried to keep her from catching a chill.

"Why don't you take the shower first, Liv?"

Olivia could only nod, then turned to follow his instructions. Elliot watched her go until the bedroom door shut behind her, then moved about cleaning up. This last half hour sharing the hot tub with her was quite possibly the most intimate they'd ever been, but not once had he felt uncomfortable or awkward. It just felt natural. Maybe sharing the bedroom tonight wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.

* * *

Later that night, Olivia and Elliot were getting ready to turn in for the night. Scattered on Olivia's bed were some of her clothes, and she was trying to put them back in her bag. It didn't escape Elliot's notice that one of the items in her hand was a bikini. Again, his earlier anxieties were ignited anew, and he had to question her.

"Liv? I couldn't help but notice the swimsuit in your hand, and I hope you weren't uncomfortable wearing it around me."

Olivia looked puzzled at first, then finally understood.

"That's not it at all, El. The suit I wore tonight, I typically wear at the gym when I swim laps. It's designed for higher chlorine content, like the kind they use in hot tubs."

She waited a moment, then continued, raising her hand with the bikini in it.

" _This_ swimsuit is if we go down to the hotel pool."

Relieved then that he hadn't made her feel awkward or at unease, Elliot let himself relax again. They agreed on a time to go to breakfast the next morning, and were about to crawl into their respective beds. Noticing that Elliot was about to go to sleep fully clothed, Olivia called him out on it.

"El, you told me when you first got to my place that you normally sleep in your boxers. Don't do anything out of your normal routine on my account. This is your vacation, too."

Elliot couldn't believe she remembered that little bit of information that he'd told her. Then he recalled something on his own - the night he'd snuck into her room looking for the gun. He'd been wearing only his boxers then, and she hadn't even flinched. She'd invited him into her bed to sit and talk, and that was ultimately where he'd fallen asleep. He pulled off his tee shirt and stripped out of his sweats before crawling between the sheets of his bed.

"Here you go, El. The remote was on my nightstand."

He looked to his side to see her extending it in his direction between their beds. He knew he didn't need to ask her if the television would bother her. From the looks of it, she was half asleep already. Likely all the efforts put into her relaxation today were still having an effect on her.

Finding a channel to keep on while he slept, Elliot turned the volume low anyway. He thought of something else he wanted to ask her, but when he turned his head to the side, his breath caught in his throat.

He could see Olivia clearly by the soft lights from the television. She lay on her side facing him, one arm tucked under her pillow. Her mouth was parted slightly, exhaling soft breaths at even intervals. She looked so peaceful – so beautiful.

It had never been lost on him over their years together that he'd been partnered with an attractive woman. It was just in his more recent dependence on her in the past couple of months that he was more willing to acknowledge his attraction _to_ her. Maybe it was because the separation from Kathy was so recent that he felt so guilty. Or, it was because he'd known Olivia for so long. That would explain why he constantly felt like he was overstepping his boundaries. He was so afraid of destroying the great relationship that they already had.

Not wanting to be caught staring should Olivia suddenly open her eyes, Elliot forced his eyes away from her. Drowning out the sound of the television and instead focusing on the sound of her breathing, Elliot drifted into a quiet slumber of his own. His last conscious thought was that they still had two full days before they had to go back to reality. He planned to enjoy every minute.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Elliot carried a plate piled high with food, and brought it over to the table where Olivia was sitting. He knew he was probably going to eat too much, but everything at the breakfast buffet just looked so good – he hadn't been able to make up his mind. He'd chosen a little bit of everything.

Olivia on the other hand, had been more moderate with her choices. Her plate contained a selection of fresh fruit, along with a waffle. She was just spreading her napkin over her lap as Elliot sat down. They were about to dig into their meal when she noticed something.

"We completely forgot about something to drink, El."

He held out his hand, stopping her from getting up.

"I'll get it, Liv. I know for a fact you want coffee, but did you want juice, too?"

"Just coffee is fine."

He returned a few moments later, setting down two cups of the dark brew. Cream and sugar were already provided on the tables. Now that they didn't need anything else, they both began to eat.

For several minutes, both were so focused on the delicious food that neither spoke. Taking a break, Olivia set down her fork and took a deep sip from her coffee mug.

"So, what did you want to do today, El?"

It was a fair question. They both had very active personalities, and neither would be content just sitting around the hotel room. Luckily for them, there were plenty of amenities to be found.

"I don't know if you'd be interested or not, but I thought we could go for a hike this morning. We wouldn't have to go too far up the mountain, just take one of the easier trails."

She smirked then, giving him a look that clearly issued a challenge. Though he was curious as to what she had to say, he didn't back down. If anything, he was enjoying their banter.

"An 'easy' trail ? What do you take me for, Stabler? Or maybe its you who won't be able to keep up."

Elliot couldn't keep himself from smiling.

"Is that a challenge, Benson? In that case, you're on. We'll just see who gets to the top first."

They shook hands then across the table, even though they had yet to make any wagers on their mock bet. They finished their breakfast and went back upstairs to their room.

* * *

A short while later, they were pulling into the State Park. Elliot parked the car, then grabbed the drawstring bag that he had purchased at the hotel gift shop that morning. Since neither of them had brought along a backpack, this was the next best thing. In the bag were a few purchases he had made – some bottles of water and a few snacks.

They both zipped up their jackets and made their way to the trail entrance. The weather wasn't overly chilly today, but they knew the air would get colder the higher the elevation.

Despite their challenge to one another earlier that morning at breakfast, neither was in any hurry. Instead of a hike, this was more of a leisurely walk. Both Elliot and Olivia were taking their time, enjoying their surroundings.

The pair had only been walking for about twenty minutes when Elliot suddenly halted in his footsteps. He turned and faced Olivia, his eyes wide with wonder. His index finger was pressed to his lips, instructing her not to make a sound. Soundlessly walking the few paces back to where she stood, he placed both hands on her shoulders. He pivoted her slightly, so she turned at the hips. Then, he pointed, indicating a spot about two hundred yards away. It took a moment before Olivia's eyes honed in on what he was referring to, but then she saw it.

There, staring right at them, were a pair of whitetail deer. Their ears were flicking nervously, trying to sense if they were in any danger. Ultimately, they must have decided not to stay, because they turned around and bounded off in the opposite direction, their tails the last thing they could see.

"Well, that's something you certainly don't get to see in the city."

Olivia's words were barely a whisper, her voice still holding a tone of reverence over what they had just had just seen. It was though she had spoken the words on an exhale of breath.

Elliot nodded in response, even though she couldn't see him since he was still standing behind her. His hands were still on her shoulders, as neither had chanced moving while they had been looking at the deer. Finally, he found his voice.

"Shall we go on?"

"Yeah."

They walked on then, both still grateful that the trail they were walking wasn't crowded today. They would pass the occasional other person or couple, but for the most part it was just the two of them.

Two hours later, they reached the first true 'stopping point' set up on the trail. It was a small overlook, along with a few picnic tables for those who chose to use it to take a break. Not really tired, but a little thirsty, Elliot suggested they take advantage of the area and at least get something to drink.

He pulled a bottle of water out of the bag and passed it to Olivia, wanting her to drink first. He was about to get a second when her voice stopped him.

"El, wait. Unless you're really thirsty, we can just share this one."

He nodded, and took his own drink when she passed the bottle to him.

"Did you want anything to snack on, Liv?"

"No, I'm still stuffed from breakfast. If you're hungry though, by all means, eat something."

He shook his head. The truth of the matter was, he was still full from breakfast, too.

"Did you want to keep walking, or should we turn back?"

Olivia regarded his question, knowing that all the joking from this morning had been just that. Neither of them would think any less of the other for wanting to return to the hotel.

"We've already walked pretty far, and it will take us another two hours to get back to the car. I say we head back."

He nodded his agreement, but then someone else came into the clearing to stand by the overlook, and he was suddenly struck by an idea.

"Excuse me, sir, but would you take a picture of me and my friend?"

"Of course."

Elliot opened up the camera on his cell phone and passed the man the device. Then he pulled a somewhat stunned Olivia to stand beside him. Wrapping his arm around her shoulder, he felt when she came to her senses.

"El, what are you doing? I'm not in any condition to have my picture taken - I must look a mess!"

Turning to face her, his arm still around her shoulders, he reached up with his free hand and swept a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"You look beautiful. Please, Liv - one photo?"

Her eyes flicked between his for a moment, but she ultimately nodded. Turning back toward the gentleman waiting patiently with his phone, Elliot smiled. He felt when Olivia wrapped her free arm around his waist, and knew she was smiling, too. A few seconds later, the man was returning his cell phone to his waiting hand.

"Thank you."

"Not a problem. Enjoy the rest of your day."

Elliot glanced down at the photo of himself and Olivia, and quickly saved it to his phone's memory card. It was something he wanted to keep forever. It would be the first picture he would have of the two of them that hadn't been taken for something work related. What he couldn't get over was the look on his face. For the first time in a long time, he looked truly happy.

* * *

On their way back to the hotel, Elliot offered to take Olivia to lunch. She declined, but did suggest they order something light from room service when they got back. After all, she reminded him, they did still have their reservation for dinner tonight.

She also suggested that before they ate, they head down to the hotel pool to unwind a little. He agreed it sounded like a good idea. They'd been up early, and it was only a little after one in the afternoon. They still had plenty of time.

Elliot let Olivia have use of the bathroom to get ready, and while she was in there, he quickly changed into his swim trunks. After pulling a tee shirt on over his head, he was ready to head down to the pool. He was slipping on his shoes when he heard a voice call to him from the other room.

"El? Are you decent?"

"Yeah, Liv. You can come out."

The door opened, and Olivia stepped out. She was wearing a cover up concealing her swimsuit. The garment only fell to mid thigh, accentuating her long legs. Despite his promises to himself, he couldn't help but wonder what she was wearing underneath – the one piece she'd worn the night before, or the bikini he'd spotted on the bed. Trying to push those thoughts out of his mind, Elliot focused on the matter at hand.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah, El."

They made their way through the winding hotel corridors. The pool was on the lower level, and in order to be granted access, they had to swipe their room key. Aside from a few other couples, the place was mostly deserted. They found a pair of lounge chairs by the side of the pool, and set down their towels and the room key.

Elliot slid his shoes under one of the chairs, and shed his tee shirt, taking care to fold it first before setting it down. When he turned around to ask Olivia if she was ready to get in the water, his heart caught in his throat.

Olivia had pulled her cover up over her head, and was standing in front of him wearing the dark purple bikini he'd spotted on her bed the night before. Never in a million years could the errant images that had ran through his mind have done her justice. Hoping that he wasn't staring at her like an idiot with his mouth gaping open, he remembered what it was he had wanted to ask her.

"Are you ready to swim, Liv?"

"Of course. Right behind you."

Olivia was no fool. She'd noticed Elliot's reaction to her in her swimsuit. She hadn't been offended in the slightest. Truth of the matter was, she rather enjoyed seeing him in his swim trunks, too. It was one of the reasons she'd suggested he get in the water first. They may have been partners and friends for well over a decade, but she had always known how attractive Elliot Stabler was. She'd be lying to herself if she ever said she hadn't stolen a few glances over the years.

Olivia moved toward the water, noticing Elliot had gotten in at the middle of the pool. The depth was about five feet there. Still, he'd had to crouch down to get the water come up over his shoulders. Turning around, she made her way carefully down the ladder, grateful that the pool was heated.

"Did you want to swim a few laps? No competition this time, I promise."

Her eyes met his, and she heard the sincerity in his voice. They made their way to the edge of the pool then turned until their backs were against the wall. Sharing a lane, they swam side by side in perfect tandem. Even though they had never before swam laps together, it didn't surprise either of them that they fell into sync the way they had with every other aspect of their lives.

After swimming laps for a solid forty-five minutes, they were ready to get out of the water. Elliot exited the pool first. Much like he had when they used the hot tub the night before, he briefly toweled himself off, then wrapped it around his waist. Then he brought the second towel over to the poolside, so he could wrap it around Olivia as soon as she got out.

When they got back to their room, Elliot told Olivia she could shower first. While he waited his turn, he promised he would order them something from room service. Studying the menu for anything that would fit their tastes, he ended up choosing two different appetizers that they could share.

Olivia returned, dressed in her comfortable clothes that Elliot was accustomed to seeing her in when they lounged around her apartment. Instead of taking the extra time to to blow dry her hair, she instead had left it to air dry. It was still damp, and fell to her shoulders in soft waves.

"Your turn, El."

He crossed the room to where she was standing, placing both hands on her shoulders. No longer anxious like he had been the night before, he brushed his lips against her forehead.

"Thanks, Liv. I won't be long. Room service should be here soon."

* * *

The light meal of shared appetizers Elliot ordered had been perfect. Instead of using the table, they had opted to move the room service cart by the sofa, and eat in comfort. When they were finished, Elliot pushed the tray so it was outside their door to be picked up.

Joining Olivia back on the sofa, he could see how fatigued she was. Though she was no stranger to extensive workouts and long hard days, it was obvious the day had taken its toll on her. Truth be told, he was feeling it too. Maybe it was just the fresh mountain air.

Either way, they were both in need of some rest.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Liv, but what would you say to taking a nap?"

Her head lolled toward him where she was resting it on the back of the sofa, and she gave him a smile.

"I think that is a terrific idea."

Elliot was the first to stand, and he offered his hand to Olivia. To his surprise, she didn't bat it away. Instead, she placed her hand in his and used his support to rise to her feet. They walked to the bedroom of their suite and climbed into their respective beds. He set the alarm on his phone so they would be up in time for dinner, then relaxed back against the pillows.

Before setting his phone down, he opened up the photo taken of he and Olivia that morning. They were both smiling at the camera, their arms around each other. His first reaction when he'd seen it was that he couldn't remember when he'd last been that happy. It really hit him then. He wasn't just putting on a smiling face to pose for the camera. He had been genuinely happy in that moment – it was why he'd wanted the photo taken in the first place.

Elliot wasn't naïve enough to believe that this meant he had been cured of his depression. He did, however, hope that moments of real happiness would be more frequent and not as fleeting as they had been over recent months. For the first time ever, he almost wished he had taken up the practice of keeping a journal that had been suggested not only by Dr. Simpson, but from many of his counselors at Partial as well. He wanted to document this day and keep the memory forever.

"Are you all right?"

He startled at the sound of her voice, even though she hadn't spoken loudly. He turned his head to the side, to find Olivia watching him intently.

"I thought you were asleep."

"How could I be, when I can hear you thinking so loudly?"

Setting the phone back on the nightstand, he turned on his side to face her. She mirrored his position, never once taking her eyes off of him.

"There are so many things going through my mind right now, Liv. For the first time in as long as I can remember, all of them are good."

He took no offense at her silence, knowing she was just letting him talk to his heart's content. She knew he needed to get everything out into the open.

"I was just thinking about how I wanted to write down everything that was on my mind so I could remember it all, then cursing myself for ever having been against keeping a journal in the first place."

At that, Olivia spoke up.

"Do you _really_ want to write things down, El?"

"More than anything."

Olivia got out of her bed then, and moved around to the upholstered bench in front of it where she had placed her bag. Rooting through the luggage, she found what she was looking for. She approached Elliot then, a book in her hands.

"I've had this for awhile now. Ever since the week you first came to stay with me. I was just waiting until you were ready for it."

He accepted the item with slightly shaky hands. It was a leather bound journal, and the impact of the gift she had just given him touched him deeply. She had known back when she'd first bought it that he wasn't ready for it, but had kept it close by for a moment just like this one. Now, the exact tool he needed was in his hands, ready for his use.

Olivia reached out, placing her palms on either side of his face. She leaned forward so that her forehead touched his.

"I'll go rest in the other room, El. Give you some privacy to write."

"No, Liv - you don't have to do that. Stay."

He implored her quietly, but his words were no less sincere. The last thing he wanted was for her to leave on his behalf. He tried to keep his sigh of relief contained when she nodded her agreement and made her way back to her bed. She crawled back under the covers, and settled back on her side. Within a few minutes, her breathing had evened out, and she was resting peacefully.

With Olivia asleep in the bed next to his, Elliot took advantage of the time alone. He opened his new journal, and was pleased to find that a pen had been included. Realizing there was no right or wrong way to do this, he began to write. He poured all of his thoughts on paper, starting with the events of the prior weekend leading up to this one.

He was still writing when the alarm went off, but he didn't care. It didn't matter to him that he'd never gotten a nap. Again, he was doing something that he'd never thought possible for him, but his months of therapy had already taught him that talking about his feelings didn't make him any less of a man. Writing about them wouldn't either.

* * *

It was almost time to leave for their dinner reservation, and Elliot was waiting for Olivia. Even though there was no formal dress code for the restaurant, he had opted to wear a suit and tie, wanting to dress up a little for the occasion. Olivia soon appeared, and he stood to greet her. She was wearing a simple black dress that was slightly off the shoulder. The hemline stopped just above her knees. Her hair was swept back on one side and held in place with an elegant barrette. He thought of something that he'd told her earlier that day – that she looked beautiful.

Coming to his senses, Elliot tried to stop staring. Instead he offered Olivia his arm, which she gladly accepted. They walked next door to where the restaurant was, and bypassed the line of people waiting for tables. It was a good thing indeed they'd called ahead for a reservation the night before. After Elliot gave his name, they were promptly seated.

After studying their menus, they placed their orders, then relaxed in their seats to wait. Elliot raised his glass of iced tea in Olivia's direction. She followed suit, lifting her glass of wine and clinking it with his. The nature of the toast remained unspoken, but the sentiment was still there.

They put their glasses down when their salads arrived to the table, along with a basket of bread for them to share. Elliot waited until Olivia had some bread first before helping himself. As they often did when eating together, Olivia passed Elliot the green peppers from her salad while he passed her the olives from his. It wasn't that they each had a great dislike for the items swapped out, but they each knew the other really loved them.

Soon the empty salad plates were collected, and they were left alone yet again. Elliot tried to resist the urge to take hold of Olivia's hand from across the table. He wasn't sure what was wrong with him lately. Why was his mind trying to insist that he keep pushing the boundaries that had been in place for so many years? Then, while he was still warring with his emotions, _Olivia_ reached across the table and put her hand on his. The contact settled him almost immediately.

"El, are you all right? We don't have to stay for dinner if you aren't feeling well. I'll understand if you need to leave."

At ease now, Elliot tried to think of an answer. He wasn't avoiding the truth, but he didn't want to get into an in depth discussion here. Instead, he went with something that he knew she would believe.

"I'm sorry, Liv. My mind was just running away with me, I guess. I was distracted thinking about what we should plan for tomorrow."

"We don't have to decide anything now. That's the beauty of this little getaway – no concrete schedules."

Elliot was just about to concede how right she was when their meals were placed in front of them. He waited until their server retreated again to speak.

"You're right, Liv. Let's just enjoy the night."

They ate then, sharing bites of their meals with one another. While they had tabled conversation of tomorrow's plans, they did discuss how they wanted to spend the rest of their night. Elliot wanted to know if Olivia was interested in using the hot tub again, and her only answer had been a smile. That told him all he needed to know. She was evidently enjoying that feature of their room as much as he was.

When they were done eating, they gave in to the indulgent nature of the night. While neither of them had room to eat a complete dessert on their own, they did decide to share something. Elliot left the decision up to Olivia, and she selected a decadent chocolate layer cake.

They had just about finished when he looked at her across the table. She had a slight smudge of icing on her upper lip. Before he could stop himself, he reached out and brushed it away with his thumb. His touch lingered for a few seconds longer than was absolutely necessary, and their eyes locked together.

When he ultimately dropped his hand away, Elliot cleared his throat and reached for his water glass.

"Sorry. You – uh – had a little something..."

"It's fine, El. Thank you."

Olivia's reply was so quiet he could barely hear her. Or maybe that was just because his heart was pounding in his ears. All he knew was he needed to calm himself down, or he'd never be able to relax and sit next to her in the hot tub later without embarrassing himself.

Shaking his head slightly, he pushed those thoughts out of his mind quickly before they could run away from him. Instead, he signaled the server and asked for their bill. Once he had paid, he stood and again offered Olivia his arm, feeling the warmth fill him again when she accepted.

* * *

Hours later that night, they were sitting together on the sofa, watching a movie. After they had returned to the room, they had spent some time playing a few hands of cards while their stomachs settled. Then, they had spent some time relaxing in the hot tub. Elliot wasn't sure if it had been his imagination playing tricks on him or not, but it seemed to him they had sat closer to one another than they had the previous night. The entire time they were in the hot tub, their shoulders were practically brushing against one another.

Now, it was getting late at night. Rather than give in to her fatigue and admit she was tired, Olivia was fighting it. As though he sensed her struggle, Elliot wrapped his arm around her, coaxing her to rest her head on his shoulder. Even though every rational thought in her brain urged her to resist, she felt herself giving in. Olivia lifted her legs up to the side, and leaned further into Elliot's embrace. When his lips ghosted across her forehead, her eyes fluttered closed.

Meanwhile, as Olivia was dozing, Elliot was counting his blessings. He was so immensely grateful for the woman he held in his arms at that very moment. Not only was she his best friend, but he literally owed her his life. There were still many days when he was an emotional mess, but one thing was becoming clear to him – he loved Olivia Benson.

He supposed it shouldn't come as a big surprise. A part of him had always known it during their years together as partners. There were plenty of times when the lines had blurred, and others worried they had become too close to do the job properly. He also knew his feelings weren't completely one sided. It was just that they'd never spoken the words out loud.

His love for Olivia in no way diminished or minimized the love he felt for Kathy. For the majority of their partnership, he had been a devoted husband – madly in love with his wife. After the first separation though, things had changed. He and Kathy had tried to reconcile, but things were never quite the same. He realized that the impending divorce had been a long time in coming. Now, his and Kathy's relationship with one another would be a healthy one.

Unconsciously pulling the woman in his arms closer, Elliot's thoughts continued on. He was thinking about his feelings for Olivia, and how they'd evolved over the years. This weekend alone, he could feel his feelings for her changing even more. He couldn't say for certain that he was _in_ love with her, but he could understand now how easy it would be to let himself fall.

Shaking his head, he mentally berated himself. Now wasn't the time for that. Not only did he not even know what Olivia's feelings toward him were, but he was still technically married! Maybe he was just reading too much into things.

He pushed that thought away too, as quickly as it had come. What he was feeling wasn't brought on by some misunderstanding or because of emotional dependence. His feelings were genuine, as had been his intentions in giving her the spa package. Above all else, she was his best friend. Nothing could or would ever change that fact.

Olivia stirred against him sleepily, and he turned his mind away from his thoughts to focus on her.

"Come on, Liv. Let's go to bed."

Though she protested slightly, he was able to coax her to her feet and lead her to bed. When she lay back against the pillows, he lifted her legs up, and pulled the covers up to her shoulders. Confident now that she didn't protest the gesture, he pressed another soft kiss to her forehead before backing away.

"Good night, Olivia."

Elliot crawled into his own bed, and made himself comfortable. After finding something to watch, he reached for his cell phone to set an alarm for the following morning. Before putting the phone away for the night, however, he couldn't resist looking at their photo from that morning just one more time. He reminded himself to have a print made as soon as they got back to the city, so he could put it in a frame.

While he waited for sleep to claim him, he barely focused on what was on the television screen. Instead, he replayed the days events in his mind. Real life may still be waiting for them when they returned the day after tomorrow, but he would face it recharged and renewed.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Olivia and Elliot faced Sunday morning with the same eagerness and excitement that they had Saturday. They began their day by hitting the breakfast buffet before it could get too crowded, and talked over their plans.

Since they both wanted to spend more time outdoors, they decided to go back to the State Park again, this time taking a different trail. They discussed perhaps walking a more challenging course than the day before.

It didn't take them long to get ready once they'd returned to their room, and soon they were on their way back to the park. Elliot shouldered the drawstring bag again, ensuring they would have water and snacks if they should need them. Then they set out in the opposite direction as they had yesterday.

They did keep one thing the same though, and that was the distance that they walked. After two hours, they decided to stop for a break, knowing they still had to cover the journey back. The trail had indeed proven to be more difficult, and both Elliot and Olivia were in the need of boosting their energy. In addition to sharing a bottle of water, they also each had a granola bar.

It didn't escape Olivia's notice that Elliot was quieter today than he had been the day before. She was pretty sure she knew what was on his mind, but she still wanted to check in with him. High on the trail, they were isolated with no one else around. It was the perfect place to talk.

"Penny for your thoughts, El."

Elliot turned toward Olivia. It didn't surprise him that she was calling him out, if anything he was shocked that she hadn't done it sooner. Despite all his promises to himself that he would return back home ready to take on everything he'd left behind, he didn't want to leave the magic this place had provided. How could he tell her that, though?

Still delaying in answering, he glanced around their surroundings. Spotting a fallen tree off to the side of the path, he knew that would be a perfect place for a conversation. Not thinking twice about his actions, he took Olivia's hand in his and led her over. Without even questioning his intentions, she sat down with him. That was when Elliot realized he was still holding her hand. He started to let go, but she squeezed his fingers, so he kept her palm in his.

"I'm sorry, Liv, I know I've been quiet. I'm just thinking about tomorrow. I guess I don't want to go back."

"Neither do I. I can't think of anyone who actually _wants_ a vacation to end."

The fact that Olivia shared his feelings about not wanting to go back to their daily routine made Elliot feel a little bit better. It enabled him to open up even more.

"It's not that I'm afraid of anything back home. For the first time in a long time, I'm not running from things. Just these few days here have been so..."

"Peaceful"

Olivia finished the sentence, her brown eyes locked with his blue. Not wanting to ask the next question, but knowing it was necessary, she pressed ahead.

"El, are they going to schedule you for another round of Partial when you complete it next month?"

"I don't know. Dr. Simpson hasn't said one way or the other yet. If not, there is a good chance she will recommend me for an Intensive Outpatient Therapy program for three months."

Olivia nodded, mulling over the ideas running through her mind. She knew her questions were probably only confusing him, and now was the time to better explain.

"So, you figure it will be at least another four months before you are fully done with the strict therapy schedules altogether?"

"Yeah, Liv. But why -"

His furrowed brow crinkled even more when Olivia pressed her free hand to his lips to silence him. Their other hands were still joined together from when he'd led her over to their makeshift bench.

"What do you say that once we get back, we make plans for another trip when you're done – an even longer one?"

A feeling Elliot couldn't quite describe began to swell up inside him. Olivia wanted to go on another trip with him? Still, there was a part of him that wouldn't allow himself to believe it.

"That's a long time away from now, Liv. What if you're seeing somebody by then?"

It didn't escape Olivia's notice that he'd made no mention of whether or not he would be seeing someone. She supposed that was because he was still upset over the divorce. Still, that didn't matter. She reminded him of something that he had told her years ago.

"It doesn't matter who I do or don't date, Elliot. They will have to understand that _you're_ the longest relationship I've ever had with a man. You will always be a part of my life."

The words warmed his heart, but also resurrected the guilt he still felt for having left her without a word. He reminded himself that she didn't hold it against him, and he had all the time in the world now to make it up to her. Even if their next trip together would end up being just as platonic as this one had been, he would enjoy every minute of it.

"I think it sounds like a great idea, Liv. Let's start planning another trip as soon as we get back."

With that, he raised her hand to his lips briefly, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles. Then he helped her to her feet. They resumed their way back down the trail so they could drive back to the hotel.

* * *

When they got back, it was a mutual decision between them to skip the hotel pool. Instead, they headed to the restaurant for some lunch, figuring it would be less crowded now than later. Their plan was to get room service for dinner and stay up late watching movies together.

Though they skipped the pool, neither could turn down the hot tub. This time, though, they used it earlier than they had previous nights, and it was still light outside. Sitting side by side, they were able to watch the sunset. Much like when they'd seen the deer the day before, both were in awe at the beauty of the moment.

"I can't remember the last time I've sat and watched a sunset."

Elliot remarked to Olivia quietly, knowing she was as affected by the moment as he was.

"Me either. I wish I had the time to see more of them."

"That's one thing I always took for granted with the job. I always expected there to be another sunrise or sunset waiting for me."

Elliot's words were reflective, and she knew where his mind was going. He wasn't only thinking about his own struggles, but what had happened recently with Nathan, too. Looping her arm through his, she rested her head on his shoulder.

"You still have plenty of sunrises and sunsets left to see, El."

He turned his head to the side, brushing his lips against her temple.

"I know."

There was no need to thank her again, but he had to stop himself from asking if she would be there to watch the sunrises and sunsets with him. It wasn't that he thought it too forward a question, but when he looked inside himself, somehow he found he already knew the answer.

Their time in the hot tub ended too soon, but they knew they couldn't stay there forever. At least the heat had soothed the aching muscles both were feeling from the two days of hiking.

While Olivia took a shower, Elliot ordered their dinner from room service. It arrived at their door just as he was emerging after taking his turn. They brought their meals over to the sofa, intent on eating while watching their movie selections. Olivia noticed that Elliot must have made a trip to the hotel gift shop while she was in the shower, because they had some snacks for their movie night as well. In addition to popcorn and drinks, there was some candy, too.

Later that evening after dinner, Olivia found herself leaning against Elliot's shoulder as she'd been doing the past few nights. She wasn't sure when exactly she'd picked up the habit, but he wasn't complaining. If anything, he would encourage it by wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"More popcorn, Liv?"

"No, thanks."

He couldn't see her face fully, as her head was tucked under his chin. Still, he could tell there was something going on. He hadn't known her for all these years to not be able to read her.

"What is it?"

"You'll laugh."

So there _was_ something on her mind. Even though his own thoughts were still all over the place in regards to leaving tomorrow, he still worried about her.

"I won't, I promise. Just tell me."

As though he could imagine her face perfectly, he saw Olivia bite her lower lip. He felt the tension in her body relax as she ultimately decided to confess to him what was on her mind.

"I want more of that chocolate cake we had last night at dinner."

That did it. Despite his promise to her mere moments before, Elliot felt the laughter bubbling forth from his lips. That was what she had been worried about? Trying to hide his mirth, he instead tried something else.

"Well, it was some damned good cake."

She lightly smacked his chest with the back of her hand, letting him know that she wasn't fooled or impressed with his statement. Again he tried to make the situation better.

"They have all the desserts from the restaurant on the room service menu, Liv. We could order some."

"Really?"

Now he had her attention. She'd apparently forgotten the detail that room service was available twenty four hours a day. If she wanted chocolate cake at midnight, he would make sure she had it. That didn't mean he wouldn't take advantage of another opportunity to tease her.

"Something tells me you're not going to share this time."

He received another smack on his chest for his efforts. Laughing, he placed a kiss to the crown of her head, then headed for the phone to order their late night sweets.

* * *

Fortunately for Elliot and Olivia, check out at this particular hotel wasn't until noon. They had been so involved in their movie night that they hadn't gone to bed until two in the morning. They had managed to get up for the breakfast buffet, but then took a brief nap once they returned to their room.

This was the morning Elliot had been dreading, and it didn't help his mood any that a steady rain was falling. Still, he reminded himself that nothing could take away his memories of the wonderful time he'd had. Yes, it was sad that the trip was coming to an end, but this wouldn't be the last vacation he and Olivia would take together. That thought alone boosted his spirits.

The drive home didn't seem to take nearly as long as it had to get to the Poconos, even though they had taken the same route and driven the same distance. Maybe it was because neither of them were ready to go back. Either way, they ended up back in the city around three. Olivia checked her mail then followed Elliot up to the apartment.

"I know we've been eating out all weekend, but I know neither of us feels like cooking tonight. What do you say we order in?"

The question came from Elliot, knowing that the fridge would be low on supplies, and feeling the fatigue from their drive.

"Technically, vacation doesn't end until tomorrow morning. Ordering in tonight sounds fine to me"

Olivia answered with a smile, and Elliot loved her logic. He placed her bag in her hands, and they went into their rooms to unpack. They may be home, but they still had one more night before they had to return to their normal routine.

Elliot was in his room unpacking his things when his phone rang. It was Kathy. He hadn't expected to hear from her until later tonight, but figured she had just gotten back from her mothers and was checking in.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Elliot. Is now a good time for you to talk?"

He assured her that it was, and let her know that he and Olivia had just returned from their trip a few minutes ago. It turned out his guess was correct, too. Kathy and the kids had just arrived home from their trip as well. He listened while she told him a few of the details of their weekend, and even shared a few stories of his own.

"So, I know you are probably wondering the other reason why I was calling. Do you still have your appointment with Dr. Simpson tomorrow afternoon?"

Elliot remembered then. He'd asked Kathy to come with him to his next appointment, but hadn't seen the doctor the previous week because she'd been out of town. Could it be she was still willing to come to a session after all? Even though they would no longer be married, he still valued her support.

"Yes, I see her at three."

He held his breath then, awaiting her answer to the unspoken question in the air.

"Is it still all right if I join you? I'll understand if you've changed your mind."

"Please, Kathy. I'd like you to be there."

They spoke for a few minutes more, ultimately agreeing that she would meet him at the doctor's office the following afternoon. Elliot asked to talk to the kids, but Kathy sadly told him they weren't available. Eli was napping, she'd sent the twins out to get a few groceries, and Maureen and Kathleen had already left to head back to school. Trying his best to hide his disappointment, Elliot said he understood, and would talk to them soon. He told Kathy he would see her tomorrow, and the two ended their call.

Elliot finished unpacking and changed into a comfortable pair of sweats and a tee shirt, then walked out to the living room. Olivia was already there, and she had clearly had the same ideas that he had. She, too, had shed her clothing in favor of a pair of leggings and an NYPD tee shirt that looked all too familiar. He'd wondered about it before when he'd seen her in it, now he was almost certain that the shirt had been his at one point in time. Going off the deeper connection they had built this past weekend, he decided he would call her out on it.

"Hey Liv – I swear I've seen that shirt somewhere before. In fact, I'm certain of it. Could it be the one I left behind in my locker but was never returned to me?"

The slight flush that appeared on her cheeks made her look so endearing, he had to resist the urge to walk up to her and wrap his arms around her. So lost was he in his thoughts, he almost missed her confession.

"You're right. This is – or was- your shirt. By the time Cragen made me box up your things, you'd already been silent for such a long time. I wanted something of yours to hold on to."

Elliot was still being quiet, and Olivia was concerned that she'd upset him.

"If you want, I can give it back."

That statement prompted him to act. He was by her side in seconds, his lips brushing against her forehead as he hastily assured her he wasn't upset.

"Don't worry about it. It looks better on you anyway. I was only teasing."

She nodded, then turned so she could lean against him. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, they sat together contentedly. After some time sitting together in the silence, they both dozed off. Olivia's head was resting against Elliot's shoulder, and his cheek rested atop the crown of her head. They were each perfectly content as they napped.

* * *

On Tuesday morning, it was a very tired Olivia who met Elliot in the kitchen. She was grateful that he'd already made the coffee, and had a cup waiting for her. Without meaning to, she'd hit 'snooze' one too many times on her alarm, and was now in danger of running late for work. He wanted her to eat something before she left, but they were low on groceries, and there wasn't much she could grab in a hurry.

"I'll stop at the store on my way back from my appointment this afternoon, stock up on a few supplies."

"Sounds good, El. Thank you."

Even though he still had some time before he had to leave, he walked with her to the door. Holding her jacket up so she could slip her arms in the sleeves, he watched as she grabbed her bag and was ready to head out. Calling to her one final time, he caught her eye as she turned to face him.

"Be careful out there today, Liv. Please."

"I will, I promise."

Soon, it was time for Elliot to head out, too. He navigated his way through the city streets, and soon found himself at Partial. Though he still wasn't expecting it just yet, part of him was hoping to see Nathan this morning. He wondered how his friend was doing. He'd sent him a few messages, but knew it was likely he didn't have access to his phone while in the hospital. Still, he'd wanted him to know that he hadn't been forgotten. He knew that privacy laws would prevent any of the staff from telling him about his friend's current health status, so all he could do was hope that he was doing well and getting better.

As far as his own health was concerned, it seems that the weekend away with Olivia had done him a world of good on more than one level. Besides feeling more relaxed, he also wasn't feeling as anxious as he had anticipated in regards to the upcoming meeting this afternoon with Kathy. If anything, he had a positive outlook that any remaining issues between them could be resolved.

For the first time in a long while, the groups didn't seem as mundane as they had been. Not that he hadn't been getting valuable help from them in past weeks, it was just that the pattern was getting stale, monotonous almost. It had felt like he was just going through the motions of the routine and not really actively participating.

Before he'd realized it, the day was over, and it was time to meet Kathy for his appointment with Dr. Simpson. As it turned out, she was coming up the sidewalk in the opposite direction just as he was headed toward the building, and they met one another at the door. They embraced briefly, then headed inside.

Minutes later, they were seated together in Dr. Simpson's comfortable office. None of the tension from their last visit was present. Both Kathy and Elliot were making eye contact with one another, and their body language was relaxed.

"Hello Elliot, Kathy. It's good to see you both here today. Is there anything specific that either of you want to talk about?"

At the question, the two shared a glance. Without even thinking about it, Elliot extended his hand in Kathy's direction. He was hoping she would accept the gesture, and let go of the breath he was holding when she placed her palm in his. She also gave him a slight nod, indicating that it was okay for him to share their most recent news.

"There is a great deal I need to talk about, actually. The majority of it happened not this past weekend, but the one before."

Dr. Simpson's brow furrowed in concern. She'd read a little about his troubles in some of the other counselor's notes from group, but none had gone into extreme detail. Certainly if there had been an emergency, someone would have contacted her.

She listened carefully as Elliot detailed the weekend in question, first relating the story of what had happened with Nathan. It was no secret to her that the two men had become friends, and it wasn't as though friendships were discouraged in group. The whole purpose of the group was to provide a support system. Still, she understood how upsetting a situation like that must have been. It didn't matter that he had been trained to handle it during his days of active duty on the job, it was a difficult and emotional situation for anyone.

Elliot's emotions did take over then, and he became choked up. He squeezed Kathy's hand, and shook his head, indicating that he couldn't continue. Reaching over to take his hand in both of hers, she took the initiative to speak. Having been the first she'd heard of what had really happened that day, her voice was shaky.

"Later that day, Elliot came to the house. I hadn't known then what had happened, only that he was upset and needing to see the kids."

She licked her lips nervously then, feeling a moment of self-consciousness. Would what she was about to reveal paint her in a bad light? Ultimately she realized it didn't matter. This wasn't about her, it never was. She was here to help Elliot. He needed her to speak right now, so she would do it.

"He'd gone upstairs to put our youngest to bed for the night. When he came back, he walked in on a conversation I was having with Olivia – one in which I was blaming myself for not actively participating in his treatment."

There was a lengthy pause, and silence fell over the room. Dr. Simpson wisely kept quiet, knowing that Kathy would continue in a moment's time. She didn't need a prompt, she just needed a moment to gather her thoughts. Sure enough, after a few measured breaths, the woman was speaking yet again.

"We spoke at length, the most we had since he left the house that night two months ago. Though we never intended the conversation to lead that way, we ultimately decided to divorce."

With a revelation like that, she could keep silent no longer. Dr. Simpson simply had to ask a question. She went with the first one on her mind.

"Was the decision mutual?"

"Yes."

The couple answered in unison, and though their voices wavered, she could tell it was from emotion and not hesitation. After a few more follow up questions, she was able to come to a conclusion. Elliot may be sad about his marriage coming to an end, but his reaction wasn't having a negative impact on his mental health.

The topic shifted then to the events of the most recent weekend, and Elliot was able to relate positive experiences. It was no secret to Kathy that he'd gone away with Olivia, as he'd told her ahead of time of his plans.

By the end of the appointment, Elliot felt a great deal better. Though he'd always talked openly in his sessions for awhile now, he couldn't remember a time when he'd monopolized the conversation quite so much. When leaving, he was able to make an appointment for the following week, glad to get back to the normal routine.

"Do you have plans, Elliot? Or do you have some free time?"

"I had just promised Liv I would do some grocery shopping on my way home, but that isn't anything that can wait for a bit. Why?"

Kathy raised her hand and brushed her hair behind her ear. She couldn't believe that now, after all this time, she was nervous. It was only Elliot, after all.

"I thought maybe if you wanted, we could go and get a cup of coffee or something?"

She raised her hand for the third time, trying again to brush the same invisible strand back yet again. He caught her hand in his own, stilling it.

"Coffee sounds great, Kath. I'd love the chance to talk with you some more."

* * *

They'd spent a little over an hour together at the coffee shop. Even though she'd heard most of the details of his weekend with Olivia during the appointment, Kathy still had some questions. None of them were accusatory, just brimming with curiosity. In turn, she answered all of Elliot's questions about her weekend with the kids at her mothers. They had been so busy talking that their coffee had grown cold before they could drink it.

The time had eventually come though, that Kathy had needed to get home to Queens, and Elliot had needed to move along to his errands. She couldn't resist the urge to tease him about doing the grocery shopping, as it was a chore he'd always tried to avoid when they were together.

They said their goodbyes, and Kathy promised that she would bring Eli to visit on the upcoming Saturday. She even mentioned arranging an overnight or weekend visit sometime in the near future. Elliot felt his heart swell at the sheer thought of that, and hugged Kathy to him closely, unable to put into words the emotion he was feeling.

An hour later, he was back at Olivia's and putting away the groceries he had bought. He was also trying to figure out what to make for dinner. Right now, pasta seemed like a good option. That way, it wouldn't require too much preparation ahead of time. All he'd need to do is start the water boiling as soon as Olivia got home.

The day was quickly starting to catch up with him. Elliot headed into the living room and sat down, propping his feet up on the sofa. He kept his cell phone close by, but didn't think to set an alarm. He was that convinced that he wouldn't fall asleep.

As he lay back against the cushions, he couldn't help but think that he hadn't heard from Olivia at all today. Not even so much as a simple text. Usually she would send some type of support or encouragement, especially on days when she knew he saw Dr. Simpson. He shook his head, figuring that her day likely had not gone as well as his had. If she hadn't been able to get in contact, then she must have been swamped with work. She would likely be missing the hot tub from their hotel room even more than he would tonight.

So lost was Elliot in his thoughts, that he didn't hear his phone the first time that it rang. He picked it up on the third ring, bringing it up to his ear without even checking the display. His voice was already sympathetic, as he was anticipating who the caller was going to be.

"Don't tell me – you've caught a case, and you aren't going to be home until late, if at all."

Instead of a voice on the other end, Elliot was greeted by silence. Though he couldn't explain it, a nagging feeling began in the pit of his stomach, and his heart began to beat just a little bit faster. The hairs on the back of his neck started to stand on end. He tried his best to ignore the sensation.

"Liv? Is that you?"

"No, Elliot. It's Fin."

Fin. There was only one reason for Fin to be calling him, and that was because Olivia _couldn't_ call herself. A million scenarios began to play out before his eyes, and a cold sweat broke out on his brow. The rushing sound in his ears grew louder and louder. He thought back to the last thing he'd said to her this morning when she'd left. He'd told her to be careful. He always told her to be careful. How could it have gone so wrong so fast?


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Elliot didn't know what to say. The question he most wanted to ask was on the tip of his tongue, but he was afraid to put voice to it. Reason dictated to him, though, that if the worst had indeed happened, they wouldn't break it to him over a phone call. Taking a deep breath, he tried to focus. Fin was talking again.

"Olivia's all right. Well, she's been injured, but she's going to be okay."

The breath that he hadn't aware he'd been holding since he first got the call left Elliot's lungs in a rush of air. He never wanted to see any harm whatsoever come to Olivia, but he would handle whatever it was. He would take care of her. Still, that didn't explain why Fin was calling. Why couldn't she call and tell him herself? As though he had read Elliot's mind, Fin began to explain.

"Liv would have called you herself, but her phone was broken beyond repair. TARU is transferring all her information to a new one right now."

Elliot began to relax more as the tension and panic began to leave his body. While he still considered it an emergency, he knew Olivia was already being taken care of. He began to consider another reason Fin may have called.

"I'll be there to get her soon, Fin. Does she need me to bring her a change of clothes?"

"That would be great, Elliot. We're at Mercy General. She's still with the doctors right now."

Hanging up the phone, Elliot headed for Olivia's bedroom. Any previous nerves or anxiety about overstepping boundaries had long since evaporated. What mattered was he do what was necessary to take care of her. Seeing her duffle bag from this past weekend on the floor by her closet, he grabbed it. Looking inside, he noticed that she hadn't completely unpacked, and the bag still contained some clothing. Fresh underclothes, along with a pair of drawstring pants and a tee shirt were safely nestled inside.

Satisfied that he wouldn't have to rifle through Olivia's dresser drawers, Elliot took the bag and headed for the door. Even though he knew there was no immediate need for urgency, he still managed to forget his coat in his rush. He barely even felt the chill in the air as he made his way to the car. The last thing he was worried about right now was his own well being. He just wanted to get to Olivia.

Elliot made it to the hospital in record time, even with fighting with traffic. For the first time in ages, he had longed for the privilege of having lights and sirens in his car to navigate faster through the city streets. The time seemed to tick by so slowly as he had inched his way along. When he arrived, he parked the car as quickly as he could, knowing the last thing he needed today was to get towed. Then he hurried inside to the waiting room.

Fin was there waiting, and that was a surprise. Now that he took a breath to think about it, why hadn't her partner been the one to contact him? Where was Nick Amaro in all this? He was trying not to feel anger toward the man. Twelve years as Olivia's partner had taught him she was headstrong and brave - she wouldn't wait if she felt she could make the collar or save the victim. She also wouldn't take any unnecessary risks. Whatever had happened today, neither Olivia nor her partner were at fault. He was about to talk to Fin when they were interrupted by a woman in scrubs.

"Excuse me, Detective? The doctor is through examining Detective Benson. You can go in and see her now. She's in room eight."

Fin turned to Elliot, and with a gesture of his arm, waved him toward the back.

"Go ahead, man. I know you want to see her. I'll wait here until you let me know how she is."

"I will. Thanks again for calling."

There was no need to thank the man for staying with Olivia, he knew Fin cared for her a great deal. Elliot shouldered the bag he held once more, and headed back to find Olivia.

* * *

Elliot walked down the corridor, easily finding room eight without a problem. He only hesitated outside because the curtain was drawn, and he didn't want to intrude on Olivia's privacy. Knocking once on the glass partition, he called out her name.

"Liv? Is it all right if I come in?"

"Elliot? Of course you can come in. What are you doing here?"

There was no mistaking the pinched sound in her voice. Even though he had yet to see her, he could tell she was in pain. Again his anxieties began to rise as he wondered just what he would be walking into. But, she was alert and talking to him, so whatever it was couldn't be that bad.

Pushing aside the curtain, he stepped into the room. He set the bag down on a chair and stepped toward where Olivia lay on the hospital bed. His eyes swept over her hastily, trying to take inventory of any injuries he could find.

"El, stop. I'm fine."

He silenced her with a look. On one side of her face, there were bruises along her jaw and cheekbone, and a small cut above her eyebrow. Her right arm was secured in a sling and draped across her chest. Elliot wanted nothing more than to hug her in that moment, but didn't want to cause her additional discomfort. Instead, he moved closer to the bed an placed a kiss to the crown of her head as he took her free hand in his.

"What happened, Liv?"

Olivia sighed. She knew there was no way she could get around not telling him the truth about her injuries. Perhaps she could omit a few details though, and spare him some worry.

"I was chasing a perp who was resisting arrest. Nick had gone around the opposite direction to prevent him from leaving from the other exit."

Upon hearing this news, any residual anger he might have had toward Nick Amaro began to evaporate. This sounded like any routine situation that could have happened during an arrest, even when he and Olivia had been partners. How often had they split up to ensure things went smoothly?

"I was coming around a corner in a stairwell leading to the other exit when he ambushed me. We got into an altercation, and he punched me a couple of times."

That explained the bruises and cuts on her face, but not why she was sitting so gingerly. It also didn't make him understand why she needed the sling. She was holding something back.

"What else, Liv?"

Sighing, Olivia cast her eyes away. She should have known better. Elliot could always read her.

"He got the upper hand, and landed a couple punches to my ribs. When I was off balance, he tossed me down the stairs."

"YOU WERE THROWN DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS?"

Elliot tried to keep his raised voice to a minimum, but he couldn't contain his shock. She could have been killed. This time he wasn't able to help himself, and swept her up into his arms. He kept his hug gentle, but he really just needed to hold her in that moment.

Withdrawing from his hold he pulled a nearby chair closer to the bed and sat down, taking her hand in his once more. He was about to say something else, but she spoke before he had the chance.

"Elliot, it's fine. I'm okay. Even better, Amaro arrested the perp. Besides his initial charges, he's facing more for what he did to me."

Before she could say anything else, there was a knock at the door, and a doctor entered. After briefly conferring with his patient and making sure he could speak freely with Elliot in the room, he began to discuss his reason for being there.

"Your results from the CT scan are negative, Detective. However, we still recommend you stay overnight for observation. You were unconscious when you were brought in."

Elliot's eyebrows lifted high at this news. This was something Olivia hadn't revealed to him. What else was she trying to protect him from? How serious had the situation really been? He tried again to focus on what the doctor was saying, but Olivia interjected with something of her own.

"I understand what you are saying, doctor, but I really want to go home."

Olivia could be so stubborn. Not that he wanted her to be in the hospital for any reason, but knowing the doctors wanted her to stay, Elliot decided he would try and convince her. He reached out and rested his palm lightly on her cheek.

"Liv, please. It's only for one night. I know how much you want to go home, but what if something happens? Let them observe you here."

She couldn't ignore the pleading of his tone, and ultimately nodded her consent. Yes, she would stay.

* * *

It was going to take a little bit of time to move Olivia upstairs to a room in the hospital's observation unit, and before they did that, the doctor decided he wanted to run one more test. Elliot was asked to step outside to the waiting room for the time being. He told Olivia he would go and update Fin as to what was going on. As a favor, he took the duffel bag with him, along with the plastic bag containing the clothes she had been wearing when she was brought in. As he was putting them in the duffel bag while walking out to the waiting room, he couldn't help but notice that her shirt was stained with blood – quite a lot of it. She'd clearly been hurt far worse than she'd let on. What else was she keeping from him?

"Fin."

Elliot called out to his friend as he approached, causing the other man to look up in his direction. Fin started to stand, but he held up his hand, silently telling him to remain seated. He took a seat of his own nearby, placing the bag next to him.

"How is she doing?"

"They're going to keep her overnight. Olivia was almost going to refuse to stay, but I managed to convince her."

Both men were silent for a moment as they considered Elliot's words. They knew had Elliot not been in the room, Olivia likely would have tried to leave the hospital. It also wouldn't have been a surprise if she would have tried going to the station instead of going straight home.

"Fin, I know Amaro was with her today, but were you with her, too?"

"Yeah, Elliot. It was all hands on deck."

Elliot tried to find a way to phrase the question so that he wouldn't sound accusatory. He wasn't angry, just worried. Especially now that he'd seen her shirt stained with blood. He already knew for certain that she'd been pushed down the stairs. He wanted to know the rest.

"What really happened out there? I saw blood on her clothes. That wouldn't have come from just a fall."

Fin hesitated, but realized Elliot deserved to know the truth. He remembered the moment he had found Olivia at the bottom of those stairs – she had been bleeding, and so pale and still – he'd immediately thought the worst.

Not wanting to talk so openly in the hospital's waiting room, and knowing that it would still be some time before Olivia was settled in her room upstairs, the two men decided to go to the cafeteria. Both were in need of a cup of coffee.

Settled at a table in a quiet corner, Fin was about to relate the details of what had happened to Olivia. First, he wanted to know just how much Elliot knew.

"What all did she tell you, Elliot?"

"She said she got into it with a perp. That he pushed her down the stairs."

Fin nodded. That was all true. However Olivia had omitted a few details. He understood that she was likely trying to protect him, but he deserved to know the truth. Especially since he was staying with her, and would likely be the one taking care of her while she recovered.

"We don't know what all happened, our guy isn't talking. We found her at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious and bleeding. She had been stabbed."

A vein on Elliot's forehead began to throb and stand out as he tried to reign in his anger. Stabbed? She had been stabbed and didn't tell him? He wasn't angry with Olivia, he was angry at the person who had hurt her. In a way, he was almost relieved he was finding this bit of news out after the fact. If he had heard that she had been stabbed before coming to the hospital, his mind would have run away with him with worry and fear. Now, after he had already seen her alive and whole, he knew that she would be all right.

He listened as Fin described that he had immediately called in an officer down, then began applying pressure to her wounds. Munch had joined him and found her destroyed cell phone nearby. By the time the ambulance had arrived, she still hadn't woken up. Again, Elliot felt the anger flare.

"You told me on the phone that she would be fine."

He had spoken through clenched teeth, but managed to keep his voice low. Why was everyone so hell bent on keeping all the details from him? He deserved the truth! Olivia may no longer officially be his partner, but he still cared about her.

"I was telling you the truth. I hadn't received a lot of information on her condition by then, but they had told me she was awake and out of immediate danger."

Now Elliot felt apologetic. They weren't keeping things from him intentionally – at least Fin wasn't. Olivia on the other hand, he was still convinced was trying to protect him. He'd have to talk to her about that later. It wouldn't exactly be a confrontation, but he did plan to discuss it with her.

A chime from his cell phone caught his attention. He glanced down at the device to read the message, then looked back up at Fin.

"That was Olivia's nurse. She's settled in her room, and can have visitors."

"Is it all right if I come with you? I'd like to see her before I leave."

Elliot nodded, and the two men stood to head to the observation unit. Both had their own reasons as to why they were looking forward to seeing Olivia. Fin wanted to replace the images haunting his memory, and Elliot just needed to see her again. Talking could come later.

* * *

When they walked into Olivia's room, she was sitting up in bed. A tray was in front of her, and she was studying it with disdain. Upon hearing their footsteps she looked up.

"El, Fin – you're still here."

Both men looked at each other, then back at the woman in the hospital bed. Where else would they be? Elliot had even told Olivia before he left that he would see her once she was settled. Had she forgotten? Trying not to be concerned, Fin answered.

"Of course we're still here. We've been worried about you."

Olivia couldn't make eye contact with either one of them. She knew then, that they had been talking about her. That meant that by now, Elliot undoubtedly knew the truth about the rest of her injuries. At least that meant he knew she'd been stabbed. She'd had an inkling he was going to be suspicious when he spied her bloody blouse among her belongings down in the ER.

Fin sensed the unspoken energy in the room. He realized that the two would need to talk. When he saw yet again the way Olivia was giving her dinner tray the evil eye, as though she hoped it would disappear, he had an idea.

"Liv, why don't I run and grab you something else to eat? While I'm out, I can see if TARU is done with your phone."

At first, she was silent for so many moments that both men thought she was going to refuse Fin's offer. Then, when she answered, they each had to hide their groans of frustration.

"Can you also find out how the questioning is going, too? See if he's been charged yet, or if an arraignment has been set?"

"Liv -"

Elliot began to admonish her gently with a hint of a warning to his voice, but Fin held up his hand to stop him.

"Of course. Now, what would you like for dinner?"

Satisfied that Fin was going to still answer her questions about how the case was going, Olivia agreed to let him pick something up for her. She asked for a simple meal of chicken noodle soup, explaining that she was feeling nauseated – likely from hitting her head when she had fallen. Fin nodded, then asked Elliot what he wanted, stating that he was picking up dinner for all three of them. Elliot could barely think of food right now, but managed to request a turkey sandwich from the deli he figured the man was going to be stopping at. He did, however, know better than to try and pay for his and Olivia's share. The tone in Fin's voice had already told him it would be his treat. Minutes later, the man left the room, leaving Elliot and Olivia alone together.

Elliot took a seat next to Olivia's bed, grateful for the fact that rooms in the observation unit were all private. He took her hand in his, just as he had done downstairs in the ER. What he wanted to convey most was that he wasn't angry with her. He just needed to know why she hadn't told him the truth about her injuries, even if deep down he already knew the answer – she had been trying to protect him.

"Olivia, I need you to trust me when I say I'm strong enough to handle this. You can tell me everything that is going on. You've taken care of me for months – let me take care of you now."

Even though she was consumed with pain, and her mind was a haze, Olivia knew he was telling her the truth. She hadn't been intending to keep the news from him forever, she was just trying to find a way to break it to him gently. Then the doctor had come in the room and insisted that she stay here overnight. That had made her so distracted. She squeezed his hand where it was clasped in hers, and started to tell him what really happened that day.

"I'm sorry, El. I was just trying not to worry you. I promise I'll answer any questions you have."

He brought their joined hands up, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. With his free hand, he brushed her hair off her forehead. Making sure she was comfortable, he started with what was at the forefront of his mind.

"You mentioned to Fin you were nauseated, are you in a lot of pain? More importantly, are they giving you anything for it?"

She shook her head to indicate the negative, and he wasn't quite sure what she was saying 'no' to. Then he noticed the grimace that fell across her facial features, and he knew. She was in pain – a lot of it.

"You should take something, Liv."

"I'm not refusing medication, I promise. They just can't give me anything too strong just yet – not until they completely rule out a serious injury. The first tests have come back negative, they are just waiting on a few more."

Now, he understood. The doctors didn't want the pain medication to mask any injuries. He felt bad that she had to hurt until everything was ruled out, but he knew they wouldn't make her suffer unnecessarily.

"Okay. Next question – what happened to your shoulder? Is that where you were stabbed? Is that why your arm is in a sling?"

Again, Olivia shook her head in answer to his question. So far he had been wrong on both guesses. His anxiety began to ratchet up again. Where on her body could the knife have hit her, then? He'd been hoping it had been the shoulder, because while still painful, it wasn't in a vital area.

"When I was tossed down the stairs, he held me by the arm before letting go. The action dislocated my shoulder from its socket. The doctors here at the ER popped it back in place. I only have to wear the sling for two days or so until the swelling goes down."

They were getting somewhere. He now knew more than he did when he first arrived. Granted, this was also the most they'd been free to talk since then, too. Now, there was just one more piece of the puzzle he needed to learn.

"Liv, where were you stabbed?"

"I wasn't stabbed. It was more like slashed. I only needed twenty-five stitches to close it up."

Even though the situation wasn't the least bit funny, Elliot had to resist the urge to laugh. Leave it to Olivia to argue about semantics. Plus, twenty-five stitches? That wasn't exactly a trivial number. Keeping his voice low, he prompted her again.

"Where, Liv?"

"My shoulder blade."

Oh God. The back. She had been stabbed in the back. So many things could have gone wrong. If the blade had penetrated deep enough, it might have struck a lung. She could have bled out, or suffocated to death on her own blood. There were so many variables as to how the situation could have ended. Did she not realize how immensely lucky she really is?

Memories hit him then, of another time, just a few years ago. They'd been working the case where an imprisoned Robert Morten was suspected of involvement and one of the other suspects, a comic book geek named Harrison Thomas had become fixated with Olivia. Not only had he sent a pipe bomb to the station under the guise of a pizza with her name on it, but he had followed her home one night and attempted to attack her. Her call over the radio of "10-13, I've been stabbed!" had haunted his dreams for months after the fact. However, he hadn't been able to get to her place right away, and when he'd arrived there were so many personnel on scene, he couldn't run to her like he'd wanted. She had been holding a piece of gauze to the bleeding cut on her arm when all he could remark to her was how she'd kicked the guys ass. Afterward, he'd wanted to kick his own for sounding so heartless and not even asking her how she was doing.

As though reading his mind, and intuiting the direction his spiraling thoughts had taken, Olivia squeezed his hand again.

"El, stop. Don't go there. I'm okay."

He just nodded. He was about to say something else then, tell her that he would skip Partial the following day so he could bring her home from the hospital, when it seemed she had read his thoughts a second time.

"No, Elliot, you won't. You will go to your program tomorrow. I'll be fine here. They said they were keeping me for twenty-four hours anyway. That means they won't release me until at least six."

Again, he had to admit she was right. Plus, perhaps it would do him some good to vent about these most recent developments in group. Though, he'd have to discuss that with Olivia first. While he knew confidences were kept, he didn't know if she wanted him talking about her personal business, even if it did effect him personally.

Later that night, after Fin had left, Olivia was trying to convince Elliot to do the same. She knew she wouldn't be allowed to sleep tonight, but she wanted him to go home and at least try. She did worry for him though. It would be his first night by himself at the apartment since he had begun staying with her. She wasn't worried for his physical safety, more that the anxiety would get the better of him and keep him awake. Finally, Elliot had to leave, even though the choice was not his own. Visiting hours were coming to an end.

"I'd tell you to get a good night's sleep, but I know that's not going to happen."

"I could say the same to you."

Olivia responded to Elliot's parting words with a smile, but her face was full of concern.

"I promise, Liv. I'll take care of myself tonight. You have your phone now, maybe I'll even call you before I go to bed, if that's okay?"

"That would be great. We both know they're not going to let me sleep."

He reluctantly stood then, and bent low toward the bed. This time, he didn't kiss her on the forehead, or on the crown of the head, as had become his habit. He crooked his index finger under her chin, avoiding the bruise on her jaw. Turning her head gently to the side and tilting it up, he brushed his lips gently across her cheek, lightly caressing the other bruise on her face. Elliot wasn't sure what had prompted him to do that, but when he pulled back to look in her eyes, there was a warmth in them that echoed the one in his heart.

"I'll be here tomorrow as soon as my group is done. I'll call you on the way, see if you need anything."

"That sounds great. Thanks, El."

Before he left the room, Elliot grabbed the clear plastic bag holding her torn and soiled clothes she had been wearing that morning. He stored the duffel bag in the room's closet, so she would have those items to wear home tomorrow. He also made a mental note to bring her a pair of comfortable shoes.

"Good night, Liv,"

"Good night, El."

Elliot made it back to Olivia's, trying to ignore the feeling of immense loneliness he felt at having to come back on his own. He reminded himself that she only needed to stay in the hospital for observation, and would be back home by this time tomorrow night. Still, the memories of the past few hours began to replay themselves in his mind, and he couldn't help but think of the way it all could have gone.

Instead of a phone call, it could have been Fin – or even the Captain – showing up on the doorstep. Telling him that Olivia wasn't coming at all. What would he have done without her? All because one person thought they could get away with it.

Shaking his head, he tried to push those thoughts away. Olivia was fine. Injured, but fine. He would take care of her for as long as she needed. Instinctively, he knew it wouldn't be easy for her to ask for his help, but he would be there to offer it anyway. He also reminded himself of what Fin had told them earlier during dinner. In addition to the other charges, the DA was going for attempted murder of a police officer for what had happened to Olivia. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that the man's intent had been to kill her.

Before getting ready for bed, Elliot spent some time on the phone with Kathy. Though he'd just seen her earlier this afternoon, he needed to talk with her again. Not only was she concerned about Olivia, but she offered to help in any way she could.

Once he was settled under the covers, Elliot picked up his phone and dialed Olivia. She answered on the second ring. Her voice still had the pinched quality that told him she was hurting. Though he didn't comment on it, he hoped that they would be able to give her something for the pain soon.

Even though they were speaking from several miles apart, the conversation was reminiscent of the ones they'd had the past weekend on their vacation. Late at night before falling asleep, they would lie awake in their room and talk until one or both fell asleep. Tonight, it was Elliot who fell asleep first, but when he did, Olivia waited a few moments before ending the call. She lay there in her hospital bed, listening to the sound of his breathing on the other end of the line. She said a brief prayer, not for herself, but for him. One that would ensure his night would be a peaceful one, and that his sleep would be untroubled. With a final whisper, she hung up.

"Good night, El. I'll see you tomorrow."


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

The door to Olivia's apartment opened, and she stepped across the threshold gingerly. Elliot followed a few steps behind, closing the door behind them. True to his word, he'd gone to see her at the hospital as soon as his program had let out for the day. To his surprise, he'd found her not in a hospital gown, but dressed and nearly ready to leave. The observation period had gone so smoothly that they were willing to discharge her a few hours earlier than originally planned. He had gladly been ready to bring her home.

Since she was already in comfortable clothes, there was no worry that Olivia would immediately have to change. Elliot helped her sit on one of the sofas, then hurried into her bedroom to grab some pillows to make her comfortable. Once she was settled, he passed her the remote control and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"If you'll be all right here for a little while, Liv, I'm going to run out for a bit. I'll go to pharmacy and get your prescriptions filled, then stop on my way home and get us some dinner."

"That sounds great, El. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I might even take a little nap."

Even as she spoke, Olivia's eyelids were drooping. It was no surprise to Elliot that she was exhausted, as she likely hadn't been able to properly sleep at all while in the hospital. Making certain that her phone was within easy reach, he tiptoed out of the apartment, intent on running his errands as quickly as possible.

While waiting at the pharmacy for her scripts to be filled, he called ahead to place an order for their dinner. Though Olivia hadn't asked for anything specifically, he figured her stomach was lightly still somewhat tender. He selected a couple of sandwiches and some soup, opting to keep the meal as simple as possible.

Remembering that Olivia had been told to ice her shoulder and other injuries as much as possible, he also looked in the first aid section of the store. There, he found a decent sized cold pack that would cover large areas of the body. It was also soft and pliable, making it ideal to conform to the area around her shoulder. Not caring one bit about the expense, he picked up two.

Olivia's name was called then, so he made his way back to the pharmacy counter to pay for his purchases. He made sure they had given her both prescriptions – the antibiotic to ensure the wound on her back didn't get infected, and the painkiller they were finally allowing her to take. The last thing he wanted was for her to be in pain, or heaven forbid, her recovery to be sidelined by an infection.

His next stop was a bit of an impulse, but one he felt was necessary. Even though he suspected Olivia's stomach may still be upset, thus his reasoning at getting her soup for dinner again, he wanted to get her a treat. Within minutes of leaving this next store, he had a bag of specialty ice cream in the car that would make for a treat for them later tonight. Granted, it wouldn't be the chocolate layer cake they'd had in the Poconos, but it was something.

Last stop on the list was for their food, and he was relieved to find their order ready and waiting. In his mind, he'd already left Olivia on her own for far too long. Not that she couldn't take care of herself, but she'd only just got home from the hospital. He wanted to stay by her side and take care of her.

Back at the apartment, he found Olivia just as he left her, dozing lightly on the living room sofa. She seemed to be as comfortable as possible, given the sling she still had to wear. Luckily, she only had to use that for one more day, and then it could come off Friday morning.

Looking at the clock, he realized he'd only been gone for just under ninety minutes. It seemed as though Olivia had slept through his entire absence. He took advantage of a few extra minutes of quiet to head into his bedroom to change into something comfortable, and when he returned to the living room, Olivia was awake. Rushing to her side, he helped ease her into a sitting position.

"Not that I don't appreciate the help, Elliot, but you can't keep doing that."

"Liv, you just got home from the hospital a few hours ago. You've got to let me help you for a little bit."

With his arms still wrapped around her, he could feel the moment when the tension left her body as she conceded to his request. He knew this wasn't easy for her. Until recently, asking for help hadn't been easy for him, either. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet.

"Okay, Elliot. You're right. I promise I'll ask for help when its more than I can handle."

Wisely knowing it was time to accept the victory and not comment further, he simply pressed a small kiss to her temple and said nothing else about the matter. Instead, he changed the subject.

"I brought home soup and sandwiches for dinner. Did you want to eat at the table, or do you want me to bring them in here?"

Olivia's eyes shone with gratitude. They both knew that she was in no condition to sit at a table and eat. Her pain was so great that she needed the comfort the sofa and pillows had to offer, but she wouldn't openly admit to that. By offering her a choice, and not deciding for her, Elliot had put some power back in her hands. She was eating in the living room because she _chose_ to, not because she was forced to.

"Let's eat in here, El. I think there's a movie on we were wanting to watch."

Elliot nodded and went to collect their meals without another word. The two ate in companionable silence while watching a movie together, and it was almost as if it were a normal night in the apartment for them. For a little while, they could almost pretend that the last twenty four hours hadn't happened.

* * *

After they had eaten, Elliot checked in with Olivia. Though he could tell it hurt her pride to admit it, she confessed to being in a great deal of pain. He convinced her to take one of the pills that had been prescribed to her. As he was bringing her the medication along with a glass of water, he couldn't help but think of how their roles had been reversed. When he'd first arrived here, it had been Olivia who had passed out his medication to him. Now, he was giving it to her.

Olivia accepted the tablet into the palm of her hand, and popped it in her mouth, then chased it down with several gulps of water. Passing the glass back to Elliot with a grimace, she shook her head in disgust.

"I hate this."

Sitting down next to her, Elliot looped his arm around her good shoulder. He needed to tell her this, that he understood what she was going through.

"Liv, I know you don't want to take the medicine, but you need to."

She shook her head, not implying that she was refusing, but that he had misunderstood her.

"No, El. You don't understand. I know I need the medicine, and I'll take it without argument, I promise. It's just that I hate having to take the pain medicine because of the way it makes me feel."

Now he understood. He reminded her then that the hospital had only prescribed a short supply of the prescription pain killer, to last until her appointment on Friday with her primary care doctor. Then decisions could be made where to go from there.

Olivia was still in pain, and he could tell she wasn't getting as comfortable as she needed to be on the sofa. Though he would miss her company greatly, he was going to suggest that she go to her room for the night, and watch something on her television in there. Chances were high she'd fall asleep early, anyway. Then, before he had a chance to suggest anything, Olivia surprised him.

"El, don't take this the wrong way, but would you mind if we watched TV in my room tonight? I'm not ready to fall asleep yet, but I want nothing more than to crawl into bed. I wouldn't mind if you were to join me in there."

"I don't mind at all, Liv."

Minutes later, Olivia was settled in her bedroom for the night. Elliot had told her about the ice cream he'd bought, but she was opting to save it for the next day. Using a few of the extra pillows from the linen closet, they'd arranged it so she could sleep in a somewhat reclined position – not quite upright, but not exactly laying down, either. Elliot was about to sit in the oversized chair in her room when she stopped him.

"El? What are you doing?"

"I'm going to sit with you and watch TV."

"Then get your ass over here and in the bed."

Knowing from just her tone that he'd better not question whether or not she was certain, or if he'd be overstepping his boundaries, Elliot stepped around to the opposite side of the bed. He reminded himself that he'd sat with Olivia in her bed before, wearing far less clothing at that. Pulling back the blankets, he slid under the covers and propped up the pillows on his side before leaning back against them and getting comfortable next to her. He placed his cell phone beside him on the bedside table. Olivia tuned into a channel they both watched often, then passed him the remote.

"Here. I'm sure to fall asleep before you, so you can watch whatever you want if this doesn't interest you."

"This is fine, Liv."

Her words struck a cord with him. Was she asking him to stay all night? He intended to question her about it, but then she shifted next to him and cried out in pain and all his questions were forgotten. Wrapping an arm around her, he pulled her close.

"Oh, Liv. I'm sorry you're hurting, honey. Come on, why don't you try leaning against me?"

Neither one of them seemed to register the fact that he had just called her 'honey'. Or, if they had, they chose not to comment on it. Instead, Olivia followed his directive and moved away from her pile of useless pillows. Leaning against Elliot's chest, she felt his arm come around her back to hold her close. She also felt some of the pressure in her body begin to alleviate. If only her arm wasn't encased in this dreadful sling, she'd be able to wrap it around his waist and hold him in return. That thought was quickly forgotten when his other hand came up to caress her temple, lightly cradling her head against his body. Concentrating on the sound of his heartbeat under her ear, Olivia was able to forget about her pain, and let sleep claim her.

* * *

Elliot awoke the next morning, in the same position that he'd fallen asleep in. Olivia still lay draped over him, his arms wrapped securely around her. He hadn't intended to spend the night in her bed, but when she'd cried out in pain, it had nearly broken him. When the pain seemed to have lessened with her leaning against him, his intentions had been to stay only until she fell asleep. Then, she had looked so peaceful, he couldn't bear to leave. His only hope this morning was that she wouldn't be angry for his having stayed.

Bending his head low, he pressed a kiss to the top of Olivia's head. More memories from the night before came flooding back. He'd called her 'honey'. They'd used nicknames for one another for years – using shortened versions of their given names, or even affectionately calling one another by their surname. But last night had been the first time he could clearly recall using a term of endearment like that with her. He supposed he should feel guilty, but he didn't. If anything, it had felt like the most natural thing in the world at that moment to call her that.

Glancing at the clock in the room, he felt a wave of sadness. His alarm would be going off soon so he could get ready for Partial. The last thing he wanted to do today was to go to group and leave Olivia on her own, but he knows she wouldn't want him to miss his treatment on her behalf. Plus, he reminded himself that even though she was hurting, it's not as though it were anything critical.

Elliot's wayward thoughts stopped the moment he felt Olivia stirring in his arms. A whimper of pain escaped from her lips. Reflexively, he tightened his hold.

"It's all right, Liv. I'm here. I'm sorry your hurting."

He'd thought she was still asleep, and he was just murmuring assurances, but to his surprise, she answered him.

"It's not your fault, El."

Shifting ever so slightly so he could look in her eyes, Elliot studied her expression carefully. He could see tension in her face – the pain she was trying to hide – but no traces of anger or upset. If anything, Olivia seemed content to be waking up in his arms. Deciding to leave it alone for now, Elliot focused on the matter at hand. He wanted her to eat something before he left, so she could take her medicine. If he was going to make them breakfast, he needed to get up now.

"What do you say I make us something to eat, Liv? I know, you're probably not that hungry, but you'll need something in your stomach when you take that pain pill – the antibiotic, too."

He was fully expecting an argument, but to his surprise, Olivia gave in. Not only that, but she requested that he make eggs and toast. Helping bring her to a sitting position against the headboard, he kissed the crown of her head a final time before heading to the kitchen to prepare their breakfast.

While he was in the kitchen cooking, Elliot heard some movement. He figured there were some things Olivia needed to take care of, but hoped she would go back to bed after, and not push herself. To his relief, she never appeared in the living room or kitchen.

Finding a tray in one of the kitchen cabinets, Elliot placed Olivia's breakfast on it. He also added a cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice. As an afterthought, he put her medication in a small disposable cup that he had saved from the deli the night before and cleaned out for this purpose. Then he carried it into the bedroom.

"Here you go Olivia, scrambled eggs just the way you like them. Plus toast, coffee, and juice."

With great fanfare, he placed the tray over her lap. She looked up at him with wonder.

"El, you didn't have to do this. I would have come out to eat."

"Nonsense. You're obviously more comfortable here. Don't you remember what we discussed last night? You agreed to let me take care of you."

Olivia felt a swell of emotion at his words. She had agreed to that. But, she wasn't expecting all of this. She remembered the moment she had woken up in his arms this morning. At that time, the pain was easily forgotten in favor of how safe and secure she'd felt. Things between them just seemed to keep evolving, and she wasn't sure she wanted to stop it. Even though there was part of her that insisted she should, the other part said she should just let things continue at whatever pace they wanted to go.

"Liv?"

Olivia felt a flush in her cheeks as she realized she'd completely missed Elliot talking to her. She hoped he would write it off as her being distracted by pain.

"What is it, Elliot?"

"I asked if you needed anything else."

"No, I'm good. You should eat something, too."

Taking hold of her hand in his, he squeezed gently. Even now, she was still thinking of him.

"I will, I promise. I just turned my breakfast into an egg sandwich to go. I'll eat it on my way to group."

With that, he left, but not before promising to call her at lunch to check on her. Olivia watched him go, listening as the door in the other room shut and latched. Then, she focused her attention on the delicious breakfast Elliot had prepared for her.

* * *

Elliot used his keys and let himself into Olivia's apartment, not sure exactly what he'd be walking into. He'd called her on his lunch break, but she hadn't been too talkative. He figured it must have been the pain medicine making her drowsy.

It was mostly quiet when he entered, though he could hear the slight drone of the television coming from Olivia's bedroom. Hastily setting down his keys and putting away his coat, he hurried in to check on her.

Olivia was dozing propped up against her pillows. The tray from her breakfast that morning sat on the empty space beside her. Elliot wondered about that, then realized there would have been no way for her to move it on her own. He was about to walk around to the other side and remove it when she opened her eyes. He hadn't made any noise, so she must have sensed his presence.

"El? What are you doing back already?"

"Group is done for the day, Liv. I just got back a few minutes ago."

She nodded then, as though trying to process the information. It was clear to him that she was still groggy from sleep. Then something occurred to him.

"Liv, what did you eat for lunch today?"

"Nothing. Don't look at me like that, Elliot. For the most part, I just slept. I hurt more today than I did yesterday."

He hugged her then, something he'd been wanting to do since he first stepped into her bedroom. Still he felt bad that it hadn't occurred to him to make her a lunch and leave it behind so she would have had something to eat. He felt like he was failing her.

"Tomorrow, I'll make something for you, and leave it in the fridge."

"I won't need a lunch tomorrow. I have my doctors appointment, remember?"

Shit. That was right. Olivia was scheduled to see the doctor late tomorrow morning at eleven thirty. Again, he felt consumed by guilt knowing he wouldn't be able to take her. Technically, he could, but Elliot knew she'd never want him to miss a day of his program. Still, he worried about how she'd get there and back.

He quickly carried the empty tray to the kitchen while Olivia used the bathroom. Then she met him in the living room, insisting that she needed a change of scenery. They were settled together on the same sofa side by side about to talk when Elliot's phone rang. Initially cursing the interruption, he felt differently when he saw that it was Kathy calling. He answered immediately.

It turned out, the reason for Kathy's call had nothing to do with the kids. She wanted to know how Olivia was doing. Elliot briefly explained the situation, telling his soon to be ex-wife that Olivia had a doctor's appointment scheduled for the following morning. What she had to offer next touched him deeply, and took a great weight off his shoulders. Placing his palm over the receiver, he took a moment to relate the question to the woman sitting next to him.

"Liv, Kathy wants to know if you'd like her to drive you to your appointment tomorrow. She doesn't want you to have to worry about taking a cab with the amount of pain that you're in."

At first, Olivia was initially going to refuse the offer. Not because she wasn't grateful, but because the last thing she wanted to do was be a nuisance to anyone. Then she saw the pleading look in Elliot's eye. Not only would this be a great help to her, but by accepting, she'd be doing him a favor, too. It would take a great deal of worry off of his mind while he was at his group.

"All right, Elliot. Tell her I accept – and tell her I said 'thank you'."

Returning to his call, Elliot relayed the message. He spent a few minutes more on the phone with Kathy, and informed her what time she would need to be at Olivia's apartment the following morning. A few minutes later, they ended their call.

"Thank you, Liv. I'm glad you agreed to let her drive you. You know that means I'll worry less."

"It was kind of her to offer."

Elliot agreed. Then, he moved on to his next concern – the fact that Olivia hadn't eaten since breakfast. Though neither were ready for dinner anytime soon, he wanted her to eat something. After some convincing, he was able to get her to allow him to fix her a light meal.

After she had eaten, he moved on to the next topic at hand. It might be a more delicate subject, but his only concern was her well being.

"Liv? Did you want to shower before your appointment tomorrow? More importantly, does the bandage on your back need changed?"

She quickly shook her head, and for a second, he misinterpreted her reaction. He thought she was refusing his help. In reality, it was quite the opposite.

"No, El. They changed the bandage yesterday, wanted me to keep it on until I saw my doctor."

She rested her hand on top of his, then continued.

"Because of that, I'm not allowed to shower until I see the doctor, either. Try not to worry, they let me take a sponge bath at the hospital before I left."

Her attempt at joking about her situation did some good, and he couldn't help but smile. Even though the last thing he wanted was to lose contact where their hands were touching, he moved so he could wrap his arm around her and pull her closer to his body. Pressing a kiss to her temple, he leaned his head against hers. Then her soft voice met his ears yet again.

"After I get home on Friday, I will need your help when it comes to changing the bandages. They'll probably need to be changed daily."

"I'll do whatever you need me to, Liv."

He felt her nod against him as she snuggled more into his warmth. They said nothing more, but sat there together contentedly.

* * *

Friday morning dawned much the same as Thursday had. Elliot woke up in Olivia's bed for the second morning in a row, with her nestled in his arms. He wasn't complaining – if holding her while she slept kept the pain at bay, he'd gladly do it every night.

The only difference this morning from the day before was that Olivia insisted on joining him in the kitchen for breakfast. They had just finished and Elliot was getting ready to leave when there was a knock at the door. He hurried to answer it to find Kathy standing there.

"Good morning Elliot, Olivia. I know I'm early. I just didn't know if you would need any additional help getting ready, Olivia. I thought I'd come by and offer to see if you needed any help with a shower or anything."

Olivia was touched by the other woman's offer. Even though she was unable to accept because she wasn't allowed to shower yet, the fact that Kathy was willing to do that for her meant so much.

"No, thank you Kathy. I'm still not allowed to shower, but I think I will accept your help with a change of clean clothes. Managing with the sling is so cumbersome."

"No problem, Olivia."

Elliot reached into his pocket and removed his wallet. Withdrawing several bills, he held them in his hand.

"There's something you can do for me as well, Kathy."

"What's that?"

"After Liv's appointment today, I want you two ladies to go out to lunch on me. Provided Olivia is feeling up to it, of course."

He extended the money to Kathy, whose palm closed around it. She exchanged a look with Olivia, almost as if she were seeking permission. The other woman nodded, as if agreeing to the proposal Elliot had suggested. Neither were sure why he wanted them to do this, but both were fine with the arrangement.

"Okay, now that that's settled, I need to get going. Liv, please don't forget to call or text me after your appointment. You know I'll only worry if you do."

As he spoke, he crossed the room to where Olivia stood. Placing both hands on each of her shoulders, he kissed the crown of her head in parting. Then he walked over to where Kathy was.

"Kath, thank you again for offering to help. I'd give anything if I could be there myself today, but I don't want either of you to kick my ass for missing group."

He kissed Kathy on the cheek, then grabbed his keys and left. Two stunned woman were left standing in Olivia's apartment in his wake. They stared at one another for several minutes before speaking. Finally, it was Olivia who recovered first.

"Would you like some coffee, Kathy?"

"Yes, please."

Two hours later, after Kathy had helped Olivia change into one of her more comfortable pairs of jeans, a bra, and a nice shirt, they were ready to leave. Olivia recited the address of her doctor's office and Kathy found the place easily.

Olivia emerged after being in with the doctor for twenty minutes. She was holding her right arm gingerly, but she was sling free. In her other hand, she carried a bag filled with the necessary supplies to change the bandages on her back for the next fourteen days until the stitches could be removed.

Back in the car, Kathy asked if she felt up to going out for lunch. To her surprise, for the first time in days, Olivia had to admit she actually had an appetite. The two women decided on a restaurant. While Kathy was driving there, Olivia took the opportunity to call Elliot and let him know how the appointment had gone. To her delight, she caught him on his lunch break, and was able to talk to him in person. After sharing the good news about no longer needing the sling and a few other bits of information, she put the phone on speaker so he could say a few words to Kathy. He was pleased to learn that they were on their way to lunch, just as he'd requested that morning. Not wanting to bother Kathy too much while she drove, he ended the call with the promise to talk to both of them later.

Despite the heavy lunch crowd, Olivia and Kathy were seated promptly at the restaurant. After they placed their orders, they sat quietly for a few moments. Finally, it was Kathy who broke the silence.

"Olivia? I don't want to act like I'm speaking about something that is none of my business, but I need to know. Is there anything going on between you and Elliot?"

Olivia had been taking a sip of her iced tea, and she started to choke. After a few coughs and taking a few moments to collect herself, she studied Kathy carefully. There was no anger or judgment apparent in the other woman's body language. If anything, it was curiosity. Olivia couldn't fault her for that. The truth was, she didn't really know the answer.

"I don't know, Kathy. I'm not just saying that for the sake of saying it, either."

Taking another sip of tea, Olivia saw that Kathy was waiting for her to continue.

"Yes, the truth is that Elliot and I have gotten closer since he first started staying with me. And yes, I care about him a great deal – I always have. But to say that something more concrete is there, I can't confirm that."

Kathy sighed then – it was an expression of relief, not frustration. She knew that Olivia was telling her the truth. If she were to question Elliot about the status of his relationship with Olivia, he'd likely tell her the exact same thing. From what she'd witnessed this morning, though, it was clear things were evolving between the two. To her surprise, she wasn't upset. There were far worse people her soon to be ex husband could end up with other than Olivia Benson. Physical beauty aside, the woman had kept him safe for twelve years, and had always cared about his family, too. She knew then, what she most wanted to convey.

"I'm not saying anything will happen right away. I know Elliot is still dealing with a lot. And I know nothing has ever happened in the past between the two of you."

Olivia nodded, wondering where Kathy was going with this.

"All I'm saying is this – if anything should happen, don't deny your feelings for each other. I won't be upset."

Choked up with emotion, Olivia could only nod. She also felt a strange weight lift off her shoulders. Perhaps it was the lingering guilt she'd had for having used Elliot as a virtual pillow the past two nights. Even though she knows she'd never have gotten to sleep without him, and they'd done nothing wrong. Knowing that Kathy wasn't angry with either one of them and no longer harbored any jealousy toward their unique relationship with one another put her at ease. She didn't expect things to change between her and Elliot overnight, but if things continued to evolve, she'd hold true to her promise – she wasn't going to run.


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

After the two women returned to the apartment from their lunch, Kathy stayed with Olivia for awhile longer. She patiently waited while the other woman took a lengthy shower, then applied a fresh bandage to cover her stitches. It wasn't easy for Olivia to request help, especially from Kathy no less, but the more she thought about it, she just wasn't ready for Elliot to see how bad her back really was. If she could protect him for one more day, she would do so. Olivia thanked Kathy for all her help, and after the woman left, lay down on the sofa to take a nap. She slept fitfully a couple of hours, only waking when she heard the keys in the door, signaling that Elliot was home for the day.

"Welcome back, El."

"Thanks, Liv. How are you feeling?"

"Still in some pain, though its not as bad as it was. The doctor gave me a new script for some heavy duty ibuprofen instead of the painkillers I've been taking."

He was about to offer to go out and fill the prescription for her, when Olivia informed him that Kathy had stopped at the pharmacy on their way back. He made a mental note to thank her tomorrow for all of her help today. It had been an immense relief for him knowing that Olivia hadn't been alone.

It was then that he noticed that Olivia's hair had been recently washed, and he could smell the scent of her shampoo. He wisely decided not to tease her about having been able to take a shower, knowing how much she had missed that luxury the past few days. Instead he offered something that would go the extra mile in helping her enjoy how she felt.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Liv, but I noticed you were able to shower. The reason I'm asking is – did you want me to change the sheets on your bed? I thought you might appreciate some fresh ones."

Olivia's smile of gratitude was the only answer he really needed. Before doing anything for himself, his first stop was to head for the linen closet in the hallway to grab some clean sheets. He made quick work of changing the bed, then as an added measure, threw Olivia's comforter in the washing machine so it would be clean too. Only after he'd ensured she was taken care of did he head into his bedroom to see to his own comfort.

He returned to the living room several minutes later, changed into a pair of sweats and a tee. Joining Olivia on one of the sofas, turned to face her.

"We didn't get to talk for very long earlier, Liv. You just gave me the basics about your appointment. How did things really go?"

He listened as she relayed her morning in more detail than she'd previously been able. Again, she repeated the fact about the new medication she'd been given. The relief that she no longer had to take such strong painkillers was apparent in her voice. As she was explaining the care needed for her stitches, Elliot spied the items on the coffee table. A box of sterile gauze pads sat side by side with a tube of antibiotic ointment. Next to that was a roll of paper tape.

As though she had anticipated his next question, Olivia explained that Kathy had helped her with today's bandage change after her shower. She would however, be needing his help tomorrow. Hearing the anxiety in her voice, he immediately brought both palms up to cup her face.

"Olivia, stop. I already told you, I'll help you with whatever you need."

She nodded, but still had a nagging worry deep inside. She reminded herself that she had to trust Elliot when it came to his saying that he was strong enough to handle this. Truth of the matter was, she did need him right now. There were going to be things she couldn't do on her own. Even so, she couldn't stop worrying about him.

"Are you going to see the kids tomorrow?"

Elliot recognized what she was doing. She was trying to change the subject. There was still more he wanted to talk to her about, but he would allow her the reprieve for now.

"Maureen and Kathleen have plans this weekend, and the twins have to work. I will call Kathy later on and make arrangements to see Eli."

Olivia opened her mouth, and Elliot pressed his fingertips to her lips before she could speak. He already knew what she was going to say.

"I also plan on taking care of _you_ this weekend, Liv. Not to worry, I will see my son, but you are my priority, too."

Still gently silencing her, he leaned forward and placed a kiss to her forehead. Then he continued speaking the words on his mind.

"I've done as you wanted the past two days, and gone to my group – even though I wanted to be here with you. Now I have the ability to be here with you all day, I'm going to take it."

That said, he lowered his hand from her mouth, and waited. He was certain that she'd argue with him, that she would insist that she wasn't that important. To his surprise, she leaned against him and tucked her head under his chin. Instinctively his arms wrapped around her. He didn't say anything else, just sat there, content to hold her and grateful she was accepting the comfort he was offering.

* * *

Much later that night, Elliot and Olivia were sitting in the living room watching television. He'd spoken to Kathy, and was disappointed to learn that Eli had a friends birthday party the following afternoon. After more discussion, though, Kathy had offered to bring the boy by afterward. She also said she would bring an overnight bag for him, so Elliot could keep him until Sunday night. Tears had sprung to his eyes at the thought of getting to spend so much extra time with his son. He'd put his palm over the receiver to ask Olivia if she would be okay with the arrangement, but one look in her eyes and he knew. This must have been something the two women had discussed during their lunch together. No sooner had he hung up the phone, than he was sweeping Olivia up in his arms. He kept his hold gentle, mindful of her recent injuries, but words alone could not convey the depth of his gratitude. After releasing her, he changed the subject to keep things from getting awkward.

"Olivia? Did you want something sweet before bed? We still have that ice cream I bought the other night."

"That sounds great, El."

Elliot retreated briefly to the kitchen only to return with two pints of ice cream and two spoons. He had put each serving in the microwave for about thirty seconds to soften it, making it easier to eat.

"What flavors did you get?"

"French vanilla with apples, caramel, and chocolate covered toffee bits for me; Chocolate with brownies, strawberries, and chocolate chips for you."

"That sounds amazing."

They each ate their own respective sweets, but from time to time would taste samples of each others. Once, when Elliot caught Olivia reaching toward his ice cream with her spoon, he stopped her. Before she could get the wrong idea, he got some ice cream on his own spoon, and offered it to her, feeding it to her himself. She accepted with a smile, then repeated the gesture with her own dessert for him.

They'd managed to eat about half of their treat before both had to stop. After putting the ice cream back in the freezer, Elliot stopped to retrieve Olivia's medication for the night. He had a feeling she wouldn't be up for too much longer. She'd had a long day, and she still needed her rest to recover properly.

Sure enough, fifteen minutes later Olivia announced that she was ready for bed. Not wanting to hover too much, Elliot stood first, and offered her his hands. That way, she could use them as support to lift herself up. He knew how independent she was, and now that she was free of the sling, realized she might not want him to help her stand like he'd been doing. However, the day had taken its toll on her, and she was struggling. After her second failed attempt at making her muscles work to lift herself from the sofa, Olivia conceded defeat.

"El, I need your help."

Without a word, he gently wrapped his arms around her and helped her stand. As soon as she was upright and steady, he released his hold, letting her walk on her own power. To his surprise, she grasped his hand. With her eyes still cast toward the floor, she made another request.

"I know this is a lot to ask, but will you stay with me again tonight? I still have such a hard time getting comfortable."

Elliot let go of her hand, only so he could enfold her into another embrace. He brought his palm up to cradle the back of her head, running his fingers through her hair in a soothing gesture.

"Liv, it's not too much to ask. Of course I'll stay with you."

Still holding her, he turned his head to the side, so that his lips brushed against her temple. He was worried that she had stopped taking the prescription painkiller too soon in favor of the high dose ibuprofen, but had to trust she knew her own body. The last thing he wanted was for her to be in any unnecessary pain.

"It's only been three days since you were hurt. Besides, I promised you I would take care of you. That means doing whatever it takes to make sure you're comfortable."

He felt then, as she relaxed fully in his arms. Not that she hadn't been content in his embrace, but it had been an acceptance of his words as a whole.

Several minutes later, they were lying in her bed together. As had been the habit of the past two nights, Olivia was leaning more against Elliot than she was her own pillows. He had one arm wrapped around her shoulders, and the other cradling her head against him. Unlike before, though, her right arm was no longer restricted by a sling. Wrapping it around his waist, Olivia allowed herself to nestle more closely into Elliot's hold. Whenever she would feel the nagging feelings of guilt creeping into her subconscious, she reminded herself of the conversation she'd had with Kathy at lunch today. Whatever these newfound emotions were going to develop into, she wasn't going to run.

* * *

It was Saturday afternoon and Elliot was in the living room while Olivia took a shower. She had said she wanted to get her own needs out of the way before Eli came over, so she wouldn't take any attention away from his son. He had tried to assure her that wasn't possible, but she had insisted.

Elliot was lost in his thoughts, not paying a bit of attention at what was playing out on the screen in front of him. Instead, his mind was thinking about what he was about to see – Olivia's injuries. He tried his best to remain calm, knowing he had to for her sake. He'd already promised her he could handle this, and he wanted to be there for her. She needed his help to change the bandages, he couldn't fall apart on her now.

"Elliot?"

He heard Olivia calling for him from the other room, and took a deep breath. Now was the moment of truth. Even though she had already requested his presence, he still knocked when he reached the bathroom door. Only when she gave her permission did he enter.

She was standing in front of the sink, already dressed in a pair of leggings. A tank top and oversized tee were nearby for her to change into. In the meantime, she was holding a towel against her body to cover the front of her. The placement of the wound on her back was such that she had to remain shirtless while the bandage was changed.

It barely registered to Elliot that she was topless, save for the towel covering her breasts. Instead, his eyes were drawn to the garish bruises covering the expanse of her back. There were so many it seemed as if her entire back was one giant bruise. They seemed to be present along her rib cage as well, as he could see shadows of more bruises along her sides where the towel was draped against her skin. Did that mean there were more along the front of her torso? Just how badly had she been injured in the fall? Another thought came to him then – the many times that he'd held her since she was discharged from the hospital. With the extensive bruising to her body, how had his hold not been too forceful? How much pain had she been concealing from him?

Meeting his eyes in the mirror, it was as if Olivia had read his mind. Holding his gaze, she offered him reassurance.

"You haven't hurt me, El."

Feeling a lump in his throat, all he could do by way of answering was nod. Lowering his eyes once more, he focused on the one area of her back that he'd been avoiding looking at. There, just in the cleft of her right shoulder blade, was a gash several inches in length. He wasn't able to judge the depth of the wound, but the stitches that were there told a story all of their own. Tracing the injury with the lightest of touches, he couldn't help but count each individual stitch for himself.

Olivia remained standing silently in front of the mirror while Elliot looked at her back. Aside from calming him when he'd seen the bruises, she wasn't saying much. She knew he needed time to process everything he was seeing. Even though she'd told him about all of her injuries, this was his first time actually looking at them with his own eyes.

"Olivia?"

His voice was barely a whisper. There was also a tentative quality to it, as though whatever he were about to ask would be met with rejection.

"May I kiss your shoulder where your wound is?"

Olivia felt her heart skip a beat at his question. This would be the most intimate contact they had ever shared. She was anxious, but at the same time, also was aware that she was nodding her consent. Without realizing it, she held her breath as Elliot's palms curled gently around her shoulders and his head bent low. His lips ghosted softly across the spot where her stitches were, then as soon as the sensation had begun, it was gone. When she opened her eyes again, he was reaching for the antibiotic ointment and dabbing it on. By the time he was ready for the gauze pad, Olivia had returned to her senses enough to pass him strips of tape so he could fasten it to her skin. Then Elliot slipped out of the bathroom so she could finish getting dressed.

When Olivia arrived in the living room mere moments later, he was standing there waiting for her. Not questioning her actions in the slightest, she walked right into his embrace. It wasn't lost on her that he was paying more attention to keeping his hold gentle.

They pulled back from their hug, yet Elliot kept his palms resting on Olivia's shoulders. His eyes searched hers. Neither wanted to interrupt the moment by speaking. It seemed that whatever had happened while they were in the bathroom had changed the energy between them. The air was charged with electricity.

Elliot lifted his left hand, and raised it cup her injured cheek. Brushing his thumb across the bruise gingerly, he remembered when he'd kissed her there earlier this week. Right now, his heart was thudding in his chest, and it was because he wanted to kiss her again – only not on the cheek.

As he looked back and forth between Olivia's brown eyes, he reminded himself of how much closer they'd grown over the past few months. Their connection had only grown deeper. What he was feeling now had nothing whatsoever to do with revenge or a rebound. It wasn't misguided feelings because of the way Olivia had helped him either. He genuinely loved her. The more he studied her, the more he saw those same emotions mirrored in her expression. That freed him of all doubt with what he did next. Cupping her face in his hands, he dipped his head down so his mouth met hers in a tender kiss.

* * *

The moment his lips touched hers, Olivia wrapped her arms around Elliot's shoulders. His hands dropped from her face to hold her in return. As the kiss continued beyond what either would have expected, it gradually deepened, but didn't morph in any way from its tender quality. Elliot's tongue gently touched the seam of Olivia's lips, seeking entrance, which she granted with a soft moan. Clinging to one another as their tongues mingled and danced together, they only separated out of a need for air. Still, they were unwilling to break their connection, and kept their foreheads touching as they clung to one another, seemingly the only thing keeping themselves standing upright.

There was so much that he wanted to say in that moment, so much that he needed to tell her. Unfortunately, he didn't get the chance. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, there was a knock at the door. They both knew it would be Kathy arriving with Eli. Still, Olivia found a way to put Elliot at ease.

"Your son is here. Don't worry, we can talk later."

She affirmed her words with a kiss to his cheek and as squeeze of his hand, assuring him she meant what she said. Then she excused herself and retreated to her room. He knew then that whatever had just happened between them, she wasn't going to run from it.

Elliot let Kathy and Eli in, and swept his youngest son up into his arms. It was clear the child was very hyper from the party he had attended. Elliot knew that meant he would likely need to burn off that excess energy. Even so, he would still crash early tonight, likely before his usual bedtime.

"Sorry, Elliot. I know he'll be a handful. They served both cake and ice cream at the party. Not to mention fruit punch and candy."

"Don't worry about it, Kath. I'm just glad to spend time with him. I can take him to the park, let him run around for a bit."

Kathy nodded, agreeing that sounded like a good idea. She started to leave, but then as an afterthought, turned back to Elliot once more.

"Does Olivia need any help changing her bandage today before I leave? I don't mind helping again."

Elliot was touched by her offer, and knew Olivia would be, too. Shaking his head, he explained that he had just changed Olivia's bandage before she arrived. Kathy didn't miss the look that had passed over his face, and reached for his hand.

"Are you all right, Elliot? After seeing her injuries up close, I mean?"

"I won't lie, Kathy, it was hard to see. But I'm not the one who was hurt. Olivia has it much harder than I do. She's the one in pain."

Squeezing his hand once more, Kathy tried to offer some reassurance.

"I'm sure it helps her a great deal knowing she has you to take care of her."

"Thanks, Kath. That means a lot."

The two embraced, then Kathy said goodbye to Eli, giving her son a kiss. She saw herself out, and closed the door behind her as she left. As soon as she was gone, Elliot picked Eli up again, and went in search of Olivia. He found her in her room, resting on the bed.

"Liv? Did you want to join us at the park?"

"I'm sorry, El. I think I'll have to pass. I was just going to take a brief nap."

He studied her expression, determining that she was telling the truth. Underneath it all, he could read the pain in her features that she didn't want to speak about out loud. Leaving Eli with Olivia for a moment, he headed to the kitchen to get her one of the heavy duty ibuprofen so it could hopefully provide her with some relief. When he returned to the bedroom, his heart swelled at what he saw.

Eli was sitting on the bed with Olivia, leaning against her. Her arm was wrapped around his son's shoulders, and he was telling her all about the party he had been to that afternoon, talking a mile a minute. Elliot wasn't certain how much Olivia was able to get, as the faster Eli talked, the harder he was to understand, but she was listening intently.

She accepted the pill without argument, and Elliot placed a kiss to the crown of her head as he grabbed Eli by the hand and helped him off the bed.

"We'll see you in a little while, Liv. If you need anything, call. I'll make dinner when we get back."

"Sounds good. You two have fun."

* * *

It was a much calmer Eli that Elliot returned with when the two came back from the park a little over ninety minutes later. After getting his son settled on the living room floor with a few toys, Elliot went off to check on Olivia.

He found her just as he'd left her, in her bedroom. She was curled on her side, sleeping. There was no mistaking the pain in her features. He hated that she was still hurting. Deciding that he would let her rest for a while longer, he headed back to the kitchen to start on dinner.

He was just getting ready to plate their meals when he heard the sounds coming from the far end of the apartment. Moments later, he heard Eli call out to Olivia, along with her response. He turned to watch her interact with his son some more. When she looked up, their eyes met, and she smiled at him.

"Hey, El. Sorry I slept so long. I meant to offer to help you with dinner."

"Don't worry about it, Liv. I told you earlier that I would handle it. In fact, it's just about ready. Why don't you and Eli come and sit down?"

Olivia knew that if she tried to pick up the small boy in her current state – even if she thought she could handle it – Elliot would likely only worry about her more. Instead, she reached for the toddlers hand, and he gladly took it. Together the two met Elliot at the table where he was bringing food over.

As they ate, Eli chattered to both adults in a near constant stream. It was a struggle for Elliot to get the boy to eat the food on his plate, even if dinner was one of his favorites. Eventually, Elliot figured that getting Eli to eat half his meal was a victory in itself, and didn't force his son to eat any more.

It was Olivia who insisted on cleaning up after dinner. Elliot tried to stop her, but she was already clearing plates and taking them into the kitchen before he had a chance to say anything. To his relief, she seemed to be taking the duties lightly, and not overdoing it.

Trusting that Olivia had things well in hand, Elliot took Eli into the bathroom to give him his bath and change him into his pajamas. It was a little earlier than normal for this routine, but he could already see how tired Eli was. This way, the boy would be free to play the rest of the night, and they could hopefully avoid a temper tantrum come bedtime.

When Elliot returned to the living room thirty minutes later, he was relieved to see Olivia relaxing on the sofa. Eli returned to his former spot on the floor, drawn there by his toys. He pointed to the television, his way of asking without words if he could watch something.

"Olivia, do you mind if I put something on for Eli?"

"Of course not, El. You don't even need to ask."

Elliot tuned the television to a kid friendly channel, then joined Olivia on the sofa. An hour later, Eli was rubbing his eyes with his fists and yawning. Knowing it was time to put the boy to bed, Elliot picked him up and carried him into the guest room. After tucking him in, he read him a story. Then, he surrounded his son with pillows as an added precaution before kissing him goodnight and tiptoeing out of the room.

"He's out like a light already."

Olivia looked up at Elliot at his announcement and smiled. She could see the change in him at having his son here in the apartment. He seemed lighter somehow. She made a promise to herself that now that he was stronger, these types of weekend visits would happen more frequently.

* * *

Sitting down next to Olivia on the sofa, Elliot wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He noticed that she had already changed the station to their favorite channel to watch together. He was about to ask her something when what she had to say completely blew his mind.

"I think I'm going to go back to work on Monday."

Before he'd even realized he'd moved, he'd turned to face her. In addition, he'd pivoted her so that she was facing him. His hands were still resting on her shoulders as his eyes flicked back and forth between hers. With every second that passed, he hoped that she was kidding, but a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that she wasn't. He had to find a way to convince her to give herself more time to heal.

"Olivia, are you sure? It hasn't even been a full week since you were hurt. What does your doctor say?"

"I'm sure, Elliot. I'm going crazy sitting around at home all day. As for the doctor, I didn't ask."

It was just as he'd figured. She didn't ask, because she didn't want to know the answer. If she had, the doctor likely would have told her to take more time off. As it was, there was a high chance that Cragen wasn't going to allow her back on Monday anyway. Best for him to keep his mouth shut and not overstep. Still, he had to say _something_.

"Believe me, Olivia, I know more than anyone how hard it is to be sidelined by an injury. I had my own fair share over the years. But the last thing I'd want is for you to go back too soon."

He lifted a hand to her face, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. He kept his palm curled around the back of her neck, squeezing gently. Pulling her in toward his body, he was pleased when she didn't fight, but leaned against him.

"I can still see how much pain you're in, Liv. I would never tell you what you can or can't do, but maybe it wouldn't hurt to take a few more days."

He both felt and heard her sigh in response to his words. But unlike what he was expecting, it wasn't out of frustration or anger. This was acceptance. Could it be that she was conceding the fact that he was right? He hoped so.

They sat together contentedly for the next two hours, watching a movie they had both been looking forward to. When it was over, Olivia announced she was going to bed. Elliot was wondering if she would ask him to stay with her again tonight, but it seemed she was determined to show she could do things on her own, most likely in an attempt to prove her case that she was capable of returning to work.

He was digging in the linen closet for spare blankets and pillows when she returned from the bathroom.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for something I can use to make the sofa into a bed for tonight. I'm too afraid of waking Eli if I sleep in my room."

Olivia was looking at him as if he'd suddenly sprouted a second head. There was an incredulous expression on her face, followed by one filled with doubt.

"You're still welcome to share with me, that is, if you still want to."

He shoved the items in his arms back into the closet and crossed the distance to her in three long strides. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close. Those were precisely the words he had been longing to hear. Especially after their kiss earlier this afternoon before Kathy had arrived. It reminded him they had yet to talk about it. Maybe now that they had some quiet time, they would have their chance.

A short while later, after he had locked up for the night and looked in on Eli, he was joining Olivia in her bed. Rather than their usual position of the past few nights, they were each lying on their sides facing one another. It seemed both had sensed a mutual need to talk.

Reaching for her hand, Elliot decided to open the conversation.

"So, this may not be the best way to do this, but I can't think of any other way to begin. I don't know if you remember or not, but I kissed you earlier."

There was no mistaking the smile that broke out over Olivia's face. Her eyes shone, and Elliot instantly relaxed. This was not going to be a tense situation between them at all.

"I did notice, yes. But which kiss are you referring to? I remember two."

Now it was Elliot's turn to react. He felt a slight flush wash over him as he remembered his request to her in the bathroom earlier today. That had been an impulsive move on his part, where the words had left his lips before he'd even realized what he was asking. Not that he had regrets, for it was that kiss of the wound on her back that had prompted him to really kiss her in the living room just a few moments after.

"Both of them, I suppose."

"I have no complaints."

Again, Elliot felt relief and happiness wash over him. But there was something else he needed to say. Something he should have told her earlier.

"I do."

He held her gaze, and brought a palm up to cradle her cheek before she could even begin to get the wrong idea. Olivia nodded, indicating that he should continue.

"I don't regret kissing you, but there is something I should have told you before I did. Something that I've felt for awhile now. I should have told you last weekend, but I was too scared."

Olivia felt her heart begin to race. Judging by the quality of Elliot's breathing, his heart was racing too. She hadn't expected a confession of this magnitude when she'd said that they would talk, but for the first time in her life, the last thing she wanted to do was run. She wanted to stay and hear it all.

"I love you, Olivia. I've loved you for a long time, but those feelings have changed recently. I'm falling _in_ love with you."

He started to say something else, but Olivia stopped him. For a moment, his heart began to clench with fear. Had he revealed too much, too soon? Then he saw the look in her eyes and knew that he hadn't. She just wanted to speak, too.

"I love you, too. I can't remember a time when I didn't love you, El. I've been falling for you, too."

Nothing more needed to be said. He dipped his head and their mouths met in a kiss. It was only the second they'd ever shared, but it felt like they'd been doing it for a lifetime. Everything about the action felt so natural and right.

When they separated, Elliot pulled Olivia closer against his chest, and she wrapped an arm around his waist. They had now gravitated to their typical sleeping position of the past few nights. Goodnights and words of love were whispered into the air, and the two gradually succumbed to sleep nestled in one anothers arms.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Olivia came to consciousness gradually. The first thing she was aware of, as was typical for her these past few days, was pain. That feeling was eclipsed by a warmth that filled her entire being. She was in Elliot's arms. Granted, she had spent the past several nights sleeping this way, but something had changed in a major way only the day before. Not only had he kissed her, but they had admitted their feelings to one another. Never in a million years when she'd promised Kathy on Friday that she wouldn't run if things between her and Elliot should develop into something more had she imagined things would change the very next day.

Instead of being anxious, terrified, or any of the other emotions she had expected to feel if things would have taken this turn, all she was feeling in this moment was content.

Elliot's embrace intensified, and his breathing shifted ever so slightly. Olivia knew instinctively that meant he was awake. As she felt his hand come up to run through her hair, she closed her eyes briefly to fully enjoy the sensation. Without realizing she was doing so, she also tilted her head upward. When she felt his lips softly caress her own, she brought her own palm up to cup his face. When they parted, the low rumble of his voice reached her ears.

"Good morning, beautiful. Please tell me I'm not dreaming – that you really did say you loved me last night."

Olivia couldn't stop her smile.

"If you're dreaming, El, then so am I. You told me that you loved me, too."

He kissed her a second time, then, a bit more intensely than the first, but no less reverently. When they'd been away together last weekend, he'd imagined telling her that he loved her, but never in a million years could he have envisioned things playing out this way. Of course, he could have easily done without her getting injured. Even if the fear as a result of it had served as a catalyst for him to admit his feelings.

There was so much more he wanted to say, but he didn't want to rush things. Plus, he had a feeling that Eli would be waking up soon. Later tonight, when he and Olivia were alone again, he had every intention on asking her on their first official date – even though in his mind he counted their dinner together at the lodge restaurant the previous weekend as one. The entire weekend away together had been so special. Trying to shake those thoughts from his head for the time being, he focused on the present.

"I'm going to be making breakfast soon, Liv. Do you have any requests?"

Still cuddled against his chest, Olivia shook her head to indicate the negative. He tensed, worried that she was going to refuse to eat, and was ready to remind her that food was necessary for her to take the antibiotic. Before he had a chance to say anything, though, she was answering his question.

"I'll eat whatever you make, El. But what you should really be considering is this – what will Eli want to eat?"

Again, Elliot was touched by the fact that Olivia was putting his son first. Eli wasn't really a picky eater, but at the age of three, didn't exactly have an expanded palate yet, either. Plus, since he considered this visit to be somewhat special, he wanted to make things a treat for the boy, too. He decided that he would make blueberry pancakes, since they were one of Eli's favorites.

Before she had the chance to offer her assistance in preparing the meal, Elliot told Olivia to stay put. He couldn't resist giving her another kiss before getting out of bed, telling her he would call her when the coffee was ready. In truth, he would have liked her to rest a lot longer, but knew he'd never be able to convince her.

After checking on Eli, and finding the boy still asleep, Elliot headed to the kitchen. His first step was to put on a pot of coffee to brew. Then he began assembling the ingredients for pancakes. He'd just gotten the batter ready when Olivia joined him in the kitchen. She must have been able to smell the coffee. As he was about to pour her a cup, Eli called out from the other room. There was no mistaking the distress in the toddlers voice.

Realizing that the boy likely didn't recognize his surroundings, Elliot dropped what he was doing to go to his son. He'd taken naps at Olivia's before, but this was his first time waking up there after having spent the night. It made sense that he would be a little anxious. When he returned a few minutes later with a much happier Eli, he found Olivia at the stove. She had taken over his duties, and was cooking the pancakes he had abandoned. She'd even spied the blueberries he'd left on the counter and had added them to the batter.

"Breakfast will be ready soon."

She must have spotted them out of the corner of her eye, because she hadn't turned around. Though a part of him wanted to reprimand her for doing too much, all he felt at that moment was love. It wasn't the first meal Olivia had prepared while he'd been staying with her, but it was the first that she'd made for them to share with one of his children.

Just as Olivia had predicted, the three were sitting down together at the table within a short period of time. Eli had recovered from his confusion at waking up in a strange place, and was talkative yet again. He was also eating happily. Elliot took a taste of his breakfast, and smiled up at the woman sitting across from him.

"These pancakes are delicious, Liv. Thank you."

"I can't take all the credit. You made the batter. I just added it to the pan."

Reaching for her hand, he squeezed softly as he ran a thumb across her palm.

"We always did our best work together."

A slight blush appeared on Olivia's cheeks as Elliot flirted with her, but she didn't care in the slightest. Instead of looking down to hide her flushed face, she met his gaze head on and smiled back at him.

* * *

After breakfast was over, it was Elliot who insisted on cleaning up the kitchen. Olivia agreed, and took Eli into the living room to read to him while they waited. She had just finished the story when Elliot came to join them. He sat down next to the pair, and put his arm over the back of the sofa, the action enabling him to hold them both.

"So, Liv, what did you want to do today?"

"I don't want to interfere with your plans with your son."

He dropped his hand down to her shoulder, squeezing gently. The action had its intended effect, causing her to look him directly in the eye.

"You wouldn't be interfering, Liv. I didn't have any concrete plans, and I know you're still hurting, so we could just take it easy."

Olivia was about to object a second time, when Elliot reminded her of the fact that it was raining heavily outside, so their activity choices were limited anyway. Still realizing that she wasn't about to admit to her own pain for fear of spoiling things for his son, he realized that he would have to make the decision for her.

"We'll stay in today, Liv. Maybe if you wouldn't mind watching Eli for a little while, I could run out and get him some more toys and games to keep here."

"Of course I'll watch him, Elliot."

Knowing Eli would be in good hands, Elliot went to get ready. The sooner he was able to go out, the sooner he would be able to come back. When he slipped quietly out the door a few minutes later, Eli was snuggled up to Olivia on the sofa, immersed in another story.

Ninety minutes later, he returned to the apartment, a bag in each hand. Eli and Olivia were in the same positions on the sofa as he'd left them, only now they were watching a program together on the television. Neither had turned to look at him.

"I'm back."

Elliot announced his presence, and the room came to life. Eli hopped off the sofa and came running around to greet him. Quickly setting down the bags he held, he scooped up his son to give him a hug.

"Hey buddy. Did you and Olivia have fun while I was gone?"

"Yes, Daddy. We watched TV!"

Elliot met Olivia's eyes and the two shared a smile. It was easy to see why Eli thought watching television here at Olivia's was a treat. Aside from the one show he'd watched after his bath last night, it really hadn't been on much. He and Kathy were never strict with his screen time, but they also didn't let him watch all day long, either.

Setting the boy back down on his feet, Elliot instructed him to come back around to the coffee table. Bringing the bags over to show Eli his purchases, he explained.

"These toys are going to stay here, so you always have something to play with when you visit Olivia's."

Opening the bags, Elliot brought out some blocks, a game of picture dominoes, a few toy cars, and some crayons along with some paper. Eli immediately gravitated toward the dominoes, which had his favorite characters on them. He asked his father and Olivia to play a game with him. Neither adult hesitated in their answer, and everyone gathered around the coffee table.

The purpose of the game was simple. Instead of matching up numbers, you matched up the characters to make a play. It was easy enough for Eli to learn, and he caught on quickly. The three of them played three rounds before the boy tired, complaining to his father that he was hungry. Elliot looked at the clock, realizing that it was past lunch time.

"I can make something for us to eat, El."

"I appreciate the offer, Liv, but I was just going to heat up leftovers from last night's dinner."

The night before, Elliot had made a huge casserole dish of macaroni and cheese. She knew there would be no complaints from Eli if he were served that a second time. Perhaps that had been Elliot's plan all along to keep meal preparation as simple as possible.

It didn't take long to heat up their lunch, and as predicted, Eli had enjoyed getting one of his favorites two days in a row. After he had eaten, they spent some quiet time in the living room reading so his stomach could settle. When it was time for Eli's nap, Elliot lay him down like he had the night before, hoping that when he woke up this time, he wouldn't be as scared as he had been this morning.

Back in the living room, Elliot joined Olivia on the sofa and wrapped his arms around her. It was the first that he'd truly been able to hold her since that morning.

"Did you need to rest, too, Liv? I don't mind if you do."

"I'm content to just sit here with you like this."

As soon as she'd finished speaking, Olivia turned and leaned against his chest, tucking her head under his chin. He intensified his hold instinctively, even though he reminded himself to be as gentle as possible. He still couldn't shake the image of those bruises from his mind. He tried to push that thought aside, because all that mattered for now was that Olivia was in his arms.

* * *

The rest of Eli's visit after he had woken from his nap passed quickly, and before he was ready for it, it was time for Elliot to drive him back to Queens. To his surprise, he'd managed to convince Olivia to come along for the ride, though he knew she would insist on staying in the car when they got to the house.

On their way back home, they stopped to pick up some Chinese take out. Back in Olivia's apartment, they were getting settled to eat when Elliot broached a subject he hoped wouldn't be upsetting.

"Olivia? Can I talk to you about something?"

Hearing the serious tone of his voice, Olivia immediately set her plate to the side. Food could wait. She took Elliot's hands in her own, and looked him directly in the eye.

"You can talk to me about anything at anytime, El. That hasn't changed. It never will."

Elliot nodded, then took a deep breath. He didn't know why he was suddenly so nervous.

"You know I have therapy with Dr. Simpson tomorrow, right?"

Olivia didn't say anything, but nodded once to confirm she understood.

"Could I , that is to say, would you mind if I told her about what happened to you?"

Olivia let go of Elliot's hands only so should could cup his face in her palms. Her eyes flicked back and forth between his own, trying to ensure that he would not only hear her, but that he saw her as well.

"Elliot, you don't need to ask me for permission about what you discuss in your private sessions. Even though I was the one who got hurt, I know you were impacted by it, too. It's not an invasion of my privacy to tell what happened."

He released a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding. She'd understood exactly what it was he'd been trying to ask. Not only that, but she knew _why_ he wanted to talk about it in therapy. There had been a part of him that had been anxious she would think he was referring to the most recent development in their relationship. Granted, he wanted to talk to the doctor about that too, as that was part of his recovery as well, but that wasn't what was first and foremost on his mind. No, what still haunted him was that phone call he'd received on Tuesday when she was late coming home. The image of her in a hospital bed. The bruises and stitches he'd seen on her back. For the first time since he'd left the force, he'd truly had to grasp the fact that Olivia was still a cop – walking into untold dangers every day without him by her side. Not that he'd ever ask her to quit, but it gave him a newfound respect to what Kathy must have endured during all the years they were married.

"Is there anything else you need to talk about right now, El?"

Elliot startled at first at the sound of her voice. He'd been so lost in his thoughts he almost hadn't understood her question. Truth was, he did have something else to ask, but he was even more hesitant to delve into this next topic. However, Olivia must have sensed his unease, and saved him, answering before he could even question her.

"Oh, by the way, I spoke to Cragen while you were in the house with Kathy dropping off Eli earlier."

He said nothing, but looked at her curiously. He didn't want to press her, but wanted to give her space to tell him on her own time.

"He wants me to wait a few more days before coming back to work. I don't have to wait until the stitches are out, but he does want me to stay home this week."

Now there was no doubt about what he would say. He could see the defeat written in her expression. Now was not the time for an 'I told you so.' Not that he'd ever say that to her anyway.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I know that's not what you were wanting to hear."

"No, but you were right. I am in more pain that I care to admit. It will probably do me some good to take it easy for a little bit longer."

He hugged her then, and kissed her gently. When they separated, they both looked to the coffee table and laughed lightly. Sitting there was their forgotten dinner, now cold. With a kiss to the crown of her head, Elliot instructed Olivia to stay put as he gathered their plates and took them to the kitchen to reheat them.

* * *

Elliot made it through his programs on Monday as best he could. Olivia had said she would meet him for lunch, but he had told her to stay home and rest at least one more day. Tomorrow maybe, if she was feeling up to it, he would take her up on her offer. He did however, call her at lunchtime. If he wasn't mistaken, he had interrupted a nap, making him all the more glad he'd insisted she stay home.

Now, he was in the waiting room of Dr. Simpsons office, more anxious than he could remember being in a long while. Could it really be that it was only last week he and Kathy were here together? That it was then he had simultaneously shared the good news of his weekend away with Olivia, and the more sobering information about his impending divorce from Kathy? He remembered going out for coffee with Kathy after, then shopping for groceries. Never would he have imagined that a phone call only a few hours later was going to throw his world into a tailspin.

He was pulled from his thoughts when Dr. Simpson called his name, and he followed her back almost mechanically. He knew as soon as they were seated, she was going to call him out, but he didn't care. He was clearly wearing his emotions on his sleeve right now. He'd done a good job hiding them for the better part of the day, but couldn't keep it in any longer.

"All right, Elliot. I can tell you have a lot on your mind, so why don't you tell me what is going on?"

"There is so much to say, I don't even know where to start."

"I find its always best to start at the beginning."

Taking a deep breath, he did just that. He started where he'd left off the week before. He asked if she remembered what he'd told her about his weekend away with Olivia, and his divorce. When Dr. Simpson nodded, he continued.

"After I left your office, Kathy and I went out together for a cup of coffee. It was nice – for the first time in a long while there were no expectations involved of who I had to be."

He took a sip from the water bottle he held in his hands, wishing he could stop them from shaking. The memories were hitting hard and fast now. He could almost hear the ringing of the phone, and the silence on the other end of the line before Fin's voice came through.

"When I got back to Olivia's, I was just resting and waiting for her to get home. The phone rang, and I thought it was just her calling to tell me she was going to be late."

Dr. Simpson had already intuited from Elliot's body language that something was wrong. His lead in describing what had gone on after he'd left her office last week only served to increase the tension. He may be fine physically, but he wasn't mentally. Something was still upsetting him a great deal, and she now had an inkling as to what. She just needed to confirm it.

"Who was on the phone, Elliot?"

Now the anguish was clear to read on his face. He looked up at the psychiatrist with a haunted expression.

"Fin. He's a former coworker of mine, still works with Liv. He was calling to tell me that she was in the emergency room – she had been hurt in the line of duty."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Was she seriously injured?"

He exhaled a breath, more of a sigh of relief than anything. Gone was the worry that the doctor would say it was too much for him to handle. All she had expressed so far was concern for Olivia. He related the details as he remembered them, even if it was on somewhat of an autopilot mode. It was when he began to describe hearing Olivia describe her injuries in person that he stared to crack again.

"I yelled at her. I didn't mean to, but I raised my voice."

"I'm sure that Olivia didn't take that personally. You were reacting to the situation, not angry with her."

Relief coursed through him again as he realized she was right. Olivia hadn't so much as flinched when he had shouted. He supposed it was because she had already anticipated that sort of reaction from him.

More comfortable now, he continued to say what had happened during Olivia's one night hospital stay, and how he had been caring for her since she returned home. He even shared how Kathy was the one who drove her to her appointment on Friday. If the doctor was surprised that his soon to be ex-wife was willing to step in and help out, she didn't let it show.

"I've been trying my best to be strong for her since she was hurt, you know? She's taken care of me since I showed up at her door, this time she needed me to be there for her."

"I hear what you are saying, Elliot, but it's not a contest. Showing your emotions over her injuries doesn't make you any less strong. It makes you human."

He shook his head then. He wasn't even close to finished with telling his story.

"I really showed my human side on Saturday, then. That was the first day she needed my help changing the bandages. I walked into the bathroom and took one look at her back and wanted to fall apart."

He took a break to take another drink of water as even more memories washed over him. The sight of her bare back for that first time, the multitude of bruises not just there, but on her body as a whole.

"I've seen a lot of bruised bodies over my time at SVU. But none of those were Olivia. Her whole back was purple. I could only imagine how much pain she was in – how much pain she is still in."

He paused then, a sense of wonder filling his voice.

"She hasn't complained, doc. Not once. I take that back – she did complain once – she said it 'sucked' that she had to take medication."

At that comment, Dr. Simpson chuckled softly. He knew she wasn't laughing at Olivia's injuries, but at the way he'd explained her reaction to them. There was just one more thing he needed to add, and this was the one part his stomach was in knots about.

"Something else happened on Saturday, too. While I was changing the bandage, and after."

Knowing he'd likely confused the doctor, he explained a bit further. He detailed how he and Olivia had become closer over the past months he'd been staying with her, and that it wasn't uncommon for them to share a hug, or for him to kiss her temple or forehead.

"When I was saw the wound, the first thing that came to mind was to ask her permission to kiss it."

Again, the doctor's face was impassive.

"And, how did she react?"

"She gave her permission."

He explained how he kissed the stitches softly, keeping the gesture brief. However, he also detailed that when they were back in the living room together, that he and Olivia shared their first real kiss. That later that night after Eli had gone to sleep, they had lain together in Olivia's bed and declared their love for one another. Silent now, he looked at Dr. Simpson expectantly. She didn't make him wait long.

"Elliot, I'm sorry for what both you and Olivia have had to go through this week. I can only imagine how frightening and emotional that was for each of you."

She cleared her throat, then continued.

"However, in regards to what is developing between the two of you, you have nothing to feel guilty for. It is clear from what you told me that the feelings are mutual, and I've seen it for myself when Olivia has been with us that she cares for you a great deal."

She paused a second time to give Elliot some time to digest her words.

"Just because you are in an intensive therapy program does not mean you are forbidden to pursue a relationship. Yes, it is true that you are still at a point in your treatment where you will be feeling things more intensely, but I do not think that is what is happening here."

"Thank you doctor."

They talked about a few other things, mainly the positives about the past week – including Eli's overnight visit – and made plans to schedule an upcoming appointment. Feeling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, Elliot left the office in a much better frame of mind.

* * *

Elliot couldn't believe that tomorrow was going to be Friday. Not only would it mean that he only had two weeks left before the completion of his Partial program, but he and Olivia had a date. He'd actually worked up the nerve to ask her out on Tuesday, when she'd met him for lunch.

This wasn't going to be like any date he'd ever been on. Granted, while he and Kathy had often gone out with one another while they'd been married, the last time he'd dated someone other than his wife had been in high school.

While he wanted to give Olivia the world, they were keeping things relatively simple. Not that he had anything to do with that, this was all at her insistence. They would be going out for an early movie followed by dinner after he was finished with Partial for the day. When they were done, they would drive to Queens to pick up Eli and bring him to stay for the weekend. He'd tried to insist he could just go and get the boy on Saturday again, but Olivia wouldn't hear of it. She wanted to ensure that he spent as much time with his son as possible. His other children were even coming over for lunch on Saturday. He suspected she had something to do with that as well.

"Elliot?"

Olivia's voice called to him from the bathroom, and he went to join her. He knew that meant she'd finished with her shower, and needed him to apply a fresh bandage. Over the course of the week, he'd trained himself not to be as upset by the sight of her back. None of the bruises had begun to fade just yet, but she claimed that the pain wasn't as severe as it had been. At first, he hadn't been sure if she was telling the truth, but he did notice that she was taking the high dose ibuprofen less often. Instead of three times a day, she only took it twice now. Once in the morning with breakfast, and again before bed.

As he looked at her back now, it seemed to him that while the bruising was still prevalent, the wound where the stitches were didn't appear to be as angry and red as it had been. Either that or he was finally getting adjusted to seeing it on a daily basis. As had become his habit, before applying the ointment, he softly kissed the spot where the injury was. It had been Tuesday of this week that Olivia had told him he didn't need to ask permission any more if he wanted to do that. The trust that she continued to place in him never failed to amaze him. It still hadn't been that long ago that he had left her without a word – something he still struggled with - but their bond was stronger than ever.

"Are you ready for bed just yet, Liv?"

"No, I was going to rest in the living room and ice my back and shoulder for awhile."

Pressing another kiss to her bare shoulder before he left the bathroom, he told her he would go get the cold packs ready for her. She'd been using them frequently, and he was glad that he had thought to pick up two while in the pharmacy that day. Tonight was also her last dose of the antibiotics. While it wouldn't completely eliminate her chances of infection, the risk had been lowered considerably.

He was sitting on the sofa, searching on Olivia's laptop when she came back out to the living room. He helped her to sit next to him and arranged the cold packs where they would be of most use before going back to the computer.

"What are you looking at, El?"

"Just checking out the movie times for tomorrow. I don't think we'll have too much trouble with tickets, since we're seeing one so early in the day."

Laying her head against his shoulder, and looping her arm through his, she read the screen with him. After some debate, they finally managed to pick the movie they wanted to see. It wasn't that they were disagreeing, it was more that their tastes were so similar, that they had trouble narrowing it down to just one. Elliot pressed a kiss to her temple before commenting.

"I see a lot of movies in our future."

Olivia didn't say anything, just smiled. She hated to have to be the one to remind him that once she was back to work, her schedule wouldn't be as free as it had been this past week while she was on leave. There was no need, he understood the job better than anyone. Still, she made a promise to herself that she wouldn't bury herself in her work like she had in the past. While she didn't know what the future held for them, there was a reason for her to come home now. This was unlike anything she'd felt before with any of the other men she'd ever dated.

"Where did you want to go for dinner tomorrow?"

Olivia heard Elliot's question, but it took a moment for the words to register. She wasn't lost in her thoughts anymore, she was just so very content.

"Like you said with the movie, El, we'll be out rather early. I don't think reservations will be necessary. How about we each pick a place tonight, and see what we are in the mood for tomorrow?"

He agreed, even though he knew he'd ultimately take her wherever it was she wanted to go. Closing the laptop and placing it on the coffee table, he pulled her close.

"You look tired. Why don't we try and get some sleep. Tomorrow will be here before we know it."

He felt her nod against his cheek, then helped her put away the cold packs. When he returned to the living room, she was standing by the sofa waiting for him. Hand in hand, they headed for her bedroom together. Even though it was no longer necessary for him to stay with her, he had yet to return to sleeping in his own room. It was an unspoken arrangement between them that he would share her bed.

They slipped between the covers, and gravitated toward one another. He wrapped his arms around her, still trying to grasp that his reality now was that he got to hold her every night. He kissed her once more, careful not to get carried away, then they both settled in to sleep. The last words spoken into the darkness of the room that night were echoes of love.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Friday passed in a blur for Elliot. For the first time since he'd begun the Partial program, he could honestly say that he hadn't been paying attention. Even just two short weeks ago, when he'd been so excited for his weekend away with Olivia, he'd still been able to focus. Not today. All he could think about was the clock reaching three and going home. Then it would only take him a few minutes to freshen up and get ready for his date with Olivia.

The one positive of the day that kept his mind in the present was that Nathan had returned. His friend had spent two and a half weeks on the inpatient unit, and undergone a medication change, but was doing much better. They'd had a conversation at lunch where the other man had tried to apologize, but Elliot had insisted it wasn't necessary. The other thing Nathan had wanted to do was meet up with Elliot this weekend. He was understanding however, when Elliot told him he would be with his children. Instead, the two men made plans to go out and watch a game one evening after group the following week. Nathan even invited Olivia along.

Now, it was just a little after three, and he was just arriving back at the apartment. Using his keys to open the door, he let himself inside.

"Liv? I'm back. I just need about fifteen minutes, then I'll be ready to leave."

"Don't rush yourself, Elliot. We have plenty of time."

Olivia's voice called out to him from her bedroom. He figured she was still getting ready herself, so he knew she was speaking the truth when she'd said that they had time. Stepping into his room, which he had barely been using since Olivia had been hurt, he made sure everything was still set out on the bed from this morning that he planned to wear. Then he headed for the bathroom to take a quick shower and freshen up a bit.

Five minutes later, he was in his room dressing. Knowing that they weren't going anywhere that required a dress code, he had opted not to wear a suit and tie. Instead he had chosen a nice pair of slacks and a button down shirt. Picking his wallet and phone up from their spot on the bed, he slipped them into his pocket and turned off the lights.

He met Olivia in the living room, and as it always happened lately, her beauty took his breath away. Like him, she had also opted to dress simply. She was wearing a pair of dark black pants and a blouse that had cutouts showing off her shoulders. He wasn't about to leave without paying her a compliment.

"You look beautiful, Liv."

"Thank you. You look very nice, too."

He held her jacket for her so she could slip her arms in the sleeves, unable to resist placing a small kiss on the nape of her neck after he pulled her hair out from under her collar. Taking her hand in his, he led the way out the door.

When they'd spoken earlier today, they'd agreed to go to the movie first, then go to dinner after. It didn't take Elliot too long to reach the theater, and as soon as he had parked, he hurried around to the other side of the car. By the time he'd gotten there, Olivia already had her door open, but she still accepted the offer of his hand to help her out of the vehicle. Hand in hand, they made their way into the theater together.

After stopping to get their tickets, Elliot led Olivia to the refreshment stand. She declined his invitation to buy them some popcorn, not wanting to spoil her appetite for dinner, but did agree to share a drink with him. They waited in line for only a few minutes, then headed to get their seats. The movie was just about to start when Elliot realized that he had yet to let go of her hand. Logically, he knew that if Olivia wanted to, she could have pulled free of his grasp at any time. He wasn't holding on to her that tightly. Still, he felt the need to ask for reassurance. Squeezing her fingers gently in his own, he prompted her to look at him.

"Is this okay?"

She didn't answer verbally, but rewarded him with a smile and a nod that told him all that he needed to know. In addition, she rested her head against his shoulder as the lights dimmed and the previews began to play out on screen.

They sat that way in the dark for the next ninety minutes. Their hands were entwined, and Olivia's head was so relaxed against him that there were times he wondered if she'd fallen asleep. Elliot sincerely hoped that she wouldn't ask him anything about the movie during dinner, because truth be told, he hadn't been paying attention. What he had noticed was everything about her – the soft scent of her perfume, the way the skin of her palm had felt against his. He'd spent so much of his time since he'd left the squad lost in his own mind, but now he wanted nothing more than to be aware of every moment he shared with her. He was pulled back to the present by a light pressure squeezing against his fingers. Looking to his right, he saw Olivia looking at him with a curious expression on her face. He also noticed that the lights had come back up and the screen was blank again.

"Are you all right, Elliot? If you're not feeling well, you should have said something. I would have understood. We can just go and get Eli then go home, if you'd rather."

He let go of her hand, only so he could cup her face in both of his palms. Kissing her once softly on the lips, he pulled back to look her in the eye. Shaking his head emphatically, he gave her his answer.

"No, Liv, I don't need to go home. There is nowhere I'd rather be than out with you right now."

She nodded her acceptance, and stood, offering her hand to him once more.

"Then lets go. You still owe me dinner, and I'm starving."

* * *

They arrived to the restaurant, and were met with only a small line in front of them waiting for tables. Elliot went to the hostess stand and put their name in, then joined Olivia on a bench along the wall while they waited. They had been given an invitation to wait in the bar, but since neither of them were going to be drinking tonight, the option didn't really appeal to them.

Since they had a few minutes before their table would be ready, Olivia excused herself for a moment so she could use the restroom. She had just disappeared from his field of vision when his phone rang. Checking the display quickly, Elliot noticed that the caller was Kathy.

"Hello?"

It was difficult to keep the anxiety from showing in his voice, especially since he was supposed to see her in just a few hours when he picked up Eli. Though he'd learned plenty of coping skills and was getting so much better at putting them to use, he couldn't help but worry. What if something was wrong with one of the kids? Kathy immediately calmed him with her first words.

"Hello, Elliot. Don't worry, everything is fine."

He felt himself relax almost instantly, and he was back to the calm mood he'd been in before he'd received the call. Still, he was curious as to what was going on.

"I'm sorry to bother you while you are out with Olivia, but I had an idea. Why don't you text me when you two are done with your date, and I'll bring Eli to the apartment? That way you won't have to drive round trip."

"I appreciate that, Kath, really I do, but then you'll be the one driving round trip."

There was a lengthy pause, and he wondered for the briefest of moments if their phone call had somehow been disconnected. Then, Kathy was speaking again.

"It's no trouble, Elliot. Besides, I'm meeting up with a few friends in the city later tonight. It will be easier for me to bring Eli to you."

"All right, Kathy. I'll let you know when we are leaving the restaurant. Thank you."

They said their goodbyes, then he ended the call. As he hung up, he noticed that Olivia was standing by his side, ready to sit next to him once more.

"Is everything okay with the kids?"

"Yeah, Liv. The plans have just changed a little, that's all. Kathy will be bringing Eli to the apartment and dropping him off."

Olivia put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. She was relieved for him, as she knew how much he was looking forward to this weekend visit with not just Eli, but seeing all of his children tomorrow. She was immensely glad that nothing was going to prevent that.

Before she could say anything else, Elliot's name was called, and they were led to their table. The next few minutes were spent studying the menu and discussing what they wanted to order. When their server returned with their iced tea, they were both ready. Elliot had chosen steak for his entree, while Olivia selected the chicken cordon bleu. They each opted for a side dish of a twice baked potato and a salad to start. Then they were left alone again while they waited.

Reaching for Olivia's hand across the table, Elliot squeezed gently. He studied her face from across the table, searching for any outward signs of pain that would show him she was pushing herself too hard. He couldn't find any. Yes, he knew that her pain was still there to a degree, but it had definitely lessened. Even so, there was something he wanted to ask her.

"Liv? How did you want things to work this weekend? The sleeping arrangements, I mean."

Olivia looked puzzled for a moment at first, then her face morphed into a look of understanding. She knew he wasn't asking only because he was anxious, he was genuinely curious. Truth be told, she didn't _need_ him in the bed with her to help her sleep any longer. However, if she truly admitted it to herself, she wanted him there. The old adage may say it takes twenty one days to form a habit, but she was already accustomed to sleeping in Elliot's arms. The last thing she wanted was to go back to sleeping alone.

"You're welcome to stay with me again, El. Let Eli have the other room all to himself."

She paused then, gnawing on her lower lip. That hadn't come out right. It wasn't what she'd meant to say at all.

"I'm sorry El, that's not what I meant."

Now it was his turn to look worried. Rather than letting go, though, he simply tightened his hold on her hand, and nodded that she should continue.

"What I should have said – what I meant to say – is that I _want_ you to stay with me. I like that we've been sharing my bed."

His next expression was all too easy to read. The light in his eyes not only told her of his happiness at her statement, but let her know that if they weren't in public right now, he'd likely be kissing her senseless. She felt a slight shiver run through her body at the possibility. Though she was still looking forward to her dinner, she was also anxious to get back home.

* * *

Dinner had been wonderful. They had shared their entrees with one another, and even though Elliot had offered to get Olivia dessert after, she simply couldn't eat another bite. He did, however, manage to convince her to select something to bring home for later. While it likely would in no way compare to the cake they'd had in the Poconos just a few short weeks ago, she again selected a multi layered chocolate cake. This one in particular boasted a raspberry sauce that was served alongside. Knowing Olivia's sweet tooth, Elliot took care to order two desserts – not that she wouldn't share, but simply because he wanted to make her happy.

While they were waiting for their dessert to be delivered in boxes to the table, Elliot took out his phone and sent a text message to Kathy. He informed her that they would be leaving the restaurant soon, and would be back at the apartment shortly. He didn't have to wait long for a reply, letting him know that she and Eli would be leaving Queens in about fifteen minutes. That timing would work perfectly.

After they left, it was a short drive for Elliot and Olivia back to the apartment. Once there, he let them inside and set the bag containing their sweets on the counter. Before she had a chance to go anywhere, he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her towards him.

"Thank you, Liv, for going out with me tonight. I know it wasn't even anywhere close to what you deserve -"

"El, stop. It was perfect. I had a wonderful time."

The way she was looking up at him just then let him know she was telling the truth. He remembered then, how he had felt back at the restaurant. There wasn't anything stopping him now. Moving his hands so they were curved around her nape and his thumbs were lightly caressing the pulse points on her throat, he dipped his head until his lips descended on hers.

Olivia's arms wrapped around his shoulders, and a small exhale of breath escaped her as she opened her mouth to him, allowing him to touch his tongue to hers. He felt the intensity of the kiss all the way down to his toes, and wrapped his arms around her as well so he could hold on to her tighter. Gone were all traces of worry and the fear that he would hurt her with the strength of his embrace. All he wanted was to have her as close as possible to him.

Eventually, they had to separate out of a need for oxygen, but they kept their foreheads pressed together. Each of them were seeking a connection with the other. They stayed that way for several minutes, until Olivia broke the silence.

"I'm going to go and get changed. Later, after Eli is in bed, I'll need your help with a new bandage."

Elliot could only nod. For a few blissful moments, he'd almost forgotten about the wound on her back. Now he was pulled back into reality. Still, he tried to remind himself that she wouldn't have the stitches for too much longer. Tuesday would be the two week mark of her injury, and she had a doctor's appointment scheduled for Wednesday. Unlike previous visits, this one was in the afternoon, so he'd be able to meet her for it after Partial. If all went well, the stitches would be removed in a little over five days.

Deciding to follow Olivia's lead, Elliot figured he should change into something more comfortable as well. His son would be here soon, and while parenting never came with a dress code, he'd be more free to spend time with Eli if he were wearing sweats and a tee than the dressier clothes he currently had on.

Once in the room that he'd come to think of as his own over the past couple of months, even if he hadn't been sleeping in it recently, Elliot was struck by an idea. He changed quickly, then went to knock on Olivia's door. Calling out to her, he asked the question that was foremost on his mind.

"Hey, Liv – would you mind if I kept a few things in your bedroom this weekend? So I wouldn't have to keep going in the other room while Eli is sleeping, I mean."

While he was standing there waiting for her answer, the door opened, and Olivia stood there, a smile on her face.

"You must have read my mind, El. That's what was taking me so long- I was rearranging some things so you'd have a drawer to store some things in."

He couldn't resist kissing her again. She never failed to amaze him with the depth of her generosity. Even though she was still injured, she went out of her way to take care of him. Unable to find the right words to say other than 'thank you', he simply uttered them softly to her as he placed another kiss by her ear then went to move some of his things. He had just finished with his task when there was a knock at the door. By the time he got back to the living room, Olivia was letting Kathy and Eli into the apartment.

* * *

Despite an invitation, Kathy hadn't stayed for long. She insisted that she was due to meet her friends soon, and simply had to get going. Even though the divorce proceedings were underway, that didn't deter Elliot's worry for her well being. He told her to be careful, and that if she needed anything, to call. Kathy had simply smiled and thanked him for his concern. She had also insisted she would be fine, but did allay his fears by promising to send a text when she was safely home later that night.

Eli showed some minor distress after his mother had left, but was easily calmed by his father. It seemed even Olivia's presence had helped to soothe the boy. After his few tears had dried, he sat happily between the two adults on the one sofa, engrossed in one of his favorite movies. Once the movie was over, though, it was time for his bedtime routine.

"Okay, buddy. Time for your bath, then we'll brush your teeth and get you to bed."

To Elliot's surprise, he wasn't met with any arguments. Eli did however, ask if Olivia would read him a story before he fell asleep. He looked between both adults expectantly as he awaited his answer.

"Of course I will, sweetie. You go with your dad now, and get clean, then I will read you any book you want."

Eli stood up on the sofa cushions to wrap his arms around Olivia's neck, then with her help carefully maneuvered down to the floor to follow his father into the bathroom.

A short time later, Olivia joined Eli and Elliot in the extra bedroom with the book the boy had chosen. She got on one side of the bed, propping herself up against the headboard, Elliot on the other. Eli lay in the middle between them, snuggled under the blankets. As Olivia read, his eyes began to droop slightly, but she continued on until the story reached its conclusion. By the time she had finished, Eli was sound asleep. As she and Elliot eased themselves from the bed and tiptoed quietly out of the room, they made certain to leave a bedside lamp lit on the lowest setting to serve as a nightlight. They also left the door partly ajar, so they could hear if Eli should call out at any time.

Back in the living room, Elliot hugged Olivia again. He just hadn't been able to resist wrapping his arms around her. Any time he saw her interact with one of his children, he was just so filled with love for her.

"You're so good with him, Liv. He adores you."

"I happen to think he's pretty special, too. I've always loved all your kids El, but with Eli there is something more there. I think it's because I was there when he was born."

Unable to find the words to properly convey his emotions in that moment, all he could do was hold her tighter. Perhaps that was why Eli loved Olivia so much. Maybe, in some small way, he had registered the sound of her heartbeat when she'd held him on the way to the hospital. It seems a bond was forged that day, because his youngest son loved Olivia a great deal. Shaking his head slightly to keep his thoughts from spiraling, Elliot instead relied on the skills he'd learned. He tried to focus on the positive. Eli was here, and his other children would be coming to visit tomorrow afternoon. It was going to be a good weekend. For now, though, he had Olivia to take care of.

"Now, Liv, why don't we work on getting you in the shower so I can take care of you?"

"Since when is my getting in the shower something _we_ have to work on? Are you planning on joining me in there?"

There was no anger behind her tone at all. If anything, there was playfulness and a bit of a sultry quality to her voice. Elliot felt it hit him squarely in the gut. If he was being truly honest with himself, the feeling hit him slightly south of that target, too. He didn't know what to make of her statement. The more he studied her expression, the more he realized she wasn't joking. He decided to tease her right back.

"What if that was my plan? What would you say to that?"

As he waited for her answer, he wrapped his arms around her more securely, and placed a kiss to the tip of her nose.

"I'd say that I just might have to let you wash my back – among other things."

She kissed him then, swallowing his groan in response to her reply. When their mouths separated, he raised his hands to cup her face. Looking back and forth between her eyes, he questioned her. All teasing was put aside, his voice completely serious.

"Is this really what you want, Olivia? It's a pretty big step. If you're not sure -"

She cut him off by raising her fingertips to his lips, gently silencing him. Then she dropped her hand from his mouth only so she could cup his face like he was doing with her.

"I'm sure, Elliot."

Nothing more needed to be said. Hand in hand, they walked to the bathroom together. Elliot turned out the harsh lighting in the room in favor of using a small decorative sconce on the wall that gave the room a more muted glow. Then he turned the water on the shower head so that it could warm to the perfect temperature he had chosen.

Turning back to Olivia, he saw her watching him intently. He was about to ask her if she was still sure, but then he read the look in her eyes. It told him all he needed to know. She was waiting for him to make a move. Taking a step closer, he placed his hands at her waist, gathering the material of her shirt in his fists. Not once breaking eye contact, he started to lift the garment up and over her head. She immediately complied, raising her arms to aid with the removal of her shirt. Only when the article of clothing was cast aside on the floor did he lower his gaze.

When she had changed clothes upon arriving home, she had already removed her bra for the night. While he understood the reasoning behind it – it likely still was uncomfortable given her injuries – Elliot couldn't help but feel mildly disappointed that he wouldn't be the one to take it off. Pushing that thought aside, he focused on the view in front of him. She took his breath away. For the first time, he wasn't distracted by the remnants of bruises that still discolored her skin. All he noticed was her beauty.

Before he could make a move, or continue to undress her, it was Olivia who made a move on him. Much like he had with her, she bunched up the hem of his shirt in her hands, and lifted upward to remove it. It took a moment for the action to register, but he was able to react and lift his arms so she could tug the shirt over his head. It soon joined hers on the floor.

He stepped closer to her, kissing her intensely. Her breasts were pressed against the wall of his chest, and the steam filling the room was starting to make him feel dizzy. Elliot broke away from the kiss only so he could take a moment and return to his senses. Looking into her eyes, he saw that Olivia was dealing with the same emotions that he was.

When she gave him a nod, his hands reached for her waist to untie the drawstring of her pants and lower them. Hoping she would forgive him for his urgency, his fingers also hooked around her panties at the same time, pulling down both garments together. The only response Olivia gave him was a knowing smirk. When it was her turn, she seemed to retaliate in kind, gripping both the waistbands of his sweats and his boxers and giving a quick yank so they fell down his legs. He kicked them off his ankles until he stood in front of her completely naked. His heart was pounding from a mixture of nervousness and desire, but he wouldn't change this moment for anything. Even though he wasn't expecting anything to happen beyond their sharing this shower together, the anticipation hung in the air as much as the mist from the steam. This was really happening.

* * *

Taking Olivia by the hand again, Elliot led her to the shower. Moving aside the curtain, he stepped in first then guided her in behind him. Pulling her into his arms, he turned their bodies so the water cascaded in a gentle rain over them both. Even though he knew the hot water supply wasn't going to be infinite, the last thing he wanted to do was rush this.

With nearly every inch of their bodies touching one another, he leaned in to kiss her yet again. The feeling of their connection was conveyed so much in that gesture, and both of them felt it.

After some more kisses and some tender exploration of each others bodies, Elliot pulled back. He needed to show her that this wasn't just about the sexuality of the act. The deeper underlying intimacy was what mattered. It was about the trust that they were continuing to build with one another by dropping their guard so completely and baring themselves to each other.

"Olivia, may I wash your hair?"

It wasn't the question she had been expecting to hear, but the meaning behind it touched her deeply. Even now, he was showing her that his every intention was to take care of her. Nodding her consent, she turned around so that she was facing the far wall and that her back was to him. She tilted her head back ever so slightly, giving him complete access to her hair.

Elliot picked up the shampoo bottle and breathed in the scent. It was a smell that over the years he had come to associate with Olivia. When he had first arrived here, and she had granted him use of her bedroom, it had been that scent on her pillow that had offered him the most comfort. Now, he was the one who would get to wash her hair. Squeezing a small dollop into his palm, he rubbed his hands together to build a quick lather. Bringing them up to her scalp, he began to scrub, using just the right amount of pressure to massage lightly without causing discomfort.

He must have been doing something right, because Olivia was unable to contain her slight moan of contentment. He could almost picture what her face looked like now – eyes closed, mouth slightly parted, water cascading down her body. It was a true vision in his mind.

Grabbing the detachable shower head, he rinsed the suds from her hair, taking great care not to get any soap in her eyes. Then he put the shower head back in its rightful spot and placed a delicate kiss on Olivia's shoulder. Unlike previous times when he had done this, now her head lolled back against him, and his lips moved along to graze the side of her throat. Before he could ask for permission to continue further, she surprised him.

"Not to kill the mood here, Elliot, but when you wash my back, you need to use a special soap where the stitches are. The antibacterial soap is there on the shelf."

He was lost in her words for a moment. She wanted him to continue. She'd meant what she said in the other room about him washing her back. Grabbing the soft sponge he spied on the shelf and the bottle of antibacterial soap next to it, he squeezed a small amount out. He washed the area over the stitches gently, unsure of how much pressure to use.

"It's all right, El. It doesn't hurt. You have to scrub a little, to keep it from getting infected."

Following her directive further, he did as she said. He also tried to convince himself that the moisture on his cheeks was solely from the shower, and had nothing to do with the few tears that were leaking from his eyes. He'd thought he was over getting upset about her injury, but being this intimate about taking care of it was bringing those emotions to the forefront again. Reminding himself to stay in the present moment – that he was actually sharing a shower with Olivia – he quickly pulled himself through the anxiety attack that was trying to take hold.

After he had finished washing her back, Olivia turned around so she was facing him again. She said something about it being her turn for a minute, but also poured more body wash on the sponge in his hand. The next thing he was aware of were her hands running a soapy lather across the expanse of his chest. He realized that she was encouraging him to do the same for her. Swallowing visibly, he reached for her.

In this way, they washed each other. After a time, and after checking in with her by studying her expressions, Elliot ditched the sponge and began using only his hands to spread the suds across the front of Olivia's body. He'd touched her before, during their tender exploration of one another when they had first stepped into the shower, but still he wanted to ensure he had her permission.

Things heated up then, as their hands dipped lower, but even then the touches were kept delicate and almost reverent in nature. Neither of them wanted to stoke the fires too far tonight. While each had reached their peak, they had no desire to carry things any further. As the water cooled, they rinsed off under its spray a final time before Elliot turned it off for good.

Opening the shower curtain, he reached first for a towel for Olivia. He dried her gently, taking extra special care of the area on her shoulder where the stitches were. After she was dry, and using a second towel to work on her hair, he dried himself.

"Are you ready for me to bandage you shoulder?"

"Yes."

He went through the same process he'd been following for awhile, but now felt so much different. After he had applied the bandage, he placed a kiss to the side of her neck, wrapping his arms around her from behind.

"Do you need me to grab you clean clothes from the other room, or are you okay wearing what you had on before?"

"Just a change of underwear, please. Everything else is clean."

He nodded, then went into her bedroom. Already he was glad that she had allowed him to store some clothes for the weekend. He grabbed a change of boxers for himself, and remembering her instructions, a change of underwear for her. He couldn't believe she was granting her consent to go into her private dresser drawers. He made sure to grab what he needed quickly without taking too long to linger.

Minutes later, they were back in the living room as they had been before their mutual shower. Elliot had checked on Eli, finding him still sound asleep. He joined Olivia on the sofa, and she immediately snuggled up against him. It was still relatively early, so they were going to have their dessert and watch a movie together before going to bed.

As he held Olivia close to him, Elliot kissed her temple, breathing in the smell of her shampoo. Never would he have imagined when they went out for their date earlier this evening that their night would have ended with a shared shower. Even better, she still wanted him to sleep next to her at night. Today had been a good day. He couldn't wait to see what tomorrow would bring.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

One of the first things Elliot was aware of when he woke on Saturday morning, besides the fact that Olivia was in his arms again, was the scent of her shampoo from where her head was tucked under his chin. That brought back memories from the night before, when he himself had been the one to wash her hair. He could clearly envision it all then – the feel of her body against his in the shower, their hands on one another as they lathered each other with soap. He felt his body reacting to the images in his mind and tried to shift his focus to other things before he embarrassed himself. The last thing he wanted was for Olivia to awaken and realize his present state. To his dismay, the words that reached his ears next confirmed that she already had.

"Good morning, Elliot. I'd ask if you had pleasant dreams, but something tells me I already know the answer to that question."

Glancing down, he was met by her brown eyes that were looking up at him in return. There was no missing the impish grin on her face. That immediately put him at ease, and any nervousness he was feeling evaporated. If she was able to be comfortable with the situation between them, then so would he. Logically, he knew it was just his body's natural reaction and nothing to be ashamed about. However, these developments between him and Olivia were still relatively new. But even though that was the case, their history with one another was anything but new. He reminded himself that they had known one another for almost thirteen years. Long gone were the days where he needed to feel embarrassed in her presence – for any reason. His confidence restored, he was able to answer.

"Either way you look at it, Liv – pleasant dreams or something that happened after I woke up – you're the one responsible."

Her grin only widened at his statement, her eyes sparkling. Before she could properly reply to what he had said, he lowered his head so that he could kiss her. He knew that their time together before Eli woke up was limited, not that he minded. He knew Olivia would have no complaints, either.

As the kiss deepened, her palm came up to rest on his cheek. Even when they finally separated, Elliot still held her tightly in his embrace. There was so much he wanted to say to her in that moment – he wanted to tell her how he longed to make love to her, but that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. He simply couldn't fathom them taking that next step while she still had the stitches and the traces of bruising on her body. When he opened his eyes again after taking a moment to center himself, he saw understanding reflected in her gaze. He wouldn't have to tell her, he realized. She already knew.

They were interrupted then by a soft but insistent voice calling out from Olivia's bedroom doorway. Eli was awake.

"Daddy? You in there?"

"Yeah, buddy. You can come in."

The sound of little feet running could be heard then, followed by the bed moving as Eli launched himself on top of the mattress. He crawled up from the bottom until he wedged himself in the middle of Olivia and Elliot then turned around and snuggled down between them. It was as if crawling into bed with them were an everyday occurrence for him. They each turned on their sides so they could face the boy. Eli looked back and forth between the adults eagerly, clearly loving the attention.

Olivia's stomach rumbled loudly then, announcing her hunger to the whole room. Two heads turned in her direction, and Eli giggled. Turning to his son, Elliot spoke in a teasing voice.

"Well, as much as I'm enjoying being here with the two of you, I think I should get up and make us some breakfast. What do you think, Eli?"

"Cheesy eggs!"

The toddler called out his request, clapping his hands and bouncing up and down a little as he did so. Fully surprised that the boy hadn't asked for pancakes two weekends in a row, Elliot was more than happy to make him whatever he wanted.

"Why don't you and Olivia spend some time together, and I will go to the kitchen and make us some scrambled eggs with cheese?"

Eli shook his head, and Elliot was surprised at his refusal, because he knew how much his son adored Olivia. He wondered what could possibly be the problem. He didn't have to wait long to find out.

"I have to go to the potty, Daddy."

"Okay. I will take you, _then_ I will make breakfast, deal?"

He was met with an affirmative nod, and Eli began to crawl off the bed before Elliot had even begun to move. By the time he had helped his son, and made it to the kitchen, Olivia had already started a pot of coffee brewing. She passed him on her way to the living room, pausing long enough to steal a kiss. Then she went to join Eli at the coffee table where he was already playing with some blocks.

* * *

The morning and early afternoon had gone by in a blur, and Eli was currently in the other room taking a nap. Elliot and Olivia were in the living room, cuddled together on one of the sofas, and awaiting the arrival of Elliot's other children. Maureen had called shortly after breakfast to say that she and Kathleen would be arriving together, and the twins had called not long ago to say they were leaving Queens.

A knock at the door signaled the arrival of someone. If he had to hazard a guess, Elliot figured it would be his two older daughters. They were traveling from the shortest distance, and it was unlikely that Richard and Elizabeth could have made the trip from Queens already. If they had, he would need to have a serious talk with whomever had driven about their lead foot.

Disentangling himself from Olivia, he gave her one last kiss before standing up to go to the door. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was ashamed of his feelings for her, but he wanted to talk with his older children before openly displaying such affection toward Olivia in front of them. Although he and Kathy had already told them about the divorce, he didn't want to spring a new relationship on them so suddenly. Even though Olivia was anyone but 'new' to them.

"Dad, are you going to open the door or not?"

Chuckling to himself as Kathleen's voice carried through the barrier, he crossed the short distance and unhooked the latch and deadbolt, then turned the knob. Maureen and Kathleen stepped inside, hugging their father before shedding their jackets and going to greet Olivia.

"Olivia, how are you feeling?"

Maureen asked the question, her voice laced with concern. Both of her parents had told her about Olivia's injury at work, and she had been calling her father several times a week for updates.

"I'm doing much better, Maureen, thank you. I go back to work on Monday, and if all goes well, the stitches should come out on Wednesday when I have my next checkup."

"That's great!"

Now it was Kathleen's turn to chime in. She approached where Olivia was standing by the sofa, and gave the woman a hug. She, too, had been worried when she'd learned that Olivia had been hurt in the line of duty. Knowing that she was almost recovered was a relief to hear.

"Your brother and sister should be here soon. Eli is in the other room napping."

Elliot answered the questions on his daughter's minds before they had even been asked. While they were waiting for the others to arrive, he played the host and made sure everyone had something to drink. He also planned ahead and brought Olivia's collection of takeout menus into the living room to set on the coffee table so they could choose where to order from.

After he had served Maureen, Kathleen, and Olivia their drinks, Eli called out from the other room. Setting his own drink down next to Olivia's on the coffee table, Elliot went in to check on the boy. Minutes later, when they returned, they found the three women talking together. Eli went to his sisters happily, since it had been awhile since he had seen them.

"So, what are you ladies talking about?"

Elliot put the question into the room, not really asking anyone in particular. He was just curious about what had gone on in his absence.

"Maureen was telling me about her Master's program, and the thesis that she is preparing to write, and Kathleen was telling me about the internship she was applying to for the summer."

Having kept in regular contact with his daughters, Elliot was already aware of all of this. He mentally berated himself for not telling Olivia about it, and made a personal promise to keep her more informed.

A knock at the door interrupted his train of thought, and he hurried to let Richard and Elizabeth in. A similar scene played out as before, with the twins hugging their father, then going to greet Olivia. Things in the apartment were a little bit chaotic for a few moments before everyone got settled again, but to Elliot, it was music to his ears. He lived for moments like this now, times when all of his children were under the same roof with him. It reminded him of how close he had come to losing it all, and how Olivia had helped him to see he wasn't as weak as he had imagined himself to be.

"Dad? Are you okay?"

Elizabeth's question brought him back to the present, and he immediately answered his youngest daughter in the affirmative. The last thing he wanted was to cause any of his children more worry on his behalf. He had done enough of that already.

Realizing that Elliot just needed a moment to collect himself, Olivia took the initiative and suggested they figure out what they wanted to eat. The four older Stabler children all dove for the menus on the coffee table at the same time, playfully arguing with one another as they did so. As the controlled chaos ensued once again, Elliot and Olivia's gazes met each other from across the room, and they shared a soft and knowing smile. He knew that if they were closer, he could easily slide his hand into hers and squeeze her fingers. Today would be the day he would tell his children. He'd initially wanted to talk to Olivia about it first, but she had just given him the answer he was looking for.

* * *

It hadn't taken long for everyone to come to a decision on what to order, and surprisingly, delivery hadn't taken a long time, either. Now everyone was gathered around Olivia's table digging in to the food they had just unpacked.

Elliot was sitting at the opposite end of the table from Olivia, and he kept stealing glances at her. He was trying to find the right time to broach the subject he so desperately wanted to share. However, it seemed that Eli had other ideas, and broke the ice for him before he had the chance.

"So, what have you been up to with Dad this weekend, Squirt?"

Richard asked his little brother the question in between mouthfuls of food, trying to keep the boy involved in the conversation.

"Olivia read me a story last night. Then when I woke up, I got in bed with her and Daddy."

Four pairs of eyes turned from the three year old to face their father. There was no anger in their expressions, but plenty of shock. They were all seeking confirmation. The fact that Elliot hadn't disputed what Eli had said proved it to be true.

Sensing the tension in the room rising to another level, Olivia rose from her seat and attempted to excuse herself. Elliot saw this and immediately stopped her. No matter what happened, he wanted her to stay. He needed her to stay. She'd been by his side through so much already these past few months. He understood what she was trying to do, and he loved her for it, but there was no reason for her to leave.

"No, Liv. Please, sit back down. You don't have to leave."

Breathing a small sigh of relief when she complied with his request, Elliot then focused his attention on his children. Save for Eli, they were all old enough to understand. He didn't have to treat this situation delicately.

"What Eli said is the truth, but it isn't what it sounds like."

This wasn't working out at all like he planned. He kept fumbling over his words, and he couldn't figure out what he wanted to say. Just when he was about to give up, Olivia came to his rescue yet again.

"Your father has only been sharing my bed since I got hurt. I was in terrible pain, and couldn't get comfortable enough to fall asleep on my own."

Silence reigned over the room for a few minutes as the four older Stabler children processed what they were told. Then it was Kathleen who questioned something.

"That makes sense. But Olivia, you said yourself that you are feeling better. Why is Dad still sharing your bed? Is it because Eli needs the other room?"

It would have been an easy out to just answer 'yes' to her question. However, Elliot wasn't about to lie to his children. Finding his courage in Olivia's eyes, he faced them once more.

"It's no secret that Olivia and I have gotten closer since I've been staying here. We've always been close. The truth is, over the past couple of months, I've fallen for her."

Now it was Richard who spoke up, and there was a slight edge to his voice. It wasn't necessarily anger, but maybe a hint of betrayal.

"How long have you been a couple, and not told us?"

Elliot reached out his hand and rested it on his son's shoulder, squeezing gently. He hoped that his next words would be believed.

"We only went on our first official date last night. You have to believe me, I would never keep something this important from you – any of you."

Maureen set down her chopsticks, then cleared her throat. Glancing around the table and receiving nods from the others, she took the opportunity to speak not only for herself, but her siblings as well.

"We believe you, Dad, and we're happy for you and Olivia. You just have to understand that this still seems kind of sudden."

"I know, and it wasn't my intention to spring this on you this way. I did plan on telling you during lunch, just not like this."

Gentle laughter rang out around the table then, and Elliot relaxed. His kids weren't angry with him. They'd even said they were happy for him. Until now, he hadn't realized just how much he'd needed to hear that.

The rest of the meal flowed smoothly, and when they were done, everyone gathered in the living room to watch a movie together. Elliot, Olivia, and Maureen sat on one sofa, while the twins and Kathleen took the other. Eli sat on his father's lap.

When the movie was over, Maureen and Kathleen had to leave and head back to school. The twins were able to stay a little longer, as they both didn't work until afternoon tomorrow. At Eli's request, everyone gathered around the coffee table to play a game with him.

Several games later, Richard and Elizabeth also decided that they needed to leave. They had to work the following Saturday, but would try and come and visit next Sunday instead. When they said their goodbyes, Elliot did the same as when his daughters had left earlier. He not only told them to be careful, but to text when they arrived home safely.

With everyone gone, it was just Elliot and Olivia alone with Eli again. It was nearing dinnertime, and they were making plans. They also were trying to figure out something fun to do for tomorrow. Since it was supposed to rain, Elliot mentioned maybe taking his son to the Children's museum. Naturally, he invited Olivia along, and to his pleasant surprise, she agreed to join them.

* * *

Sunday morning was almost a near repeat of Saturday morning for Elliot and Olivia. Not long after they had woken up, Eli came into the room and crawled into bed with them. After the conversation with his kids yesterday, Elliot was glad that he'd already told Kathy about the recent developments with Olivia. The last thing he'd need is Eli accidentally spilling to her, too. Not that he'd expect Kathy to be angry, but it would make things very awkward.

He wondered why his anxiety was higher today than usual, then realized that it likely had to do with the fact that Olivia was returning to work tomorrow. While he had always known she was going to go back to the job, he couldn't stop his nerves. He'd never ask her to give up a career she was devoted to just because he worried about her, though. All he could do was trust in her, and be there to take care of her.

"El? Are you all right?"

He turned his attentions to Olivia, who was watching him with a concerned expression. Realizing that he had been sitting at the breakfast table letting his thoughts run away with him, he answered her quickly.

"Yeah, Liv. I just got distracted for a minute, that's all."

Olivia didn't believe him for a second. She knew what the problem was, but respected the fact that he didn't want to talk about it in front of his young son. Wisely letting the subject drop, she instead focused on the plans for the day. They would be leaving right after breakfast.

Given the fact that it was a weekend, the Children's museum was crowded, but not uncomfortably so. They were able to give Eli a little bit of free reign to go off on his own and explore from time to time, while keeping a close eye on him. After a couple of hours, it was easy to see that the boy was getting tired, and they put him in his stroller to leave.

Rather than have to fuss with making lunch at the apartment, they decided to stop at a restaurant on the way back. The three of them were sitting at a table together waiting for their meal when an elderly couple approached them on their way out. The woman smiled at Eli coloring quietly in his booster seat next to Elliot, and addressed them.

"You have a beautiful son."

Olivia startled at the compliment, and was about to correct her, but before she had the chance, Elliot covered her hand with his own and turned to the couple with a smile.

"Thank you."

The husband and wife continued on their way, leaving Elliot and Olivia alone with Eli once more. Not letting go of her hand, Elliot squeezed gently. He could tell just by her breathing that she was beginning to panic.

"Liv, relax."

The soothing tone of his voice immediately put her at ease, and she looked up at him, concentrating on the intense blue shade of his eyes. Something about them had always been calming for her. It was no different today.

"I don't mind if someone thinks that Eli is our son. Granted, I would never deny the fact that Kathy is his mother, but that wasn't this was today."

This conversation was quickly becoming too serious to have in public. She wasn't about to run from it, but it also wasn't something she wanted to talk with him about in the middle of a lunch crowd in Manhattan. Sending him a pleading look to drop the subject, she hoped he would understand. He got the message. With another squeeze of her hand, he pulled away just as the server arrived at the table with their meals. There would be plenty to talk about when they got home.

After lunch, Elliot and Olivia drove Eli back to Queens to drop him off at Kathy's. It was a little earlier than he'd planned, but Eli had started asking for his mother when they were getting ready to leave the restaurant, and Elliot didn't want to upset the boy.

Once he and Olivia arrived back at the apartment, it struck him how quiet the place was without his son there. Not that Eli was particularly loud, it was just that his children had a presence about them that filled the apartment with an energy he couldn't explain.

Helping Olivia take off her jacket, he took her hand in his, and led her to the sofa. Once there, they sat together and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. He'd needed to talk to her since this morning, now would finally be their chance. Hugging her closer to him, he decided it was now or never.

"Liv, about what happened at lunch today -"

"It's okay, El."

At first he was worried that she was going to avoid the conversation, but then he realized that wasn't what she was doing at all. If she were uncomfortable, he'd be able to feel the tension in her body, and she was completely at ease in his arms.

"I'm the one who owes you an apology. I overreacted. It was a sweet moment, and I completely blew it out of proportion."

Turning his head so his lips brushed against her temple, Elliot tried his best to soothe her. He wasn't expecting an apology from her at all.

"Liv, you don't owe me anything. I know why you got anxious, and I understand. What is happening between us is new for me, too."

He pressed another kiss to her forehead, cradling her head against his chest.

"I meant what I said, earlier, though. I don't mind if someone mistakes you as the mother of my children. I would be honored to have a family with you someday."

At those words, he felt when Olivia actually stopped breathing for a few moments before drawing in a few shaky breaths. He had always known how much she had longed to be a mother.

"Please know I'm not trying to rush things. But if its something you still want, we could maybe look into adopting together somewhere down the line."

They both knew that Olivia's chances of getting pregnant at her age were slim, and even if she did, the risks would be substantial. But that didn't mean they couldn't provide a loving home to a baby or child who needed one.

At first Elliot had taken Olivia's lack of response as a refusal, and worried he had said too much, too soon. Then, he felt her tears dampening his shirt near his neck, and he knew she was just overcome with emotion. He realized that what he had just offered was a chance for her greatest dream to come true. Even though she hadn't spoken anything out loud, she had just given him her answer.

* * *

Later that night, Elliot and Olivia were relaxing on the sofa watching a movie together. The rest of the day had gone by quietly, and it seemed neither wanted to broach the subject of Olivia returning to work the following morning. Even though he hadn't said anything yet, she knew it was bothering him. Figuring that if they could have some shared intimacy, it might prompt him to talk, Olivia decided to ask him a question.

"El? Did you want to shower with me again tonight?"

He looked at her with a sense of wonder. This would make the third night in a row that they had shared a shower. Last night, after Eli had gone to bed, she had asked him to join her a second time. He didn't even have to think about what his answer would be tonight. Kissing her soundly, he swept Olivia up off her feet and carried her into the bathroom.

As the water warmed up, they undressed each other, then stepped into the shower. Unlike the previous two times when they had showered together, this wasn't just about touching and exploring one another's bodies. Elliot held Olivia close to him as he kissed her tenderly, his one hand slipping underneath her hair to cradle the back of her neck. There was no way he could hide from her here. In the shower, it wasn't just their bodies, but their emotions were laid bare. Finally, Elliot felt free to speak the words he'd been holding in all day.

"I'm scared, Liv. I know when it comes down to it, I just have to trust you and let you do your job, but I can't help it. I never want to get another phone call like that again."

Olivia's hands ran down the skin of his back, smoothing over his muscles. She turned her head into the crook of his neck to place a soft kiss over the pulse point at his throat before responding.

"I know El. I wish I could promise you that nothing like that will ever happen again, but I will never lie to you."

She felt his body tremble slightly beneath her palms as the water continued to cascade down upon them, and she held him even tighter.

"Just know that I will be careful – more careful than I have ever been before – because I have someone to come home to now."

Even though they had yet to discuss what their new living situation would be like, the words hit Elliot squarely in the chest, and a sob escaped his throat. He realized that what he'd believed from time to time all those years working with Olivia was true – she had always thought herself to be expendable – until now.

He wanted nothing more in that moment than to pick her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist, then press her against the shower wall, but he refrained from doing so. At least for a few more days. He wasn't going to do anything to cause added pressure on her back until the stitches came out, even if it was getting more and more difficult to restrain himself. Last night, Olivia had all but given him consent, insisting that she was fine, but he had refused. When they did make love for the first time, he didn't want the moment to be interrupted by even the barest hint of pain on Olivia's part. If that meant waiting, he would wait.

His thoughts were shattered when he felt Olivia's hand travel south below his waist to wrap around him and begin stroking gently. He'd never even had the chance to give her any pleasure. Before he could say anything, her voice was in his ear.

"Shh, let me take care of you, El."

Though the rational part of him wanted to protest, and insist that she be first, he was helpless to resist. Lowering his head so his mouth covered hers, he kissed her deeply, then buried his head in the crevice between her neck and shoulder, and gave in to her touch.

Several minutes later, he was breathing heavily as he came down from his high, and coming back to himself as he felt Olivia's hands smoothing over his body, washing him. When she was finished, he gathered some soap in his own hands, and returned the favor. He washed her body, loving the feel of her skin under his hands.

As his hands dipped lower, he touched her intimately, swallowing her gasp of pleasure with his kiss. He didn't stop until he coaxed a response from her, this time stroking her flesh to calm her the same way he had built her up only moments before.

Before they stepped out of the shower, Elliot shampooed Olivia's hair, spending plenty of time massaging her scalp. He also used the sponge and antibacterial soap to wash her stitches, placing a kiss over them after he rinsed away the suds.

After they had dried off, he bandaged her shoulder. Then with a towel still wrapped around his waist, he disappeared into Olivia's bedroom to grab something for them to wear. Instead of bringing her in a traditional pair of pajamas, he had brought her one of his tee shirts to sleep in. She smiled at him warmly when she saw his selection, and lifted her arms so he could put the garment on her.

Once she was dressed, he picked her up in his arms again and carried her to the bed. Lying down beside her, he pulled her close and they snuggled together. He sensed the moment she gave in to exhaustion and fell asleep against his chest, her arm wrapped snugly around his waist. Feeling a surge of emotion, he whispered to her fiercely before sleep claimed him.

"Goodnight, Olivia. I love you."


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Olivia's first day back at work would have probably been a lot tougher on Elliot had he known she was headed straight back into the field right away. Knowing she had a couple days of desk duty gave him – and his nerves – a bit of a reprieve. For all of his promises about trusting her, he still couldn't stop his worry. He knew that no matter how careful she was, the criminals in this city were unpredictable at best. He'd lived with that fact on a daily basis himself for over twenty years. He even had the scars to prove it. Then again, so did Olivia. He had to remind himself that this wasn't the first time she'd been hurt on the job. God willing, it would be the last.

When he had met with Dr. Simpson on Monday afternoon, he was able to vent out some of his fears that he hadn't even been able to tell Olivia about yet. Some of them were leftover from the previous visit, when he repeated how scared he had been to get the phone call from Fin two weeks before. That led to some of the dreams that he'd been having. He wouldn't call them nightmares exactly, because every single event that had occurred in one of his dreams had actually happened. What they were, in reality, were memories.

Each night he would relive a case from his and Olivia's past together, but often in some twisted macabre version of itself. Richard White, where the man had killed his partner in an instant on the park bench before the squad could move in. Eric Plummer, who had stalked and murdered Olivia after she ditched the detail he'd hired for her. The names and places just kept popping up - Gitano, Mike Jergens, the car crash with Kathy, Lowell Harris, even Dale Stuckey. He even envisioned Olivia being killed in Sonya Paxton's place. It all came full circle until it tied in with his nightmares about Jenna all over again.

Dr. Simpson listened with empathy, and encouraged him to talk to Olivia about his dreams. She told him that being open about his fears might be a way to make them go away. That by voicing them out loud to the one person who had a starring role in each and every one of them – Olivia herself – he could once again gain control. Though she didn't say anything directly, she also believed Olivia's reassurances would continue to have a calming effect on her patient. Once he was calmer, she shifted topic to the next matter at hand.

"Tell me something, Elliot. Do you feel that this twelve week course of Partial therapy has been beneficial to you?"

"Absolutely. I learned so much these past three months. I'm just sorry I didn't consider something like this sooner."

Dr. Simpson shook her head gently. She wouldn't allow him to berate himself for any reason.

"This wasn't something you could be forced into. You weren't ready until that day you were in my office those few months ago."

She gave him a few minutes for her words to sink in, then continued.

"I don't think we need to have you attend another twelve week session. I also don't think you need the Intensive Outpatient Therapy at this time."

Elliot begin to feel some anxiety creep up. Did this mean she was going to stop seeing him as a patient? He couldn't believe that he was worried about that. There used to be a time when the only way to get him to see a psychiatrist was to make it mandatory, now he went willingly.

As though she had read his mind, Dr. Simpson answered his question before he could ask it.

"Of course, I will still see you here in my office once a week. Over time, we can always decrease the frequency of your visits if necessary."

Elliot exhaled a sigh of relief. He didn't even bother asking if he still needed to continue taking the medication he was on, he knew that he was nowhere near ready to stop that.

"Thanks, Doc. So, I just have to finish this week, and I'm done with Partial? There aren't any forms to fill out or anything?"

"Not here. You'll just need to sign off at the desk when you complete the day on Friday. The workbook will be yours to keep."

After a few more questions, Elliot left the office, making sure to schedule an appointment for the following week. Then he went home. He wanted to get started on dinner before Olivia got back. She would be home around five for the first few days this week. It was only on Thursday that her hours would get unpredictable again.

Digging through the fridge and freezer for ingredients, Elliot knew exactly what he would make tonight. It was something that had become a favorite of Olivia's since he had begun staying with her three months before – tortellini in broth. To go with it, he would make a salad and bake some garlic bread. Then, hoping he wasn't getting too far ahead of himself, he thought about the moments before bed tonight, hoping that they could share another shower.

* * *

Wednesday afternoon, Elliot counted the minutes until his last group at partial was done for the day. He barely was able to focus on his final project for woodworking. All he could think about was meeting Olivia at her doctor's appointment. As soon as the clock struck three, he said goodbye to Nathan on his way out the door, and headed for his car.

By chance, they arrived at the doctor's office at the same time, meeting up with one another just outside the building. Elliot embraced Olivia and gave her a brief kiss before holding the door open for her so she could go inside, then followed behind her.

"How was your day, Liv?"

He asked the question as they were waiting for the elevator, each of them pleasantly surprised that they were the only ones around. Normally the area was much more crowded than this.

"It was okay, if you can call desk work and pushing papers 'okay'. I'll be glad to be getting back into the field tomorrow."

Elliot wrapped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him just as the elevator doors opened and a few people spilled out. Then they went inside to select their floor.

The waiting room was a little busy, but not overly crowded. After Olivia signed in they were easily able to find two seats together. They had been sitting for about fifteen minutes when a nurse called Olivia's name. Standing, she turned to Elliot and made a request.

"Will you come back with me?"

It wasn't that she couldn't handle this visit on her own, she could. However, Olivia knew that Elliot needed to hear with his own ears from the doctor himself that she was fully healed. The relief on his face was clear to see before his expression changed again.

"Of course."

The two followed a nurse back to the exam room, and Olivia was given a gown. She was instructed to remove her blouse and bra, and to put on the gown with the opening in the back. Then the nurse left the room, leaving the two alone.

Even though he had already seen her naked, Elliot was respectful of Olivia's privacy. He noticed that there was no changing area or curtain that she could change behind, so instead he made an offer.

"Did you want me to step out of the room or turn my back while you change into the gown?"

"That's not necessary, El."

Olivia shed her blouse, then with Elliot's assistance, slipped her arms into the sleeves of the gown. He fastened the tie at her waist, then she turned around. Then, thinking she had forgotten, he reminded her of something.

"Wait, Liv. You were supposed to take your bra off, too."

She gave him a knowing grin, then slid her arms back inside the gown and around her back. A moment later, she was producing her bra from one of the sleeves. He shook his head at her, taking the garment and folding it so he could put it on the chair with her blouse.

"It never fails to amaze me how women are able to do that. I always wondered, is that something they pull you aside in school and teach you?"

"No, it's something you figure out when you have to change for gym class. Same thing as changing shirts without taking the first one off."

Elliot laughed heartily, pulling Olivia close to him and placing a kiss on her forehead. In reality, it wasn't how he wanted to kiss her in that moment, but he needed to keep himself in check. The last thing he wanted was for the doctor to walk in on them. It would make for an awkward situation.

A knock at the door brought them both back to reality, and a second later, Olivia's doctor stepped into the room. If he was surprised to see that she had brought someone else with her to the appointment, he didn't let it show.

"Well, Detective, I see you are here to get those stitches removed. I bet you are glad about that."

"You bet, Doctor. I did all right with them for awhile, but the past couple of days they have started to get itchy."

Nodding, he explained that was just part of the healing process. Olivia of course, was no stranger to stitches and already understood. After a few more basic questions, he began the exam. He asked Olivia to lay back on the table and he lifted the gown up so he could examine how the bruising on her torso had healed. Seeing only the fading remains of yellowish bruises, the doctor was satisfied and lowered the gown once more.

Then, Olivia was asked to swing her legs to the other side of the table. This position had her facing Elliot, but also bared her back to the doctor's eye. Parting her gown, he examined the expanse of her back, checking how the bruises there were healing. Lastly, he focused on the area where the stitches were.

"This has healed well, Detective. No sign of infection at all. I'm completely comfortable removing your stitches today."

Olivia felt her body relax, and she could see that Elliot had sighed with relief as well. She sat still as the doctor began cutting through the threads that had held her skin together these past two weeks, then used tweezers to gently tug and remove them. After he was finished, he gently cleansed the area with an antibacterial solution.

"Now, I'm going to apply some steri-strips to this, but they should only last a few days to a week at most. Just keep them on until they fall off on their own."

"All right. Are there any other restrictions, or am I free to resume my normal activities?"

Elliot chuckled again, reaching for Olivia's hand.

"What I believe Olivia is trying to say is, is she allowed to go back to being the kick ass Detective we all know and love?"

The doctor smiled at Elliot's question, and the interaction between the two people in front of him. Having known Olivia for quite some time, he'd really not needed the translation, but he appreciated it anyway.

"Yes. You can go back to work, Detective. However, I don't want to see you back in this office – unless it is for a routine check up, understand?"

Now it was Olivia who was shaking her head and smiling. She also hadn't missed the subtle hint by her doctor that she needed to schedule a routine checkup – something she was used to making excuses for. She thanked him, then shook his hand. The doctor also shook hands with Elliot before excusing himself from the room, leaving Elliot and Olivia alone once again.

As soon as Olivia had hopped off the exam table, but before she had a chance to reach for her clothes, Elliot was by her side. He swept her up off her feet and spun her around, then kissed her. Only when his mouth lifted off hers did he set her back down again.

"I'm so happy for you, Liv. What do you say we go out to dinner and celebrate?"

She moved even closer to him, leaning up to press a kiss on the corner of his mouth before whispering in his ear.

"I was thinking we could just go home and celebrate, then get dinner later."

He pulled back suddenly to study her expression. What he saw written there told him all he needed to know. Easing her out of the gown, he gently dressed her in the clothes she had come to the office in, then kissed her softly.

"Let's go home, Liv. I want to be with you."

* * *

Since Olivia had taken a cab to work that morning, she was able to ride home with Elliot. Even though it was only the span of a few blocks, the drive seemed endless. Both of their minds were on what would happen between them when they got back to the apartment. The atmosphere was filled with a mixture of anticipation and nervous energy.

However, despite the desire coursing through them, nothing happened the exact moment they walked inside the door. If he could have predicted it from the way they had looked at one another in the doctor's office, Elliot would have figured that he and Olivia would have been swept up in passion almost immediately.

Now, looking at her, all sense of urgency was gone. He could tell that she felt the same way. Yes, he still longed to make love to her, but the last thing in the world he wanted to do was rush this. Standing behind her, he kissed Olivia's neck softly while he slipped her jacket from her shoulders. Her head lolled back against him, giving him more access to the side of her throat, and he haphazardly tossed the jacket over the back of the sofa, then wrapped his arms around her waist. She turned in his arms until she was facing him, looping her arms around his shoulders, then tilted her face up to meet his kiss. When they parted, she whispered against his his lips.

"Just give me a minute, then follow me in the bedroom. No need to knock."

Through his haze of desire, Elliot managed to nod. He returned to his senses briefly as he realized that while he was hugging her, his arms had inadvertently brushed against the holster at her hip. Olivia wasn't having second thoughts, she was just giving him the necessary time so he wouldn't have to see her lock away her gun and badge. She still knew he wasn't ready to see his father's off duty weapon yet. The love in his heart swelled even more as he walked toward the bedroom. If someone would have told him this is where he would be in nine months time from the day he left the force, he never would have believed them. Now he was about to make love to Olivia Benson for the first time.

The moment he stepped over the threshold into the bedroom, all thinking ceased. Olivia was still fully dressed, but she had loosened her hair from the clip it had been held up in all day. Now, the chestnut locks fell to her shoulders in gentle waves, framing her face.

Elliot crossed over to where Olivia stood next to the bed, and cupped her face his in hands. All the words that he wanted to somehow say were caught in his throat, so instead he chose to convey them in his kiss. He knew she understood when her hands slipped underneath the polo shirt he was wearing to smooth along the muscles of his back.

Olivia's hands dropped again, but only so she could grasp the material at the hem of his shirt, and tug it upwards and over his head. He stopped kissing her only long enough to lift his arms to comply. Then he reached for the buttons on her blouse, undoing them one by one to reveal the lace bra she wore underneath.

Not stopping there, he reached for her pants next. With one hand, he flicked open the button then eased down the zipper. Not once had he ever broken eye contact. He sensed, rather than saw the slight shiver that overtook Olivia's body. Instinct told him it was not cold, but rather anticipation that had prompted the sudden chill. Still, he couldn't resist the urge to tease her.

"Do you want me to stop?"

His voice rumbled low, a knowing smirk on his face. Even as he spoke, his hands were already preparing to slide her pants down over her hips.

"Don't even think about it."

Elliot shook his hand, indicating that he wasn't about to do anything of the sort. Then he did indeed lower her pants, skimming his hands down her thighs as he did so. It seemed as though he was eager for every opportunity to touch her – that he couldn't get enough of the feel of her skin.

Olivia wouldn't let him have the upper hand for long, though. Not long after her pants were gone, she was resuming control once more. Taking hold of Elliot's wrists as he reached for her yet again, presumably to remove her bra, she lowered his arms to his sides. With a look, she silently instructed him to hold still. He arched an eyebrow in response, but obeyed her directive.

Then it was her turn to tease him. Running her palms down the broad expanse of his chest, she didn't stop until her fingers played at the waistband of his jeans. Curling her fingers around the fabric, she deftly undid the button, then unzipped the fly. When the denim fell to his ankles, he kicked the offending item away.

Things were escalating between them now rapidly. Their kisses were becoming more and more heated and intense. Though he didn't want to put a damper on the mood, Elliot wanted to ask something before he completely lost all power of rational thought.

"Olivia? Did you need me to use -"

She silenced him with a kiss, tears pricking at her eyes. She was beyond touched that he had asked. Using protection had always been a steadfast rule of hers, in all of her relationships. None of that was necessary now. Not only did she know everything about Elliot's history, but she trusted him. There was no hesitation in her answer.

"No, El. I love you, and I want to feel you – all of you."

She kissed him to punctuate her statement, and he groaned into her mouth in response to her words. He also felt his breathing hitch as her hand traveled down his body to stroke him through the cotton of his boxers. Olivia seemed so intent on heightening his pleasure, that she had forgotten she was still wearing her bra and panties. He hadn't though, and longed to feel every part of her body pressed against him.

Unclasping her bra, he let it fall away to join the growing pile of discarded clothes at their feet. Then he lowered his hands to her waist, and hooked his fingers around the waistband of her panties. To his surprise, as he began pulling down, Olivia sat back on the mattress to assist him in taking them off. She looked up at him then in such a way that he felt a shudder pass through his body. This was really going to happen.

* * *

Gathering Olivia in his arms, he followed her down to the bed, blanketing her form with his own body. Then, he began peppering every inch of her skin with kisses, starting with her face. As he moved down her body, he lavished attention on her with his mouth and tongue. Her breathy moans and gasps told him all he needed to know, and when he added his fingers to the mix, she shattered beneath him, crying out his name.

Crawling back up beside her, Elliot placed kisses on her eyelids first, then her nose, and finally her mouth. After a few moments, her lashes fluttered open and she blinked up at him with a blissful expression.

"I love you, Olivia."

"I love you, Elliot."

He pulled her into his arms, feeling the beating of her heart against his. It was then that he noticed that even the rhythm of their heartbeats were in sync with one another. Realization hit him deep down in his soul that after this moment, Olivia would truly be his partner in every way that mattered.

She felt him tremble in her arms, and pressed a kiss against his brow as her arms soothed the skin of his back. Worried that their intimate encounter might be too much, too soon, but noticing that he was making no attempts to pull away from contact, Olivia tried to check in with him.

"El? Are you all right? Talk to me."

"I'm more than all right, Liv. Just feeling emotional, but in a good way."

"I understand."

They lay together for a few moments, just listening to the silence together. Then, gradually, the heat began to rise between them again. The subtle kisses became deeper, more heated. The flames were being fanned once more, and they both knew that this was going to be the point of no return for each of them. Neither of them wanted to turn back, though. They had already confessed their love for one another, and were fully committed to their decision.

Covering her body with his once more, Elliot lifted Olivia's arms above her head, entwining their fingers together. Studying her expression carefully, he waited until she gave him a nod, then bent his head low to kiss her. At the same time, he pressed his hips forward, joining his lower body with hers until they were one. They both trembled from the onslaught of emotion brought on by it all, and let go of each others hands only so they could cling to each other tightly.

After a few moments, and not once breaking eye contact, they began to move together. It was as though this weren't their first time, but rather they had been making love all of their lives. It was as though the kindred spirits they had always been had finally united to create a single soul.

They both reached their peak together, and shattered in each others arms. Calming one another with gentle caresses and kisses, neither was willing to let go or break the connection they had established.

As the last light of day was fading, they dozed off together, their bodies still intimately joined.

It was Elliot who awoke first an hour later. The bedroom was dark, and the scent of their lovemaking still lingered in the air. Olivia lay draped across his chest, a lock of hair covering her face. He hugged her tighter, then cringed inwardly when she stirred in his arms. He hadn't meant to wake her.

"El?"

Olivia's voice reached his ears, and it had a quality that he'd never heard before. If he had to guess, there was a hint of wonder, followed by a depth of love. If he was lucky, he would get to hear that voice every time he woke up for the rest of his life.

"Yeah, Liv?"

"Please don't think that I don't want to do that again, because I do. I hope this doesn't sound bad, but, could you maybe feed me first?"

He couldn't help his laughter as he hugged her even closer to him, cupping her head against his chest. Even now, she never failed to surprise him. It was then that he remembered that in their rush to make love, they had skipped dinner. Looking at the clock on the night stand, he saw that it was only a little after seven. Still plenty of time to have something to eat, relax, and maybe repeat the nights activities before getting a restful night of sleep before tomorrow.

"I'll make you anything for dinner that you want, my love."

"Actually, while that sounds great, I was just thinking we could order in."

After kissing her again, he agreed that sounded like a great idea. They quickly came to a decision, and got out of bed. Elliot pulled on a pair of sweats, still glad that he had some clothing in Olivia's bedroom from the weekend, and went to make the call for delivery.

* * *

They'd ended up splitting a pizza while cuddled together on the sofa in the living room. Elliot was definitely feeling nostalgic tonight, as it brought back memories of when he had first arrived at her door. He thought of how Olivia had slept with him night after night in the living room until he was comfortable enough to be in the guest room on his own. If someone would have told him then that three months later, he and Olivia would be lovers, he'd never have believed them.

By his side, Olivia was currently shuffling through her mail, her head resting on his shoulder. He was flipping through the channels, trying to find something for them to watch. What he really wanted to do was carry her back to bed and make love to her again, but he was trying to calm himself down. The last thing he wanted Olivia to think was that he didn't have any control at all.

A gasp from his left quickly caught his attention, and dispelled any of his current thoughts. He knew that sound when he heard it. Olivia was upset. Moreover, it was going to be hard to get her to tell him what was wrong, because she would be worried about upsetting him. Still, he had to try.

"Liv, what is it?"

Olivia was staring at the piece of paper in her hand, as though she were willing the words on it to change. No amount of will would have that effect, though, and she knew it. Though she desperately wanted to hide this truth from Elliot, there was no way around it. All she could do now was assure him that he wasn't at fault.

"It's from my landlord. I'm being evicted. He gave me one month to find someplace else to live."

Elliot was incredulous. Evicted? Olivia? She was the most perfect tenant anyone could ask for. Besides the fact that she was a cop, he knew she always paid her rent on time. She wasn't messy, and she wasn't loud. What reason could her landlord possibly have to evict her. Then, the answer dawned on him – he was the reason. Her landlord must have found out that she had had someone else staying in her apartment for an extensive period of time, not paying rent, and gotten upset about it. While Olivia had been busy saving his life, he had gotten her kicked out of her home.

"Liv, I'm sorry."

"No, El. This is not on you. I could have just as easily notified my landlord that I was going to have a long term guest. I just never realized he'd be such an ass about it."

He took the paper from her hand then, setting it down on the coffee table. It didn't matter now how many times she read it, the words weren't going to change. Still, he wanted to make this up to her.

"Do you want me to talk to your landlord, explain the situation? Tell him that it was only temporary, and I'll be moving out?"

Olivia felt her heart skip a beat at the mere thought of that happening, even though she would need to be moving out soon, too. The idea of not sharing an apartment with Elliot anymore made her breath catch in her throat.

"It wouldn't do any good, Elliot. His mind is obviously made up. I'm just sorry that you are being effected by this, too."

His next idea was impulsive, but Elliot didn't stop once to think about the consequences. He went with what his heart was telling him to do.

"Move in with me."

"What?"

He saw the shock in her face, but there was something else underneath it. If he wasn't mistaken, it was hope. Taking a deep breath, he gathered her hands in his and held on for all he was worth.

"Let's get a place together. We've been living together all this time already, Liv. Why not make it permanent?"

He took her silence as a sign that it was okay to continue.

"If you're not ready for something serious, we can find a place with enough bedrooms that you can go back to having your own, I -"

"El, stop."

He did stop then, his heart racing so fast that he thought it might jump out of his chest. She hadn't let go of his hands, though, and she didn't sound angry. It seemed she just wanted a chance to speak.

"I don't need my own room. I know people will probably think we're crazy, but my answer is 'yes'."

He picked her up in his arms then, spinning her around in a circle. One her feet were back on solid ground, he kissed her soundly.

"I'll stop by the realty office tomorrow on my way home from Partial, pick up some catalogs. We can start looking for places tomorrow night."

"That sounds great. Now, you can do something else for me."

He studied her carefully. Didn't she already know he would do anything she asked? Nodding his confirmation, he waited for her request.

"Take me back to bed and make love to me again."

"Yes, ma'am"

He swept her off her feet, ignoring the empty pizza box and mail still littering the coffee table. Carrying her into the bedroom, he used his foot to shut the door behind them. All that mattered now was being with each other.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

True to his word, Elliot had picked up a variety of catalogs on his way home from Partial on Thursday. He also stopped to get some boxes so Olivia could begin packing up her things. With only a month to go until she had to leave the apartment, she would need to get a head start as soon as possible.

Olivia had gone into work, but had spoken with Cragen about her situation. As much as she didn't want to miss more time after just being sidelined with an injury, she requested the next week off so she could look for a new place to live. The Captain had been very understanding, and told her to take as long as she needed.

Now she was letting herself back in the apartment, glad to be home. She had barely set her keys down on the small table next to the door when two strong arms wrapped around her waist and a mouth met hers in an intense kiss. As soon as she was free to breathe again, she spoke the first thing on her mind.

"I guess I don't have to ask if you're glad that I'm home."

Olivia smiled against Elliot's lips, still content in his embrace. There would be an advantage to not working next week. Yes, the majority of their time would be taken up with apartment hunting, but that would only occupy the daytime hours. That left the nights completely free. Her mind began to run wild with ideas.

She felt his body shake slightly as he chuckled, and knew immediately he had intuited what she was thinking about. They were alike in so many ways.

"Not that I wouldn't love to do that right now, Liv, but first things first. We need to start looking through those catalogs while we eat dinner."

Feeling her nod, he moved his lips to her ear and spoke in a husky whisper.

"We can always save your idea for later."

He lowered his arms then, finally releasing her from the embrace he'd held her in since she walked through the door nearly ten minutes earlier. Nothing more needed to be said at that moment. While Olivia changed and made herself comfortable, he would put the finishing touches on dinner.

He was just plating up their food when she came back into the kitchen, wearing leggings and one of his tee shirts. It hadn't escaped his notice that she had been appropriating more and more of his wardrobe for herself since the night he had given her his shirt to wear. That wasn't counting the NYPD one she had already stolen. He didn't mind in the slightest. He loved seeing her wear his clothes.

As they sat down at the table together, Elliot had already placed the catalogs there for them to look at while they ate. He'd had an idea earlier today, and he hoped he wasn't getting too far ahead of himself, but he wanted to ask her about it now.

"Liv? I know we literally just agreed to move in together, so feel free to tell me you're not ready for this, but I was thinking about something."

His mouth felt dry, so he quickly took a drink of water, hoping it would help. Setting the glass back on the table, he tried again.

"I know you want to stay in Manhattan, and I'm fine with that. It's not really that far from the kids, and I don't mind driving to get them."

Olivia placed her hand over his, and squeezed gently. She knew something was making him anxious, and what she wanted most was to calm him.

"El, stop. Just ask me whatever you need to."

Taking a deep breath, he went all in.

"What would you say if, instead of renting an apartment together, we bought a house or condo – something permanent?"

Normally, a question like that would have filled Olivia Benson with panic. She had had several relationships in her life, but there was nothing that had prompted her to want this level of commitment. She wasn't even sure yet how it had happened. All she did know was that what she had with Elliot felt right – even if they had only been officially 'together' for just a short time.

"I think that sounds great, Elliot. You'll be wanting more space for the kids, anyway. Not to mention, it will be more economical in the long run to buy than to rent."

Elliot smiled then. She had not only agreed to make the commitment to him, but she had understood the underlying reason for his wanting something other than an apartment. It reinforced his belief that she would make an amazing mother someday. Pushing that thought aside for the time being, he pulled the first catalog he could reach close by so that it was between them, and began flipping through it.

* * *

They had managed to look through three catalogs before their eyes began to cross and all the listings started to look the same. Deciding to call it quits for the night, they put the books on the coffee table, and opted to relax instead. Olivia promised she would call the realtor tomorrow to set up a few appointments to look at some of the places they already had an interest in for the following week.

Since home sales were unpredictable at best, they had also discussed the possibility of getting a short term lease somewhere until they found a place they really liked. Neither liked the idea of having to move twice in such a short period of time, but Olivia's landlord wasn't really leaving them with any other options.

Even though she wasn't aware of it yet, Elliot had indeed tried to talk some sense into the man today on his way home. However, the landlord had proven to be unsympathetic and unforgiving. When Elliot had tried threatening him with breach of contract, saying he was unjustly evicting Olivia from her apartment, he had argued the fact that he technically wasn't. All he was doing was refusing to renew her lease, and being generous by giving her an extra month to find a new place to live. At that point, Elliot had wisely shut up before the man could change his mind again, and both he and Olivia found themselves with no place to go a lot sooner. When it came down to it, she knew she was being evicted, and so did he, but the way the letter had been worded was such that they had no cause to fight it.

Deciding it was time to come clean about his little side trip this afternoon, he wrapped his arm around Olivia's shoulders, and pulled her against his body. Pressing a kiss against her temple, he took a deep breath.

"Liv, there is something I need to tell you."

A corner of her mouth quirked up then, giving away her amused expression. It struck him then. She knew. He didn't know how she knew, but she did. Not bothering to make excuses or offer an explanation, he simply asked one thing.

"How?"

"My landlord called me when I was at work, said he'd talked to you. Apparently, he didn't believe you were telling the truth, thought you'd made it all up."

Elliot was incredulous. Who would make up a story like the one he had told? Shaking his head in disbelief, he didn't hesitate to speak the first thing that came to mind.

"What an ass."

"I agree. I'm not upset about this at all, El. Granted, I would have appreciated a little more notice, but I'm not going to miss living here."

Kissing her again, this time on the mouth, he questioned her again.

"Why did you live here for so long, Olivia?"

"Because there weren't many other two bedroom apartments in Manhattan I could afford on a cop's salary."

She had a point. Now, though, he wouldn't have to worry about where she lived any more – something he had done since their first year of partnership. Wherever they ended up, there would be no more broken security doors, no more poor maintenance. He'd make it his own mission to fix whatever he could on his own – not that Olivia was helpless, but that would be something he could contribute.

As the night gradually wore on, Elliot's anxiety increased. Now, though, it all had to do with the following day. He was having mixed feelings about it being his last day of Partial. Even though just the other day in Dr. Simpson's office, he had said he felt confident in the skills he had learned, now he was having doubts. What would he do now that he didn't have the daily support system? What would happen if those dark feelings were to return?

He felt a sense of calm wash over him when Olivia rested her hand on his thigh, squeezing gently. It reminded him that even on the first day that he'd arrived on her doorstep, back when he had been completely distraught, she had been able to offer so much comfort with just a simple touch. Even though he knew apologies weren't necessary, he offered one up anyway.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I just got overwhelmed for a few minutes. Truth is, I'm a little scared about tomorrow."

"That's perfectly natural to feel. I'd be surprised if you weren't feeling anxious."

Though he desperately wanted to take her out tomorrow night before going to get Eli, there was one other thing he wanted. He hoped she would understand.

"Would it be okay if I met up with Nathan and a few other guys after group ended tomorrow? They all want to go out to eat to celebrate my 'graduation' from the program. It's the last day for a couple of the others, too"

"Of course. You don't need to ask my permission, Elliot. In fact, why don't you borrow my car, then spend as long as you want with your friends? I'll take your car and go to Queens to pick up Eli, so he'll be here when you get home."

Elliot realized that he needed to stop thinking there were moments when he couldn't love her more. Just when he thought he'd found one, there would be another. He needed to realize that his love for Olivia would continue to grow with each passing day. There was something else he needed to tell her, but he didn't want to put anything else on the table tonight. He thinks that when he does finally say those words to her, he wants it to be on the first night in their new home, wherever that may be.

* * *

The last day of his Partial program proved to be a bit bittersweet for Elliot, but he did have to admit to feeling a real sense of accomplishment when he signed the release form at the end of the day. No matter how nervous he was at the idea of his program's conclusion, he knew how far he had come these past three months.

Still, he knew that even though he wouldn't be going everyday, he had made a few lasting connections. Much like when he had been in the Marines, or even on the force, the shared experiences had formed a bond – an understanding – that few others could comprehend. While Elliot knew that he may no longer talk everyday to these men, he realized that he would always care about their well being.

They had gone out to a local restaurant for an early dinner. After finishing their meal, only Nathan and Elliot remained. Since he was still recovering from his most recent hospital stay, Nathan would be attending the next session of Partial as well, but the two men planned to keep in touch. In fact, Elliot had invited the man over to their new place – wherever that would be – to watch a game as soon as he and Olivia were settled in.

Meanwhile, as Elliot was finishing up his early dinner, Olivia was arriving at the Stabler home in Queens. Since Maureen and Kathleen were at school, and the twins were at work, Kathy and Eli were the only ones home. Olivia was welcomed inside moments after she knocked on the door.

"Olivia. Please, come in. Would you like a cup of coffee?"

Kathy greeted her warmly, leading the way to the kitchen and inviting her to have a seat with a wave of her hand.

"Yes, please."

"Eli is still upstairs napping, but I expect him to wake up soon. He went down a little later than usual today."

Olivia shook her head, indicating that it wasn't a problem. In a way, she was relieved, because that would give her a few uninterrupted moments to talk with the other woman.

"That's fine, Kathy. Actually, I was hoping to talk with you anyway."

"It's about Elliot, isn't it."

Kathy's matter-of-fact statement and neutral expression immediately put Olivia at ease. It reminded her of when they had been at lunch together not long ago. It also dawned on her that Elliot had likely already filled his ex wife in on what was going on between them. Still, she wanted to say something, too.

"Yes."

Kathy brought two cups of coffee over to the table and set them down, then took a seat. Brushing her hair back with one hand, she leveled her gaze on the woman sitting across from her.

"Listen, Olivia, you don't need to explain anything to me. Elliot already told me that the two of you are going to be moving in together permanently."

She took a breath, then continued.

"I can't say that I'm surprised, I saw this coming – even before the two of you did. It does seem a little sudden, but he did explain the circumstances."

Before Olivia had a chance to say anything, Kathy went on to add one more thing.

"I told you not long ago that I wasn't upset, and not to run if something more should develop between you two, and I meant it. I can see that Elliot is happy – that's all I ever wanted for him."

Olivia sipped her coffee. Even though she knew it to be true, she was relieved to hear again that Kathy wasn't upset with her. She could only imagine how she would feel if their positions were reversed.

"Thank you, Kathy, for saying that. I wanted to thank you, too, for trusting me with your children – for letting me to be the one to pick up Eli today."

Kathy reached across the table to cover Olivia's hand with hers.

"Olivia, I have always trusted you with my children. You are the main reason I have Eli and that I'm still here, don't think that I've ever forgotten that. I only hope that if you and Elliot ever decide to have a family of your own, you will let us be a part of that."

Olivia felt tears pricking at her eyes, not only at the suggestion of having a family with Elliot one day, but at the sheer thought that they would ever exclude Kathy or the children. It was unimaginable.

"Of course you will be a part of it, Kathy. I would never keep Elliot from his family. I know that you will always be important to him, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

The intense emotional moment was interrupted by the sound of Eli calling out. Both women wiped at their eyes, and shared a meaningful look before Kathy went upstairs to get him. Olivia took advantage of the few moments alone to compose herself a little bit better, focusing on taking a few deep breaths. The last thing she wanted was to appear upset in front of the little boy.

Several minutes later, Kathy came back downstairs. She had a bag slung over one shoulder, and Eli was by her side. As soon as he caught sight of Olivia, he let go of his mother's hand and ran to her.

"Livia!"

Olivia swept Eli up into her arms, giving him a kiss on his cheek as he wrapped his legs around her waist and his arms around her neck. Her heart was so full of love in that moment it felt like it was going to burst right out of her chest.

"Hey, buddy. We're going to go on a little drive, then you're going to stay with daddy and me again this weekend. How does that sound?"

"Yay!"

Kathy watched the scene unfold in front of her, a wistful smile on her face. She missed her youngest son while he was away with his father, but knew that he was well taken care of. In fact, it reminded her about amending the arrangements as soon as Elliot and Olivia had found a new place to stay. Eli needed time with his father. While she didn't think she could bear being apart from her son for two weeks at a time, perhaps switching off every other week would be an agreeable solution. At least until he was in school.

Clearing her throat, she focused yet again on the present.

"Eli, why don't you do a favor for Mommy and go and get your shoes? I'm sure Olivia will help you put them on."

Looking up at the woman who held him for a nod of confirmation, Eli squirmed down to the ground then ran off to do as his mother had asked.

"Please, Olivia, remember everything I said today. And tell Elliot again how proud I am of him for completing the program. I told him last night on the phone, but I'm not sure he really heard me."

"I will, Kathy."

Eli came back into the kitchen then, a shoe in each hand. Olivia pulled him back up into her lap, and helped him slip them on. Since they had velcro fasteners, there wasn't much more to be done, so she set the boy back on his feet, then stood up herself.

Kathy helped her son with his jacket, then passed Olivia his bag. The two women walked outside together to where Elliot's car was parked. After giving her son a hug and kiss goodbye, Kathy helped situate him in the car seat in the back, then closed the door. As Olivia started the engine and began backing down the driveway, she waved goodbye.

* * *

When Elliot arrived home from his dinner out with Nathan and the other guys, Olivia and Eli had already been at the apartment for about an hour. He found them sitting on the floor of the living room playing a game of picture dominoes. When Eli looked up to see his father come through the door, he abandoned his game and ran to greet him.

"Daddy!"

Elliot picked his son up in his arms, just as happy to see him. As he was hugging the boy, he caught sight of Olivia smiling at him. While he was happy to see his youngest, he couldn't wait to greet her, too.

"Hey, buddy. Have you been having fun with Olivia?"

"Yeah!"

Eli squirmed to get down then, and Elliot set him back on his feet. To his surprise, the child didn't immediately run back to his game, but grabbed him by the hand. Pulling his father in the direction of the living room, it was clear that Eli wanted his father to play, too.

"Give me a second, bud. I haven't taken off my coat yet. Then I'll come and play a game, too. I promise."

True to his word, as soon as his coat was off, Elliot was joining the pair in the living room. While Eli was distracted shuffling dominoes on the floor with his hands, Elliot leaned over to give Olivia a kiss.

"Did you have a good time out at dinner?"

"I did. I'll tell you about it later. What about you, did you and Eli eat?"

Before Olivia could respond, Eli answered for her. Elliot hadn't even realized that his youngest could hear their conversation. He reminded himself to watch what he said the rest of the night, at least until his son went to bed.

"Livia made grilled cheese, Daddy!"

"She did? That sounds amazing! Did you eat it all?"

Eli nodded eagerly, then took his turn at the game. The three of them played a few more rounds before the boy grew restless of playing. By now, it was nearing Eli's bath and bedtime routine. Because of his later nap today, he didn't show any signs of being sleepy just yet, so Elliot decided he would let him stay up a half hour later than normal.

After the boy had been bathed and dressed in his pajamas, Elliot brought him back out to the living room. Eli snuggled between his father and Olivia on the sofa, and together they watched something on the television. By the time the hour long program was over, Eli was rubbing his eyes and yawning.

At Eli's request, it was Olivia who read him a story again once he was settled in bed. By the time she had finished, he was sound asleep. After each giving him a kiss on the forehead, Elliot and Olivia tiptoed out of the room.

Alone at last together in the living room, Elliot wrapped his arms around Olivia's waist. He kissed her again, more intensely than he'd been able to before. When he pulled back, he rested his forehead against hers, craving a deeper connection.

"I missed you today, Liv."

Olivia held him tighter, knowing there was more he wanted to say, he just needed the time to be able to say it.

"I missed you too, El. Now, what's really on your mind?"

Releasing her from his embrace only so he could take hold of her hands, Elliot led her over to the sofa and sat down. Olivia sat down with him, her eyes never leaving his. She studied his expression carefully, a hint of concern written on her face.

"It all just feels so surreal, Liv. I can't believe I'm done with Partial. Not that I don't feel ready, it's just that it was such a pivotal part of my life recently."

Olivia rested her palm on his cheek, and he leaned into her touch. She knew there was nothing he wanted her to say in that moment, it was just something he'd needed to voice aloud. Her silent support alone was enough.

After a few moments, he was able to collect himself again. Then, he focused on other things.

"Were you able to get us any appointments to look at places next week? I can make a few phone calls, too."

"We view four places on Monday, and three on Tuesday. I'm hoping that a couple of them pan out."

Relaxing against the back of the sofa, Elliot pulled Olivia into his arms. Pressing a kiss to her temple, he murmured into her ear.

"It's a start. I'm sure we'll find something in time."

She nodded against him. She wasn't going to worry about it tonight. All that mattered right now was that she and Elliot were together, and he had his son for the weekend. Everything else could wait.

* * *

As it always did, the weekend passed in a blur. Elliot found himself looking forward to when he and Olivia found their new place together. As Kathy had mentioned to him when he'd dropped Eli off, then they could possibly arrange for longer visits. Since he wasn't currently working, he would be free to stay home with his son all day long. Maybe, sometime in the future, he'd eventually look for something part time again to keep him occupied, but right now he just wanted to continue to focus on his recovery, his family, and Olivia.

Now, it was Monday morning, and he and Olivia were getting ready to head out and meet the realtor to look at a few places. They had already discussed budget details between them, as in how much they could afford when it came to cost. Another thing they had decided was to get a joint checking and savings account, and contribute to both equally. While they would each be keeping their individual bank accounts, the joint accounts would be strictly for all household expenses. That way, they wouldn't have to write separate checks each month, or every time they did some simple task, like a grocery trip.

Olivia came out of her room, dressed and ready to go. Elliot helped her with her jacket, pausing only to give her a kiss. Then they slipped out the door and headed for the realty office that was two blocks away. They would be walking that short distance, then driving from site to site with the realtor.

When they got to the office, Elliot and Olivia were told it would be a few minutes wait, and invited to help themselves to a cup of complimentary coffee. They had just finished their drinks when a young man came out to the lobby and greeted the pair.

"Good morning, sorry to have kept you waiting. I'm Sean Mitchell."

Elliot shook the man's hand, introducing himself first, then Olivia. When he heard that Olivia was a detective, Sean's ears perked up, and he directed another question toward Elliot.

"Detective, you say? And what about you, Mr. Stabler? What do you do for a living?"

"Please, call me Elliot. I was a Detective as well. In fact, Olivia and I were partners together for twelve years. I'm retired from the force now."

For the first time since he'd put in his papers, he hadn't felt a strange pull in his heart upon saying those words. In its place was a sense of peace. Could it be that he'd finally found a way to accept the way in which he'd left the job? He knew he'd never forget that day, but perhaps his mind would give him the peace he'd been seeking for so long at last.

Pulled from his thoughts, Elliot returned to the present when Sean suggested that they head out to the first property. His car was parked right outside, and they were soon on their way. They were scheduled to look at four places today, so it was time to get started.

The first place they stopped at was a four bedroom, two bathroom townhouse. One look inside, and Elliot and Olivia immediately scratched it off their list. The rooms were all entirely too small, and would never work. It almost seemed as though the kitchen in her current apartment was bigger. They didn't even bother to look upstairs, just moved on to the next place.

The second property on the list seemed a bit more promising. Like the one before it, it was a multi level town home. However, this one boasted four levels. There was even a two-car garage, something rare to be seen in Manhattan.

As soon as they entered the ground floor off the garage entry, they were in the laundry room. It was spacious, and already housed a front loading washer and dryer. Both appliances had a stainless steel finish, and it was clear they were brand new.

Going through a doorway, there was another room. This looked like it could easily serve as a den or family room. Two small rooms were located off the one wall, with a bathroom in between. Elliot and Olivia exchanged a look. This would be a perfect space for Maureen and Kathleen to share, or even the twins. It would provide them with privacy, but still allow them to be a part of the household.

After giving his clients some time to explore the ground level, Sean led them up the stairs to the first floor. This was the main floor of the house, and held the living room, dining room, kitchen, and master bedroom, complete with private bath. He also revealed there was a powder room located under the stairs.

The rooms on this floor were open, and the kitchen featured stainless steel appliances, matching the same ones they had seen downstairs in the laundry room. In the master bedroom, there were his-and-hers closets, and the master bath even featured a tub with jacuzzi jets in addition to a spacious glass shower.

It was hard for Olivia to pull herself away from the master bath. She could already envision herself soaking in that tub after a long, hard, day at work. Of course, Elliot would be there to join her. Sharing a look with him, she saw that he must be having the very same thoughts.

"We're ready to see the upstairs, now."

Elliot broke the silence, placing his palm at the small of Olivia's back to guide her out of the room. If the rest of the house was anything like what they had already seen, they would need to look no further.

The upstairs of the house featured three bedrooms and one bath. Most of those were standard, but they all featured ample closet space.

Lastly, Sean led them up the final flight of stairs to the top floor of the house. This was more of a loft space, and had plenty of room for storage. However, the agent was quick to point out that there were connections available to easily add another bathroom and convert the area to a studio apartment.

Seeing the two share another look, Sean excused himself, saying he would wait for them downstairs in the kitchen. He wanted to give them time to talk privately between themselves. As soon as they were alone, Elliot turned to Olivia.

"What do you think, Liv?"

"What do I think? I love this place. It may be a little out of our budget, but not by much."

He smiled then. Once again, they were thinking the same thing. He'd seen the looks that had passed over her face as they'd walked through the house together. He knew she was in love with this house. Knowing that she had grown up in apartments her entire life, he also realized that if they were to buy it, it would be the first real home she had ever known. Reaching for her hand, he asked her the question he already knew the answer to.

"Shall we cancel the rest of the places we're supposed to see, and make an offer?"

Unable to speak with all the emotions she was feeling, Olivia could only nod. This was really happening. She and Elliot were really going to get a home together. Trying not to hold her breath as they made their way back down to the kitchen were Sean was waiting, she hoped that no one else wanted this place, and their offer would be accepted.


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Luck had been on their side. Not only was the owner motivated to sell, but their offer had been easily accepted. Apparently there hadn't been many lately, and the homeowner wasn't willing to wait around much longer for any additional bids to come in. By the end of the week, Elliot and Olivia were in a bank signing the paperwork that would cover their mortgage. In reality, the monthly payments weren't that much more than what it would have cost them to rent an apartment somewhere, and this way, they would eventually own the home outright.

The only thing Elliot had partially objected to was when it came to the down payment. Olivia had offered to pay the majority, using money left from the inheritance she had received when her mother passed away. He'd argued that she should save that for her own retirement, but she had insisted that there would still be plenty left over.

It had taken some convincing, but he'd finally agreed. Her argument that he would still be paying child support in addition to helping Kathy out with the house from time to time had been a fair point. His pension could only stretch so far. Maybe now that he was feeling more like himself again, he could look for a new job.

Currently, he was was in the apartment with Olivia, helping her pack up her things. Almost everything was in boxes by now, save for what clothes they were still using, and their toiletries in the bathroom. The movers would be coming the following Wednesday, and today was Friday. The plan was to finish packing what they could now, and spend the weekend shopping for new furniture.

"Liv? Do you have the packing tape in the bedroom with you?"

"Yeah, El. Sorry."

He walked into the bedroom to retrieve it, taking advantage of the opportunity to kiss her. Olivia didn't object in the slightest to the interruption. Only when their mouths parted again did she attempt to speak.

"I was going to say that we should have made sure to have two rolls of the tape, but I like your method better."

Elliot grinned at her. He liked his method better too. While it may not be the most efficient, at least it meant he got to see – and hold – her any time he made the excuse to. Kissing her again, this time on the forehead, he remembered the other reason he had come in here.

"So, I noticed it's getting pretty late. What do you say we take a break from all this, and get some dinner?"

"That sounds like a good idea."

The majority of the kitchen items had already been packed away earlier today, save for the essentials, like the coffeepot. Because of this, they knew they would be ordering in a bit more frequently. While it was an added expense, the convenience of not having to cook or clean up did have its advantages.

After checking in with Olivia, and confirming what she wanted, Elliot left the room to go and place their order. She finished her current task, then joined him in the living room. Collapsing on the sofa, she let her head fall back against the cushion as a day's worth of packing began to take its toll on her body.

Elliot sat next to her, his body turned slightly. With his hands on her shoulders, he shifted her until she turned and was facing away from him. Then, he began to massage her neck and shoulders with his hands, working the tension out of her aching muscles. Leaning forward, he whispered into her ear.

"Just think, Liv. By this time next week, we'll have that great big bathtub to relax in. It will be even better than what we had at the Poconos."

Moaning softly as his thumb hit a particularly tender spot, Olivia lolled her head back against him, completely surrendering to his touch. There was a smile on her lips, and he knew it was from more than just the massage. She was responding to his words, too. Wanting to build her up more, he continued.

"I can't wait until I get to be with you in the shower tonight, your body pressed against mine. That might be my favorite time of the day."

He continued to whisper in her ear, until a certain phrase made her breath hitch, and she turned in his arms, seeking out his kiss.

"How long did they say delivery was going to take?"

"They were busy tonight. We still have at least another forty-five minutes to an hour before it arrives."

Her gaze met his then, a look of pure desire in her expression. He didn't need a mirror to know the look in his own eyes matched hers. Reading the unspoken words between them, he swept her up in his arms and carried her toward the bedroom. Even if they hadn't already, they were definitely going to work up quite the appetite.

* * *

Elliot had just finished dressing in his sweats and tee when there was a knock on the door, signaling that their dinner had arrived. Bending at the waist to give Olivia another kiss, he headed to retrieve their food.

By the time Olivia joined him again a few moments later, he had already set everything up on the coffee table, including their drinks. They cuddled up together to watch something as they ate, having already mutually decided before getting out of bed to call it quits on packing for the night.

"So, El, what is our game plan for tomorrow?"

Olivia asked the question between bites of her dinner, looking up at him expectantly. She already knew they were going shopping for furniture for the new place, but they hadn't yet discussed what all they would need.

"Well, you had said that you wanted to start our life together there with everything brand new."

That was true. However, it didn't mean she would completely be getting rid of all of her current furniture. They had already decided that one of the sofas would be used in the main room of the ground floor. The other would be placed upstairs in the loft, which they planned to convert into a guest room. Maureen and Kathleen had already insisted they wouldn't need their own rooms at the new place, and suggested they give the lower level to the twins. That left the three bedrooms on the second floor. One would be for Eli, one would be converted into an office space, and the other would be kept free.

Pulled from her thoughts back to Elliot's question once more, Olivia managed to answer.

"Well, really, we're only going to be taking the two sofas from here to use there. I'll be selling everything else."

Elliot nodded his agreement, pulling her close again as she continued to speak. It wasn't that he was no longer listening, he just loved to hold her in his arms.

"So that means we will need furniture for the living room, dining room, and the bedrooms – unless you want to let the kids pick their own things."

Yet again, Olivia's attentiveness toward his children warmed his heart. He'd already thought of that, of course, but the fact that she had as well just made him smile. Yet again he found his mind wandering to one day having a child with Olivia, and getting to watch her be a mother.

"Well, I don't know if Eli can pick his own things just yet, he'd want everything in the store, but I have some ideas for his room. As for the twins, what if I ask them to join us tomorrow?"

"That sounds great, El. We can take them to lunch after."

Currently, the kids weren't scheduled to come and visit this weekend, only because of all the chaos going on with the impending move. Elliot was planning to go to take Eli out for a bit on Sunday, but the twins had to work. They were off tomorrow, though.

Not wanting to wait until they finished eating, Elliot called the twins right away. He was already taking a chance as it was with the late notice. To his surprise, they didn't have any plans for the following morning, and were eager to join them on the shopping trip. They even agreed to come to Manhattan that night and stay over, so that their dad wouldn't have to make any extra trips to come and get them.

"They will be here in a little over an hour. I'm sorry, Liv. I should have asked if it was okay if they spent the night."

"Nonsense, Elliot. You know you don't need to ask that. I just wonder where they are both going to sleep."

Elliot stood to gather the trash leftover from their dinner. As he did, he explained.

"Richard said he would sleep out here in the living room, and let Elizabeth have the guest room."

They were still snuggled up on the sofa together when the knock came on the door about ninety minutes later, signaling the arrival of the twins. Elliot got up to let them in.

"Hey Dad, Olivia. Thanks for letting us come over tonight. And for inviting us along shopping with you tomorrow."

"You're welcome, Elizabeth. We just want you to be able to pick your own things for your rooms at the house, even if you won't be staying there all the time."

Olivia reassured the teen, having stood up to greet them both when they stepped into the apartment. Then she asked if they had eaten, offering to order something in for them if they wanted. Simultaneously, they shook their heads, insisting they had had dinner at home with their mother and brother.

"All right, then. What would you say we all go out for breakfast in the morning, instead?"

The question came from Elliot, but was immediately met with agreement all around. Even though it was still relatively early, only a little after nine, he and Olivia would be headed to bed soon. He gave the twins a lights out warning of midnight, then bid them goodnight.

* * *

The following morning, everyone was up at a decent hour. They all wanted to have breakfast and make it to the store shortly after it opened, to avoid it being too busy. With all four of them in Olivia's car, they drove first to a nearby restaurant.

Seated in a booth together, they placed their orders, then relaxed to wait. Olivia had already informed everyone that breakfast was her treat, and to get whatever they wanted. As they waited, Elizabeth asked the woman sitting across from her a question.

"How are you feeling, Olivia? Dad said you went back to work. Does that mean you are fully healed from your injuries?"

"I'm doing great. I'm sure he told you when I got the stitches out, and I went back to work the next day."

Olivia picked up her coffee to take a lengthy sip before continuing.

"However, I am currently taking some personal time while we looked for a new place. I was off this past week, and next week, too. The Captain has been very understanding."

Elizabeth nodded, glad to hear that Olivia was doing better. Then the woman asked her something else.

"Enough about me, what about you? Have either of you given any thought to what you want for your rooms?"

This time, Richard was the first to speak. He already had a guess as to what his sister was going to say, and it would likely involve something to do with her many books. For himself, he knew what it was he wanted.

"A nice stand for my television, along with a comfy chair so I can use it to play video games."

Elliot looked at his son sternly, already ready to admonish him. Before he had the chance, Richard held his hand up.

"I know, Dad – the television and sofa in the main room will be for us to share. I plan on using my own money to buy one for my bedroom, so I can bring my video game console with me when I visit."

Now understanding that his oldest son wasn't planning to hijack the shared space all to himself, Elliot nodded. He wasn't going to say anything just yet, but he planned to talk to Kathy. Maybe they could help him with his purchase. That way he could save his hard earned money for other expenses. Turning his attention to his daughter, he repeated the question.

"What about you, Elizabeth? Is there anything special you want?"

"A desk for my laptop. That and a bookshelf, although I don't know how I'll ever decide what books to keep where."

Richard tried to hide his smirk behind a sip of his orange juice. He had been right after all – her ideas did have to do with books.

The conversation was temporarily brought to a halt when their server brought their meals to the table and set them down. Everyone dug into their breakfast, not really rushing, but not taking a long time eating, either.

When they were finished, the twins thanked Olivia for buying, as did Elliot. However, he emphasized his thanks with a kiss to the forehead, trying to keep the displays of affection to a minimum around his children. Even if they already knew that the two adults were in a relationship. It was still new to them, and he didn't want to overwhelm them.

Before long, they had arrived at the furniture store. First things first, they decided to get the living room choices made. Both Elliot and Olivia made it known to the twins that their opinions mattered, too.

After spending some time looking around, they made their selection. Much like the furniture Olivia currently had, this was adaptable. They chose two large sofas, along with two oversized chairs. To complete the look, they added a coffee table and end tables. Moving on to the dining room furniture, they found this decision a bit easier. Neither Elliot nor Olivia had a particular taste in mind, but were more focused on providing room for everyone. Within twenty minutes time, they had easily found a table and chairs for their new home.

Lastly, they moved into the section of the store where the bedroom furniture was kept. Wanting to first take care of the kids before seeing to his own needs, and knowing Olivia wouldn't object, Elliot moved toward the children's furniture. He told Richard and Elizabeth to go off on their own, to see if anything caught their eye.

It didn't take long to find what he wanted for Eli's room. In fact, he spotted it almost instantly, as soon as he turned a corner. It was a twin size bed, in the shape of a race car. Knowing his son's love for his toy cars, he knew this bed would be an immediate hit. There was also a dresser and nightstand that continued the theme. Marking the item number down on the order slip, Elliot wrapped his arm around Olivia's waist.

"Now we just have to see if the twins found anything, then it's on to our room."

"Sounds good."

* * *

They found the twins easily – not by looking for them, but by following the sound of the bickering. Apparently the two didn't realize just how loud they were being. Sneaking up on the oblivious pair from behind, Elliot was quick to reprimand them.

"Knock it off, you two. What is the problem here?"

It turned out to be something pretty simple. Even though they had been trying so hard to be different, they had ended up liking the exact same things for their rooms. While Elliot was trying to find a way to intervene, it was Olivia who came up with a solution.

"Well, they don't have to be the same. I'm sure you both wouldn't like the same shade of wood. Why don't you each get a different color?"

Richard and Elizabeth looked at one another, then the floor. Olivia was right. He did prefer darker colors, while she liked lighter ones. Even though the basic design would be identical, they would, in fact, be different. In the end, Richard agreed to take the black, and Elizabeth chose the oak. Each of them would be getting a full size bed, a nightstand, a dresser, a desk, and a bookshelf. As an added treat, Elliot added a small console and beanbag chair to each, even though Elizabeth hadn't mentioned anything about wanting one. He would talk to Kathy about getting her a television for her room, too.

Now it was time for Elliot and Olivia to choose their bedroom furniture. They had given the twins some money so they could go to the coffee shop next door and get something while they waited. Then they walked hand in hand through the store as they browsed. They had already talked in length the night before about what they wanted.

A full size bed would be too small, and a king size bed would be too big. However, a queen, much like the one they had been sharing for awhile now, would be perfect.

Keeping in mind the layout of their new room, they looked around. To their mutual surprise, they had few disagreements, and most of their interests were in the same things. Finally they had narrowed it down between three different collections. Now it became a matter of debate. Cost wasn't necessarily a factor, but practicality was. That eliminated one of their choices. Before long, they were left with one that would make them happy, and went to place their order.

By the time they reached the checkout, their order list was quite extensive, but they had been prepared for that. Luckily, everything they wanted was in stock, and set to be delivered on Tuesday. With the movers coming to the apartment on Wednesday, they could officially be moved in to the new place as soon as Thursday of next week. Olivia was counting the days until she could turn in her keys to her landlord and never see the man again.

Leaving the store, they stopped next door at the coffee shop to pick up the twins, then headed back to the apartment. Luckily, Richard and Elizabeth were able to stay for awhile before heading back home, so they ordered in lunch to have together. The twins talked excitedly about their new rooms, having already forgotten about their argument at the store.

"Dad? Is it true we'll be able to stay with you for longer periods of time than just weekends once you move in to the new place?'

Elliot looked at his son, surprised. He wasn't aware that Kathy had said anything to them yet.

"Yes. Your mother and I have discussed switching off every other week or so. But only if that is what you want."

This time, it was Elizabeth who responded, a sincere expression on her face. It was clear she was having trouble controlling her emotions.

"Of course its what we want, Dad. We've missed you. Don't you know how glad we are that you're doing better?"

Now it was Elliot who was getting emotional. He was reminded yet again of just how much everything had gone on had impacted not only him, but his family as well. But instead of feeling overwhelmed by those feelings, he embraced them. Wrapping his arms around his children, he held them close.

"I'm glad too. And I promise you, if I ever feel like that again, I will get help before it gets too much for me to control. I know I scared you, and I'm sorry."

"We know you didn't do it on purpose, Dad."

This came from Richard. It was the first the twins had talked this openly with their father about his depression. He hadn't realized just how much they had understood, even though Elliot knew Kathy had talked to the older children about it.

Just as the conversation was waning, there was a knock at the door. Olivia came out from the other room to answer it, having left to give Elliot some private time with his children.

"Oh good. Pizza's here."

Elliot chuckled at Richard's comment. His son never missed the opportunity for a meal, which was why it had shocked him so much the night before when he'd said he wasn't hungry. As Olivia brought the boxes into the living room, Elizabeth headed to the kitchen to grab drinks. Richard helped her, grabbing some paper plates and napkins.

Soon the four of them were seated on the sofas, eating their late lunch and watching a movie. When it was over, the twins would have to head back to Queens, but for now, Elliot was enjoying just spending time with them.

* * *

Elliot couldn't believe it was Tuesday already, and he and Olivia would be headed to the new home this afternoon to wait for the furniture delivery. Currently they were lying in bed together. Well, he was lying in bed, and she was still sleeping. He fully admitted it was mostly his fault for keeping her awake most of the night. Not that she had complained in the slightest.

Smiling as the memories came back to him, he rubbed his hand absent mindedly along the skin of her bare back. Whenever they were alone now, they both always made it a point to sleep naked. Even when they didn't make love, he loved the feeling of her skin pressed against his.

Next to him on the nightstand, the alarm sounded for a second time, and he quickly silenced it. Reluctantly, he realized that he would have to wake the sleeping woman in his arms. The delivery was scheduled to arrive at eleven, and it was just after nine. If they wanted to grab some breakfast before heading over there, they needed to get up and get ready now.

"Liv. I'm sorry, my love, but you have to get up now."

There was a soft moan of protest as she shifted in his arms, burying her face against his chest. The arm she had flung around his waist flexed, and clung to him even more tightly. Pressing another kiss to her forehead, then her lips, he spoke to her again.

"I know, I don't want to get out of bed either. But we have to go meet the delivery, so we can get our new furniture."

Those words seemed to reach her. Blinking softly, she looked up at him sleepily.

"We're really moving in together, aren't we?"

"Unless you are trying to tell me you've changed your mind, which I sincerely hope you're not."

Shaking her head to indicate the negative, she raised her face to his for a kiss. Eagerly complying with her wishes, his lips met hers and his arms wrapped around her more securely than before. When they parted, she spoke again.

"Of course not, Elliot. I just can't believe this is all really happening."

"That makes two of us."

They lay there for a few precious moments more, before the alarm sounded for a third and final time. Elliot groaned and rolled over, turning it off for good. Getting out of bed, he began to get dressed. They had already showered together the night before, so there was no need to this morning.

"While you get ready, I'm going to go and make a phone call, make sure everything is still running on schedule. Then, I'll take you to breakfast before we head over there."

"Sounds good to me. I just need a few minutes."

True to her word, Olivia was ready less than fifteen minutes later. They opted to have breakfast at a diner not far from their new home. While they were eating, Elliot brought up a subject that had been weighing on his mind for a few days.

"Liv, what would you think if I went back to work? I don't mean the force, that chapter of my life is over now. What I meant is, what would you think if I got a part time job somewhere?"

To his relief, her face didn't register any of the shock or disbelief he had imagined in his mind. He didn't know why he had, Olivia had never been anything but supportive, that wouldn't change now. Leaning back in the booth, he waited to hear what she had to say.

"That is entirely up to you, Elliot. Financially, it's not necessary, but I know that's not the reason you want to do it. You're looking for something to occupy your time."

Yet again, she had understood him completely. That gave him the confidence to open up even more. He told her about an article he had seen in the paper about a new gym opening up in the neighborhood. Unlike regular gyms, this one wouldn't be open to the general public. It was specifically going to be for the use of military vets and others who were recovering from PTSD and were triggered by anxiety when going out in public. Apparently they were looking for coaches and personal trainers, and were willing to do on the job training.

"That would be perfect for you, Elliot. You're very knowledgeable about the gym, and I've worked out with you plenty. Plus you have the additional personal experience of having lived through the experience yourself."

Now it was truth time. He was about to admit to her that he had already called for information. Even though he had promised that he wouldn't keep secrets from her, he had been afraid he wouldn't get the job. He had an interview scheduled for the following week. If all went well, and he was hired, then they would send him for a twelve week course teaching him all the techniques he would need to know to become an instructor to others. Even better, it was paid training, so he would be making money as he learned.

"I think that is terrific, El. I'm so proud of you."

He reached across the table for her hand, desperately needing the contact. She understood. While so many other ex cops would tend to find work in security or other sectors, he simply couldn't handle having anything to do with law enforcement any more. That would be too triggering for him. Not only did he know this personally, but it was something that he had talked at length about with Dr. Simpson.

"Thanks, Liv. Even though I knew that is what you would say, I hadn't realized just how much I actually needed to hear it."

They finished their breakfast, then headed over to the house. Spending a few moments alone at their new home walking through the empty rooms one more time, they let it sink in that this was all really happening. In a matter of days, this is where they would be living – together.

Surprisingly, the delivery arrived on time. Before unloading anything from the truck, the men spoke with Elliot and Olivia. Since the men would not only be unpacking the furniture, but assembling it as well, they decided to set up the rooms methodically, starting with the ones on the lower level.

There were a total of four men working, and they seemed to work well as a team. Richard's room was set up first, followed by Elizabeth's. That was done within an hour. Next, they carried the two sofas and chairs upstairs, along with the coffee and side tables. The dining room table and chairs followed.

After taking a brief break, they continued by assembling the furniture for the master bedroom. Lastly, Eli's room was taken care of on the third floor. Once everything was unloaded from the truck and in its proper place, the men left. Walking through the house a second time, Elliot and Olivia marveled at how full it looked now than it did before.

"It really looks like a home now."

She remarked out loud, standing in the doorway to their bedroom. Elliot stood behind her, his hands wrapped around her waist. Placing a kiss on the back of her neck, her answered her.

"It is a home, Liv. Our home."

Reluctantly, they forced themselves to leave and head back to the apartment. Only one more night until the rest of their things could be moved in. Then their new life together would begin.


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

Everything went smoothly on Wednesday with the movers collecting Olivia's things. As a final decision, she had decided to also bring to the new home the bedroom furniture from her room, and place it in the loft area. That way, there would be no need to buy anything additional to furnish the guest room. They had also called a contractor, and someone was coming in the following week to begin adding a small bathroom to the space.

The few remaining things that weren't going to be moved to the townhouse were placed in a small storage unit Olivia had temporarily rented until they could be sold. On the final trip back to the apartment when they made sure they hadn't forgotten anything, and walked through one last time, Olivia found herself getting more emotional than she'd expected.

"Are you all right, Liv?"

Elliot asked the question softly, placing his hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently. He wasn't necessarily expecting an answer, and was fully prepared to give her a moment of space if that was what she needed. She had lived here as long as he'd known her, and probably even way before that, so it was understandable that she would be having some conflicting emotions now that she was leaving the place behind.

"I hadn't expected to feel like this. For the longest time, it never really felt like a home. It was only the place where I lived."

He removed his hand from her shoulder, taking a step closer to embrace her fully. Turning his head so his lips brushed against her temple, he waited. He knew she still had more to say.

"I never expected that to change when you showed up on my doorstep. I never expected _us_ to change – not that I regret it for a second. It's just for the first time in a long time, this place finally felt like a home, and now I'm leaving it behind."

Cupping her face in his hands, Elliot kissed her forehead, then the tip of her nose, and finally her lips. Then he pressed his forehead against hers for a moment before pulling back to look into her eyes. He wanted to be certain she could both see and hear him.

"You're not leaving anything behind, Liv. You're moving forward. _We're_ moving forward."

She nodded then, accepting his words as truth. She wasn't losing anything, only gaining more. There was no telling what awaited them in the future, either.

"You're absolutely right, El. Let's go home."

Taking his hand in hers, they walked out the door together for the last time, neither of them looking back. To their delight, the landlord was busy helping another tenant, so Olivia was able to drop off her keys without much interaction.

Driving their separate cars to the new home was the hardest, because it was a journey they had wanted to travel together, but it was necessary. There had been a few things they had packed in the vehicles they hadn't trusted the movers with.

Once they arrived, they were met with a surprise. Standing on the sidewalk in front of their new home was a small welcoming party. Not only were Elliot's kids there, but so were Fin and Munch, along with Nathan. Apparently even though it was a Wednesday, everyone had managed to be free to come and help. The only ones who might have to leave at any given time were Fin and Munch, who were still on call.

With that many extra hands available, the boxes were all unpacked in no time at all. The entire process was completed in the span of just a few hours. By the time it was late afternoon, Fin and Munch were headed back to the precinct. Those who stayed behind were treated to a delivered meal by Elliot and Olivia.

Soon, everyone had finished eating, and people started going their separate ways. Nathan was the first to leave. The twins left soon after that, saying they had to work later that evening. Finally, Maureen and Kathleen left, but not before taking a full tour of the place. They both loved the way the guest room in the loft was taking shape, and promised to visit as often as they could. Then they headed out, too.

Alone at last, Elliot and Olivia sank down next to one another on one of the living room sofas. It wasn't even evening yet, and they were both exhausted. Still, the day had been an eventful one. Turning to face him, Olivia noticed Elliot was watching her with an expression she couldn't quite decipher.

"El, what is it?"

Reaching up with one hand to brush a strand of hair behind her ear, he answered her.

"I just realized something, that's all."

"What's that?"

Still keeping his palm resting against her face, he stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"I forgot to carry you over the threshold earlier."

Olivia's eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

"What? Elliot, we're not married."

"No, but this is the beginning of our new life together. That deserves to honor some type of tradition."

She raised her hand to cover his where is still lay against her cheek. Flicking her eyes back and forth between his, she studied him carefully.

"Maybe so, but we can always make our own traditions."

Reading the look in her expression, he leaned in to kiss her. Her lips parted, allowing his tongue to enter and sensually stroke her own. A soft moan escaped her. When he pulled back, their breaths were coming in soft pants. Trying to keep himself from taking her then and there, Elliot offered up a suggestion. There was no masking the desire in his voice.

"What do you say we go and christen the bedroom instead?"

Olivia's answer was a throaty whisper against his lips.

"That sounds like a good start."

* * *

No sooner had Olivia agreed to his proposition, Elliot had swept her up in his arms. However, once they reached the bedroom, he changed direction. Instead of carrying her over to the bed and laying her down on the mattress, he took her into the adjoining bath. Only then did he set her on her feet. Kissing her softly on the lips, he answered the unspoken question in her eyes.

"As much as I can't wait to try out our new bed, I have another idea. One that involves you, me, and this tub."

Olivia's eyes sparkled back at him in response, and he knew she had no objections. She watched as he turned on the taps to start the water flowing, then kissed her yet again.

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

With those words, he disappeared. Not wanting to disobey his directive entirely, Olivia moved about the room. She lit the candles that had already been set out on display, thanks to the help of Elliot's daughters. Then she checked the temperature of the water, and waited.

She didn't have to wait long, because Elliot reappeared a few moments later. In one hand he carried two long stem glasses. The other held a bottle of what looked to be champagne, but Olivia knew was really sparkling cider. He set the items down on the ample ledge of the tub, then stepped closer, his hands already reaching for her clothes.

Together, they undressed one another, stealing several kisses in between. Only when their clothes were lying in a pile on the bathroom floor did they pull apart. Taking Olivia by the hand, Elliot stepped into the tub, and guided her in after him. He made sure she was carefully seated, then sat facing her, their legs intertwining. Passing her a flute of cider, he raised his own glass in the air, before making a toast.

"To our new home, and the beginning of our new life together. May we have many years of happiness."

Unable to speak due to the lump in her throat caused by all the emotion she was feeling at the moment, Olivia clinked her glass with his, her eyes shining brightly. She may not be able to voice her feelings in this moment, but nothing was stopping her from showing him exactly how she felt.

After drinking their cider, Olivia reached out and took the glass out of Elliot's hand. She moved her arm over the side of the tub to set both of them safely on the floor so they wouldn't be knocked off the edge. Then she leveled her gaze on him, studying him carefully.

"Liv, what are you doing?"

His voice was shaky, but it wasn't from fear or anxiety. There was a hint of anticipation to it, as he awaited her next move. The tub was easily big enough to hold two people, and even allowed for a bit of movement. Currently, they were facing one another, and Olivia slid closer to him, her hands reaching out to brush along his chest.

"Liv?"

He questioned her again, but he wasn't objecting to her touch. His eyes hadn't left hers for even a moment as she had drawn closer. Now it was to the point she was in his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck. Olivia's lips met his in a heated kiss, and only when she pulled back did she answer his question.

"I'm going to take care of you, El. Just relax."

She swallowed his groan in another kiss, and her hands brushed down his chest again until they drifted lower. Wrapping one around him, she built him up gradually. His breathing started to increase, until he asked another question with a shaky voice.

"Liv, can I touch you, too?"

"Of course."

Having been granted permission, his hands began to caress her. Her body was slick from the water and the bubbles he had added earlier. The flicker of the candlelight danced off their skin, heightening the experience for both of them.

The intensity built between them, and just when Elliot thought he could stand no more, Olivia sank down on him, fusing their bodies together. He dropped his hand from her breast and wrapped both his arms around her, pressing his mouth to the base of her throat. Together they moved as one, causing the water to splash slightly against the sides of the tub. Neither of them noticed. They were so focused on the moment, on being together, that nothing else mattered.

Olivia buried her head in the crook of Elliot's shoulder as she shattered, her body shaking from the onslaught. He followed mere seconds after, clinging to her tightly. As they came down from their high, they soothed one another with whispers and caresses that spoke of their love without using words.

After the haze of bliss had passed, and they had fully returned to the present, Elliot stood. He knew they would need to clean up, and while the tub was luxurious and perfect for relaxing, when it came to practicality and getting clean, it was somewhat lacking. Pulling the plug so the water could drain, he lifted Olivia up into his arms.

Carrying her the few steps across the room to the glass enclosed shower, he stepped inside the enclosure. There, he set her gently on her feet and turned on the spray. Working quickly, he washed her hair first, then her body. When she was clean, he quickly lathered himself and rinsed off. Grabbing a couple of towels, he hastily wrapped one around his waist, then went about taking care of Olivia. Once she was sufficiently dry, he swept her up into his arms again, and carried her into the bedroom.

Pulling back the covers with one hand, he lay her back against the pillows. She blinked up at him sleepily, a question on her face.

"But I thought -"

Silencing her with a soft kiss, he explained.

"We have the rest of our lives to make love in this bed, Olivia. I can see how exhausted you are. Tonight all I want to do is sleep with you in my arms."

A smile broke out over her face, even as her breathing was already starting to even out.

"Then you'd better get under the covers with me, then."

Needing no further invitation, Elliot crawled in on the other side. Pulling Olivia close so she was lying against his chest, he kissed her yet again. She wrapped an arm around his waist and snuggled against him. As he started to drift off to join her in sleep, a sense of calm washed over him. After months of being lost, he was finally home.

* * *

They spent the next several days not only getting settled in their new home, but getting acclimated to the new neighborhood. Now it was Sunday night, and they were both getting ready for the following morning. Olivia would be going back to work, and Elliot had an interview with the owner of the gym where he might possibly be going to work as a personal trainer.

Elliot was nervous about his interview, not only what it would entail, but if he would be accepted for the job. Because if he were, he would essentially be a student again. The last time he had officially taken any classes, save for his detective promotion, was when he was in night school studying at a college in Queens during the early years of his marriage.

"El, relax. You're going to do fine. I know you'll get this job. It's something you'll be great at."

Olivia reassured him, already having intuited his mood. She rested her palm against his thigh, trying her best to soothe his nerves. She already had so much faith in him, he just needed to believe in himself more. It wasn't that he didn't – not completely. It was just that now that the moment was so close for another change in his life, some self doubt was creeping back in. All he'd ever known besides the Marines was being a cop. Even though he knew he could never go back to that, could he really do something else?

Ultimately, he realized that he could. Sitting at home thinking all day would solve nothing. Yes, he would be able to spend more time with Eli, but in just a couple of years, his youngest son would be in school. Olivia worked unpredictable hours, and he needed something to fill his schedule. He had always loved the gym, enjoyed the outlet that working out provided. Now he would be able to give that to others while also serving as an impromptu peer counselor to men and women who needed it. It was inevitable that during the training sessions his clients would vent to him about their troubles. Tell him things that they might not be able to tell anyone else. It would feel good to be in a position to help people again, without necessarily being on the front lines.

"Thanks, Liv. I really needed to hear that."

"Call me tomorrow after your interview. I can't guarantee I won't be out on a case when you do, but as long as I'm able to answer, you know I will."

The fact that she wanted to know the results of his interview immediately, rather than wait to discuss it over dinner really enforced just how much she supported him. He promised her that he would call. He also offered to take her out to dinner the following night, even going so far as to pick her up at the precinct.

"El, would you be all right doing that?"

"I wouldn't be able to go inside, Liv. Not yet. But I can meet you outside with the car."

She agreed to the date, and said she would call as soon as possible if she caught a case and had to reschedule. Since it was getting late, they decided to go to bed. Even though they had made love every night since they'd moved into their new home, tonight they just crawled under the covers and held each other as they fell asleep. Tomorrow would be a big day for both of them.

When the alarm went off Monday morning, it was Elliot who heard it first. Truth be told, he had already awoken a few minutes earlier. Giving Olivia a few minutes more to sleep, he headed to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee, then he returned to the bedroom to get dressed. When he got there, he saw that she was already awake and standing in front of her closet.

"Morning, El."

"Morning, Liv. I put the coffee on."

She gave him a warm smile, turning to face him as he stepped closer for a kiss.

"I figured. You know I can't function unless I've had my coffee."

He chuckled softly, her amusing but truthful comment putting his growing nerves at ease. Side by side, they got dressed for the day. When he had spoken to the gym owner last week, he was told to dress casual, so today Elliot opted to wear a pair of khaki colored slacks along with a polo shirt. Then he watched as Olivia completed her outfit by placing her badge on her hip.

Back in the kitchen, they each drank a cup of coffee and ate a bowl of cereal before heading out the door. The drive to the precinct was short, and Elliot dropped Olivia off at work without any problem. He stayed parked at the curb for a few extra moments, watching until she climbed the steps and went inside the building. Only then did he pull away and head back on his way.

He arrived at his interview with plenty of time to spare, and was given some time to look around the facility while he waited. Even though the gym wasn't open yet, it was taking shape nicely. The equipment was all state-of-the-art, and there was plenty of room. It allowed for a lot of personal space without a person feeling crowded or boxed in. Though it wasn't large, there was even a small heated lap pool on the lower level, along with a hot tub for relaxing in after workouts. A lift chair was available for those who needed assistance getting in and out of the water.

"Excuse me, Elliot Stabler?"

A voice from behind startled Elliot from his tour of the gym, and he turned around to greet the man who had called to him. The first thing he noticed was how muscular he was. The second thing he noticed was that his lower left leg was prosthetic. Clearly the man had been through an ordeal of his own. There was no need to feel nervous anymore about what he had gone through, or what had brought him to this point. He would tell the truth today.

"Yes, I'm Elliot Stabler."

"I'm Greg Sullivan, thank you for coming in today."

The two men shook hands, as Greg led back upstairs to where his office was located. Once there, he offered him a cup of coffee, which Elliot accepted. Then, the questions began.

"So, tell me, what do you think of our gym?"

"I think it's a great facility. I can see it doing a lot of good for a lot of people."

They went over a few basics then, such as Elliot's basic knowledge of the equipment and how to use it. Gradually the topic shifted to his job history. Some of that they had covered during their phone conversation the previous week, but now the questions were more in depth.

"So, Elliot, you are a former Marine? And you were a member of the NYPD?"

"Yes, sir. I joined the Marines just out of high school, stayed with them for four years while I made my way through college. Joined the academy right after."

Greg made a few notes on the pad in front of him, then continued with his questions.

"You were with the force how many years?"

"I was with the NYPD for over twenty five years. Sixteen of those were as a Detective with the Special Victims Unit."

Before being prompted, Elliot went on to explain in depth what had caused him to leave the force, and the ensuing troubles he had dealt with as a result of it. Unlike in the past, gone were all traces of shame from his voice as he spoke about what he had dealt with. Greg listened carefully, never once interrupting. Only when Elliot was finished did he ask one more question.

"You also served in Desert Storm, did you not?"

"I did."

"So, you have first hand knowledge of PTSD, not only from a combat standpoint, but from your work on the force as well. That makes you an excellent candidate for this job."

He took a breath, allowing his words to sink in, then continued.

"We need someone who understands what these men and women have been through. I'm confident you will fit in well here. So, what do you say, Elliot? Would you like to join our team?"

Elliot didn't have to think twice about his answer. He reached for the hand outstretched toward him and accepted it. With a firm shake, he gave his reply.

"I'd be honored."

* * *

It had taken some additional time to fill out some papers, and get the necessary information about the classes he would need to complete his training. Then Elliot was free to leave. He would be taking a six week course online that was mostly textbook study, then following that, six additional weeks of hands-on training where he would learn everything he would need to know about not only the equipment, but how to teach others.

As soon as he was back to his car, he took out his phone to call Olivia. To his delight, she answered on the first ring.

"Benson."

"It's me."

The tone of her voice changed immediately, going from all business to soft and warm, something special just for him.

"Hey, El. How did everything go?"

"I got the job. I start my training next Monday."

Now he could almost hear the smile in her voice. Even though she had already said as much, he knew she was proud of him. He couldn't wait to see her tonight at dinner. There was so much he wanted to tell her.

"That's great, El. I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, Liv. Listen, I know you can't talk long, but just know that I'm looking forward to our dinner tonight, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about."

Hearing a ring on the other end of the line, presumably from Olivia's desk phone, Elliot knew that she would have to go. Still he was glad that he had said what he needed to for now.

"Okay, El. I'm looking forward to tonight, too. I'll see you later. I love you."

Before he had a chance to say 'I love you, too', the line had been disconnected. Still, he wasn't discouraged. Instead, he headed back home to work out his plans for tonight.

Things were definitely in his favor, because Olivia hadn't been called in on any additional cases, and was getting off at the usual time today. He was currently waiting outside the station to pick her up, so they could go to dinner together.

He was drawn from his daydream when the sound of the car door opening startled him as Olivia let herself into the vehicle and slipped into the passenger seat. She leaned over the console to steal a kiss before putting on her seat belt, then settled back and made herself comfortable.

"So, tell me El. Where are we going for dinner?"

"It's a surprise."

She said nothing out loud, but the smile on her face said plenty. As Elliot pulled into traffic and began navigating his way through the city streets, Olivia watched him carefully. Traffic proved to be a bit of a nuisance, but nothing they hadn't dealt with before. Before long he was parking in front of a restaurant she was very familiar with. It was her favorite, but one she didn't go to all that often. In fact, she had only mentioned to him once how much she loved the place.

Once they were out of the car, he took her hand in his and they walked inside. To Olivia's surprise, even though it was only a Monday, Elliot had called ahead for reservations. She had no clue when he'd done that, but wasn't about to ask and ruin the moment. Instead, she simply followed the hostess as they were led to the table, and given their menus. What did shock her, though, was when Elliot ordered champagne for both of them. She knew he wasn't drinking because of his medication.

"Relax, Liv. I called Dr. Simpson today. She said one or two glasses because of a special occasion won't hurt. I just can't make it a habit."

Olivia said nothing to this, merely nodded. She trusted him, and knew he wouldn't do anything to put his health in jeopardy. Not now. Instead she focused her attention on the menu. Once their orders were placed, and their champagne had been poured, Elliot cleared his throat.

"Olivia, there is something I have to say to you, and I need you to bear with me, okay?"

Olivia's brow furrowed. He looked and sounded so serious. Her own self consciousness immediately tried to jump to conclusions that he was having doubts about the step they had most recently taken, but she quieted her own fears before they could start. Obviously he wouldn't break that to her over a glass of champagne. No, this was something different entirely. This was something important. She would listen to whatever he needed to say.

"I'm listening, El."

Reaching across the table, she covered his hand with her own, and waited.

"This past year has been a difficult one for me. I was on a downward spiral long before what happened with Jenna. I just wasn't able to admit it to myself, let alone anyone else."

He let out an exhale on a shaky breath, then continued.

"My marriage was slowly falling apart, but neither Kathy nor I was willing to admit it. My kids were slowly drifting away from me, it was like they didn't need me anymore. It seemed all I had left was you and the job."

Olivia felt a strange pull in her heart. This wasn't the first time he'd ever said those words to her. Still, she wasn't hurt by it. She just wished she had known how much he had been hurting all along. She would have tried to help sooner.

"Then, Jenna happened. That one act caused a domino chain of events. Because of my actions, I lost everything. My job, my marriage, my family – you."

They were both fighting their emotions now, and Elliot was beginning to wonder if it was in their best interest to have this conversation in a public place. But he was on a roll, and couldn't stop now. Plus, he was almost to the point of what he wanted to tell her.

"I truly thought I was at the end of everything when I showed up at your door that night. You saved me, in more ways than one."

A single tear slipped down Olivia's cheek, and she made no attempt to brush it away. She simply squeezed his hand, and waited for him to continue.

"It wasn't an easy road, but you stuck by me for every step of the journey. Now, we're a couple, living together in our own home, and I have a new job. It's a time for beginnings."

Taking her hand in both of his, he raised it to his lips, kissing it softly.

Then he reached into the pocket of his shirt and removed a small box.

Olivia stopped breathing for a moment, and even began to tremble slightly, but it had nothing to do with fear.

"I know it may seem too soon, after everything I've been through Liv. When I thought everything in my life was coming to an end, I'm back at the beginning again. This time, I want to experience everything life has to offer with you. Say you'll go on this journey with me. Will you marry me?"

Another tear escaped and trailed down Olivia's face, but she didn't hesitate in the slightest with her answer.

"Yes."

As applause echoed around them, Elliot moved from his seat to kneel beside her and slip the ring on her finger, then they both stood together to embrace and share a passionate kiss. They were interrupted only when their food was brought to the table, and informed that in honor of their engagement, the champagne was on the house.

While they ate, Olivia couldn't seem to draw her eyes away from her left hand. She watched as the ring sparkled in the light. This was really happening. Elliot had proposed, and she had accepted. They would be getting married – maybe not right away, but they would be getting married.

Later that night, once they were back home again, and had celebrated in their own way by making love, they were cuddled together in their bed under the covers. Elliot was softly stroking the skin of Olivia's bare back with his fingers as she lay pressed against him, his lips caressing her forehead.

"Hey El?"

"Yeah, Liv?"

She raised her head so she could look him directly in the eyes.

"This is going to be a great beginning for us."

He kissed her tenderly, full of emotion.

"It already is."

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This brings us to the end of the story, but an epilogue will follow.


	30. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This epilogue takes place in the future for our characters. While I may have incorporated other parts that were canon (such as David Hayden and other aspects of season 13), William Lewis does not exist in this timeline. I hope you all enjoy the conclusion to this story.

**Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.**

* * *

_Two years later_

Elliot was sitting in his office at the gym. It wasn't entirely his office, as he shared it. Coincidentally, he shared it with Nathan, who had come to work there about six months after he had. He had been the one to give his friend the recommendation, and Greg had been happy to hire him.

The work day was almost done, and he couldn't wait to stop by in the day care before leaving to pick up his sons then head home. His heart still skipped a beat every time he thought about it. His sons, plural. Eli was down in daycare right now, along with his baby brother Noah. He and Kathy had arranged an agreement where they traded off custody every other week. Then, about ten months ago, he and Olivia had been granted permission to foster Noah Porter, a baby Liv had discovered on one of her cases. He'd been bounced around from family to family through DCS, and Liv had developed an attachment to him. Finally Judge Linden had asked if they'd be willing to foster him. The one year probationary period was almost up, and soon they would be able to officially adopt the boy.

"Well, I'm done for the day. I guess I'll see you Monday."

Nathan stood up to leave, gathering his things. He slipped on his jacket and grabbed his keys from his desk drawer.

"I'll see you. If you want, come over to the house tomorrow night. We're having a few people over, you're welcome to join."

"I just might do that, thanks."

As he watched his friend leave, Elliot began finalizing his own things. He'd not had many clients this week, but his schedule sometimes varied. All he could think about now was going home. He put on his jacket and headed downstairs to the day care center. There, he greeted Sarah, the aide who watched over the children. Eli noticed his presence right away.

"Dad!"

Elliot picked up his son, happy to see him. It never failed to amaze him just how much he had grown.

"Hey buddy. Are you and your brother ready to go home?"

"Yes, dad."

Eli had adjusted well to being a big brother, and absolutely adored Noah. He helped his father and Olivia any chance he got.

Sarah brought Noah over, and Eli slid from his father's arms, so he could take hold of his little brother. When Noah saw his father, he greeted him with a toothy grin.

Once they were home, Elliot got the boys settled in the living room, then went to the kitchen to start preparing dinner. He hadn't heard anything from Liv today to indicate she would be late, so he hoped her caseload wasn't too severe.

Sure enough, just as he was about to put the chicken in the oven to bake, he received a text message from his wife.

_Leaving work now, be home soon. I love you_

Knowing that Olivia would indeed be home soon, he decided to do what he could to make her comfortable. Heading into their bedroom, he set out her favorite pair of leggings along with one of his tee shirts on the bed for her to change into. As he was heading back into the kitchen, he heard her coming up the stairs, and went to greet her with a kiss, but was joined by Eli and Noah, who was trying to run after his big brother, but kept falling over on the way. Picking up his youngest, he carried him to where Olivia was coming through the door.

"Mama Liv!"

Not long after they were married, Eli had begun calling Olivia 'Mama', especially when staying over with them for extended periods of time. Not wanting to step on Kathy's toes, she had tried to correct the boy. It was Kathy who encouraged him to call her 'Mama Liv', confirming that Olivia was, in fact, a second mother to the boy. She in no way felt she was being replaced, and loved that Eli had someone else in his life who cared for him.

"Hey, Eli. Did you have a good day today?"

"I did. I helped Sarah take care of Noah."

Olivia knelt down to hug the boy to her, exchanging a glance with Elliot, who still held Noah. The look of love that passed between them hadn't changed since they had been married, only grown.

"Thank you. I'm sure you were a big help."

Standing now, she reached her arms out for Noah, who went to her happily.

"And how are you, my sweet boy?"

The toddler babbled some words, and something that sounded like 'mama', but it was hard to understand everything. He was a bit behind others his age, but the doctors weren't concerned. Given everything he had been through in his young life, he was developing remarkably well.

Finally, Olivia focused her attention on her husband. As he came in for a kiss, he was careful not to crush Noah, who giggled as his parents hugged with him in the middle. Eli had since retreated back to the living room.

"Welcome home, wife. Dinner will be ready soon."

Taking Noah out of her arms, he allowed her to go in and change, while he headed back to the kitchen. It was going to be another wonderful night at home with his family.

* * *

Time passed quickly, and before they realized it, they were nearing Noah's adoption day. The closer they got to it, the more Elliot and Olivia were holding their breath. Each of them were waiting for the other shoe to drop, for some random relative to come out of the woodwork and claim the boy they had come to think of as their own.

But the morning of Noah's adoption came, and nothing had happened. They were scheduled to be at the courthouse by eleven, then would be having a small party back at the house with friends and family.

Shortly after breakfast, there was a knock at the door. It was Kathy. She had offered to come over and accept the catering deliveries and help get things set up.

"Good morning, Kathy. Thank you again for doing this."

Elliot embraced his ex-wife, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek as well. Ever since the divorce, they had continued to maintain a close relationship. It could be said they got along better now than they ever had when they were married.

"You don't need to thank me, Elliot. I'm just so happy for you and Olivia – and of course little Noah. He's getting two terrific parents."

He wanted to say more, but couldn't find the words over the lump in his throat. Somehow, though, Elliot knew that words weren't necessary. This child that he now shared with Olivia didn't negate the five children he and Kathy had raised together. That was a bond that would always connect them, no matter what.

Olivia appeared then, wearing a dress that was simple in design but no less beautiful. She carried Noah, dressed in a little suit for the occasion. Seeing Kathy standing in the living room, she greeted the other woman warmly.

"Good morning, Kathy. How are you today?"

Kathy moved forward to give Olivia a hug, wrapping her arm around Noah as well. When she stepped back, she smoothed her palm lovingly over the boy's dark hair, before answering Olivia's question.

"I'm well, thank you, Olivia. You look beautiful today, and Noah – you look so handsome!"

At her words, Noah reached out his hand and patted her on the cheek. All the adults shared a laugh then. Before anything else could be said, there was an echo of footsteps as the rest of the Stabler children descended the stairs.

"We're ready when you are Dad. Oh, hey Mom!"

Maureen was the first to comment when they all entered the room, everyone a little more dressed up than usual for the occasion. The girls were all wearing dresses, and Richard and Eli were wearing suits, like their father. Though adoptions were typically held in a closed courtroom, with just the parents present, Elliot and Olivia had received special permission to allow the entire family to attend.

Everyone began talking at once, and the sound grew a bit chaotic. Elliot made sure his voice rose above all as he called for attention.

"Okay everyone, listen up!"

Before he got the chance to say anything, there was another knock at the door. Kathy told him not to worry about it, that she would take care of it. Nodding, Elliot focused back on his family.

"Liv and I will go in my car with Eli and Noah. Maureen, I need you to drive Kathleen, Richard, and Elizabeth in yours. We'll all meet at the courthouse."

"Of course, Dad. You explained all of this last night."

Elliot realized that his daughter was right. His anxiety was getting the better of him. He had forgotten something so simple as the driving plans because he was focused on the moment when a child he had spent the past year raising and falling in love with would be officially proclaimed his son.

More voices could be heard as Kathy returned to the room. Behind her followed all of their friends from the 1-6. Don Cragen was there, along with Fin and Munch. So were Nick Amaro and Amanda Rollins. Olivia had even invited ADA Rafael Barba. Later Nathan and Greg would be arriving, along with a few other friends from where Elliot worked.

Cragen was the first to speak, and his tone held a hint of apology.

"We know we're early, but we wanted to see you before you left for the courthouse. We hope you don't mind."

This time, it was Olivia who answered.

"Not at all, you're family – all of you. We only wish you could all be allowed in court with us to share this moment with us."

"We understand, Liv. This is just another way we can show our support."

Olivia let herself be embraced by her captain then, fighting off the emotion she was feeling. It was inevitable she would be shedding a few tears before the day was over, but she didn't want to start now.

"All right. Not that I want to break up this moment, but we really need to leave, or we'll be late."

Elliot made the announcement, and stepped forward to take Noah from Olivia's arms. They said a temporary goodbye to their guests, and to Kathy, who promised yet again she had everything under control. Then they headed to their cars to officially add another member to their family.

* * *

When Elliot and Olivia arrived at the courthouse, they were met by Trevor Langan. The former defense attorney who for many years had been a thorn in their sides was now their advocate. He had been representing Ellie Porter, and continued to fight for Noah after her death. He was a great ally in their journey toward adopting the boy.

Even though it seemed like they were waiting for ever, their turn soon arrived, and before they knew it, they were in front of Judge Linden.

Elliot and Olivia stood quietly as Trevor presented their case for adoption. Before long, the judge was asking them a question.

"Do you promise to love this child, and treat him no differently than if he were yours biologically?"

"We do."

Judge Linden studied them carefully, then continued.

"I can see from what I've read that you've already welcomed Noah into your family as though he were your natural born child. I see no problem granting the certificate of adoption. Congratulations."

Now the tears were beginning to fall, not only for Olivia, but for Elliot as well. What they had dreamed for so long was finally coming true.

"I hereby grant the petition of adoption, and decree that Noah Porter shall be known as Noah Porter Benson-Stabler."

With her words, she banged her gavel on the bench, then warmly congratulated the couple standing in front of her. Truth be told, this had been a case she had found herself attached to from the start, and she was so glad to see it had such a happy ending.

Trevor shook hands with Elliot and Olivia, accepting their gratitude. He did however, decline their invite to the house, saying he had other clients to take care of.

As soon as the lawyer had left, the other Stabler children immediately swarmed around their father and Olivia. They were all happy to welcome a new member to their family. Only Eli had a question to ask.

"Dad? Does this mean Noah is _really_ my little brother now?"

"Yes, son. That's exactly what it means. He's officially a Stabler, just like the rest of us."

A huge grin broke out over the five-year old's face.

"That is so cool!"

Everyone else had to agree that he was right. Then, they had to leave the courtroom, before they were kicked out for taking up too much time and space. The newly expanded Stabler family made their way back to their cars. It was time to celebrate.

By the time they arrived back home, there were greeted with their houseful of guests. The house had been decorated with a small banner that read 'Welcome, Noah' and there were dozens of balloons.

Olivia felt the tears of happiness that she had shed at the courthouse prick at her eyes again. Turning to Kathy, she couldn't help but ask.

"Kathy, this is lovely. How did you manage all this?"

"It wasn't all me, Olivia. I had help."

Looking around at her friends, Olivia knew they had each contributed. Her heart was so full in that moment. Meeting Elliot's gaze across the room, she could tell he was feeling the same way. As much as she loved being surrounded by all their friends and family right now, she looked forward to their quiet time alone later tonight. She knew he would need to check in and talk after the emotion of today.

Collecting herself, Olivia remembered her duties as hostess, and invited everyone to help themselves to some food. Kathy had generously set up everything that had been delivered to the house while they had been away. In addition to fixings for sandwiches, there was also some fried chicken and potato salad.

Soon, Noah had to be put down for a nap, but everyone else stayed to enjoy the food and the company of each other. Olivia thanked her friends for bringing gifts, even though she had said they weren't necessary. She also insisted that people take some of the leftovers with them, as there was so much extra food, there was no way she and Elliot could manage to eat it all.

Finally, Liv and Elliot were left alone. Thanks again to the help of Kathy and the others, everything was already cleaned up, so they had nothing to worry about other than each other. Noah was still napping, and Eli had gone home with Kathy because her week started tomorrow. The twins had left to go back to college, and Maureen and Kathleen had returned to the apartment they shared not far away.

Turning to his wife, Elliot was yet again overwhelmed by the love he felt for her. This had been a day he had never thought would come, but was finally here. He and Olivia had a son. Noah was theirs, and no one could take him away.

* * *

Later that night, long after Noah had been put to bed, Elliot and Olivia were in their bedroom. They were lying together in one anothers arms after making love. Not wanting to break the silence of the quiet afterglow, but knowing he needed to speak the words on his mind and in his heart, Elliot turned to his wife.

"I just realized something Liv. This day is special for more than one reason."

Turning her face up to meet his gaze, Olivia gave him her full attention. She didn't know how the day they'd had could get any more special than it already was.

"What is it, El?"

Cradling her cheek in his palm, he kissed her gently. When he pulled back, he looked deep into her eyes, not caring in the least that his own were starting to fill with tears.

"It was on this day three years ago that I showed up on your doorstep."

Olivia's own eyes began to well with tears at the recollection of the memory. Elliot had come so far since then. He'd faltered a little bit, a few months back, and started to slip into old habits. The nightmares had returned again, and the depression symptoms became more severe. Dr. Simpson had recommended a change in medication, and though things were shaky for a few weeks, he was doing much better now. He still saw the psychiatrist, but not as frequently as he had in the beginning.

Not wanting him to focus on such a dark time in his life on what had been such a happy day, Olivia tried to pull him from the memory.

"Don't go back there, El. Not tonight. You made it through."

He shook his head, implying that she hadn't understood. He wasn't backtracking. He was simply making a statement.

"No, Liv. What I'm saying is, this is a good day to remember. It's the day you saved me – the day my life began again. To have it be the day that Noah is officially ours, only makes it more of a reason to celebrate."

He pulled her even closer, and elaborated even further.

"I told you when I proposed that the life I was embarking on with you was all about beginnings. That hasn't changed, even now. Every day feels like a new beginning, so long as I have you by my side."

Olivia finally understood him, and added her own sentiment.

"If you think about it, our life with each other has been filled with beginnings. There was the day we were introduced as partners, then the time I returned after having left."

At her words, Elliot held her tighter. He didn't like thinking about that time in their past when they had been apart, but it was part of what made them who they were today. Kissing her forehead, he waited until she continued.

"We had a second beginning when you showed up at my place that day three years ago. It was like we were meeting all over again for the first time."

Elliot began speaking then, picking up where his wife had left off.

"Getting this house together was our third beginning, being married our fourth. Noah makes it number five. I hope I never stop having new beginnings with you, Liv."

"You never will."

As he lay there holding Olivia, who had drifted to sleep in his arms, Elliot realized how blessed he was. He had been to hell and back, very nearly lost everything he held dear. Three years ago, everything he knew was coming to an end. Now, he was in a successful job, married to a woman he loved, and had a new son. It proved the old adage true that sometimes when you least expect it, you find yourself back at the beginning. And what a wonderful beginning his new life had been. He couldn't wait to see what awaited him next. With that final thought, Elliot Stabler drifted off to sleep.


End file.
